Wednesday, June 30, 2010

is it the end already?...

well everybody it's been real. i have completed my blog-a-day challenge for the month of June. i wanna send a big shout out to ms. rubies  for challenging me & sticking to it herself. and to sunshinestar110, for accepting the challenge from me and sticking to it. i know it wasn't always easy, but we made it.

i also want to thank all of yall for checking me each day. it's been fun. it's been real. i really wish i could sign on to do this everyday. but i'd be lying if i said it won't feel great to wake up thursday morning and NOT have to do #twitterkills thursday & a whole other post. i promise to try to blog more often. and i may attempt to do another blog challenge one day. it just won't be next month. lol...

*signing out*...tha unpretentious narcissist

MS...stands for mighty scared.

June Challenge (day #30)

a few of you might have noticed me mention a health situation that came up recently. i don't really talk about it much, because it's hard to come to grips with it.

i know to some of you 30 is old. 34 is ancient. but to me, i'm still young. too young, to be diagnosed with something that pretty much will effect me for the rest of my life. it's things like this, that you really don't think about till it happens to you. july will mark a year that i've knowingly lived with MS.

it's been a very hard year...

MS stands for multiple sclerosis and it is a complex disease of the central nervous system (brain, spinal cord, and optic nerves) characterized by relapses (neurologic symptoms which appear rapidly but often improve over weeks or months), remissions and often progression of disability over time.

my condition started off 4 years ago. first with vision lost in one eye, which was written off as a fluke. then it turned into migraines. very painful migraines. it was the first time i had to go on steroids. which tore my body up. made me gain tons of weight, which was a very unpleasing situation. while getting a steroid treatment my nurse said, "did they tell you why you had vision lost?" i told her no. so she casually mentions how most people she comes to give treatment to, with vision lost have MS. that totally fucked me up. i went to my dad (who is a doctor), he told me not to worry about it. i asked my neurologist who had me on the steroids and getting the various test, she said don't worry about it. my vision came back almost completely, everything was ok. the thought stayed in the back of my mind, but i didn't think about it anymore.

that is until my vision went out in my other eye 2 years later. i got put on steroids again. and it did even more damage to my body. the weight came, but didn't go due to the fact that i wasn't taking the "crazy" medication that was prescribed to me the first time. that shit made me lose so much weight i was looking like 50 cent looks now. so hence all my, "i need to get in shape" rants that i stay on. because for the first time, the guy who never had to work out, never had to worry about what i was eating...has to start doing that. and it's not easy. after getting my MRI's, the doctor. same neurologist tells me i have MS. my dad, tells me i have MS. everyone but my mom is convinced that i have MS. she's so not convinced she gets me fired from my doctor cause she's asking for a second opinion. and yes i really did get fired from my doctor. she sent me a letter maybe 2 months AFTER she put me on my therapy.

imagine, someone telling have an incurable condition one day. then imagine someone telling you, knowing you're deathly afraid of needles..that the only therapy is injections. and that taking it will NOT stop you from feeling bad. it will just stop the frequency of you feeling bad & may NOT prevent it from developing into a worse disability. there is no guarantee. imagine finally agreeing to start therapy, that you have to take an injection everyday for the rest of your life. then a few weeks into you get a letter telling you they will no longer be your doctor, here's a list of people you can go see.  then they send you to a clinic full of people in wheelchairs, with canes,etc. every time you watch a show and someone has it, it's always in it's WORST form. truthfully there are tons of people living with MS, but the one's who are doing never know. you only see the fake people, with the fake smiles, and fake words of encouragement on the promo video for your injections. yanno it's fake, because when you actually start taking the injections it's burning like hell. there are lumps, bruises, & different reactions to it that no one really tells you about.

it really sucks. the idea of potentially developing a disability, really sucks. a lot of days it's not on any one's mind but mine. and that REALLY sucks as well. i try just as hard as everyone else, not to think about it. then i remember i have to take my damn injection. now every time i'm sore, stiff, my knees hurt, my eyes hurt..i dunno if it's cause i'm getting old, worked out too much, got something in my eye or because i have MS. every time my legs go numb, i dunno if it's because of how i was laying or the beginning of a disability. it's a constant state of scared. and i know, everyone says, trust. believe. have faith. but it's much easier when it's not you. i wish it was not me. but it's something i'm dealing with. even saying it. writing the words right now, is more than i could have done a year ago. so i guess in time, it'll get better. one year down....too many more to go (hopefully).

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

unlimited battery life...

June Challenge (day #29)

ok, so i was minding my own business &  i found this thing laying around. it had rays of light radiating around it. there was this "ah -ha" moment music playing in the background. as i lifted up this package, i felt power. i felt like "he-man" must have when he held the power of grayscale in his hands. i wanted to shout,


but i felt like i'd be jumped, or have it stolen from me. so i packed it away. and i kept it locked up, locked away. i mean if i let anyone know i had it, they would try to take it from me. and take it from me over & over again. it got to a point, when i was so glad i was protecting it. keeping it safe. because all it takes is one. one person can ruin it for everyone. the longer i had it, the more control i learned it had. it was just about knowing the right combination. almost like a video game. up+left+right+up+down. once i figure out a woman's combination, i unlocked her control code.

sure, you might think it's unfair. it's unfair to have such power or control over women. you must think me a tyrant. i'll have you know that a woman being controlled, knows she's being controlled. in fact, most asked to be controlled. begged to be controlled. most want to feel the control. what can i do? should i keep my control to myself? just because it makes women do things they wouldn't normally do? just because it straightens a woman out, and she no longer can be mad. she can no longer tell me no. she can no longer control herself. she wants my control more than i do. and i'm gonna give it to her, dammit.

yall know what kinda remote i'm talking about...


Monday, June 28, 2010'd like to be an infamous nobody?..

June Challenge (day #28)

so this weekend i was asked to come down and mentor some kids on the art of songwriting. the actual camp started mid week, but i guess they were saving the best (me) for last. at least that's the way the kids made me feel because from the second i walked up in there...they weren't trying to see nobody but me.

i don't know if yall realize this, but i'm actually a pretty shy person. i hate big crowds. i hate all eyes on me. i hate all of that shit. so it wasn't something i was overly looking forward to. but the one thing i do like is sharing & inspiring kids. so i bit the grown up bullet and decided to just go in with the attitude that "it's for the kids"..

so i got up at on the road by 6. got there before 8am. and was just kinda getting caught up to what was going on the first few days of the camp. as soon as the kids (i keep calling them kids but i was dealing with 13-17 y/o's) got there, i was ready to go. i walked in, with my sunglasses on. with my jewelry on. looking like i just was in a music video. sat down at the desk and waited to be introduced. i avoided eye contact. looked at my phone a lot. got up, and said...

"how many of yall thought i was an asshole when i walked in the room?". they started laughing. then i took off my sunglasses, looked at them and said, "i'ma be real with you...what you're here for is not about being famous. it's not about flossing & it's not about recognition. you are choosing something that a lot of people may never know your name. you may never get the credit or fame you want. songwriting is not about selling your soul, it's about sharing your soul. and doing it because you love it, because sometimes that will be your only reward. many of yall still want to do this? ".

a few of them were looking like, they wanted out. being in the industry is NOT how it seems on tv. it's NOT how it once was. my thing is not to sell a false reality, especially to kids who are at the age where their next choices are their best choices. i told them like my parents told me, life is about options. when i was their age, i would have LOVED to be in a program like that. i would have loved for that dream to be taken seriously. but i had parents who wanted me to be able to take care of myself. you think going to my parents and saying, "i want to major in music?" was an option? true, you should be free to do whatever when you go to college. after all it is YOUR life. but the pressure from then was what made me go get an computer engineering degree. it's what made me say..."right now my music isn't paying my i have to get a job". not to uninspire you, or to tell you to make your dream your plan b. my story is just to let you know that it doesn't happen overnight. you don't get a music degree and get a job in the industry when you graduate. at least not the kind of job, you're thinking. you also don't get names & numbers and become a studio rat..and think that's going to lead to fame & fortune. it takes work, just like everything else. it takes determination & patience. so what was the #1 question after that spill?

