Thursday, June 24, 2010

beam me somewhere scottie..

  June Challenge (day #24)

i really do need a vacation, but i'm limited to places i can drive to, due to my absolute fear of flying. it didn't use to be that way. i use to be everywhere doing everything. then one day i had a dream. i kinda blame sleeper cell (the series)...

i was in this plane, with various people i knew..just walking around. it was kinda a soul plane/flight plan feel. people we're partying, talking, & relaxing in this giant ass plane. then all of a sudden..things just start going very wrong. the plane starts shaking. the flight attendants start running to their seat. everyone is just looking around like, "what's happening". the plane is now normal size. everyone is seated. noises start coming from no where. first, loud popping, then thumping, then it sounds like the engine just completely dies or just fall out the plane. the lights flicker. a fire starts. and i watch people i know, love, just burn alive in front of my face. i start to feel my skin burn. like actually peel off my bones. it is incredibly awful and very slow. i honestly feel my life easing out of my body as the plane starts falling apart around me, people flying all over the place. i can feel the plane on it's way down and just before it crashes the entire vision goes white...as i am completely convinced i am dead. like..not seeing God dead. but like 2 secs away from that. that's the sleeper cell part..cause at the end of the series when the bomb goes off in the dinner..that's the white i saw. just like the ultimate end to everything i could ever know.

to you it may seem silly. but to me it's realer than half the shit that goes on around me to me. the last time i attempted to get on a plane, i froze. i got to the airport and i could feel my heart stop as i walked inside. i calmed down got through security, and waited for the plane. and as i watched the people board i got sick as hell and ran into the bathroom. i missed that flight. but was determined to get on the next one. i psyched myself up again, sitting in a dirty ass stall..dreading what in my mind i was telling myself to do. i missed another flight. when i finally got on a flight. i walked in and was freaked out beyond belief. i swear some of the bystanders in my dream..were on the flight. i literally starting having a final destination moment. where i started noticing people and things..like i had been there before. shit start flashing in my head that looked so familiar that i swore on everything that i was going to die if i stayed on that plane. so i started freaking the fuck out. people i was texting on the phone were going crazy. i had one person telling me to stick it out. and about 5 telling me to get my ass off the plane. i was hyper ventilating, screaming "get me off this plane..". it got so bad they escorted my ass off and into a room.

that's just a summary..the whole ordeal was much longer & much worse. but it's just a small clue into why i can't do the plane thing. at least not right now. but i NEED a vacation. and i mean a real...secluded no one bothering me vacation. wish i could teleport or some shit.

*sigh*

9 comments:

xxxx said...

well good thing you have plenty of states to choose from in this nation..drive somewhere.. but i understand your fear, when you are scared of something there is nothing anyone can do to convince you that "its okay"

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

Wow...I used to have a fear of flying but it was because I'd never been on a plane before and all that I used to see on the news were situations about planes crashing (maybe I was overreacting then but you couldn't pay me to fly)...well one day I HAD to fly....there was no way I could get out of it and yes I was scared shitless but now you can't pay me to drive (long roadtrips & I'm like HELL NO lol)...it's just going to take time for you to get over that fear. Until then, do what makes you comfortable. I see you mentioning being in FL sometimes; drive to Miami and take a weekend cruise to the Bahamas. They are THE best mini-vacays! If I could cruise there every weekend, I would.

Isis said...

damn...i'm so sorry dude!

if you're cool with boats & waters, drive to somewhere that you can go on a cruise from...cruises can be the best vacations cuz everything you need in life is on that boat...you can be totally social if you want, or be a total recluse...and i find the rocking of the boat to be really soothing.

i have been on planes since i was a baby...flying by myself since i was a kid...never had issues til 9-11...i wouldn't say i'm scared to fly, but now i have a very fatalistic attitude towards it. i always think about how i could die...and it's not just planes, it's airports...so i have an aversion to flying or going to airports.

DaBossBitch said...

Awww... I really feel bad for you. I'm not normally a very empathetic person but I really do feel for you with that. ITA with Starrla, try a cruise.

Ashley said...

To this day I'm still mad at you for all that shit you went through that day and completely ignored the 5 people who cared texting you telling you to stop and listening to the 1 that should have been the *most* understanding. Majority wins duh lol. Because of that you will never fully regain your "wise guy" status lol. And secondly, my offer still stands to try and fly that 25 minute flight we talked about. Just let me know if/when you want to cash it in. Please know I'm dead ass serious. #thatswhatfriendsarefor. I won't judge you and if you freak out I'll follow the #friendcode and act like it never happened lol. You gotta get it together though so we aren't eliminated from the Amazing Race before the show even starts because YOU can't make it to the starting line lol

sunshinestar110 said...

I use to have a fear of flying too until I had no choice because my sister was getting married in Jamaica! It took a lot out of me to step on that plane but once it took off i was fine...until we had to land but ever since then flying has been a breeze. You in Ga you got a lot of place to choose from its just going to be a challenge to find secluded..i guess...You know what it all makes since to me now why ur gf always comes to GA to visit and you never to DC..lol..

jazzyjaz said...

you and my brother he won't fly to save his life! needless to say his vacations options are on a minimal!! I'm sure u can find a place close by that will fulfill your need for time way...go to the spa or is that too girly for you?

Hershley's Sweet Kiss said...

wow scary!!! but good luck getting over your free in the future! if you really want to do something different just take a road trip with a love one. i just had a bad dream a couple mintues ago about my boyfriend leaving me with a rapist. i love my boo, but it was very creepy. I say it was from me watching the news before i went to bed...something about a serial rapist was on.

http://sweetkissmessage.blogspot.com/

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@xxxx: thank you. that's what i keep telling folks. it's not a "it'll be okay" thing for me. it's like who do you know? and i know that's the negative side of me coming out, but i'm saying. how do you know...?

@starrla monae: yea i go down to miami because that's the one place i can get my dudes to drive with me. i don't mind driving, i actually like it. and me and my boys get #yachtdopeboyfresh when we're down there. and keep saying when we get more time we'll actually take it out and really hit some locations.

@isis: yea i hate airports too. i hate anything that has to do with airplanes tho.

@dabossbitch: lol..thank you. and i'll probably cruise somewhere. just can't do cozemel or bahamas no more.

@ashley: yes i know & thank you. and trust..flying & swimming would get us eliminated right away because i couldn't even fake like i was gonna do it. ppl do crazy shit for money, but yanno i'd only go on a show to be a winner..fuck the money. so being a winner when you're scared isn't as appealing as being a millionare..lol

@sunshinestar110: yes, she comes and sees me. i've been saying i'm gonna attempt to get on a plane, but i just can't...

@jazzyjaz: a spa is absolutely TOO girly for me. i just hate GA isn't near water. a lot of beautiful places to go, but to actually relax the way i want to i need to get far far far far away..

@Hershley's Sweet Kiss: thank you, and thanks for the add & comment. i love road trips. and i've actually taken mini trips w/ my girlfriend. we'll drive to nearby states to go sightseeing, hiking shit like that. so i'm not STUCK in one place. but i went from flying EVERYWHERE to flying no where. and sometimes i just miss some of those spots.