Friday, August 27, 2010

#twitterkills (thursday) friday 39...

i know it doesn't even sound i forgot yesterday was thursday. seriously it did not hit me till nothing was on tv last night. anyway. onto #twitterkills, better late than never right?..

this week's #twitterkills thursday friday 39 topic of internet death: #teamfollowback

now i have no problem with #teamfollowback. i think it's very noble that you follow everyone who follows you. i try my hardest to follow everyone who follows me too. i am also a @replier. what's the point of following if you don't ever @reply? just about everyone who appears on my timeline will get a @reply if i can think of something foolish enough to respond back with. my problem with #teamfollowback is they have to announce every fucking person they follow, one by one. so my timeline looks like this...

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @thediner
@goldenmind_: i'm so slizzard...bday in 2 days who gonna get me out of jail?
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @beanbagchairhead
@starrlamoane: you got one more time to look at me like you wanna do something
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @chickntheredcar
@beigebunnie: i walked in to work and all the girls were jocking *hair flip*
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @walnutsNyomouth
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @secrettiger
@alovelydai: ok, who stole my hotsauce?

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @aries392lover
@juiceboxbunny: this guy at work is on fire, should i hide the matches before i call 911?
@fireflyorison: i just bought a matching "booty pop" set for me & the boo thing, but he won't wear it =(
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @chickenheadfred
@shesgot2haveit: my bro @studiogenius is fucking awesome
@beautyserinity: @shesgot2haveit, @studiogenius is so i can't understand how one man could be so cool.
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #teamfollowback #yesifollow #followme

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: want to get as many followers as me? #teamfollowback
@shesgot2haveit: @beautyserinity we're so lucky he even associates with us. he is so awesome and amazing
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @1ofmany
@drrarepearl83: @beautyserinity i just happen to see you say @studiogenius was amazing. i agree 100% he's so super cool
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @yomamababydaddy
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @candyrainNEforever

@naturally1908: i just saw LLcoolJ lick his lips, omg *swoon*
@luvlymskrissy: i'm just now realizing that wasn't a tree that skeeted on my windshield this morning
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #teamfollowback #wehere #yeaaahfollowback

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #ifollowdeadpeople #ifollowblindpeople

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #followmeontwitter #teamfollowback

you get the picture?..annoying as fuck. i can't read all the other fuckery and compliments with all that shit cluttering my twitter timeline. i only load the last 100 tweets. and i rarely go back to check older shit. so within 30 minutes i've lost everything. #twitterdeath to that bullshit. please follow #twitterkiller 2.0. POW...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

just tired...

you ever get tired of smiling? like you give all your positive to everyone else, and it's never enough left for you when you're alone? that's how i feel.

i'm in a mood. not a bad mood. not a good mood. just an in between mood. i feel like ideally my life should be like this.

you treat people well, they treat you well in return.

you put $2.00 in the drink machine it gives you a soda and .75 cents back.

shit should just work how it's supposed to.

i'm suffering from a contagious condition...

i apologize. i know i've been sucking lately. i suck at commenting on YOUR blog. commenting on MY blog. updating MY blog. everything..

i promise to get better. i promise to do better.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

delicious love...

"can i taste your love? i bet it's delicious. i bet it's sweet, sweeter than your kisses. "

i think i'm addicted to you. i sit around feenin' for another hit. another kiss. another touch. another chance to look in your eyes. i want need i can't wait another hour, minute,'s like the more i'm without it the more incomplete i become. i need to re-up on you. i need see you, spend time, be close..

close enough to smell you. not your perfume, not your shampoo, not anything you're wearing. but to smell you. i need your essence to travel to my nostrils so i can breathe you. with each breath it makes my heart skip, my eyes close tightly. as if i'm stuck in a dream. a dream that may or not be true. see whenever i'm with you my reality is blurred. is this true? can't be, it's too good to be true. and when i pinch myself, i find myself fighting to keep my eyes closed. just in case. in case when i open them you're not here.

so i use my hands...i reach out. your skin against my fingertips wake up my senses. it's like i can see with my eyes closed. i can hear with my ears closed. i can taste with my mouth closed. it becomes second nature. i know your body like i constructed it myself. every inch, every curve, every indention. my hands glide like a sculptor tracing you, touching you, feeling if it's my last chance. and it is. it's my last chance in this moment. so forgive me if i linger here or there for a while. if my hands get stuck in one place. it's just that i can't get this moment back, so i want to make it last forever...and ever.

or at least till you can't take it anymore. as i open my eyes, slowly. one by one. making sure you're still here. i can't help but stare. readjust my eyes on you. you are so beautiful. yes, even with your clothes on. shirt wrinkled, head scarf on, my old jogging pants. i still see through to your center. your heart, your mind, your soul all send signals to me at one time. you feel that? that's me sending signals back to you. i call it "breath signals", because with every breath i take my soul is whispering "i love you". i hope you can hear it. if not, i'll whisper it in your ear. i'm not afraid to say it, i know it grows tiring. but i never know when i'll run out of chances to let you know. so i'll say it till it echos in the heavens in the sky. so you'll never forget, never doubt, never question...

