Friday, May 31, 2013
manfive friday topic of the week #99: 5 ways to trigger your man's romantic gene..
y'all already know i'm a hopeless romantic. and there is nothing more i love in a relationship then trying to make the woman i'm with happy. to me romance is natural. it's in my blood. my gene is activated year round all day long. sometimes it's a gift, other times it's a curse (because they are actually women out there who get scared or annoyed when you share your feelings with them). the average guy isn't going to have this "romantic gene" activated all the time. sometimes they have to be reminded, prodded, or even threatened to show how they feel. Here are five ways you can help in this process...
5: stop settling for the okee doke...
most men if you let them are going to let you think that the shit your asking for is "too much". that's people in general. first step to solving your non-romantic dude problem...stop settling. being romantic isn't an expense, it's a gesture. don't let a guy convince you he can't do it because he doesn't have money. if all you need to brighten up your day is a sunflower and a daisy...shit he can pick one of those out of someone's yard. shit isn't hard. stop telling yourself, "he doesn't have the extra money" or "he doesn't have time to stop by and pick up flowers. he has time & money to stand in line waiting for the new Madden or those J's, right? sometimes all you want is a phone call. or some attention. a "pick me up"...things that don't require anything other than time & effort.
stop letting the little things you want, get swept under the table. stop getting used to not getting things that at the end of the day show his thoughtfulness. it shows he was thinking of you, he missed you, he appreciates you...or he just wants to see you smile.
4: subliminally feed him the things you like...
the first thing i do when i become interested in a woman is ask her what she likes. i don't want a shopping list. i don't want suggestions. i just generally want to know the things you like. what's your favorite color, flower, food. where's your dream vacation, location, or hangout spot. a lot of guys don't take time to do this or they don't realize they should do this in the beginning. when this happens...you have to sneak the information into his brain without him knowing this is what you're doing. let me explain ladies...
our brains shut off the second you start telling us what you want and it's not your birthday, holiday, or "special event". it's not because we don't love you. it's not because your boring. it's not because you're asking for too much. it's because we are programmed to only want necessary information pertaining to this moment. this is why you should offer up this information in the beginning stage when he's all open and y'all are talking all the time. trust me....you need to do this. it's the difference between you getting those furry light blue socks you've been wanting from your favorite store and a soap basket from walmart. so...how do you feed him this information. very carefully.
avoid these three words: "i want this".....
i want this only works if a guy is tricking. if he ain't got his wallet out. if he ain't bring you to this store to get whatever this mythical thing you want is. "i want this" activates the off switch. yes...he will log this request in his memory bank, but because the switch went off so fast. he'll go back to that store and get you the color you said you hate in whatever you said you wanted. you know why? because after you said you wanted it he stopped listening to you so he didn't hear the specifics. if you want a guy to pay attention to something you like/want...make mention of it. make mention of it all the time. if you want a massage or your nails done. continue to talk about how sore, stiff, stressed you are. continue to say, "my nails have never looked this bad..." see as men we like to think we came up with the bright idea to solve your problem. we want to give you the tool to make you happy & shut you up at the same time. now i'm not saying become a nag. but if you need a new purse go visit your purse in the store while y'all are out. like go look at it. ask the sales person to see it . then say..."i don't need to spend the money on this right now". meanwhile leave your raggedy ass purse laying around so he can see that you actually need a new purse. now this may not get you a birken bag...but he'll remember the purse you left in the store. he'll remember you making him wait so you could ask the salesperson for the purse. these details will be ingrained in his head subliminally and if he is up on his game. if what you want is reasonable. if he's wrecking his brain to figure out what to get you...tah-dah.
3: be appreciative of the things he does...
this is a big one ladies. i'm not telling you to go ape-shit crazy over a single flower he bought from the drug store while he was buying condoms & gummy bears. i'm saying if a man does something for you, thank him. shit, if anyone does something for you...thank them. my ex-girlfriend went on a trip with one of her friends. she was gone for two weeks. everyday, i made an effort to buy a card, write something thoughtful and mail it to her. yes, everyday for those two weeks. i wanted the postmark to show her everyday i was thinking of her. so ok..this is 14 cards. 14 cards that i wrote in...(if any of you have received a card from me yanno how small i write and that i usually write a novel). i also wrote slick shit in the card to make sure she actually read it, because she was good for not really bothering to read shit. so when she got home she text me, "thanks for the cards".
