#twitterkills thursday 46

been a while since, i did a #twitterkill.

#twitterkills thursday 46 topic of the week: don't follow me: girlfriend/boyfriend edition

this one is dedicated to ppl who don't follow their girlfriend/boyfriends on twitter. i know..."it complicates things.."

only if you're hiding shit.

maybe i'm just a man scorned. but, i was in a relationship with someone who got on a social network, and pretty much let everyone but me know she was seeing someone else. why didn't i know? um..because i trusted her. not saying, you can't trust girlfriends/boyfriends on social networks. what i'm saying is...if you're in a relationship you shouldn't have private shit.

ok, i know i lost some of yall. but i'm saying. i'm not saying you shouldn't have privacy. or that your other half should stalk your shit. what i am saying is, if i wanna see your timeline, facebook, myspace on any given day..there shouldn't be a problem. if there is a problem, then that is a red flag. if i can't follow you, then that is a red flag. if your family follows you. your offline friends follow you. you co-workers follow you. but there is a problem if i follow you, then that is a red flag.

point of this rant?..men know what i'm talking about. a woman will be all in our stuff. on our twitter. on our facebook. she knows your top 20 myspace friends. she's even been to their pages. she'll be in your email. she'll go through your phone. she checks your bookmarks on your browser. she even unravels your receipts and looks at what you ordered from mcdonalds (her: "why you order 2 big macs?"..you: "um..i was hungry?"). women check any interaction you have with other people. men, don't really do this...yet, women feel like their privacy is above question. if i ask my chick a question about any of her friends, her twitter/facebook, etc....i get a screw face.

hmmm...*pulling out my snowgun*....*pointing it at you* ....*freeze*

#twitterkill me for no manfive..

i didnt forget yall..just been a stressful week. will return to my bloggly schedule soon.

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#twitterkills thursday 45

shake dem hater tweeters off...this #twitterkills is dedicated to folks on twitter that take jabs at you but don't talk directly to you.

this week's #twitterkills thursday topic of the week: i want everyone to know i hate you...

it pains me to make this #twitterkill. but it must be done. believe it or not..it's people who take their emotional battles to twitter. they let their bitterness get the best of them. and when they see someone else tweet your name, they can't help but take a jab at you. like it angers them to see your name. so they have to say some out the way shit, just cause. it soothes that stinging feeling they get every time someone else likes you.

example of a twitter jabber:

@goldenmind_: @studiogenius i loved that blog yesterday...
@studiogenius: thanks..i appreciate that
@twitterjabber: @goldenmind_ he gets his blogs off the back of cereal boxes...please don't be impressed
@goldenmind_: lol @twitterjabber, a cereal box..really?
@sheangel1019: @studiogenius congrats on your football game, how many touchdowns did you score?
@twitterjabber: @sheangel1019 none, he sucks. he probably lost the game for his team.
@sheangel1019: @twitterjabber, that's kinda harsh..he sucks? sucks what exactly? lol
@nvfreckles: @studiogenius  so you think you're a champion scrabbler huh?
@studiogenius: i am the champion of champions...lol
@twitterjabber: @nvfreckles champion? he can't even spell champion.


it doesn't matter the subject. it doesn't matter the person. they won't miss a chance  to hate on you. or to make someone else think less of you, because they don't like you. my question is, why are you following me..if you don't like me? why if i'm not responding to you, are you "jabbing" me? you think other people will think i'm a loser, but honestly you're the one who looks like a loser. jabbing, without reason. jabbing when no one was addressing you..makes you look like you're checking for me. not the other way around. so...*locking*...*loading*...*DM virus time bomb killing you* BlawW


*i thought i had scheduled this to post. and i scheduled for dec. 21, 2010 @ 12:01am. yea, that was my bad. lol..

#twitterkills thursday 44

so last night, well..early early yesterday morning i tweeted a tweet where i used "lol" twice in the same tweet...which i caught and immediately issued an

an apology...

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

i apologize when i "lol" twice in the same tweet..i honestly don't realize i've already done it..#tweetfauxpas about 19 hours ago via TweetDeck

studiogenius

Tha Studio Genius

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

i was greeted by a few @replies...suggesting i should #twitterkill myself...

