June Challenge (day #24)
i really do need a vacation, but i'm limited to places i can drive to, due to my absolute fear of flying. it didn't use to be that way. i use to be everywhere doing everything. then one day i had a dream. i kinda blame sleeper cell (the series)...
i was in this plane, with various people i knew..just walking around. it was kinda a soul plane/flight plan feel. people we're partying, talking, & relaxing in this giant ass plane. then all of a sudden..things just start going very wrong. the plane starts shaking. the flight attendants start running to their seat. everyone is just looking around like, "what's happening". the plane is now normal size. everyone is seated. noises start coming from no where. first, loud popping, then thumping, then it sounds like the engine just completely dies or just fall out the plane. the lights flicker. a fire starts. and i watch people i know, love, just burn alive in front of my face. i start to feel my skin burn. like actually peel off my bones. it is incredibly awful and very slow. i honestly feel my life easing out of my body as the plane starts falling apart around me, people flying all over the place. i can feel the plane on it's way down and just before it crashes the entire vision goes white...as i am completely convinced i am dead. like..not seeing God dead. but like 2 secs away from that. that's the sleeper cell part..cause at the end of the series when the bomb goes off in the dinner..that's the white i saw. just like the ultimate end to everything i could ever know.
to you it may seem silly. but to me it's realer than half the shit that goes on around me to me. the last time i attempted to get on a plane, i froze. i got to the airport and i could feel my heart stop as i walked inside. i calmed down got through security, and waited for the plane. and as i watched the people board i got sick as hell and ran into the bathroom. i missed that flight. but was determined to get on the next one. i psyched myself up again, sitting in a dirty ass stall..dreading what in my mind i was telling myself to do. i missed another flight. when i finally got on a flight. i walked in and was freaked out beyond belief. i swear some of the bystanders in my dream..were on the flight. i literally starting having a final destination moment. where i started noticing people and things..like i had been there before. shit start flashing in my head that looked so familiar that i swore on everything that i was going to die if i stayed on that plane. so i started freaking the fuck out. people i was texting on the phone were going crazy. i had one person telling me to stick it out. and about 5 telling me to get my ass off the plane. i was hyper ventilating, screaming "get me off this plane..". it got so bad they escorted my ass off and into a room.
that's just a summary..the whole ordeal was much longer & much worse. but it's just a small clue into why i can't do the plane thing. at least not right now. but i NEED a vacation. and i mean a real...secluded no one bothering me vacation. wish i could teleport or some shit.