.............yea. very anti climactic. it made me feel as if i had wasted my time. all of the anticipation of her reaction when those cards fell out of her itty bitty mailbox and all i got was "thanks for the cards". now i know a few of you thuglife chicks are like, "what the hell else was she suppose to say/do?". umm...act like someone who just got 14 fucking cards from someone they loved and missed. go check your mailbox..are there 14 cards in there right now? no.....because that shit is not a normal everyday occurrence. frankly, it made me not want to go out my way again for her....even though i did (because i'm a sap sucker like that). it ruined the anticipation i had going for 14 days. this is what will kill a man's desire to do anything else for you. because unbeknownst to you...we get excited about shit we think you're gonna like. like my homeboy who just asked his girl to marry him. me and him went and got her ring over a month ago. he saw the one he wanted and his eyes lit up like he had won a jackpot. and it was literally killing him each day, hour, minute, second he had that damn ring in his possession and hadn't given it to her. because when you really want to show someone how you feel you put your all into what you're doing for them. don't let us down with your dry ass thank you's or your inconsiderate "non-responses".
again ladies this does not require you to be fake. just be grateful. appreciate someone woke up 3 days ago and thought enough to plan to surprise you with something. that he did stop by the store and pick up some flowers. a stupid card. or a stuffed animal. that he did bring you your favorite food, movie, drink. he reads a book you like just so y'all can talk about it together. he gives you something that meant a lot to him, because you mean a lot to him. remember ladies....this is shit he doesn't have to do. so stop acting like it's nothing when he does it.
2: provide him with examples of romance....guide him to your romantic spot
women.....God's more difficult creation. most beautiful, but very difficult. y'all are like a bag full of irregular t-shirts. some may be very similar, but none are completely alike. we can think we got a perfect fit one day and the next realize we came up short. there is no universal KEY to a woman's heart. yea..diamonds may be a girls best friend..but get a chick an oval diamond when "all i like is emerald cut". i dare you. get her yellow gold, when "all i wear is white gold....". i dare you. get her a coach bag when "all i fucks with is gucci" again, i double dog dare you. you can't apply the same rules and "likes" to the next chick. and you can't read the magazines, romantic idea websites, or model shit off of a movie.
i'm the kind of guy who'd come to your job with shitload of flowers pop in your cubicle, kiss you all in your mouth, jump on your desk and declare "i'm gonna marry this woman....WHOOO I LOVE YOU" type of guy. but if you're the type of chick that would faint or pass out in embarrassment then quit your job shortly after this spectacle i'm guessing this is not going to make you swoon. so tell me what it is that makes you swoon. let me activate that "ooh" in you baby. if you like to take long walks hand and hand. you like it when i leave you m&m messages saying "i love you" or " give me that puss..". if little notes or flowers is something you like. let me know. as your man, it's my duty to make you happy. to make you smile. to brighten up your day. to make you laugh by placing a grape in my upper lip area and transforming into magilla the gorilla. again it's the little things that sometimes mean a lot. so don't leave your man in the dark. let us know what turns you on, what makes you happy, what is sweet to you. what is annoying to you. if you hate flowers....tell me. if you hate sentimental cards...tell me. if all i got to do is get you a bag of oreos and a bag of weave...let a brother know. sometimes guys aren't romantic because they simply have not been taught to do so. or they don't realize what your definition of romance is. as with everything with y'all, guide him to the right spot.
1: you want him to do for you....try doing for him.
maybe i'm old-school. but i believe in the beginning a man should show his interest and intent for a woman without regard of reciprocation. i know some of you dudes (and stop fronting because i know y'all read this shit too..) are like, "man.......you crazy". but give me a chance to explain. i believe as a man you should show a woman your intent to be the man in her life. i buy you flowers because they make you smile, and when you smile...i smile. i take you out, so i can be around you & show you a good time....because when i'm with you i have a good time. we've gotten to the point where guys don't even think they owe women a real date. all the "i wouldn't spend $200 on a date" twitter discussions baffle me. you'll spend $200 on some Jordans. $400 on the new iphone. $2000 a wheel on some rims, but you can't spend a total of $200 to take a woman out?
a woman will spend almost if not more than $200 just getting ready to go out on a date with your monkey ass. outfit, hair, makeup, shoes, perfume..etc. and you're upset you got to pay to take her to a nice place to eat. a movie. a concert. put gas in your own car, etc.? grow the fuck up. that's what dating is. but in the same regards ladies...remember that the object of being the receiver isn't just to take. i've dated/talked to chicks who have done absolutely nothing for me. and while i don't expect anything, it would be nice if they had actually thought enough to do something for me. a lot of times you chicks are less romantic than your guy. we like attention. we like to get "i'm thinking for you" notes/gifts/etc. tell him you miss him or you're thinking about him. we appreciate a little effort every now and then too. it's not something most guys will tell you, if you're not doing it. but sometimes their lack of romance, is due to the fact that there is no romance between y'all to begin with. if a guy doesn't feel it there, he's not going to invoke it out of the air. trust me...if a woman went out her way to do something for me i immediately start thinking of something i can do to show her how much i appreciated it. get into a "i love you more" competition. show him he is deserving of thoughtful gestures and he'll in turn show you. romance is not a one way street.