 

 ________________________________________________________________________

@studiogenius are u gonna twitterkill yourself this Thursday for it? Lol about 19 hours ago via Seesmic for Android in reply to studiogenius

LuvlyMsKrissy

Kris H

________________________________________________________________________

 

@studiogenius Mmm-hmm....sounds like someone may have to #twitterkill themselves. Lol about 19 hours ago via Mobile Web in reply to studiogenius

uglycleanbroke4

Uglycleanbroke87

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

ok. it's cool. if i can #twitterkill other's i can #twitterkill myself. so this week's  

 

#twitterkills thursday 44 topic of he week: is dedicated to people who overuse "lol" in their tweets.  

 

so "my bad" lol. 

i admit i "lol" a lot because i laugh a lot. i love to laugh and i do it often. and when i'm tweeting i am laughing at a lot of the shit i say. so the first "lol" was for what you said. and the second "lol" is for what i said. yes, a bit obsessive. and usually i'll catch myself and just laugh at myself. but sometimes, like last night i slip into "lol" land and tweet it like it's going out of style. my bad. i can admit that. so this week..

@studiogenius <-----gets #twitterkilled. --tick--tick--tick--tick--O# boooooM.

#twitterkills thursday 43

#twitterkills thursday 43 topic of the week: inspirational tweet overload.

you ever been on twitter and you saw one inspirational quote and was like...oh ok.."that's cool". then you see another? then another. then it's sister & it's brother?

i'm all down for the inspirational quotes cause once someone gets on a roll in my topic of choice i'm hitting the RT button too. but you ever had one person that just finds EVERY inspirational tweet and tweets it nonstop. they aren't even one of the generic accounts like: @freequotes, @ihatequotes, @quotestacks, etc.. they are @freddiemackjr or @insationalboo..some shit like that (making those names up don't follow them looking for fuckery..lol). and they just keep RT inspirational tweets from every "mini ghandi", "fake rev run", or "let me fix your soul" types. then you see their other tweets and it's like, "yall hoe as motherf@#%ers.. need to get on my level.". so you don't really accept that inspirational from that vehicle. at least you don't accept the constant inspiration from that vehicle. cause i be thinking to myself...ok. you got on your shit today. but if you do that shit tomorrow. or the next day i'ma have to hit. . . unfollow. seriously. cause everyone is not meant to be inspirational. shit like, "if you get a girl pregnant and she keep it..say thank God". um. ok. that's nice and shit. but that's not really inspirational. it's kinda ghetto, but nice. i'm just saying.

people find the most random shit inspirational & that's great. but seriously, let's limit it to about 5 tweets a day max. even if someone is on your shit. don't go over 5 inspirational tweets in one day. that's all the "nice" shit anyone else following you can take. after 5...we start thinking negative thoughts. like.."fuck this chick....she filling my timeline with this shit". or "i wish dude would go ahead and break up with his girlfriend so he'll get off this shit". it becomes non-inspirational. all we want to do is like punch our computer screen, drop our phones, and unfollow you after a while. it's kinda working the opposite way. so be kind...get back on your hoe shit after 5, please.  we'll appreciate your hoe shit so much more, after you take it away for a few minutes.

"learning from other's in inspirational teaching, can be eye opening and foolish at the same time...." -twitter fortune cookie *POW*

#twitterkills thursday 42

you ever been on twitter. and got like 12 tweets in a row from the same person. who was just typing and pushing enter and expected you to piece together their tweets to read a whole paragraph of their thoughts? i have. in fact i have a few people who are blogging on twitter.

#twitterkills thursday 42 topic of the week: it's twitter not a blog...

if you wanna to rant and rave longer than 140 characters get a blog. and the crazy shit is most of those folks have a blog. so why aren't they on that? yes you can have a conversation back and forth. if you make a statement. and someone replies. it's your twitter do what you like. but don't set out to type up a blog post on your twitter. still not convinced? check this out...