i kiss your ear, your neck, your i trace "i - l- o - v - e  - y - o - u" down your arm. when i hold your hand an incredible warm feeling rushes over me. as i interlock my fingers with yours, i feel connected. i can feel what your thinking. i can feel that shiver that's running down your spine. it's like your playing tag, because now it's running down mine.

i want to kiss you. sorry for the thought blurting it's way out of my subconscious. but now that i've thought it into the moment, i can't help but want to. can i kiss you? can i taste your feels like i've been waiting all my life...for one kiss.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Dream Date..

so the question i asked..."what is your dream date?"..

i agree with all of your scenarios. to me it's not about money. even when i was a younger guy, it was all about making her smile. that's what's important to me when it comes to dating. making that other person smile. doing something that they enjoy.

i must admit i'm a simple guy. all the going out and the extravagant things are "trickin' " to me. those are the things you do when you're trying to impress someone you don't know. being an observant person...i try to find things people enjoy. i find more and more these days women (thankfully not many of you) equate "dream dates" to how much money is spent. and don't get me wrong. sometimes spending a little more. showing a little more effort is needed. i'm not saying all dates are budget dates. or free dates. or "at home" dates. i'm just saying that impressing someone you love..and that loves you doesn't require money.

it's all about paying attention. knowing her favorite flower or that she hates flowers. knowing her favorite food, color, song..etc. knowing the words that make her smile. the places she likes to be touched. the things that make her feel good. listening to her. it's all about focusing on that person. that's the main thing i've gotten from your comments. is that it's more about the person. it's more about having a good time with them. enjoying them. having chemistry.

women that i completely click with i could just sit and stare at all night. we could talk with our eyes. it doesn't get boring. whenever i'm with someone and they get bored it makes me question our connection. maybe i'm being harsh. but honestly. when i'm into someone..i don't get bored with them. you can always find excitement with people who excite you. so everything we do is exciting. everywhere we go is exciting. a dream date is a date with your dream person. the person you dream of. the person that you want to share your dreams with. the person who personifies that dream.

Friday, August 20, 2010

manfive friday #52

you ever walk in the room with your man and wonder, why he hell is he _______? fill in the blank with whatever crazy shit he may be doing at the moment.

this week's manfive friday #52 topic is: 5 things that women often wonder and don't understand about us.

there comes a time where the differences between the sexes is just too much to handle. like you completely start drawing a blank. simple things to us, that are second nature makes it look like we're sitting there with tin foil on her heads, painting flower petals orange, while balancing 4 plates : 3 cups : 1 platter: and 9 forks on our forearm. and when you go to ask us why....we're looking at you like, "what?...this is normal." here are five explanations to five instances that mystify women...

#5: video games...

moreso, why GROWN ass men are so into video games. it's safe to say you ladies with a man already know what happened this week. that's right the new Madden 11 was released. this is almost as big as HALO...meaning you will be ignored to no end. he will lie and say he's busy to play this shit. you could walk in the room, completely emitting off your body...and he won't budge. you can bring his mama in there and threaten to slit her throat. he will tell both of yall to move. why is this?...

because video games have been burned into our dna. this wasn't a problem before atari. like guys would actually be like, "why on earth would i ignore a sexy woman standing in front of play with little cartoon characters with other grown men?" and surprisingly they have a valid point. the reasons guys ignore you and continue to play their games is not because they don't want you...

it's because...

  • it's a competitive sport to us

    • we are competing. just like you wouldn't get in the middle of us when we were playing basketball with our boys. why are you walking in front of the tv? you see the headset? you see the game play manual? you see me talking shit?..i'm in the middle of an intense battle. stop playing for the other team and sit your ass down.
  •  it's an escape/alternate world from you
    • when we get tired of listening to you complain. when we are bored. when you're taking too long to get ready. when you're taking too long to get home so we can have sex. when you have asked us to do something...we will sit down and "do something" so you'll leave us alone. "not right now...i'm on world #849....."
  • it's a stress reliever
    •  you come home and get in the bathtub, sip on wine, complain to us about your entire day. this is what helps you. what helps us is to be alone. think time. concentration time. these strategic games work our logical side. it helps us relax. you bothering us while we are relaxing this way for sex. is the same way us jumping in the tub after you've had a long day at work when all you want to do is soak and we're looking's sex in the tub time. 
  • we've been doing it since we were little

    • it's a part of us. why do you want to do away with a part of us?
  • it's fun

    • i've already explained to you, how men think women are funstoppers. we just assume you want to stop our fun. so this is a way to stand up to you. we will play these video games..and there is nothing you can do about it...