"do you have beyonce's number?"...

my reply. yes, now are yall ready to get serious? after i said that, there was an onslaught of very good, interesting questions. there was even a little know-it-all who had gotten a song placed on an album and was acting like he had made it. he was annoying as fuck. and i had to fight real hard not to bust him down, because afterall he's still a kid. but he was just being a little jerk know it all. and it's like dude. you got a song placed. you're still at this camp like everyone else. you are testament that one song, does NOT make you songwriter. and if i was a mean dude. if i was an asshole. i would have pointed that out for the class. but it's not about breaking folks down.

so i gave them an exercise. i put on a track i had made JUST for them and told them to write to it. told them if anyone wrote anything good to it, i'd submit it. then i walked out the room for 10 minutes. i came back in and said, "so who's done?". who do you think raised his hand?...of course mr. know-it-all. so i'm like, "come sing it..". he looks at me, like i asked him to come kiss a dude. "come sing it..". he gets up. and gives me a hook. and stops and looks at me. so i'm like, "keep going". and he's like "that's all i got..".

so um..why you raise your hand dude? <---my inside thought. 

again i resisted. i turned the track back on, told them to try again. this time i stayed in the room. i gave them 30 minutes. after they were done. i told them to write their names on the paper & pass them up. one guy ask, "what if i didn't write anything down?". i looked at him, "write your name on a piece of paper and pass it up". after i got all the papers. i asked dude who didn't "write" anything to come up. i turned on the track and asked him to tell me his song. he started off..then stopped. then caught it again, then stopped.

i told him to go have a seat. then i told them the truth..all this, "i don't write my lyrics" shit does absolutely nothing for me. if you can't go in and deliver after you've wasted my time..i won't call you back. i've actually sat in sessions where an artist (note: not a songwriter) has wanted to freestyle for hours till something "sounded right..". annoying as fuck. if you're working with an artist, ok. if you're working with a songwriter, not ok. if your job is to deliver me a song, i want the damn song. none of the antics. when i work with a songwriter. i don't have a time limit. it's nice to have a song done fast. but it's nicer to have a song done right. now we're all gonna break down this track and do a song we sit and i explain what it is i look for in a song. and i pass their papers back out to them. and i put on another track and tell them to try again.

that was the first day. and yanno after that these kids stayed on me like i was "the precious". they wouldn't even let me go to the bathroom alone. i found myself having urinal discussions. the girls waiting outside of the bathroom when i got out. i walked to my car to get something and they were following me there. i could not escape! they kept me there later than i expected. i had about an hour & half drive back home. but it was worth it. second day they were ready to work, serious, and focused as hell. so we beasted through the next day. when i left i gave them my email address, because i felt giving one person my number would mean i'd have to give everyone my number. do you know before i even got 30 minutes away i had 5 emails?....

Sunday, June 27, 2010

"I say you the fucking best, you the fucking best
You the fucking best, you the fucking best
You the best I ever had, best I ever had
Best I ever had, best I ever had, I say you the fucking..." -  Drake

June Challenge (#day 27)

this blog-a-day challenge really has me thinking of ideas for blogging. it's day 27 already, with only a few more to go. what are yall gonna do on July 1st..when i no longer have to do this anymore? lol..

first off, let me apologize to all of you for my neglect to comment on your blogs. i've just been busy as hell, which isn't an excuse. just saying it takes me a minute to even comment back on my own blog. but the one thing yall know i'm good about is coming back weeks later and commenting on old blogs as if you just wrote them. my Live Journal family..yall know i've neglected yall the most. i'm sorry. i wanted to take time out to ask yall to make it easy on a brother. think back. check back..and tell me which blog of yours was, "the best you ever had...."

post the link in the comment section. or even DM (@studiogenius) or email me if it's private/personal..i promise to comment on that first. and if i've already commented still share it, because i'm sure the people who check my blog and read the comments would love to check it out. i follow some great folks. and i appreciate you following me...

keeping true to my request of you...

10 post that i feel are the "the fucking best i ever had..."

why it's the fucking best? cause i've been at war with young chicks for a while now..peep (my young chick search label). i love yall, but *taraji p henson voice* "i kan't stand yall, sometimes.."  

(yes, i really did spell can't... as "kan't")

why it's the fucking best?..cause i exposed you women for the crotch watching animals you are..

why it's the fucking best? was a question sent to me, that i answered. some of my best blogs are simply my advice to someone who asked me a question or inspired a thought..and NO, it had nothing to do with "my weiner"...

why it's the fucking best?...because yall really helped me put into perspective how to keep the loving coming...

#6: things you think, but must not say to your girl...

why it's the fucking best?...sometimes i have to pull out my man card and show yall i'm still a member. and there are some things i'm just not trying to say to yall..

#5: where would we be without woman...

why it's the fucking  best?..because it was some funny/ignorant shit i was thinking, but it's absolutely true.

#4. this is why i'm hot...

why is this the fucking best?...cause it sums up what this blog was started for. what i'm about. and i'm pretty sure 98% of you will NEVER go back that far in my blog and see it. so i put it up here to show yall what yall got yourselves into by following me to begin with...

#3. i heart the black woman..

why it's the fucking best?..because i truly mean it. it doesn't mean i don't have love for women of other races. just means that it was time someone/me showed some appreciation to my sisters. yall know how i go off on my rants all the time, i just didn't want there to be any confusion. i may not like a lot of things you ladies do, but it doesn't tarnish the love or appreciation i have towards my black women.

it's so many manfive's that it's hard to choose from so it's really a 3-way tie for #2 

#2. what does she have that i don't?...

this one was a most requested & highly appreciated blog about why dudes choose a new/old chick over you..

#2: what makes a woman approachable..

this one, is really the key for some of you "mean" girls to stop looking so mean..and show a dude who you really are.

#2: jack ain't no gentleman..

chivalry ain't dead..neither is being a gentleman.

why it's the fucking best?...because they were crafted for my readers. it's shit from a male pov, so the dudes should be able to respect it. but it's catered to help you ladies understand where we're coming from. so i'm pretty much happy about all of my manfive's, it's over 50 of them. the one's i chose are just the one's i remember really thinking hard and long on..and really trying to give you a better insight. honorable mentions (manfive #3)


#1. hopeless romantic

why it's the #1 fucking best?..because it sums up me in a nutshell. literally after i wrote this one, i even wanted to change my blogger name, blog, everything to "tha hopeless romantic ©"...but i felt it would confuse too many of

you all can feel free to let me know which one you think is the best i've ever had. whether it's on my list or just something you've enjoyed in the past. again, i thank you all for following me. for commenting. for returning for more...yall are truly,


Saturday, June 26, 2010

my son has a habit..