@bloggingontwitter: i think if you're gonna walk across the street when my light is green you should at least wait until no cars are coming.today this man walk
@JuiceBoxBunny: what's up ATL, did you win your football game?
@studiogenius: yea..but last night this dude tackled my ass back to third grade
@bloggingontwitter: ed in front of my car, and i almost hit him. the light was green..not red, not yellow but
@NVFreckles: if you tweet and you know, slap your keys...notice i'm not slapping my keys? #got2dobetter
@goldenmind_: the way to a successful relationship is: i talk, you listen.
@bloggingontwitter: green. the light was GREEN. so why the hell did he walk in front of me. i don't understand that. do you understand that? i mea
@KrazyLikeWOW: so i decided using red at my wedding is a no-go. my friend told me that incites the devil to pop out your wedding cake
@Melleaux: so...this parent that was calling me at 2am is not standing in my driveway. #911
@studiogenius: so i was at the strip club, and this dude bust out and starts throwing dimes
@bloggingontwitter: n i could have hit them. and worse yet, i could have killed them. what do you think they have crosswalk lights for. could you imagine hitting someone crossing
@bloggingontwitter: the street? that would be awful. not only would that mess up your car but it would totally ruin your day. i could have
@LuvlyMsKrissy: i've just bought like 4 pair of new shoes for my daughter. someone needs to walking 101 ASAP.
@bloggingontwitter: killed someone. you know how you see that on tv and in the movies. this must be how they feel...
@studiogenius: i wish @bloggingontwitter: would get on their blog and shut the fuck up on my twitter..#imsaying
@goldenmind_: LOL RT @studiogenius: i wish @bloggingontwitter: would get on their blog and shut the fuck up on my twitter..#imsaying
@JuiceBoxBunny: damn ATL, is it that serious?

yall feel me? please yall let's take the commentary to blog. and limit our angered fueled tweets to reckless stupid statements. like..."i hate when i don't get cheese on my cheeseburger". or "i shaved my eyebrows off, now i look like Powder with a tan". you'll get more "shit..i hate when that happens.." than you will with a whole story that by the time you get to the point no one else will care about it. reach over...*types* P O W (a message should start playing that in 20 seconds you & your computer will explode)

#twitterkills thursday 41

so who's getting #twitterkilled this week? uh..let's see..  

this week's #twitterkills thursday topic of the week: people who should not follow me....

now i always say...anyone can add me. and usually if they don't seem totally insane i'll add them back. now some people (usually chicks i date) seem to say i tend to add more women than guys. as if i'm doing that on purpose. i have no problem adding dudes on twitter. the only thing i require when adding a dude on twitter is that he has on a shirt in his twitter icon. that's one thing i can't co-sign. if you add me, and you don't have on a shirt....dude. 

i'm not being a hater. i don't think it's asking too much. i admit sometimes guys i've added, will feel the need to expose themselves for your ladies. and that's fine. if i've already added you, i'm not gonna unfollow you. i will cringe every time you show up in my timeline, but i can overlook that shit. but if i get a email saying, "@chestnificent has added you to twitter", and i go look and @chestnificent is shirtless with babyoil on...i can't add you bruh. i just can't. i'm sorry. 

pulling out the shirt cannon from the basketball game..*BOOM*...*BOOM* put a damn shirt on dude.  

#twitterkills thursday 40...

so today's #twitterkills thursday 40 topic is : text me when you tweet others...

@studiogenius: you ever had to text someone back you didn't want to cause they follow you on twitter & you wanted to tweet to other ppl?..lol #twitterkills

yea..well this happened to me today. i was the one waiting on a text back tho. and the person who was supposed to text me is notorious for tweeting and not texting folks back. like seriously. they will tweet all day long then play the "i was on the cpu".. i didn't have my phone shit. they are also notorious for taking long periods of times to reply..only to reply with simple shit. and survey says these are the people who get mad at you for not replying back in a timely matter to them. i'm just saying..

so i did an experiment. with every text reply i checked their tweets. it was tweet. then a text. then tweet. a text. then a tweet. @reply. then text. then tweet. then a @reply.another @reply. then a text. put like 20-30 minutes in between each text. but the combination of the tweet+@reply+text is like seconds. lol. you could mortal kombat finish somebody. this shit is annoying as fuck. it's like..ok. if you don't wanna text me back..then don't. cause waiting for you to have your twitter conversations to get "what does that mean?" 30 minutes later is "punch-you-in-the-throat" annoying. 


so *wrapping a rope around my body...jumping over a fence...tying it to a tractor trailer..jumping back over the fence...tying it to you* #twitterkills...beep beep.

