Wednesday, May 2, 2012

i hate my neighbors...

now before i even get into this...some of you are going to judge me. some of you are gonna think what i'm about to describe, resembles your life. to all of you who take this as an insult...i'm sorry.


y'all should already know i hate my next door neighbor. i mean i am a quiet guy who abides by all of the rules of courtesy. i cut my yard, i try to plant flowers to beautify the mailbox and inner workings of my  yard. i take out my trash on trash day and immediately put my can back in my garage after i return home. I am a music man...but i don't pump music out my house like it's a club. i don't allow my son to play, run, trespass, or even look in my surrounding neighbors yard. i keep to myself. i'm not quick to complain or snitch. but when i say...i live next to a bunch of niggas. trust me i live next to the most ignorant niggas, of niggas.

if you follow me on twitter, which all of you who are on twitter should do (check right corner under tweet and hit follow...) you have already witnessed the foolishness i am forced to deal with.

(1) these niggas (and i don't use the word niggas in vain..i mean it) use the cheapest garbage bags in the world. i'm talking about a piece a paper could paper cut it's way out of the damn bag. they sit their 40 bags of trash outside the house on monday night. now the trash runs on monday MORNING. but they have already accumulated 40 bags by nightfall. how you may ask?...because the inside of their house looks like this ---------->

there is literally 100 of the mofo's living in that house. so many when you search for internet connections in my area it says, "nigga's wifi" & "niggas guest wifi". i'm not joking. they have TWO internet connections. which leads me to believe these niggas are renting the house by the room and shit. so not only are they packed in the house like roaches...they got like 40 cars in the driveway and lining the street. i'm sure even the kids have a car..because the car to people ratio is crazy.  but back to the trash. they sit their trash out monday night. and by tuesday morning it has found it's way to my yard. we're talking diapers, paper towels, cereal boxes, q-tips, cups, dead bodies...anything you can imagine. spread across my yard like it's my trash. and they leave that shit there till thursday the next trash day and ONLY pick up the trash in their yard. now...if you know these you're shitty ass diapers in my yard...why you don't pick them up? niggas.

(2) these niggas party on sunday nights. outside. music blasting. ask me why....go ahead ask me? cause these niggas don't work. now you may have tried to blame in on the neighborhood. go head tell me i live in the hood. go head, i'll punch you in the mouth. . . cause i don't fucking live in the hood. this shit is not hood shit. this is some nigga shit. these niggas are "renting". . they gonna make my inner uncle ruckus show up, and show out. that's all i'm saying... they play their music OUTSIDE in the backyard til about 4am on sunday nights. all you hear is cussing, talking, car alarms, and "...let me see that ass clap....." all night long.   then you awake to beer bottles crushed in your driveway in and in front of you yard. niggas.

(3) their bad ass baybay i'm minding my business. sitting on the toilet reading my shakespeare...when i hear these kids playing in my backyard. kids are kids. i was once a kid. and i have a kid. so i understand how they don't understand "this is my yard.....this is your yard". even though my kid understands that, but he's a genius so yanno i don't expect all kids to know the rules of common courtesy. so i wasn't thinking nothing of it. until i hear this knocking noise. i have to stop in the middle of my important business to stand up and look out the window to see one of those midget niggas kicking down the tree in my back yard. so what did i do?....i banged on the window. after all running outside in my current situation was not an option. they look up and start running away. so me thinking...they got the message. i finish up my business and walk into the bedroom only to hear them once more. so i look out the window and they have gone back to playing football in my backyard. i dunno about yall..but in my day when some grown up banged on the window or yelled at us we left and did not come back to the scene of the crime. but these are niggas. so i open my door....they see me and run in the house. then i see them peeking out the window looking at me. but me being a grown up. and man who thinks before i act...i told myself  "going to talk to these kids is useless and may cause problems...i'll wait for an adult".  i waited and adults in sight for days. niggas.