 June Challenge (#26)

my son, doesn't believe in eating. the only thing he "eats" is this damn pediasure shit. and actually he's not even eating that, cause it's liquid. it's this liquid nutrient drink that pretty much gives children the things they are missing by being a picky eater.

we started giving him this when we first started noticing his ass wouldn't eat shit. it started off slow. when he was a baby, he ate all the baby food. he was eating corn, beans, cucumbers, tomatoes..random shit i don't even eat. then he started hating apple sauce. how the hell do you hate apple sauce? then he started examining his food. if it had any sauce or any imperfection he would not eat it. then one day he just stopped eating or trying food. i spoke to his doctor, and she told me not to force him to eat. my own bitterness even in grown man state towards my father for making me sit at the table and eat shit i didn't want or like flashed back in my head. so i decided he'd just come around after a while. this dude is 4 years old..and besides spaghetti noodles, waffles, fruit & french fries. he won't eat anything but junk. cookies, chips, popcorn, pop tarts...

now the doctor is like, try to make him "try" things. i'm saying lady, at this point he has it in his mind he's NEVER eating nothing but this damn pediasure. which, as he gets's not filling him up the same. so, dude is on 4 bottles a day. seriously. i still try to make him eat other things. he has the option. and he picks over things all day. but what he wants is this damn pediasure. "sure", what he calls it. "i want some sure daddy..". he goes and gets it. if i put it on the top shelf of the fridge. he drags a chair and gets it. he climbs on the shelf and gets it. he finds where i'm hiding it and gets it. he ONLY likes the vanilla. so i messed up and bought some berry sure. he looked at the bottle, looked at me. he grabbed it and said, "no, berry sure...nilla sure". so i paid him no mind. put that berry sure in a cup and gave it to him. he brought it back, and said, "no daddy...nilla sure. i don't want berry sure". needless to say, i had to go back to the store and buy him some damn "nilla sure". do you know that shit is like $10 a 6pack. so let's do the math...

4 a day X 7 days a week = 28 bottles 
28 bottles / 6 in a pack = 4.66 (round to 5 packs)
5 packs x $10 = $50 a week

for damn pediasure. i have to give a pack to his teacher at school every week. i have to have a pack at my mom's house. if he goes anywhere he has to have some. he is too young to be addicted to something and have a $50 a week habit. *calling intervention*

Friday, June 25, 2010

not too old to whoop that ass...

 June Challenge (day #25)

so as yall know i TRY to stay active. and i pride myself on being a natural athlete. everything has come natural to me except for bowling & golf. both i am currently trying to improve on.

most of you know i was on a bowling league last year (starts back up soon). my biggest problems with bowling are, i'm not consistent and the bowling league last forever. and although my average is improving. i am still not "the beesssst". which drives me crazy. i hate not excelling at shit i'm really trying.

during my bowling league i started playing in a football rec league. which we went undefeated and won our first season..TDK (touch down kingz). and let me just say..that was some hard shit. cause them dudes playing us were BIG as hell. and i took some life changing hits. like "you can feel your bones cracking" hits after a dude 6'3 259 pounds has just hit you at full speed. but i made it though... all bruised and battered but a champion.

which leads us to the current rec league, this damn basketball league. and just a little back story. growing up folks used to say michael jordan was my father because of the tricks i could do. yes, i was short...but basketball was truly my sport. that and baseball. i was the kid jumping around with ankle weights on to increase my hops. so when i say i can play ball, i'm not bullshiting. i'm 100% for real. i admit my shortcomings, but basketball is NOT one of them. so we start this league and i find out that former nba players, former college players are playing against us. how fucking fair is that? we're dudes in our early 30's playing ringers & 20 y/o's. how is that fucking fair? it most simply is not. which is probably why we aren't undefeated. but i will say this much, we give them dudes a hell of a game. and the young dudes. they don't even have a chance. the only teams we've lost to have had ringers. at least one of the dudes have played ball on a professional level. the teams with the dudes 19, 20, 21..are getting that ass whooped tho.

they are killing us with all the energy and running. we bout to catch heart attacks and our knees trying to give out. but it's literally like playing kids when we play them. i think age, has truly made us better skilled players. because we play smarter not harder. it's called daddy ball. it's where 3 players stay at one end and the other two take on the entire team on the other half of the court. meaning..we are disrespecting you to the point where we don't even need the whole team to cover you. not to mention it prevents us from having to run down to the other end as much.

manfive friday #48

this week's manfive is brought to you by the letter "E" for exaggeration...
manfive friday #48 topic of the week: why do men kick it?

i got this question posed to me the other day, by a chick who wanted to know why the dude she was dealing with was putting on an act.  as she explained it, she already liked him. why does he continue to exaggerate about what he's doing...he already has her. she wanted to know...the five things men exaggerate the most about..

#5: their money...

i know a lot of you ladies are no fools. it's easy to sniff out the dudes with "" jewelery. but you get fooled by the dudes driving the range, putting $5 worth of regular gas in the tank. you see him pull out a stack of $100 bills, yet don't notice it's really $50 in one's wrapped in an $100 bill. you always want to turn on dude's flat screen, but one day you notice it has dummy buttons and it's one of those showroom tv's. or you see the dudes who got "all nice everything" but don't find out till 3 months later he lives in his parents basement. he keep telling you, my mom's living with me so i can help her out. yet, his mom is always at work and he's always chilling with you at his mom's house.

why men lie about it..

cause money makes your panties come down. men know that. if a man don't have no money, EVEN if you aren't really on the gold digger ain't trying to check for him. so in order to look more appealing. they have to have money..or at least SEEM like he as money.

#4: what's in their pants...

ladies, just a suggestion. no matter what a dude says to you. do not stock up on the gold wrappers until you've felt for yourself. a guy will have you thinking you about to need some stitches. he'll talk that real good game on you. you look at a 6'5 dude...and you just know it's gotta be big. then you see it and you are sitting there trying to decide if you're gonna laugh, grim & bear it, or just get up & go home. a man is NEVER gonna tell you his shit is small. that is something you'll have to discover. in fact, a lot of guys don't even know they are small...until they see the look on your face. they might actually be the biggest of all of their friends, because yes they've looked & compared. you'll know him a mile away because he'll have 4 random kids, due to his magnums always sliding off during sex.

why men lie about it..

cause it sucks to be small. imagine if a guy told you off jump, "my dick is 3 inches". yea you laughed when you read it, didn't you? what the hell can you do with 3 inches, but laugh? guys don't want to accept their dick is small, even if it is. all the pumps, pills, & other techniques they swear will increase it to the point you don't notice. *kanye shrug*  i would have no idea..since we all know short guys pack their height in the *cough* important places *cough*

#3: their "friends"..

you ever met a guy with a lot of cousins that don't look like him? like he got asian, black, white, etc. and you're thinking.."yea it's possible". or he has that one friend that is always around. and you get that uneasy feeling about. or you went to his mom's house and saw a picture of him & her at the prom.

why men lie about it..

because women don't ever understand friendships between you & women. she's not gonna understand you are still friends with your girlfriend for high school. or that you and your homegirl have just been cool like family for the longest. the second she doesn't think you share blood...she is looking to shed blood in either you or your friend.

#2: their feelings..

you remember the movie, "say anything"?. well forget about that for a second. "say anything" is not a's a motto. and men will "say anything" to get in your panties. you'll have the roughest toughest dude sweet talking and about to shed a tear talking about his feelings. but ladies..don't be fooled. if sex is in the air..what a man is saying to you can't be trusted. yall know that shit. that's the reason why, right after're asking, "did you really mean it when you'd take me..". and he don't answer anymore. and you think he sleep. but he's laying there, eyes open, whispering "r'oh-oh" in his scooby doo voice.

why men lie about it..

because we think with our dicks, not with our brains. all the blood leaves our brain and hits that other area, and it just starts controlling us. and we don't even realize what is coming out of our mouth. we start agreeing, nodding, and saying yes. you could probably ask us if we want a shit sandwich and we'll say yes. i'd love to tell you we are wrong, but honestly you ladies are the one's wrong for trying to ask us questions in that coma like state. bad women, very bad...