#twitterkills (thursday) friday 39...

i know it doesn't even sound right...lol. i forgot yesterday was thursday. seriously it did not hit me till nothing was on tv last night. anyway. onto #twitterkills, better late than never right?..

this week's #twitterkills thursday friday 39 topic of internet death: #teamfollowback

now i have no problem with #teamfollowback. i think it's very noble that you follow everyone who follows you. i try my hardest to follow everyone who follows me too. i am also a @replier. what's the point of following if you don't ever @reply? just about everyone who appears on my timeline will get a @reply if i can think of something foolish enough to respond back with. my problem with #teamfollowback is they have to announce every fucking person they follow, one by one. so my timeline looks like this...

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @thediner
@goldenmind_: i'm so slizzard...bday in 2 days who gonna get me out of jail?
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @beanbagchairhead
@starrlamoane: you got one more time to look at me like you wanna do something
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @chickntheredcar
@beigebunnie: i walked in to work and all the girls were jocking *hair flip*
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @walnutsNyomouth
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @secrettiger
@alovelydai: ok, who stole my hotsauce?

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @aries392lover
@juiceboxbunny: this guy at work is on fire, should i hide the matches before i call 911?
@fireflyorison: i just bought a matching "booty pop" set for me & the boo thing, but he won't wear it =(
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @chickenheadfred
@shesgot2haveit: my bro @studiogenius is fucking awesome
@beautyserinity: @shesgot2haveit, @studiogenius is so awesome..like i can't understand how one man could be so cool.
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #teamfollowback #yesifollow #followme

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1:#teamfollowback#hollabackifyoufollow
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: want to get as many followers as me? #teamfollowback
@shesgot2haveit: @beautyserinity we're so lucky he even associates with us. he is so awesome and amazing
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @1ofmany
@drrarepearl83: @beautyserinity i just happen to see you say @studiogenius was amazing. i agree 100% he's so super cool
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @yomamababydaddy
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: now following @candyrainNEforever

@naturally1908: i just saw LLcoolJ lick his lips, omg *swoon*
@luvlymskrissy: i'm just now realizing that wasn't a tree that skeeted on my windshield this morning
@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #teamfollowback #wehere #yeaaahfollowback

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #ifollowdeadpeople #ifollowblindpeople

@teamfollowbackrandomperson1: #followmeontwitter #teamfollowback





you get the picture?..annoying as fuck. i can't read all the other fuckery and compliments with all that shit cluttering my twitter timeline. i only load the last 100 tweets. and i rarely go back to check older shit. so within 30 minutes i've lost everything. #twitterdeath to that bullshit. please follow #twitterkiller 2.0. POW...

#twitterkills thursday 38

today's #twitterkills thursday topic of the week: tweeting on vacation. . .

i understand people's excitement about being someplace new. someplace exciting. being away from the stress of everyday life. and i enjoy fuckery tweets. tales of drunkenness. random mishaps. airport stories.

but when your vacation seems to never end. and every tweet is something about the city you're in. every tweet is about what you're doing there. every tweet is about where you're at. every tweet is name/location dropping. when it appears that you're doing an infomercial for the city...i can't co-sign that.

truth is. a vacation is just that. a vacation. i can deal with you being excited about spending a few days away from home. but when it turns from "new experience" to "i think i may live here". and you're acting like you're on a different planet or in a different country. when you're acting like it's the greatest place in the world. and now you think you might move there. and everything is, "this is great...this is wonderful....this is my kinda city". it gets annoying as fuck to see your tweets. it's like..yes we know you're in, "callamazoo". yes we know you love, "callamazoo". yes we know you're planning as we speak to move to, "callamazoo". but what happens when the vacation is over and it's time for you to live and work in "callamazoo"?

maybe because i never let the glitz and glamorous of tourist spots to get the best of me. so it annoys me when people go some place for a day or two and decide it's the best place in the world. like is your life that boring that a day in a new place will make you give up everything and move on a whim? maybe i just sense the "regret" tweets coming. or the "this isn't what i thought it would be" tweets. and that shit already seems annoying as fuck and it hasn't even happened yet. so for that...pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. pow. a death for every day i've had to read a "on callamazoo's jock" tweet.