#4:  why we try to holla, even after you've told us no..

so i'm sure most of you ladies have encountered this. you're walking down the street a guy grabs your hand or calls out for your attention. you're in a club and he buys you a drink, or comes up behind you and starts dancing. he walks up to you and ask for your number...and you politely ignore him, turn him down, or down right give him the "ugh" face. yet...he's still trying to get at you.

you might even give him the wrong number. and he whips out his cellphone and calls "kitty's house of beauty" while he's standing next to you. you tell him your name is keisha, but he ask you why your name tag says jacinta then. you can't even blow off dude like days of the past. dudes is like the cable guy. he is convinced you're gonna be his new baby stop playing.

what is it that makes dudes do this? it's a little bit of ego + a little bit of persistence + a whole lotta crazy. most guys think they are hot shit. meaning. even if they see you with another dude..they looking like, "why that fine chick with THAT dude?..." they'll even walk up to you with him and try to holla at you. before days of guns and would do this and just fight for a woman. these days, this is a quick way to get shot. just saying. you'd think it would prevent dudes from doing it these days....but it doesn't. his ego that he can pull you is too great. he also feels like if he keeps on coming he'll wear you down. almost like see he eventually got Laura right? persistence pays off. that is if you're not on stalker mode and chick calls the police. sometimes a woman will just give you her info or even go on a date so you'll just leave them alone.

go on a date so you'll leave them alone. sounds odd right? for some odd reason you ladies think if you give in, we'll give up. lol..yea..ok. the last piece of the equation "a lot of crazy" sometimes dudes is just crazy. almost like you won't tell someone with a gun "no". you can see the "crazy" in dudes eyes. you know if you lie about your name, number, etc..he's gonna do something off cuff. so you give him the info. and for about 2 months he's leaving messages on your voice mail about, "how you gonna do me like this?..why you aren't answering?..etc.." then you bump into his ass on the street again and he's like, "well well now....i've been calling you girl." and you'd think he got the point. but more than likely he's ready to pick right off where you left it..crazy. there really is no good explanation for this. just know dude is crazy.

#3: we have "weird things" we just do...

chicks don't ever understand why i just wash one hand after i piss. i tell them it's because i only used one hand. and they look at me like, W T F?..but seriously. i only used one hand. it's not that i have a problem washing my hands. because i wash my hands a lot. both of them. all the time. if i touch a doorknob that doesn't seem right...i'll wash my hands. if i sneeze. if someone else sneezes, i'll wash my hand. but if i'm at home. and i go take a leak....i'll walk right over to the faucet turn on the water, soap up the hand, lather it, wash it, and turn off the tap. yes it may be weird. you may not understand it. but it makes all the sense in the world to me. if your guy has a "weird" habit more than likely it's his "thing". he just does it. stop trying to understand it. especially if he already tried to explain it you. it does not have to make sense to you, to make sense to him. don't cut your eyes..just deal with it. it's part of me. i'm gonna do it.

#2: our grooming habits...

you ever wonder why a guy will walk around with a beard as long as a billy goat. or why he grows out his hair. why he insist on having pork chop sideburns. why he wears his shirts tucked in on the sides but not the front or back. it just make sense to him. it doesn't matter what you "think" looks better on him. to him, that's his style. it's almost like when a chick all of a sudden wants to "go natural". yall go through that "rough" stage. and we're looking at your head like...uh. then yall want to cut your shit off. and we're looking at your head like..uh. then you go get the diana ross. and we're looking at your head like..uh. you don't consult us before your "style changes". you might ask us if we like what you're wearing. but you don't consult us about your personal style. you don't let us know you're about to cut off all your eyebrows and draw them on. or that you've decided you don't like shaving your legs anymore. we can be totally surprised to pull back your clothes and see your landing strip is now a kid & play fade. you decide what you're gonna do with yourself. if we're going through a phase. let us go through our phase. maybe you wish we'd cut our hair. or groom our facial hair. wear our clothes different. whatever our fashion violation...remember you can be ticketed too.

#1: what's on our mind...

more than likely you have no clue. and honestly you shouldn't, because you'd probably be offended. men are simple creatures. you can pretty much see on our faces what we're thinking. so stop trying to delve deeper before we start thinking of shit to tell you. because i promise you if we think of some shit to tell's gonna be crazy. it might even be a lie if you've annoyed us enough.....

you: what are you thinking about?..
him: nothing
you: you sure?
him: yes...
you: it don't look like nothing
him: it's nothing..
you: okay..but it doesn't look like nothing
him: .......
you: you can tell me what you're thinking
him: i'm thinking i want to kill myself.
you: OMG, are you serious?
him: yes
you:since when?
him: since this conversation started...shit.