(4) now if all of this wasn't enough for me to hate these fools...let me tell you what i caught them doing today. i'm lounging around the house. all sleepy bear style. me and my chick spent sunday together for our birthday and she had a 6am flight (remember we're long distance)...and we were all about getting all our time in so we didn't go to sleep at all on sunday.  so of course monday we we're both exhasuted. so when i came home i passed out. i'm talking 9 pm....mouth open, drooling, snoring, dead-to-the-world... i awoke at about 5am like it was a new day but by 10am was tired again. so i was just taking it easy when i hear these chicks talking. now it wasn't the tv. and they weren't in the house with me. so umm..where was this coming from? outside....i look outside and these niggas are STEALING my water. they have a big basin and are standing on the side of my house filling it  up with water. NO LIE. i looked around my room for a camera and remembered it was in my car. but i had my i video taped these fools carrying the water from my house to their driveway where they called this dude to come out and get it. . .

mouth          fucking         wide       open

so i go outside, walk to their door and what greets me? this gold tooth smoking mofo standing at the door looking like somebody's little drug dealing brother. so it was hard....i realized he was probably the oldest person in the house. but all of the adult in me just said..."this nigga is not the nigga to talk to about this". but i just went ahead and spoke to the boy to get my point across. so i'm like..."hey...i'm your neighbor. and i just saw you guys stealing water from my house". so he's like, "oh not me...i saw the girls go over there and i told them they shouldn't be doing that". this dude don't realize i got him on video picking up the water and they dragged it into the yard. i mean....come on bruh. why blame the ladies...i know all of my 4'5 stature is menacing but you really think telling me the girls did it is gonna stop me from whooping your ass? anyway to make this already too long story short...chick comes downstairs and tells me she got the water but this the first time...

"this the first time....". i had to say it again cause it continued to echo in my head. so i just walked away. shaking my head, but not before threatening the fuck out of them. . ."water is not free, don't let me catch you guys in my yard again..." do i think this scared them? no. cause niggas ain't scared of anything. but they have messed with the wrong one this time. cause one thing i am good nigga proofing. my ass went down the home depot and bought water locks for all of my spouts. yea....they think they gonna get a bath of me tomorrow.....niggas you crazy.

post #4

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

who got the soap?

so most of you who've been in an adult relationship and NOT lived at home with your parents...have had the "sleep over" where the person you're in a relationship with spends the night at your place.

so i'm not 100% up on the "spend the night" etiquette, but i try my best. when my chick comes down here (remember we're in a long distance relationship) i try to have all the basic covered. she has a toothbrush, shower cap, aloe vera and other different chick toiletries laying around my bathroom. i'm not a cheater so  i have no reason to hide or put these things away when she's not around.
but one thing i'm so unsure about is the SOAP.

now when she comes i always wash the towel and have a new one laying out for her. i usually give her my bathroom too, because we shower at the same time before leaving out and if i were to be in the shower with her no one would be getting clean..if you know what i mean. so the soap that's in the shower is hers. and i always buy a new bar of soap when she comes down. even though we're swapping spit. savoring one another's body....well to keep this PG i'll just say "fluids are involved. something to me just doesn't sit right leaving my bar of soap in the tub or saving her bar of soap from her last visit. so without thought i'll just lay out a new bar of soap along with the towels like at an hotel.

but when she leaves i'm left with a full bar of soap. just sitting there in the shower. waiting to be used. so do i toss it or use it? cause i'm a man. and men can't phantom throwing useful shit away. so my ass be in there using it when she leaves. is this wrong....? or is my mentality soap is soap a correct way of thinking?

clean but, confused in atlanta

1...2...3...strikes you're out

so if you follow me on twitter, or pay attention to any of my excuses from the previous post. i told y'all my son is in little league this year. *proud father moment*

yea, a lot of you are like baseball? boring... and to many people it is. i guess i grew up playing baseball. well i grew up playing everything, except baseball was the one thing i could continue playing after everyone hit their growing spurt but me.