#twitterkills thursday 37

been a while since i had a #twitterkills. actually it's only been a week. it just feels like forever when i skip a week. it makes my #twitterkill finger itch. who's getting "killed" today?

wally the fail whale. (no wally isn't his real name..i just needed a name that started with "w").

this week's #twitterkills thursday 37 topic is: no one can play...when twitter is away.

don't know if any of you noticed about a week ago, but twitter was severely down. if you had an app, the shit didn't work. i'm sure it had something to do with the api. but i'm saying how does some shit like that happen? like the damn api is down for a day or two and there is no mention of that shit anywhere. how do i know it was down? because randomly after a day of no "updates"..i actually got one www.twitter.com. and other people were saying, "something is wrong with twitter". some of you hardcore folks were steady still tweeting. but the people who rarely actually log onto twitter via web (this would be me) not being able to use my app meant no twitter for me.

all of this leads me to ask...what would we do if twitter just timed out today. no more twitter. what on earth....would we do? would we start back texting, calling, emailing each other? go back to AIM, Yahoo messenger, gchat, msn..etc. how many people would you lose touch with? would you miss the 100+ followers? wonder "what they were doing?..". twitter going down for a few days isn't a big, big, big, big, deal. it's just annoying and leads to extreme boredom. so twitter bird...i'ma about to make some bird stew.

aiming. finger on trigger. "tweet" "tweet" "tweet" *POW* ...

#twitterkills thursday 36

you ever been on you way home. left work a little late. had one last errand to run. stuck in traffic. yet, you're not worried since you dvr'ed all your shows. you get home, get settled, and decide to wait 10 minutes so your show can end and you can watch it from the beginning. you get on your computer, sign on twitter...and about 10 people have ruined your favorite tv show for you?

this week's #twitterkills thursday 36 topic of the week: everyone on twitter is watching tv and RUINING it for everyone else..

one of the biggest problems with twitter is, you can't watch SHIT and be on twitter. even if you're watching it while you're on twitter all the narration, opinions, "shouting at the screen" (yanno how ppl shout at the screen in movies...yea they do that shit on twitter with all the random tweets) that goes on will drive you crazy. let the show be popular, there will be a hashtag (#) for everything. for like an hour and half it will even be a trending topic.





they will ruin tv shows...



@tweeter1: i'm watching #rhoa (real housewives of atlanta)...kim and dwight fighting
@tweeter2: oh shit, kim about to get that wig snatched #rhoa
@tweeter3: did you see nene's butt...she need to do better #rhoa
@tweeter4: omg, did she just slap dwight? #rhoa


they will ruin award shows...


@tweeter1: YES! i knew trey songz would win male r&b #yuup
@tweeter2: aww man...how did trey songz win male r&b over usher? #mtvawards
@tweeter3: did you see usher's face, it's gonna be a bad night for him lmao #ugotitbad
@tweeter4: why wasn't maxwell nominated? these award shows suck #prettywangs




they will even ruin the fucking news...

@tweeter1: breaking news there was an earthquake in hawaii..now i gotta try to go some place else for spring break #springbreak
@tweeter2: omg kim kardashian died..#rip. on wait..it was khole #whocares
@tweeter3: they arrested @melgibson at the strip club for calling the strippers cunts while he touched theirs..it's on channel 2 #wholaughingnow
@tweeter4: they sold out of #iphones in less than 2 minutes..shit i was #482 in line. now i have to wait 2 days to get one..

either way..if you want to watch anything. enjoy anything. if you want to be surprised. STAY OFF TWITTER. because if there is even a second delay on your cable/satellite. some asshole is going to tell you what happens before it happens.