#1: being single..

walking up to a woman and hearing, "i got a man.." is not an unlikely event. most times it isn't even a deterrence. but how many times have you walked up to a man and heard, "i got a woman"? how many times have you dated a dude and found out later he had a girlfriend, wife, babymama he live with? more times than not..if you're looking right and you ask a dude if he's single, he's gonna say yes. even if he don't do nothing with you.

why men lie about it..

maybe they are testing the waters out. maybe they are just trying to get some on the side. maybe they want the best of both worlds. whatever the reason they are selfish and are just thinking about themselves. even if they are unhappy in their current relationship they are STILL in it. they are lying to make you think that they are available to be with you.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

beam me somewhere scottie..

  June Challenge (day #24)

i really do need a vacation, but i'm limited to places i can drive to, due to my absolute fear of flying. it didn't use to be that way. i use to be everywhere doing everything. then one day i had a dream. i kinda blame sleeper cell (the series)...

i was in this plane, with various people i knew..just walking around. it was kinda a soul plane/flight plan feel. people we're partying, talking, & relaxing in this giant ass plane. then all of a sudden..things just start going very wrong. the plane starts shaking. the flight attendants start running to their seat. everyone is just looking around like, "what's happening". the plane is now normal size. everyone is seated. noises start coming from no where. first, loud popping, then thumping, then it sounds like the engine just completely dies or just fall out the plane. the lights flicker. a fire starts. and i watch people i know, love, just burn alive in front of my face. i start to feel my skin burn. like actually peel off my bones. it is incredibly awful and very slow. i honestly feel my life easing out of my body as the plane starts falling apart around me, people flying all over the place. i can feel the plane on it's way down and just before it crashes the entire vision goes i am completely convinced i am dead. like..not seeing God dead. but like 2 secs away from that. that's the sleeper cell part..cause at the end of the series when the bomb goes off in the dinner..that's the white i saw. just like the ultimate end to everything i could ever know.

to you it may seem silly. but to me it's realer than half the shit that goes on around me to me. the last time i attempted to get on a plane, i froze. i got to the airport and i could feel my heart stop as i walked inside. i calmed down got through security, and waited for the plane. and as i watched the people board i got sick as hell and ran into the bathroom. i missed that flight. but was determined to get on the next one. i psyched myself up again, sitting in a dirty ass stall..dreading what in my mind i was telling myself to do. i missed another flight. when i finally got on a flight. i walked in and was freaked out beyond belief. i swear some of the bystanders in my dream..were on the flight. i literally starting having a final destination moment. where i started noticing people and i had been there before. shit start flashing in my head that looked so familiar that i swore on everything that i was going to die if i stayed on that plane. so i started freaking the fuck out. people i was texting on the phone were going crazy. i had one person telling me to stick it out. and about 5 telling me to get my ass off the plane. i was hyper ventilating, screaming "get me off this plane..". it got so bad they escorted my ass off and into a room.

that's just a summary..the whole ordeal was much longer & much worse. but it's just a small clue into why i can't do the plane thing. at least not right now. but i NEED a vacation. and i mean a real...secluded no one bothering me vacation. wish i could teleport or some shit.


#twitterkills thursday 32

pulling out my #twitterkills machete. this weeks victims are people who use twitter as their only form of communication. like they turn off their phones. and they are just on twitter.

#twitterkills thursday 32 topic of the week: if you need me tweet me..

now this isn't for the people you just know from twitter. this is the people you have multiple ways to contact, but the only way/best way you can reach them is by tweeting them. w t f . . . if i have your phone number, but i HAVE to reach you through twitter..just erase my contact completely. cause i'll never call your ass again.

if i have to DM you personal messages or information, when i could just text you or shoot you a quick call...block me please. cause if we continue to be twitter friends all my tweets will be non subliminal missiles headed towards your ass.

*slicing your fingers, tongue, and ears off*..yea it's a bit vicious. but #twitterkills has to hurt for you to do better. 

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

i see you bruh..

June Challenge (day #23)

i see ya little brother..running down the street advertising to everybody. well let me just tell you...some of us aren't buying. we don't wanna see that shit. go put some clothes on. i don't care that you're eating right. working out all day long. you think you're the only one that jogs? i jog too. 5 miles to be exact.

do you see me out there with sweat all over my muscles? no i have on a sweat stained shirt like every other man who is out there for his health. NOT for fulfilling the eye fantasies for the perverted women out there. and to add insult to injury you aren't even on a track, or in a park. you are running outside my house. which means i get up, scratch my belly, walk out my room to get some food and i see your nakedness from my big window. making me feel bad for the food choices that are on my mind. the food choices that i can already taste in my mouth. the food choices that would make my stomach love me. instead of the fiber one bars that makes my stomach purge in the other direction.

damn you dude..*sucking in gut* it's all good. the ladies slowing down in front of my house to watch you run might think you're hot right now. but give it a few months. when it get a little cooler. you will have to cover up. it will be too cold for them to care about you. then i'll be back in style. all warm and cuddly. so live in the moment sir. do you're little early morning run, while i lounge around the house all lazy and shit. eventually all those muscles turn into this *releases gut...breathes freely*. i once was you. this is your away from that.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

i heart the black woman

 June Challenge (day #22)

dear black woman,

hey beautiful, how you doing? yea you, over there with that natural, kinky, permed, straightened, nappy, twisted, long, short, curly, bald, braided hair that you won't let me touch, wet, or mess up. truth is, you are not your hair. so i don't care how you choose to wear it. i just want you to be happy in your skin...

albino to dark chocolate..and all shades in between. God loved the brown tones so much he kept using the brown crayons to color his people. i'm saying you've been shaded by God, now tell me that ain't beautiful or you ain't beautiful? girl stop...

and let me look at you. with that short, petite, average, tall, amazon, brick house, slender, thick, meaty, curvy body. you were meant to be viewed in different tones, shapes, sizes. that's what makes you unique. all those differences, yet you are one in the same. just like you & i are one in the same. you're my sister, my friend, my mother, my cousin, my daughter, my aunt, my wife, my lover, my girlfriend. you are a part of me, like i am a part of you. in what world do you hate a part of yourself?

i know it's been hard out there, alone. at least that's how you feel sometimes huh? where are all the good black men? we're here, it just takes time to find us. so don't give up. don't think it's not worth it. it's worth it, because you're worth it.

don't let anyone tell you there is a boycott on black women. you can't boycott your manufacturer. we are, all of us..because of you. so thank you.

don't think i don't appreciate.. 

you. your hard work. your wants. your dreams.

the impossible is made possible when two people believe in the same dream. all i want to do is help yours, you help me with mine. let's make the impossible happen. you see our president? do you think he could have did that without our first lady?  we have to believe in each other. if we don't, who will?

sincerely with love,

a black man/ tha unpretentious narcissist/@studiogenius

Monday, June 21, 2010

stuck in tv land...

 June Challenge (day #21)

so..i'm laying in my nice big comfortable bed. thanks to my mommy i got a nice memory foam topper on my already nice big plush mattress. i don't have my "special" pillow, but i have arranged a couple to lay my head on. the lights are off. nothing but the flicker of light that jumps off my tv screen lights the room. i stare up at my 52 inch plasma screen on my bedroom wall. it's stretched across the wall directly in front of my bed. almost like i'm laying inside the blu ray movie i'm watching. i'm completely submerged in the action around me.

the movie ends. and now i'm stuck. why am i stuck you may ask? because unfortunately even though my room is set up for my tv watching enjoyment. my cable box & blu ray player are NOT. the damn boxes are hidden behind the bottom of my enormous sleigh bed. so in order to to change the channel, to end the blu ray watching experience or do anything besides change the volume of the tv...i gotta get my lazy ass up or i have to lean over the edge of the bed to change the damn channel. don't sound like much of a problem to you? if only you knew how lazy my ass is, once i finally do get comfortable you'd understand. i will lay there and stare at the credits and of my blu ray movie. i will continue when it goes back to the opening menu. i will continue as it continues to show the images over and over again. thinking to myself..."is it really worth getting up?..". i will finally get up, especially if i'm on the phone or gonna be up for a while and flip off the player and turn on the tv.

now the next decision is crucial. whatever i choose to turn the tv to, is where it's staying. either i'll turn to skin-a-max and guarantee i'll have some nude pleasure watching till i get ready to doze off. i might find a few movies i'd like to see and auto set them to change when the time changes. or i'll just turn to tv land and leave the tv there all night. either way once this last decision of the night is made..that's where i'm stuck. and i know you're saying.."you're not really stuck...". listen. as lazy as i am, my tv might as well have no channel button at all after this point. it's really only a matter of time before i start calling my son in my room..."can you change the channel for me?" i'd do it now, but he'd have me watching dragon tails, max & ruby, thomas & friends..etc. all night long.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

man class 101: introduction to buying a man a gift..

