Friday, February 25, 2011

manfive friday #69

i always find it weird that, some of you think it's uncommon for a man to express how he feels. a lot of you say it's refreshing to know men, "have feelings too". to know that we can feel more than just lust. to know we can say, "i love you" first. to know you're not alone in your "i'm so into you" stage. truth is, a lot of men are just too scared to say how they feel. or they aren't used to conveying it into words. you ever had this conversation...

you: you love me?

him: yea

you: how much?

him: a lot

you: how much a lot...

him: a lot

manfive friday topic of the week: 5 ways he's saying i love you, without saying: "i love you"


you know he loves you, but you want him to be able to express it to you more. you want to be sure of how he feels. because, "a lot", leaves much to be desired. so i'm gonna give you ladies 5 ways guys express their love to you without saying a word.

#5:they do things for you...

yanno how i say women do all the things you love in the beginning of the relationship to snag you. like they do all the fantastic ass shit that you love. they do all that extra shit to make you smile or feel better. well guys do this same thing, but we wait till we have feelings for you before we start being all considerate. we'll get up at 2am after you told us "not tonight" to drive all the way to your place to kill the spider in your bathroom. we'll go to that tyler perry movie, without putting up a fight. we'll pick up flowers, little gifts, & personal items from the store for you.

i'm not talking about tricking off money. i'm talking about doing & giving you things because they make you happy. best way to show a woman you love her, is to show her you want to make her happy. yes, you'll complain about the other 8, 999,999 things he doesn't do.but even you gotta admit him buying you tampons at 3am is on a whole other level of "extra shit".

#4: they're jealous...

now let me clarify because like i said men don't get jealous. we get mad, upset, angry....and you ladies know this, because you exploit it the fullest. it's one of your oldest tricks in the book. to make a man realize what he has, yall show us. and yall show us well. a woman will get herself together to go out with her girls. and you look at her and think...ok, 2 minutes ago you were sitting there in my sweat pants, a durag, and mud mask on your face..and now you hallllllle berrrrrry, hallllllle berrrrrry. now i'm not suggesting the man who is jumping out your bushes when you're talking to the mailman accusing you of cheating. i'm saying, when he gets his feelings hurt you going out without him. or that you're spending the night with your girls. or he thinks you look nice and want to know where the hell you're going to looking like that....

that's a love sign. he love you girl. that's why he calling your phone 3 times by mistake, after you just talked to him 10 minutes ago.

#3: he notices...

women always complain about men not noticing a new hairstyle, a new dress, a change up in style. not acknowledging the handwritten messages written on cards or gifts. women are so hardwired to think we don't care that you get surprised when we do. i notice everything. i can tell you what my chick wore the first time i saw her. i can tell you what she wore the last time i saw her. i notice when she's upset or in a bad mood. it's little things that say the most about a person. and little things that show a person you care. if he pays attention to detail. if he thanks you for the new bar of soap you put in the shower because you saw he was bathing with a sliver of glycerin. if he noticed you cooked him 4 pieces of bacon this morning instead of two. if he noticed the note you put in his pocket before he got outside the door to the car. he's paying attention. and you know most of us men have ADD so if he's paying attention, it means he's truly in love.

#2: he deals with your family, friends, exes...

truth is most guys don't care about your friends. could give a fuck about your exes. and only deal with your family, because it's your family. but believe me when i say, it takes a lot. most times your friends are going to be okay. i say ok, because unless they are friends your guy would have himself...he's not going to be as in love w/ them as you are...probably never. but there is always that one friend who is like your best friend. and has heard some awful fucked up shit about him, that you told her during your vent session. and now she hates him. but she loves you. and every time she's around, even though she may try to be civil. that hate just fills the room like an elephant in an elevator. yet, he still lets her come places with yall. he'll still invite her to things parties he has for you. he still recognizes she is important in your life so he deals with her dislike for him, for you. that's love.

same thing if you got a child with your ex. and he doesn't go and beat the shit out of him every time dude makes you mad or starts acting foul with your kid. he respects you enough to let you handle your business with dude. you loves you.

and for all yall who got them mothers, sisters, cousins..etc.. that hate your man. don't want his ass to come to nothing. don't think he's "good enough" for you and says it every time he's around. if that man still comes around. if he's still there for you, around your family. he loves you.

it's very hard dealing with other people in some one's life. and a lesser man. or a man with lesser interest will say fuck you & your mama.

#1: he let's you stay over and you're on your period..

i've said this before. and i'll say this again. sometimes it's not even about the sex. it's the fact that some of you ladies act like Cujo on steroids on your period. and it's just not a good look. yall are moody, in pain, and um..messing up sheets and shit. a dude who isn't just about the sex, and is cuddling the snuggling the hell out of you loves you. make no mistake about it.  


Friday, February 4, 2011

manfive friday #68

So it's your "natural hair" anniversary. and you're super excited. you've made it a whole year, without a perm. you've made it a whole year, without straightening or conforming to what "society" deems as the standard. you're about to chop your hair, or you've bought your 738 hair product. 

all your girl-friends are excited and happy for you. y'all fist bumping, pumping and dapping. you come home and you man is looking at you like you just walked out a cartoon with a cat on your head. 

manfive friday #68 topic of the week: 5 reasons why men aren't impressed by your natural hair journey.

now i touched on this subject once before. it was more of a rant and more of my personal feelings towards the subject. i got the idea for this manfive from a tweetversation i had the other day with my girl @naturally1908. she has a natural hair blog, and she was saying how this guy just came through being all rude & disrespectful. and i agree the things he said were both rude & disrespectful. but i don't think you ladies get how men honestly feel about your natural hair. i mean there are a lot of ignorant guys out there. saying, "i prefer weaves.." is stupid. but there are a few reasons why men don't like your natural hair..wanna hear the reasons? let's go....