*calling up jim carey* "aye dude...i need you to come through cable guy style and disconnect some boxes"...*thunderstorm shorting out your tv's* & *trees falling on your satellite dish* ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzAp *die*

#twitterkills thursday 35

greetings & salutations....

i know i neglected missed #twitterkills thursday last week. it was on a brief hiatus. but it's back...and this week's topic is "people who follow you, don't know you, then start DM'ing you..."

• thou should not litter my DM box with bullshit. 
• thou should not DM me shit that makes me think you've been hacked. 
• thou should not DM me like we are friends, if we are not. okay. 
• thou should not solicit my participation in your life in my DM's

so this dude followed me. and i try to follow everyone back after a quick glance to make sure you're not a spammer. even if you look a little lame, i will give you a chance. so i followed this dude. and the next thing i know i got a DM saying..

"Yes, this is another check my site DM" 

um..dude. i don't have any other "check my site DM's" cause i don't add spammers. and honestly when i see these kinda of DM's i think you've been hacked. i go to his page and he has this same link splattered across his timeline. so i'm thinking..hmm...

then i get another DM,

"i don't want to be the best or get rich from my music...check out my site". 

dude. all this advertisement in my DM's in a no go. DM's are for private conversations, friends to talk a little reckless, & flirting. do not hit my DM's especially if you know me with bullshit like "check my link". i don't know you..and i'm not the curious type. i'll never get to know you if your advertise to me against my wishes.

die dude. die a slow DM-less & UNFOLLOWED death...*wither*

#twitterkills thursday 34

this week's #twitterkills thursday 34 topic of the week: nasty ass twitter names..

i'm sure i don't have to mention any particular. we've all seen them. and they are all cute for the moment. and you'll add them. and you'll tweet them. the one day you're looking at your timeline and see...


@harddickinyoupussy: just getting out of church, the preacher was PREACHIN'

now tell me that doesn't just make you scooby doo it to unfollow. it's like, no those words don't offend me. i will gladly say them but not everytime i tweet something. now you do get points for originality. i mean "@eatdatasslikecandy" is great. but why you get mad when a dude adds you and ask you to "eat-dat-ass-like-candy"? i'm saying advertising is advertising. don't get mad and be twitter fighting and telling him you're not gay. cause um according to your twitter name, eh..you kinda are.  if your name is "@bigtitties4youboo", and a dude comes at you with sex shit all the time. don't tweet..

@bigtitties4youboo: why guys always @replying me about sex, get the fuck outta here with that, you will be UNFOLLOWED.

um, excuse me. they followed you cause your name was "bigtitties4youboo". they thought you were giving them your titties and now yo wanna front, change your twitter picture to you reading a book. yanno what the people want. if you aren't gonna give it to them. get off twitter hoe...lol. and no i'm not saying you just gotta talk about sex all the time. i'm just saying, don't act like people are out of line. or people are stepping to you wrong. accept the stereotype like you did the praise for being perverted in the first place. not saying anything is bad about it. just saying. if my mom was looking at my phone while i was tweeting. she wouldn't be alarmed by, "@gorgeousgeek" but if she saw "@pussypussypussyletsallgetwasted" she'd be like, "um..so this is what twitter is?".

*pouring two glasses* two shots you. for being original and giving some perv a woody when he loads up his tweetdeck. pow.

#twitterkills thursday 33

ok..so you're not on twitter. but you're reading my tweets & @replying me in my text messages.

this week's #twitterkills thursday topic is dedicated to the people who think that: @replying is cool outside of twitter.

yes, i've been accused of having a tweetversation. meaning, going back and forth with someone about something that we could have moved to text, gchat, aim, email, DM, or whatever. and that's cool. if things are getting lengthy. if things are private or personal, ok. but don't just be @replying me in my text. if i tweet...