June Challenge (day #20)

today's bit of man-vice is dedicated to a young lady who asked me:

"what's a good birthday present for a guy you really like but just met a month ago?"

my answer:

 tips for buying for a guy you really like, but just met. the thing to remember is, gifts are really about the thought. not the money. do not overspend. gauge what is an appropriate amount of money & stick to it. i wouldn't advice you spending over $100, you can tweak that number a little based on what is or isn't much money to you. but for $100 you can get something nice, without overdoing it. it's really about the effort you put into it. the presentation of it. in the long run he'll remember you made him a nice dinner, gave him a massage, and bout a few blu ray disc yall watched and (at certain points didn't watch..), over you spending a grip on something he won't even use in 2 weeks. be observant and listen to things he likes. just throwing some things out there.... liquor (not a beer or wine), nice shirt/sweater, sneakers, cologne, a basketball, a hat, video game if you're looking to spend a little more. try a nice watch, don't get fancy or splurge early in a relationship matter how much you like them. if he's always getting lost get him a portable gps. a blue tooth. or one of the best ones, that happens to be (SHOULD ALWAYS) free...some good ol' loving. yes we accept that as a gift. massages, cooking dinner, etc.

now i'm gonna school you ladies at the same time. we'll call this, "man class 101: introduction to buying a man a gift".

can't go wrong gifts..

    * giftcards: guys are not like women. we do not equate giftcards = no thought. men like giftcards,  it gives us the power to buy what we want, but also allows you to direct us in the direction you were going. it allows you to budget what you were gonna spend & just give it to him. no fuss, no lines, no problems.

    * practical shit: wallets, belts, drawz, anything you see he needs. if his wallet is falling apart. his belt needs another hole. you pull his pants down and he always has on the same boxers

here are a few rules to live by:
  • listen, listen, listen...
  • never get too wound up in a dude you're spending money without thinking
  • never confuse a loan as a gift. if he's asking for money it's not a gift, it's a loan. 
  • never buy gizmo's, gadgets, or trinkets at the cash register, in the middle of the men's department, or things from clearance in the bargain bin. 
  • don't trust your female friend's suggestions..they are just as clueless as you.
  • don't "giftpeat"...even if he loved the gift the first time, do NOT buy him another of the same thing "just in case something happens".
  • if you pick it up once, put it down then come back to it...leave the store immediately that was him telepathically telling you NO.
  • if the salesmen is the complete opposite of your dude, always pick the item he did not suggest. (example: which cologne would you choose? whatever he picks go with the other one)
  • never get him something you heard someone else say they were gonna get him then give him a gift receipt and put the burden of exchanging on him (yes it happens).
  • jewelery, flowers, & cards do not mean the same thing to men as they do to women tread lightly.
  • if the gift is also a gift for yourself, "hope you get your period for 20 days straight", cause that is just foul

if you follow those rules, you should be off to a good start. to be honest. men are easy to please, it's your over thinking that messes you up. all you have to do is listen. a woman who gives good gifts, listens good. women will say, "you'd really have to do a guy to get him...". in man language that means, "i'd really have to listen to his know what he likes. that's right ladies, you give bad gifts most times because the gifts is absolutely positively something he wouldn't want even if it was free in an empty room with a sign that said, "take me". you also think getting "anything" is putting more thought into a gift than a giftcard and you're dead as wrong. a man will enjoy a giftcard any day over what you threw in your basket at 8:53pm. if the store is closing, run to the front & grab a giftcard.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

i got the saggies..

June Challenge (day #19)

i know i'm always claiming some type of disorder. well let me share with you yet ANOTHER disorder i have. it's called, no-as-at-all disease. i caught it from my dad's side of the family. and yes, i'm ashamed to admit i passed it to my own child. yes, i'm sorry son.

my back just starts and keeps going until my legs start. it's just a pitiful sight. for the longest i had no idea. thankfully being a guy it's not something your judged on too much. in fact if you have too much, that would be a BIGGER problem as my boy "big panties" found out at a young age. yes we call him "big panties". but, i digress (as usual..). back to me and my non-existent little ass problem. aside from my jeans being too long, i have the problem of them falling down. all the time.

i don't try to sag. in fact you can tell it's no my intention because i'm constantly pulling them up. i don't think it's cool. i try to embrace my grown man-ness, my pants actually fit. i'm not trying to advertise my underwear, or dare i say my butt crack. i just can't keep my pants up. and that's not even in a sexual way, so you should know i'm being serious. even with a belt pulled to it's tightest, my pants will drop down. in fact i don't remember the last time i even unbuckled or unfastened my pants. i just pull them straight down. *sad face* donate some ass to me.

let me stop. lmao (literally..)

manfive friday #48

this was a special request from a manfive love hater. her request, was to get away from the norm of the usual manfive questions. since as i continue to say you ladies hate love these days. it's okay, us hopeless romantics are here to stay...pushing peas to the front of your plate (inside joke)..

manfive friday #48 topic of the week: why men have to do it with their socks on..

i know you ladies have been plagued with this question forever. i know this is secretly why you don't watch porn movies, because the guys always keep on their socks. here are 5 reasons why men love to wear their dirty, stinky, holey, itching socks to bed and give you that nice sock burn?

#5: ugly feet

let's face it, there aren't many body parts that win acclaim from you ladies. you might go crazy over big feet, when they're inside some nice shoes. but it's no secret, all men can't be foot models.  in fact, no men can be foot models. you can have presentable feet, but sexy feet..naw. they come in a lot of different varieties: big,nasty, corn infested, hammer: sledge & jack hammer toes, middle toe longer than big toe. toe nails like razor blades. ashy, crispy, flaky feet. they aren't pretty to look at. they aren't pretty at all. therefore, we have to hide them.

#4: there is fungus lurking..

socks act as condoms. yes, that's right. that thin cotton layer between you and him is for our own protection. deep down inside those synthetic fibers there lives a fungus. a fungus among us. and let me tell you ladies, he knows he has it. it's beyond smelly feet. it's beyond crusty feet. it's that white shit between his toes. it's the scratching you see him doing with his finger, pens, keys, and anything else that will fit in the middle of his toes. you're mad cause he has those ugly socks on, but trust it's for your protection. he's doing you a favor. you know it's bad when he's in your shower with his socks on or flip flops. any dude that wears flip flops in his own shower, is telling you to wipe that shower down with some lysol & scrubbing bubbles. or yall will be sharing the itch.

#3: it's cold out there for a pimp...

you know how yall HATE for us to put our feet on you. laying there all soft and warm. so what if i need to ped egg the bottom of my ashy scratchy feet. you should take one for the team.when you ladies are laying there being stingy with your body heat, we have the socks to keep us warm. sometimes that's the only body part that needs something on it to maintain your body heat. so what if it clashes with our skintone. so what if it looks tacky with our birthday suit. it's serving a purpose and keeping our cold crusty feet off your manicured toenails. i swear it gets so bad i probably could file a chick's toenails just by rubbing the bottom of my feet on hers. at least with the sock it's like exfoliating with a loofah instead of the burn of sandpaper feet.