if a guy doesn't want to talk about what's on his mind. leave it alone. all you're gonna do is annoy him. if yall are having a strained conversation. and he's not going to "discuss" his issues. trust you are not about to extract the information from him. it is not for you to understand, because more than likely he doesn't even understand. we don't know why we don't feel like talking. we don't know why we get in some of the moods we have. it's not a "reason" all the time. we aren't being mad at you because you forgot to lift the toilet seat up. we aren't being short with you because you weren't buck naked when we got home from work. we aren't sitting there in a daze because we're wondering the state of our relationship. if we are uninterested in talking about it to you, it probably has NOTHING to do with you. i could be thinking to myself....i wish i had ate the other half of my chicken philly sub this morning. i could be thinking to myself....i shouldn't have worn these boxers because my nuts are out of control today. i could be thinking to myself that i wish you'd shut up so i can hear the football game. whatever the mood. my just sitting there. should not be taken as a "cause of alarm". trust me if i'm mad at you, i'll let that shit be known. men aren't the one's that sit around and say shit is alright waiting to pull your card and call you out. we give yall more warning than that.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

question time...

time to hit yall with another question.

Q. What is your idea of a dream date?  

we'll call this one research of a romantic. i'm very interested in what you'd consider a dream date. maybe you like an extravagant production. or you're spontaneous and like "on the go" fun. forget all the dates of your past. what is your dream date? what would leave you speechless?

my answer will follow in a follow up blog.

#twitterkills thursday 38

today's #twitterkills thursday topic of the week: tweeting on vacation. . .

i understand people's excitement about being someplace new. someplace exciting. being away from the stress of everyday life. and i enjoy fuckery tweets. tales of drunkenness. random mishaps. airport stories.

but when your vacation seems to never end. and every tweet is something about the city you're in. every tweet is about what you're doing there. every tweet is about where you're at. every tweet is name/location dropping. when it appears that you're doing an infomercial for the city...i can't co-sign that.

truth is. a vacation is just that. a vacation. i can deal with you being excited about spending a few days away from home. but when it turns from "new experience" to "i think i may live here". and you're acting like you're on a different planet or in a different country. when you're acting like it's the greatest place in the world. and now you think you might move there. and everything is, "this is great...this is wonderful....this is my kinda city". it gets annoying as fuck to see your tweets. it's like..yes we know you're in, "callamazoo". yes we know you love, "callamazoo". yes we know you're planning as we speak to move to, "callamazoo". but what happens when the vacation is over and it's time for you to live and work in "callamazoo"?

maybe because i never let the glitz and glamorous of tourist spots to get the best of me. so it annoys me when people go some place for a day or two and decide it's the best place in the world. like is your life that boring that a day in a new place will make you give up everything and move on a whim? maybe i just sense the "regret" tweets coming. or the "this isn't what i thought it would be" tweets. and that shit already seems annoying as fuck and it hasn't even happened yet. so for that...pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. a death for every day i've had to read a "on callamazoo's jock" tweet.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

sour balls...

no manfive (in case yall didn't notice)...sorry. pre-occupied. coming strong next week tho. promise.

for any of yall upset...suck on one of these sour balls.
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Thursday, August 12, 2010

#twitterkills thursday 37

been a while since i had a #twitterkills. actually it's only been a week. it just feels like forever when i skip a week. it makes my #twitterkill finger itch. who's getting "killed" today?

wally the fail whale. (no wally isn't his real name..i just needed a name that started with "w").

this week's #twitterkills thursday 37 topic is: no one can play...when twitter is away.

don't know if any of you noticed about a week ago, but twitter was severely down. if you had an app, the shit didn't work. i'm sure it had something to do with the api. but i'm saying how does some shit like that happen? like the damn api is down for a day or two and there is no mention of that shit anywhere. how do i know it was down? because randomly after a day of no "updates"..i actually got one and other people were saying, "something is wrong with twitter". some of you hardcore folks were steady still tweeting. but the people who rarely actually log onto twitter via web (this would be me) not being able to use my app meant no twitter for me.

all of this leads me to ask...what would we do if twitter just timed out today. no more twitter. what on earth....would we do? would we start back texting, calling, emailing each other? go back to AIM, Yahoo messenger, gchat, msn..etc. how many people would you lose touch with? would you miss the 100+ followers? wonder "what they were doing?..". twitter going down for a few days isn't a big, big, big, big, deal. it's just annoying and leads to extreme boredom. so twitter bird...i'ma about to make some bird stew.

aiming. finger on trigger. "tweet" "tweet" "tweet" *POW* ...

girl cars vs. boys cars...

some of you know i was complaining about my courtesy car yesterday. well...this (look to the left) is what they gave me.

the dude knew it was fucked up cause he kept trying to make excuses from the second i stepped in the door. he even hit me with, "are you ready to laugh" before he opened the door and revealed the car to me. now...i have a big suv. so to me..this is like a mattel toy car. not only that, it's a chick's car.