@studiogenius i'm so hungry..need some nourishment ASAP, #noanorexic

and i get a text message, one second later "ha ha @ #noanorexic" and that's it. you didn't go into anything else. you didn't offer to get/bring/buy me some food. why the hell you couldn't have just @replied me back on twitter? if you're on tweet hiatus, yet you are still reading my tweets all day...you are NOT on hiatus. your ass just ain't tweeting yourself. it's still considered "being on twitter". if you get on twitter and see i said something but instead take it to my text, or assault me on gchat about it...i'm just gonna hashtag you to death.

future gchat session:

you: stinging headache huh?

me: #huh?

you: you said on twitter you had a stinging headache

me: #oh #yea #it's #hurting #so #bad

you: why are you typing all those hashtags?

me: #obviously #we #are #bringing #twitter #elements #into #gchat #so #i #decided #to #hashtag #kill #you

bout to go tweet #killyourself, please follow instructions. . . pow

#twitterkills thursday 32

pulling out my #twitterkills machete. this weeks victims are people who use twitter as their only form of communication. like they turn off their phones. and they are just on twitter.

#twitterkills thursday 32 topic of the week: if you need me tweet me..

now this isn't for the people you just know from twitter. this is the people you have multiple ways to contact, but the only way/best way you can reach them is by tweeting them. w t f . . . if i have your phone number, but i HAVE to reach you through twitter..just erase my contact completely. cause i'll never call your ass again.

if i have to DM you personal messages or information, when i could just text you or shoot you a quick call...block me please. cause if we continue to be twitter friends all my tweets will be non subliminal missiles headed towards your ass.

*slicing your fingers, tongue, and ears off*..yea it's a bit vicious. but #twitterkills has to hurt for you to do better. 

#twitterkills thursday #31

okay..this may not bother most of yall, but something that bothers the hell out of me. the misuse of twitter pictures. it's a few things that i just can't look past.

#twitterkills thursday 31 topic of the week: when twitter pictures go wrong...

#1 annoyance: if i gotta click out my twitter app to look at your pictures on twitter, your life to be will remain picture-less.

put it plain and simple, i hate shit. i should be able to click on your picture,it come up real quick and close it. i do not want to share a tab with my other shit open to see you looking at a sign that says, "caknew for sale". i would have thought the misspelling of canoe was funny if i didn't have to wait 2 minutes later, decrease the size, and go back to my twitter client to tweet you a reply. just saying. please use twitpic or tweetphoto. it's so much simpler for everyone else.


#2 annoyance: if you got risque pictures, do NOT post a link to your twitpic

because newsflash idiot. twitpic will show your last three pictures. and yes some people are nosy enough to flip back to older one's. that drunken night you got all loose on twitter after dark and spread eagle on the bed, with chocolate sauce all over your body..yea that shit is still there. and you showing me the cute little girl getting an ice cream will totally be ignored for the chocolate laced kitty in the next pic. and then passed to EVERYONE else i know..lol

#3 annoyance: if you participate in any of the get naked days..


 #morningwoodmonday,#tittytuesday,#wangwendesday,#thangoutthursday, #freakyfriday, #sexysaturday, #sinnersunday..

i mean i love to see naked pictures just like everyone else. but of my twitter friends uh, not so much. if you want me to be able to see you with your clothes on, don't do it. because i guarantee everything will be "blah blah blah" lemme see your titties. i'm sorry, that's just how it goes.

#twitterkills thursday #30

you ever been on twitter. like early in the morning. and NO one is on. and you tweet your, "i woke up, and had spaghetti in my bed" tweet. and as soon as you tweet it, 4 minutes later you get a text or a phone call from someone asking you how you slept.

okay coincidence right? then later on in the day. you tweet, "i'm hungry as hell about to eat this dog walking across the street". and you get another text and or phone call from someone asking you what's for lunch and telling you how hungry they are.

#twitterkills thursday 30 topic of the week:  who you think you're fooling, i know you saw my tweet. 

why do people insist on acting as if they aren't on your twitter like that? if you hit me up right after i tweet something, yes..i'm gonna assume you just saw me tweet. so when you ask me what i'm doing, it's gonna annoy me because i know you just read what i was doing. why do i have to repeat myself, re-read my tweet. if i'm out and i'm having a good time and i tweet, "i'm so drunk, i'm pissing patron on these hoes". and you out the blue hit me up and say, "are you at home?"...umm.. no. i am drunk. i am pissing on hoes. and i know you just read it. stop fronting. there is no future in it.

it's one thing to hit me up and say you just saw my tweet and we start talking about it. it's another to act like you didn't see it. and to ask me all the questions to get me to tell you what i just tweeted so you can say, "oh, no i haven't been on twitter all day..".