#2: you have some secret fetish..

what? don't act like you couldn't have a sock don't have to lie to kick it, i know you like it. i know you like that fabric rubbing against your freshly shaven legs. i know you like to get your toenail snagged on my socks. you know you want to be like the fabric softener sheet, all stuck to the bottom of my foot. i know you want it. i know you think it's sexy, my ankle all exposed with that bright white sock screaming, "come sex me..come sex me". i know you get all giddy like a schoolgirl when i put my ga tech socks. you get in the school gonna be my sexy cheerleader? don't be shy. come touch them. kiss them. feel them. pull them half off..tease yourself, i don't mind..

#1: we simply forget...

seductively getting out your clothes, whether stripping down nice & slow or ripping them off like savages. the last thing you think about is your damn socks. the shoes come off to get the pants off. but when was the last time you had to take your socks off to pull down your pants. it's not like pantyhose ladies. we do not have to remove them to get to the good stuff. and at lot of times we don't wanna waste time trying to pull them off. i'm saying, what sexy strip tease included socks? only times socks come off is during strip poker where you're actually trying to keep your other clothes on. so honestly if you want to know the truth the #1 reason we keep them on is because we have other "thangs" on our mind.

Friday, June 18, 2010

no hand modeling in my future...

June Challenge (day #18)

i know i told yall i closed my finger in my car door last month. it was a horrifying experience. it was at the end of a bad night. i waited all day for my parents to get ready to drive down to FAMU (got-damn-u) for my cousin's graduation. during the course of the day i had to go return a gift for my girlfriend so she could pick it up at a local store where she's from because UPS refused to ship it. FED EX refused to ship it. the postal service refused to ship it. so that was the only way. and i HATE returning shit. so me, my mom, & my son go into the store to return it. because first off i HATE returning shit (did i say that before?), second my mom was chilling with me cause we were about to go out of town, thirdly, my mom gets shit done.. so at first they tell me they can't do it. but she works her magic and they go ahead and do it. problem over right?

yea until my girlfriend calls and says they have no record of it. and my ass is about to leave to go out of town finally (at the time i thought..). so i deal with that, we get that handled. then my uncle he visits once out of every 10 years, decides to visit and come with us to the graduation. why is that a big deal? cause FAMU & FSU were having graduations on the same day and every hotel was booked and guess who was looking like they had room for one more person since i guess my son don't need his own bed *seesmic raccoon look*

so we finally get in the car, drive for forever. my dad is whining about having to go piss. so we stop and it turns out all he wants is lotto tickets. because to him, only people in small towns win and he thinks if i stop him off in a enough towns...yanno. we finally get to the hotel after 1am. and i get out to help my dad open the trunk cause i have a suv and you pull the wrong lever it will pop the window, not the door. so i get out cause he moving fast, and i close my door and finger as i knew it gone. it was bleeding & swollen in seconds. my mom was, panicking. my dad being the dedicated father & doctor tells me he's going to go get some alieve for the gas station (when truth is all he wanted to do was go get more lotto tickets). my son was patting my leg trying to kiss the "boo boo" on my hand and saying, "it's okay..". and my uncle was acting like he was pissed he couldn't get in the hotel to go to sleep. so we get to the rooms and i wrap it in toilet paper and ice. which was messed up, what kinda hotel don't have paper towels? but anyway. slept in pain, woke up in pain.

my dad told me, it was going to be okay. it was gonna hurt for a while, it was gonna be swollen to just give it time. yet, i noticed the pain was still there weeks later. i also noticed a knot forming under the cut location. every time i saw my dad i asked him, "is this knot going to go away". he'd feel it and say, "eventually". then i noticed my finger looked a little crooked. i asked him, "will my finger be crooked like this?" he'd say, "probably so, it was probably crooked before that.." (which it was, but not that crooked). anyway. now i got a knot. and a crooked middle finger. i can't be a hand model anymore. i can't flick someone off with my right middle finger, without the fear they'll laugh at my deformed finger. *sigh*...oh well back to plan b: underwear model.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

homeless jacked....

June Challenge (day #17)

you ever got jacked for some money? not jacked as in they held a gun to your head and demanded your money. but you gave them some money then watch them walk into the liquor store shortly after? or you went to get gas, had a guy tell you a sob story about needing 3 gallons to get across town, then you hit up a nearby gas station on your way home for some lotto tickets & bbq fritos and see the same guy selling the same story?

my problem is not with the homeless. it's with the hustlers. if you hustling on the homeless game, why don't you go live outside for a few? let me make this clear, i give money to people that i feel need it. i will talk to, look them in their eyes, and actually speak a blessing with the one i'm giving them. in fact one of my best conversations to date was with a homeless man. i've had them help me move furniture. i've had them actually come back to me on later dates and update me on their progress. i am a giver. my parents taught me, that once you give money away it's their money. so i'm not tripping on what you want to use the money for. i know it's hard out there. if you need a drink or a hit of something to take you away from your reality, i will NOT stand in your way. i just pray you put the blessing to the best use.

but what i do have issue with. is dudes with kids in strollers walking up to me saying they need some money to get gas. and you go in the store after giving them money and they still got their kids baking in the son. or ladies that come up to your car while you're pumping gas trying to sell you free pamplets from the grocery store, and after you decline they ask if they can just get $2 to get on the bus. i don't like liars. if you're hungry and i'm walking into a restaurant i will buy you some food. but i hate when what i deem as help is not appreciated. i was walking into KFC a few years ago, this guy with one leg was sitting outside of the door. he said, "hey mister, do you have some change..i've very hungry". i checked my pocket and told him, i didn't have any. but i walked in and bought him a 3 piece meal. i give dude the meal on the way out and the dude says, "what no drink?". are you fucking serious dude? if you don't appreciate what i'm doing for you, give it back. i can find 4 other homeless people a block down to give that food to. i saw this dude cross the street, pick up a sign off the ground, and start working an intersection (which may i add..i hate. i can deal with the freeway ramp, but i HATE when you are in the middle of an intersection going up and down the street like you got a non-profit badge). i got a $5 bill out my pocket, and waited. i watched as he limped over to people's windows and just took the money out of their hand and stuffed it in his pocket. he didn't even look at them once they stuck the money out. to don't have to kiss no one's ass, but if someone gives you something out of their pocket. you at least say thank you. you at least look at them and acknowledge what they are doing for you. after i saw that, i folded the money back up and put it in my pocket. the keyword is "grateful". i'm grateful for the gifts God has allotted for me. and i try to share those with people i can. but you can't shit on my hand and think i will continue to extend it to you.

i wish people who think that begging is a job would just go get a fucking job. you are good at asking for money, be a telemarketer or some shit. leave the change for people who really need it. leave it for the guy who is going to sleep under the underpass. leave it for the lady who is going to sell her body for a place to stay. people don't trust homeless people because of you sorry ass people. i'd much rather give a homeless man a $20 bill that he'll use to get him a burger, admission to the homeless center, and maybe a beer. than give a hustler $3 that he'll use to be a bum (begging useless motherfucker), instead of a real man and get a damn job to take care of his family. homeless people don't beg as job, they beg because they need help. they are not bums. the real bums are the people who ask for money then get in their car and drive away.

#twitterkills thursday #31

okay..this may not bother most of yall, but something that bothers the hell out of me. the misuse of twitter pictures. it's a few things that i just can't look past.

#twitterkills thursday 31 topic of the week: when twitter pictures go wrong...