#5: you don't consult us

yea it's your hair. and yes, it's your decision what you do to it. but about 95% of you women who choose to go natural, do so without asking your dude if that's something he's cool with. you ask your girl-friends. they all know like months, weeks, days before you make your final decision. when does he find out? when y'all about to go out and your hair pulled back in a bun or ponytail. and he's looking like, "aren't you gonna do your hair" and you announce it's as done as it's gonna get cause you're going natural. now i know what y'all are thinking, "why does it matter if he likes it or not..?"

imagine i decide i'm gonna shave a line down the middle of my head. just a all over part. about 4 inches wide. and i just show up to pick you up and that's what's going on with my head. and i tell you, "well it's my hair..and i've decided to wear it like this..". yea, ok. i'm waiting for the 4 liars that are gonna comment and say you wouldn't mind that shit. it's not about permission, it's about input. you care what your girls think, why not give us the option to discuss it first? not like we gonna go in depth and shit. just mention it. "i'm thinking about going natural". we'll probably be like, "ok". that's it. but at least it's a warning.   

#4:  the reasons....

"the reasons that here, the reasons that we fear our feelings won't disappear...ooh and, after the hair game has been played, all our illusions are just are a parade, and all our reasons start to fade..." -earth wind & fire/unpretentious narcissist remix of "reasons"
women state they are going natural for a million reasons. but more times then not, i call bullshit. don't get me wrong, i truly believe there are women who go natural for the betterment of their hair. some of y'all do it to protect it from the harsh chemicals, the heat, or to make a statement. but a lot of y'all, are just going with the trend. y'all the same one's talking shit about chicks with natural hair 2 months ago, now y'all transitioning. so yea, we looking at your weave wearing, just got a perm 3 months ago, all your friends are natural now you want to be ass like..."yea, ok". if your reasons don't match up to this sudden urge, *jay-z voice*  "we don't believe you, you need more people". 

#3: we have no idea what you mean by natural hair..or we just don't care..

a lot of times, you women think we are more in-tuned with what is going on in your world. meaning we know what's hot in the streets for ladies now a days. you might walk in talking about you going natural, and he may think you're talking about wearing  beige or tan clothes. you may mention it while y'all about to get into it, and he think you talking about shaving your lady hair.
a lot of guys don't understand or realize what you mean by natural hair. a lot of you ladies already have natural hair and we don't even know it. a lot of y'all are straightening your hair. or wearing it short, and it's not what we "think" of when we "think" of natural hair. so yea, shit that we don't know/understand about..we tend not to like.

you being on your periods = we don't like
you going out with your girls all the time = we don't like
why y'all can't cook & clean for us naked = we don't like

see how that works? if we don't quite get the gist of it...we don't like it.

#2: your choice of natural hair style..

natural hair styles are not universal. just like everyone can't rock a electric blue wig. or blond weave. or a bald head. what makes you think the style your home girl has is gonna look good on you. i think this is one of the main reasons why men don't like natural hair. i won't say natural hair isn't for everyone. i'll just say that certain styles aren't for everyone. not every chick was made to rock an afro. or twist. or dreads. or a fade. some women look amazing with short hair. some chicks look like dudes. please, choose wisely. please consult an expert. please see other chicks with your same facial features. cause once you chop it and make that commitment, both of us got to live with it. so don't think ill of me, if i sleep with your chopped hair in a satin pillowcase under my pillow, you're the one who left it on the floor at the beauty shop.

#1: it becomes your life..

you won't shut up about it. i swear that's why i hate it. if it's not obsession over beauty products. it's obsession over a style. obsession over getting the style right. obsession over everyone else with it. obsession over knowledge on it. yes, ok i now know the history of natural hair. so what do i win? do i get $100, a trophy, or even a cookie? no...all i get is to listen to it some more. great....

men don't hate natural hair..we hate YOU with natural hair! because you get obsessed over it like a sports team. like.."see my hair, yesterday 1/4 of it was 3/4 is curly..". um ok, it looks exactly the same as it did yesterday. in fact it looks exactly the same as it did 2 months ago. in fact..i'm forgetting exactly what your hair looked like before, but for some reason i remember it looking does right now.

i admit maybe natural hair is a chick thing. even though most of us men have had natural hair a lot longer than you. you don't hi-five us and tell us how great our hair looks. in fact most times, you want us to cut it. cause yanno...most of y'all hate us "curly headed hoes" (what i've been affectionately nicknamed). but that's neither here or there.

what i want you ladies to understand, it's not really personal. we're not trying to rain on your parade. if your proud & happy..i'm happy for you. if you like it, i like it. well that may not be true. lol.....but if you're happy with it, then more power to you. just know when you're going through your natural hair journey..either allow/help us to pack a bag to go along with you or deal with our negativity of being dragged along for the ride.