don't know the difference between a man's car and a woman's car? well let me break it down to you. a prius. a focus. a vw beetle. those are chick cars. i don't care how "save the earth you are". you are a girly man if you're driving any of those cars. a monte carlo. a ford 350 truck. a charger. those are dudes cars. just like wearing pants, ties, and cutting your hair short..women can get away with driving a man's car. such luck.

don't get me wrong. having something to get your from "a to b" is all that is important. but if you got a man who PICKED a prius, focus, or beetle...ask him what size dress he wears too. cause he's gonna be wearing your clothes just like he's driving your car. just saying...

i was horrified driving around in that cube. it's not the riding in part. it's the driving part. i can ride in a car like that. if a chick wants to chauffeur me around, cool. i just have no business DRIVING one. i was so glad to get my car back today.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

my glad to be home

so my mini vacation..was full of ups & downs.

(summary version)

the ups: 
  • spending time with my family
  • taking my son to the beach for the first time 
  • visiting relatives 
  • deltas turning the wedding reception into "stomp the yard 3" 
  • my son being so happy about the trip that he was sad when we made it back home

the downs:
  • my dad having me up till midnight only to tell me he'll be so late that we'll just leave the next morning at 6am
  • me being the chauffeur
  • not being prepared (my son's "outfit" was not together)
  • my son wanting to win the "baddest child in the store" award
  • it raining on the way to an "outside" wedding
  • my son trying his best to get a vacation whooping
  • my aunt deciding to come up to the wedding with no ride back home and wanted to intrude on her family fun and be our plus 1
(full of fuckery version)

so the trip was cool. it started off with me planning on driving at 9pm to me waiting up till after midnight only to find out that the "departure" time was going to be changed till 5:30 due to him being sleepy. yet, i was the only one slated to drive. so we get on the road. and everything is cool. we get there and get ready to go to the beach. only to find out that where we were staying..which was supposed to be by the beach...was 45 minutes away from an alabama beach. and 30 minutes away from an florida beach. so we traveled from ga to alabama then to florida to go to the beach. (*sidenote the wedding was in another city so why my dad thought it was a good idea to stay there - no idea - ).

so we get to pensacola. this is the first time he's been to the beach with me. he's gone previous with his mom's side of the family. but i don't think he really was old enough to take it in. so this really was his first trip to the beach. so we get there. and he's loving walking in the sand. in his socks & shoes. as soon as i look down and see he has them on i start to take them off..that's when "freaked out" hour begins. conversation goes like this:

me: we gotta take your shoes off...
mr. amazing: nOoOOoo
me: yes, you're gonna have sand all in your shoes
mr. amazing: nO, i don't wanna take my shoes off
me: you have to take your shoes off
mr. amazing: nO, I'm not gonna do it
me: yes, you are gonna do it..give me your shoes

he starts to cry. i take them off. he's standing there mad. so i pick him up and start walking towards the water.

mr. amazing: nO, what are you doing?
me: we're going in the water
mr. amazing: i don't wanna go in no water
me: it's fun, you'll see
mr. amazing: nO, it's not fun. i no wanna go in the water
me: we're going in the water

he starts to cry louder. it starts raining. oh it's just his tears and snot hitting my head. so i try to put his feet in the water to show him, "it's just water". he again is not feeling that. he's screaming like i am trying to murder him by drowning. so i back up and put him down on the sand. and he stays frozen, wanting me to come back, pick him up and walk him back to the car. so i take pictures of him looking all mad and sad. and we walk back to the parents & i thinking we've made a big mistake bringing him to beach and how we're gonna have to leave before we really even spent any time there. so we get back in the car. and he's like, "hey..where's my bucket?" referring to this bucket i bought him to play at the beach. so i tell him it's behind his seat, did he want to go play in the sand? he says yes. i ask, do you want to get in the water. he screams, nO. we drive down to the area with the tables which cost $8 damn dollars to park at. lady tells us, it allows us to come back in that area for a few days. and gives us a "beware of tarballs" from the oil in the gulf paper. we get out & walk towards the water. he has his bucket, it's looking like i can trick him. so i wait till we get close enough and tell him to fill it up with sand. once he does. i tell him to dump it out. and of course it just pours out. i then get the bucket walk over to the water and scoop sand and water up then dump it out to form a cone...

he's impressed. so then i tell him to do it. and it takes a minute but he starts going closer and closer..until finally he gets into the water. and he enjoys it. and won't let us leave. ironically enough this is the time we discover our first tar at this point we're thinking maybe his ass shouldn't be in the we stay out there a few more hours and he is no officially covered in sand from head to toe. so i go over to wash off..try to get him to come wash off. he doesn't want to. so his sandy ass...gets in my car and drops about a pound of sand in his booster seat & all over the back of my car. pretty much it for the night cept we go to a mexican restaurant and they serve us drinks with no alcohol in them...yes. screw face. they couldn't make anything but margaritas. although they handed me their "drink" list. and had on their menu..."ask for our drink menu". they couldn't make the other 70 drink choices...just lime, strawberry, or mango margaritas. and they had NO alcohol in them. i keep stressing that because we are not romper room kids. we ordered the drinks for the alcohol.