it is the short man's game. i played from 5 years old til i was in college. i actually was pretty damn good. and got a few offers to play minor league baseball. i opted for college instead. no regrets.
but i've regained my love for the game now with my son playing. first day out he was kinda "wah wah wah". that was pretty much the story with everyone's kids. but i took my son home and started practicing with him. first day he was hitting the ball, no tee. then i started throwing the ball to him, and showing him how to stop it. tossing it back and forth trying to teach him how to throw it. now my son is mr. baseball. dude has surpassed all the other kids to the point where the other father's are trying to make "play dates" so i can help their son's. umm yea. me and my son are on "no dude play date" diets. so as i turn them down i can feel the hate radiate off their children as well as them. i've even been named assistant coach in hopes that i will help the other kids. but is it wrong for me to want to focus on my son? i'm throwing balls to him then the coach is telling him to go to another station while i'll help the other kids. i mean all that is cool...i'm not saying i can't help the other kids. but helping them while my son is playing is distracting. i can't take pictures.and y'all know i am a picture taking fool when it comes to my son. so i'm stuck with my mom's pictures (she NEVER zooms in so all of her pictures look like they are taking from the last row of a rock concert) as well as my son's mom's pictures. where i am in half of them, but cut out cause she doesn't want a picture with me in it. lol. so all of his pictures you'll see my leg. my arm. side of my face. my back. me looking down...etc. so with the combination of those two...i'm coming up empty.

all jokes aside, i love it though. i love spending time with my son. i love that he's excited about a game that i used to love. and i'm blessed and happy i'm able to share this with him. i honestly felt that due to my MS, i might miss out on doing this kind of things with him. so i thank God for allowing me these kind of moments and memories because when taken for granted you never realize how much you'd miss them if you couldn't do them.

post #3 name is th@ genius

and i'm a hanging with, words with, & scramble with friends.....addict.

i admit it, i can't get enough of competitively beating the shit out of my friends and strangers. i can't help it! maybe it's my competitive nature. or my ability to "see" words in a scrambled mess of letters. maybe i have backwards dyslexia. or maybe i'm just a genius. because when it comes to word games....i'm the man. i'm leaning towards the latter although i'm sure i probably have some form of "aixelsyd" as well.

i know you probably wouldn't figure me to be a word fiend. i mean y'all know i like to write blogs, tweet ignorant shit, & pollute your g-chat with all types of obscene statuses and chats. but i'm serious about the word play. i've said it a million times with it comes to scrabble i am a champ. i am better than a champ. even my dad was amazed and SHOCKED when i beat him at scrabble by 200 points. i don't play. and now with all these word games out...i am literally running my cellphone battery down daily because i'm kicking word ass. i mean just ask...luvlymskrissy. i stay asking her ass to download the newest word games...

it's gotten so bad most my friends nor my girlfriend will engage me in word games. i must have beat my chick ten times in a row in words with friends and she just stopped playing with me. no more invites. no more mention of it. nothing. so i'm forced to play strangers. and strangers take FOREVER to play. which does absolutely nothing for my obsessive behavior.  i'm one step from standing on the side of the highway with a sign around my neck stating: "hi, i'm th@ genius, play me on words with...."

oh and since i wrote this so long i'm addicted to scramble with friends and folks are actually beating me so hit me up on that too. you might actually have a chance at that since i got fat fingers and keep hitting the wrong letters.

*sidenote: so completing this "shallenge" wasn't as easy as i thought. don't think i forgot or haven't take this seriously. to my defense..there was no stipulation on how fast i had to complete this. although i know you're (isis) rolling your eyes and doubting my sincerity. i've just been juggling a extremely productive work schedule, my girlfriend being down here all last month, my son in little league with practice 3 times a week and 1 on 1 practice with me and him the other days, him out on spring break....etc. yes, excuse after excuse. but seriously everyone at some point of time has got caught up with life and forgot they had a blog for a day..week..month..year or so, right?

but enough apologizing...this is post #2, of my most topic restrictive challenge.


ok so i suck. i'm averaging 1 blog a month. and i have no new excuses so *hangs head low in shame*

i logged in today to post some random shit and got met with all this new shit on blogger. i can't even figure out how to get to my actual blog without typing in the url after i've signed in. sad, but true.

anyway. i've been issued a new challenge from my girl freckles. as y'all know my ass didn't even complete the LAST challenge i had which is totally ridiculous because i actually wrote like 3 in advance and didn't even post them. so i'm gonna just time them to post then i'll look into this new challenge i've been issued. i may not be a timely mofo, but i am a finisher. and if i say i'ma do something. i'ma do it.

and yes i know the manfive's have been on the cusp of #100 for like half a year. i again, suck. i acknowledge that at the beginning of this post. what else do you want from me blood?...

anyway this is just an update. i'm coming back y'all i really am. with a vengeance. and it's gonna be better than Spartacus: vengeance cause that season sucked donkey balls and i really mean it.