#1 annoyance: if i gotta click out my twitter app to look at your pictures on twitter, your life to be will remain picture-less.

put it plain and simple, i hate shit. i should be able to click on your picture,it come up real quick and close it. i do not want to share a tab with my other shit open to see you looking at a sign that says, "caknew for sale". i would have thought the misspelling of canoe was funny if i didn't have to wait 2 minutes later, decrease the size, and go back to my twitter client to tweet you a reply. just saying. please use twitpic or tweetphoto. it's so much simpler for everyone else.

#2 annoyance: if you got risque pictures, do NOT post a link to your twitpic

because newsflash idiot. twitpic will show your last three pictures. and yes some people are nosy enough to flip back to older one's. that drunken night you got all loose on twitter after dark and spread eagle on the bed, with chocolate sauce all over your body..yea that shit is still there. and you showing me the cute little girl getting an ice cream will totally be ignored for the chocolate laced kitty in the next pic. and then passed to EVERYONE else i

#3 annoyance: if you participate in any of the get naked days..

 #morningwoodmonday,#tittytuesday,#wangwendesday,#thangoutthursday, #freakyfriday, #sexysaturday, #sinnersunday..

i mean i love to see naked pictures just like everyone else. but of my twitter friends uh, not so much. if you want me to be able to see you with your clothes on, don't do it. because i guarantee everything will be "blah blah blah" lemme see your titties. i'm sorry, that's just how it goes.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

that's not my name...

June Challenge (day #16)

my girlfriend is a nickname generator. her  & her friends have this habit of naming everybody a nickname. some of them are last names, "norwood". personality traits, "dry toast". skin tones, "the lightness". job titles, "the actor". where their from, "yonkers". you get the picture?

so what was my nickname, "atl". i say was because once i found out they were referring to me as "atl" i got mad that it lacked total creativity. now they just mispronounce my name. but everyone else the nicknames are so addictive you start thinking it's really their name. in fact i find myself describing any chick i used to talk to with a nickname (man rule #832 never reveal the name of your ex, your girl will continue to use it against you) that she's made up to stop me from referring to them as my ex. as i was reading some of your blogs i noticed a lot of you ladies do the same thing. i know on the internet you don't want to reveal people's "real names", but i bet yall use those nicknames outside of the internet too. what's up with that?

men don't really have nicknames for chicks that don't refer to their body parts. like literally you hear it and be like, "oooh" when you see her. like you call a chick thickshake. and you be like, "there go joe & thickshake". women on the other hand are notorious for naming dudes something for short that only they see. like it's shorthand or some shit. let me ask the fellas a question...(the 2-3 of yall that admit to reading the blog), you ever been with your chick and she say, "there go tamika and sampson". and you be like, "sampson?". and she's like, "yea we call him sampson". and you're like, "why..?" and she's like, "cause he kinda look like a lion". and you cock your head to the side and be like..."oh okay, i see that". but it's like where the hell did that come from? who does that? if you name a dude sampson i'm expecting to see some dude with long hair. not that he kinda look like a lion. or they have you calling a dude by a name they made up and you think it's his name. imagine hanging out with your chick and her homegirl & some dude come by. and she's like, "this is my boyfriend Terry". and ask your chick after they walk away, "what happen to Norwood?". and she's like, "he is norwood, terry norwood". why she talking to me like i was supposed to connect the dots? i'm saying how the hell would i know that?

what i'm trying to say is...death to nicknames in 2011. let's learn how to just call dudes by their first names like normal people. why do you need to shorthand and reference a dude like a sticky note?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

my mom kicks your mom's ass...

 June Challenge (day#15)

who wakes up feeling drained, sick & tired, walks downstairs in hunt for some food and finds a box full of love on their doorstep?

that's right, me!

my mom has that habit like God, of doing things right on time. i had been complaining about my sleeping (remember the pillow situation). so my mom being the avid QVC watcher orders me a memory foam mattress topper. which any other day i might have scoffed at. if she would have asked me if i wanted one, i would have scoffed at. but today, when i'm trying my best to get comfortable. when i need sleep worse than a need air.

that's right she sent me sleep in a box, and now it's sleep in the bed. i dragged it upstairs and put it on the bed. now i'm laying on it..and it feels great actually. i'm hoping i can get my sleep back. she also told me there will be IS another shipment of a memory foam pillow. i just walked downstairs again, and it was waiting at the door.  that's love right there. that's my mom. she's trying to give me my sleep back! *evil glare at the pillow thief*

Monday, June 14, 2010

i love & miss my place...

June Challenge (day#14) 

i love my house. especially after i've been gone a minute. it feels good to walk back into a clean house.

well ok, things weren't quite that clean. i walk in the bedroom, with a load of clothes scattered around the bed. shirt selections thrown across the iron board. socks and shoes laying around the bed.

the sheets wrinkled, hanging off the side of the bed. what in the hell was i doing before i left? why did i leave my "area" in disarray?  oh that's right, because i was in a rush. i hate that because if it was all clean i would have walked in the house all excited to be home. instead, all i wanted to do was sit down and eat. now retire to the bedroom to the "packing clothes" nightmares i call my room right now. i just keep imaging my nice clean bedroom. the bed made up, new clean sheets, pillows set up all wonderfully. i just wanna dive in and get the sleep i've been missing. get up, walk into my clean bathroom..(yanno minus the stuff all over the counter, clothes and towels thrown about) get a nice refreshing shower.

don't get me wrong. i love my house. i'd just love it more if it were clean right now. it would totally increase joy of being home.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

im out of town..

june challenge (day# 13)

my phone is dying. i hate chicks with ashy feet and hairy legs. this is all...

{the i'm back home addition}

so what i was trying to say in my 2 1/2 sentence blog..(yes it was a blog.) was that i was out this weekend helping my boy celebrate his birthday early (since it falls before father's day weekend and i give that weekend to my father). so we out doing it grown man style and we see these chicks. they all trying to flex cause they we at my boy's show. he's singing doing his thing and we sitting there looking important. so me being the only one with a girl, i'm not checking for no chicks. but me also being a very observant person i can hear this chick rubbing her legs. and i know what you're thinking.."you can hear her rubbing her legs?". yes, in the most non-perverted way i could hear her due to the mounds of hair on her legs.

now i'm not a hairy guy myself. i takes me about a month to grow a good amount of facial hair. so this kinda threw me for a loop. she had tons more than monique if that can kinda reference to where i'm going. so i notice that, glance down and notice her feet are extremely ashy cause she had the nerve to wear flip flops. huh? it's like you're doing the most right now. it was unnecessary to show any of that. she didn't have to expose her hair legs with a skirt or her ashy feet with those flips flops. i'm just glad she had on a shirt with sleeves, because i'm pretty sure she had hairy armpits. yes, it's wrong to assume, but it look like she's allergic to razors. so me being the person i am. i tell my cousin sitting next to me. and me and him are having our "inside joke" moment. so our boy chuckie (which some of yall know from twitter) has an extremely big mouth. and hates being left out. so we tell him..and now dude is asking the chick for some lotion. so now we're sitting there..cause he's asking her for lotion knowing good and well if she had some she would have handled those floured feet of hers. inside jokes galore. that's what inspired that blog. sorry. lol..

Saturday, June 12, 2010

i just figured out...

june challenge (day #12)


cause i've been tasting it all morning.

{after the hangover addition}

you ever had that one hangover that trumps all the rest of them? well i have yet to feel that tremendous pain again. but these mini hangover moments make me almost want to quit drinking so much. don't get me wrong..i'm not a lush, drunk, or in need of intervention. but when i get with my boys and we start the night begins hard to keep track of the number of drinks consumed times the number of locations we hit getting them. it doesn't help my boy is a party promotor who pretty much gets perks EVERYWHERE we go. so it's bottles of this, bottles of that. another reason why miami is so alive for me. but i woke with a stinging feeling in my head that spread throughout my whole body, met back up at my spine and infitrated my head again causing a massive headache. this feeling started friday night. and lasted till monday when i returned home in a decrypted state. my girlfriend is convinced i was slipped a "ruthie" like in the movie hangover. but if that was the case, i probably would have come back from miami with a whole list of other issues lol...