we go back to the hotel, sober & tired. we go to sleep. around 1-2 am...i feel something in my face. it's my son he has gotten in the bed with me. so i'm thinking...uh ok. so lay there until he takes over the bed (like usual). and i get up and get into his bed. 30 minutes later i feel him in my face again. so i figure he must be scared since we aren't at home. so i deal with dude taking 95% of the bed away from me. we get up. get breakfast. go visit some relatives that live in the area. then i say i need to go get him something to wear because his pants we're too small, and he took his vest out of the bag. so i go into kohls. he walks in...goes straight to the toys. nightmare begins. i find some pants, but he's so skinny (cause all he eats is pedisure...) that i have to make sure his pants fit. so i find a shirt too. try to take him to the dressing room. we get in there, things are going fine. he puts on the clothes. it looks nice. it fits. great. he then starts to try to rip the shirt open superman style and tell me "he not trying on no clothes". i tell him...we're about to take them off..and he's saying, "i want pooh & piglet" (winnie the pooh & piglet). so i tell him i'll get him one of those.

mr. amazing: nO, i want a pooh & piglet.
me: well you can only get one
mr. amazing: only get one? aww man

i start to take off his pants and notice the button on them is broken. i go to find another pair..of course they don't have them in his size. i find some more khaki pants, in his size, different brand. and head back to the dressing room to make sure those fit. here comes drama. this dude lays in the middle of the floor. starts spitting, kicking, spinning around...saying, "no daddy...i don't wanna try on no clothes". so i'm like, "listen we're just gonna try this pants on real quick then we'll get piglet. he informs me he don't want piglet cause he doesn't intend on trying shit on. he didn't say that..but his look and his actions screamed that. so i grab him to take him in the dressing room. and he stretches his body out to block me from entering in the doorway. everyone is looking at me like, "ha ha my child is acting better than yours". which at this point, damien, the exorcist chick, and the little girl from orphan would have been acting better than my son. i felt like grabbing some bottled water, praying over it, and throwing it on his ass. i decide to just get him, the clothes, and get out of there. we walk towards the register..and you know he had the nerve to say.."hey, what about my toy...". i looked at him. he looked at me. then he goes runs back to the toy section. right now i am so pissed off. it's like i felt like calling his mom and saying, "come spank his ass". since i really don't spank him. i kept telling myself, i can't let my first spanking to be over some clothes. i just kept repeating that shit to myself. he doesn't want pooh he only wants piglet. and of course there are no piglets left. so he grabs some sesame street plastic figures for $15...i put that shit back down and tell him to choose again. he keeps walking up to the craziest shit talking about, "this one?"..."this one?"..."this one?". he picks up a puzzle set. so i'm like...find something else. he finally decides on a car/bob the builder toy. so we walk to the front. get that.

get back to the hotel. i try to make him try on the pants since the wedding is in a few hours. he is screaming, running around, and trying to rip off the clothes again. i put them on him anyway and the pants are too big. so big i could fit another him in front of him in them. this mixed with the fact that he was acting like a monster. was not helping me. so i took off the clothes. he grabbed his shorts and i ushered him to my parent's room and told her i had to go back to the store..but couldn't take him with me. he ask me for his toy. and i just let the door close behind me. in his face. dude....

i get back there and see they have pants similar to the first pair i tried on him but in black. i get those. i see they have them in regular & slim. so i get both and a belt. i'm wasn't coming back to that store...i get back to the room, dreading the worse. get him from my parents room. and he's like, "hey daddy...where have you been? do you have my pants?".  i'm looking around like what the hell have you done to this child? cause that's not the same one i dropped off earlier. he tries on the pants. the slim, fit. it's awful you gotta buy 3 pair of pants to figure out your child is a damn "slim". that notation has definitely been made tho. his ass actually says, "i look nice...thank you daddy". yes, i become a sucker and gave him his damn toy. we get dressed...and head to the wedding.