Friday, June 11, 2010

lucky daddy...

 June Challenge (#day 11)

by now yall should know i have a four year old son, who pretty much runs me crazy everyday. i say that in the most loving way possible, because i wouldn't trade it for anything. but it's tough.

me and my ex mrs. share him throughout the week. i have him tuesday afternoon through saturday afternoon. so that means i have him most school days. so our typical morning...i wake up. i roam around the house. getting his uniform ready. i get myself together. get my food. watch tv for a little while. YES, i wake up that early every morning. then i walk into his room, jump in the bed with him and start my "it's time to wake up" routine. normally i'll just talk to him and tickle him till he wakes up. then we'll hit the bathtub where he will play with his water toys for about 10 minutes. dry him off, lotion him up, put his clothes on. you'd think he'd be good and ready to go right? wrong..this is the point where he wants to get difficult. i tell him it's time to brush his teeth. i have to literally chase him around the room and wrap him up in a towel to keep him from moving. seriously...then when i brush his hair, he has to brush mine first. it's like an unspoken deal. so after i let him brush mine, i do his and i'm going downstairs to get him some breakfast. i come back up with his breakfast mix, since he's very funny about what he eats. and his ass is back in the bed. in his clothes, shoes, everything..watching sprout. this is where the battle begins. i put his food on the bed. and tell him to eat so we can go.

me: come on man, you gotta eat
him: i'm not hungry
me: come on, we gotta go...
him:"no, no school".
me: yes, school. you have to go to school
him: no, no school. i'm not going
me:  yes you are going, come on and eat the food
him:i wanna watch Max & Ruby
me:  you can watch Max & Ruby but you got to eat your food
him: okay

he goes and eats a few things off the plate and drinks his pediasure (which he's addicted to). i look at the clock and tell him it's time to go. he looks at me and says, "i'm not going". it's not until i walk out the door, does he just follow me all pissy. we get in the car. and i have to wrestle with him for 5 minutes to sit in his booster seat. he'll climb over the seat and be in the third row. i'll let down the second row and he'll climb into the trunk. i'll go to the trunk and he'll climb back into the third row, second row, then in the front seat. once in the front seat, i'll grab him and put him in the seat. he'll unbuckle the seatbelt and look at me like, "now what nig-gaw". so i'll just get in the driver seat, ignore him, and then tell him to buckle the seatbelt back. which he will. we finally head out and get to the school early. at this point he knows what's coming. i open the door he's already out his seatbelt and waiting for me to open his door (i keep the child lock on the back doors cause he's too crafty). i open the door and we walk into the school. he spends like 3 minutes everyday showing me nemo in the fish aquarium. then we walk the .5 mile to his classroom. yall know how big these church schools are. we finally get to the classroom and i say bye & he gives me one of the biggest best hugs ever. then walks away like i'm abandoning him at walmart. i always want to go back and get him as soon as i drop him off.

so i go off, go for my run. go to work. do whatever i can squeeze into the few hours he's in school and come and pick him back up. then we go to work. which a lot of people be like, "you take you kid to work..?" and yes, a lot of times it's boring. but the one thing i'll always be able to say is, "i spent time with my kid". that's the most important thing to me. i don't ever want him to be able to say, i wasn't around. or that i worked too much and never spent time with him. so he has his dvd player, his toys. i try to make a stop off at monkey joes and do things for him. i also try to wrap it up early on days i have him. but for the most part it's just me & him, chillin'. that's my little homeboy & even though he's worrisome some of the times, he's the best shotgun partner i'm gonna have.

manfive friday # 47

older vs. younger

this week's manfive's friday of the week: 5 differences between older and younger women..

there are things to love about both older & younger women. i usually try to give you an insiders edge of how men feel about different subjects. there are a lot of key differences, although today i choose to focus on the stereotypical differences. this is what you'll hear guys saying randomly or to each other. this is the 5 differences that matter to guys...

DISCLAIMER: do not try to make sense of any of these...

difference #5: babies & birth control...

younger women typically aren't ready for kids. so you'll find they are on birth control. they carry around condoms. they got the shot. they are extra careful when it comes to sex, because most times they still have to answer to their parents. not to mention they aren't afraid to go to "plan b".

older women on the other hand. are talking to you about having kids on the second date. they are the one's who stopped using birth control 3 years ago. or they take one pill a week, just cause. they are the one's who might even poke holes in the condom. not to trap you, just because they want babies and they want babies now. they are older, there is no one who will "cut them off" if they get pregnant.

have to give young chicks the win on this one...

difference #4: taking care of their man...

when it comes to taking care of their man, young chicks know exactly what the doctor ordered. sex, sex, & more sex. they will give it to you all day & night. they'll back it up, drop it, and twerk with it.

older women on the other hand, will give you sex..but not at that frequency. the one thing that gives them the upper hand is they will do other things to take care of you. food, food & more food. they understand there are different ways to your cooking, listening to you, washing your drawz, etc.

have to give the older chicks the win on this one...

difference #3: loving making music choices

younger women like it fast. they want to make love to some dmx shit, "stop, drop, open up shop..oh no..that's how ruff ryders go...". they like it fast & hard. their sexing playlist will be equipped with rappers and music you can listen to on the radio. even the slow jams will be rappers. they will be making love to "lovers & friends" the new version and shit.

older women on the other hand like that soft, slow shit. they like that music they can start crying to. you actually have to make a slow sex jam mixtape in order to have a background to that kinda sexing. it's that luther, marvin, teddy..if you don't know these're a young chick go play a ludacris cd and have some private sexy time. this is just for the grown & sexy.

have to call tie on this one, sex is good fast or slow. as long as we're having it, i'm not complaining.

difference #2: trick-on dat-hoe

younger women and your finances are like kids in the toy store. they could care less about your mortgage, car payments, bills, whatever. if they want their weave fixed. if they want that new bag, shoes, jewelery...they expect you to spend it. "it ain't trickin' if you got it", means...if i see the money, you gotta show me the money. they will expect you to spend money on shit, they wouldn't even spend money on. because to them, your money means nothing, it's just paper.

older chicks on the other hand, have grown out that stage. they are equal opportunity. they like nice things, but they don't expect for you to get them things..other than a ring. they are into the whole, "i expect at least what you do for me". meaning, it's an equal trickin'. they don't have no problem spending their money on you, they just expect that you do on the same level as them. meaning if they buy you a playstation for christmas, then their gift should be at least $399. she only spending what you're spending on her. meaning her request are realistic.

it's a no brainer the older chicks win this hand down..

difference #1: what they are looking for in a relationship...

younger women are looking for love. but not that "i'm in love, let's get married tomorrow" love. it's that new love. that we're just having fun. this may or may not turn into something else. younger chicks will pimp you out. they are more likely to be talking to you and two other dudes at the same time. they be on that, "we didn't say we we're exclusive shit..". on that "don't call me, i'll call you" shit. on that, "you're moving too fast shit". most are living for right now. they just want someone to have fun with, right now. if it blossom's into something else, great....

older women wear an anchor around their neck. they try to lasso that shit around yours and pull you in to dock. they have done the jump-off phase. they have lived in the moment and are looking for some more substantial. at the point they've reached it's time to put up or shut up. it a mutually a waste of time if you're not looking past the first date. they will not let you "feel out the situation". you either gotta be down for it, or be out of it.

it really depends on what stage you're in, in your life. but the scales are leaning towards the young chicks on this one. as the most desired response men seek.

so the winner is?....neither. it's a tie. i know better than to declare one type of woman better than the other.