which was cool. cept on the way my mom tells me it's gonna be outside. why she thought that was "last minute" info, i don't know. i don't know about yall...but as a man dressing up for the outside is different then dressing up for the inside. suit jackets...are still jackets. and it's HOT as hell outside. also the fact that 10 minutes into the drive it starts pouring down rain. so we get one is outside, which is a good sign. we get in there and we're late. and there are no seats. after waiting a few minutes. and giving up the seats that became available to the women walking in behind us. we finally sat down and the wedding was cool..the preacher was not. and the craziest shit. the preacher was my mom's ex boyfriend. yes. random. even more random. my mom's ex-boyfriend who grew up in the boonies with my dad. how it was even possible for both of them know idea. but i was convinced it was one of those things that you don't try to understand. he sucked as a preacher. no, not just because he used to date my mom and was not m dad. but he kept forgetting the brides name like 4 times. the oddest part about that, he knows her. she works for him. so it's like is wrong with you? my dad was my mom being there that was making him nervous. he was trying to "impress her". that wasn't true, i hope....but it was funny.

get past the wedding. to the reception. and bride & her delta soror sisters take over. maybe because i was older when i got married. i wasn't fresh out of college. i wasn't still hanging out with my frat brothers like that. maybe i just didn't get why you had to have your whole line as your bridesmaid. they had 20 bridesmaids & groomsmen. do you know how many dudes i'd have to call up for favors to get them to be in my wedding? i'm surprised i wasn't asked to be in it, my dad wasn't asked, my son...shit. how do you get all those guys to buy tuxes, and agree to be in your wedding?..seriously? i know it's easy to get chicks. but dudes? come's not like he pledged so it wasn't a frat/soror thing. it was a him/ marrying a delta. thing. and after they serenaded her...we watched him break out into a delta "back that ass up" rendition. they honestly backed that ass up led by the bride in her wedding dress. circled the room throwing bows, "oo ooping", dropping it. i mean every dude in the room had his phone, camera out like it was freaknik.

yall think i'm joking. yall want me to post the video? anyway it was good to see all those educated black women in one room. i swear it was at least 80, black women...single. between the age of 23-27. if we weren't out of town i would have had all my dudes there because that was unbelievable. ratio women to men..10:1. no subtract out all the old men. all the little boys. the ratio was 25:1. that is right. there were 25 chicks to each guy there. wedding crashing will become an epidemic if dudes honestly understood that.

at the wedding my aunt informs us she rode up to the wedding with no way back home and wanted to ride back to us. we leave the wedding. get back to the hotel where i am forced to have another night of sharing the bed with the bed hog. then we get up and he starts tripping again. he don't wanna get dressed. he don't wanna put on his socks. i just pack his shit up. my dad knocks on the door and informs me the elevator is broken. he has his bag. i have my bag with mine & my son's stuff. and then there was my mom's 5 bags. who took down 6 or my dad? real quick...guess. we go to pick up my aunt. she was staying at least 30 minutes the other way. to wrap up an already long story. we get to my parents house. and my son starts crying. he doesn't want the trip to be over. he wants to go back to the beach. it made me feel good he had a great time & he didn't want it to end. but the fact that now his ass is refusing to get out the car....was testing my religion.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

welp, guess what time it is..

you'll have to excuse me. there will be no #twitterkills or manfive this week because i will be on vacation. not an actual.."YAY.. i'm on vacation". but a change of scenery.

my cousin is getting married this weekend. and me, my son, & my parents are about to hop in the car in a few hours (yes it's 10:31pm...) and ride out. we always leave late as hell due to my dad not finishing his rounds (he's a doctor) till later. which tonight is looking like midnight. and of course i'm driving. yes, the one with the eye problems who doesn't wear their glasses nor sleep more than 3 hours a night. pray...

anyway. we're gonna hit the beach up tomorrow. then visit with family. then hit the wedding saturday. and just chill out. so i'm gonna make the best of this mini vacation that's not really a vacation and try to enjoy myself. i have a strange feeling, it's gonna leave me longing for real vacation, but eh...only time will tell.

check out my tweets from the streets to see all the boring, non fuckery..i plan to NOT get into. how much fuckery can exist with your parents and a 4 y/o around? wait...the wedding will be full of drunk relatives. so maybe fuckery will be had. again...only time will tell.

question for my ex...

Q. if you could ask your ex "1" question..what would it be & why?

my a question i felt still needs to be answered. surprisingly alovelydai, chose as her same question. simply...

"are you happy?"

now my reason for asking may differ. but nevertheless, that's the one burning question i have not just for my last ex, but for most of them. my reasoning behind it..because i feel like going through all the drama, hurt feelings, the misdealing, etc...are you at least happy now?

after you've broken my heart. detoured my dreams. left me when i was down. you should at least be happy right? after you dug up my yard, trampled my flowers, and killed my grass...the grass on the other side should at least be greener, right? i know you're standing in your glass house admiring the shards of glass you've left from all your stone throwing. there's no way someone has shattered yours, right? to me..karma is a bitch, with your name tatted on on her "to-do list". it ain't my job to wish bad shit on you...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

question time..

since last week question got yall involved. i'm gonna hit yall with another one this week. . .

Q. if you could ask your ex "1" question..what would it be & why?

my answer will follow in a follow-up blog.

love trails. . .

hello out there in blog land...i'm enjoying hitting the blog up randomly instead of just showing up on thursdays & fridays. reminds me of the days i used to have a journal. well..i still have one. some of yall probably saying, "yea got one, you're never on..only reason i read your blog".. (shout out to isis, mo & kita.."i'm sorry" lol)

but i used to write all my little feelings on there. it was really the first medium other than my music where i could just really pour out how i was feeling. and it's like..if i felt people were gonna judge me i'd just filter or cut their ass from my friends list. it got to a point where i had a good core of people who i'd even consider friends. like i could honestly hang out and be cool with. it's weird cause i started it in like 2002. so i've known a lot of them for like 8 years and shit..and i literally watched a lot of them transition from college to tax paying individuals with real jobs and shit. i also grew up. my life started really coming alive..i transitioned from a computer engineer who "made beats" in my spare time to someone who flipped a dream and started living it. that's why i hate the term, "make beats" cause that's some elementary shit to me. i made a career out of a dream and a lot of them were there for that. a lot of them remember all my complaining, all my excitement, all my good times & my bad one's too. they also remember my love trails.

yanno. anyone who has a blog, journal, status, profile..whatever..knows when you're in a "love" or in "like" you share that with the world like it's the best shit ever. i mean i guess i'm just a love-a-holic. i never tire of sharing feelings of "love", "lust", "like" (yes in that order..). i'd literally find a sea shell and scream

I LOVE YOU "*****"

because that's what love does to me. it excites me. it gives me life. and if i'm in the moment/season with you then i'm convinced that you could be the one that changes my life forever. not on some naive shit. but honestly when i get with someone i go hard. like my girl epitome says.."i go hard in the paint..." for love. yall think this is some shit i've matured into. but honestly i've always been a fiend for love. and my love trails are littered with heartfelt confessions of love & disappointment. seriously. i'm sure if any of the above mention journal followers comment they can tell you about this chick, that chick, the crazy chick, the young chick..etc.

because that's one thing i'm really open about. to me love isn't something you hide. and if you judge me for failing in love..i hope you've been happily married for 52 years..if not you can kiss the underside of my left nut after i finished running my 5 miles bee-itch. that's why i make no apologies. i loved-lust-liked who i loved-lust-liked, for the reason i stated in that moment/season. the expression of love was pure and genuine. and most chicks i've dated...even if they hated me after we split. they know if anything i was always upfront and genuine about my feelings. but sometimes i wonder..what does my trail say about me?

like if a chick i was talking to were to go back in my archive would she get jealous? after all it didn't work out right?...but i'll be honest if i were to get back into her archive.. i'd probably get jealous too. probably compare her feelings for another to her feelings for me? it's only natural right? if she was head over heels for another dude. if she gave him things she doesn't give me. if she felt things she doesn't feel for me. would that bother me? shoe on the other foot...would she look at my past love confessions as me loving everyone hard..and it being nothing to love her that way? do you ever think about that? like the things you say..the love you confess for "that one"..that is so strong in the moment/season but then it fades. but it's still strong as baby's diaper left under your bed...those words "i'll never love someone the way i love her/him" you know how that would rip out some one's heart you said the same thing to? could they see past that? could they believe you?...never thought about that, huh?

the way i see see the beginnings of my relationship. you see it blossom. i don't just talk about the good. i don't just talk about the bad. i talk about thinking about her so much it drives me crazy during the day because i'm not talking to her. i talk about missing her so much, i check my voicemail just to hear her voice. i talk about loving her so much that i feel incomplete with her. i talk about being pissed off, frustrated, mad, wanting to cuss her ass out. i talk about what i did that was wrong...what she did wrong...what i THINK we did wrong. i talk about the demise. if anything you will feel my heart being ripped out and tossed in the trash. because i don't take losing love easily. i guess what i'm trying to say is...when i get a "new one" you see me being resuscitated. you see me coming from that dark place into the light. and loving that woman for showing me the light. for showing me love again. it's never the same love. i don't look for the same love. i always want better. i always expect better. i always need better.

one thing i want the chick who's with me, who reads all my confessions. who follows all my love UNDERSTANDING...i want her to know how hard it is for me to love. yea, it may seem like it was easy. i may seem like the type who "just loves easily". but it's hard. from where i've's hard. and i want you to know that. i don't want to keep that shit from you. i want you to know me. i want you to know all my love, hate, pain, when i tell you i love you. you know how hard it is for me to say it after saying..."i don't EVER wanna love anyone again..". and when i look you in the eyes..and tell you that you are the only woman i ever want to be with. you're the woman i want to share my last of everything with: kiss, hug, laugh, moment, breath..

i want you to know it's hasn't been easy. it hasn't been easy, finding you....waiting on you. but now that i have you. i'm gonna do any & everything to do it. and hopefully at the end of my love trail with you, is a dead end.