@studiogenius: i'm gonna #twitterkill you..

*phone ringing*......POW..

@studiogenius: you knew it was coming..

#twitterkills thursday #29

ok..this week's #twitterkills thursday was a special request. the interesting fact, this person who is being #twitterkilled was #twitterkilled before for this. i had NO idea. i should actually put their twitter name on here, but thankfully i'm NOT that mean.

this person's crime? simple ass tweets. it's so bad that i have been summoned a few times by a few people to #twitterkill you. did i mention by more than one person? did i mention that these people don't even know each other. so randomly it has been a collected thought that your tweets make people want you to die. and i know that sounds real harsh. i know it's not a easy thing to hear. but truthfully it's time you heard the truth.

if you are watching "Lost". i'm going to need you to at least be making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. do NOT tweet. "@simpleasstweeter: Lost...OMG". no one, not even people watching Lost know what the hell you're talking about. please use some of the other 140 characters available to you. please use adjectives and be more descriptive. if the only person who has EVER RT'ed you RT's everyone and everything...and they retweet a compliment like, "@chronicRTer: (thanks!) RT @simpleasstweeter: i like your shoes". that should tell you right there.

if all day you tweet something like this:

@simpleasstweeter:  i need more sundresses

everyone on your twitter list should @reply you back: "go get you one & get the fuck off twitter..with that boring shit". twitter is not the place for that.

if you tweet something like this:

@simpleasstweeter: i'm watching soultrain

i promise you everyone on your list is thinking..."annnnd?"...

i'm trying to save you from being marked "that person". yanno the one everyone feels obligated to follow because they are cool with you but HATES when they see your name on their timeline. don't be someone that numerous people come to someone who doesn't even follow you & ask him to #twitterkill you. this is dedicated to you @simpleasstweeter. one day maybe we can even be friends. maybe i will even follow you. it's not personal. there is nothing wrong with saying what you're doing. you can share what you're doing...but please at least elaborate on that shit. it's like playing mad libs. you are just saying the begining phrase. there would be a "_______________" after your tweets.

@simpleasstweeter: i have a new follower, "__________________________"

• and they look like they smell like burnt kitties

@simpleasstweeter: i love twitter, "____________________________"

• but i love crack more..j/k, or maybe i'm not

@simpleasstweeter: i'm in the kitchen, "___________________________"

• licking hot sauce off my neighbor, should i cool off with some cool whip?

@simpleasstweeter: i just tweeted, "_____________________________"

• and that was pretty boring, so now i'm going to read a book. #boringismylife

@simpleasstweeter: running bath water, "__________________________"

• who wants to get in with me?

@simpleasstweeter: in my car, "_______________________________"

• and it smells like a footlocker, i think i just found my lost chicken nugget from last month

@simpleasstwetter: in the bed, "________________________________"

• should be sleeping, but the bogeyman is making too much noise #helpme

i'm not saying lie. i'm just saying think about what you're about to say and at least make it interesting. i won't @reply you if all you're saying is the first phrase. no one will. all they will do is #twitterkill you. so *taking your computer away, throwing gasoline on it, then wetting you up like gavin did patty on why did i get married too..*

@studiogenius: i got the matches...any last words?
@simpleasstweeter: i'm on fire!
@studiogenius: *smh*...

#twitterkills thursday #28

this week's #twitterkills thursday #28: goes out to...@ihatekatstacks bitch...

if you get twitter famous by sucking & fucking, you need to be #twitterkilled. once for being trifling. the other time for embarrassing your mama. oh wait, her mama's doing videos with her too?..#twitterkill @ your mama too. but wait..you can't blame the groupies. who's fault is it that chicks like kat stacks are annoying the masses? it's yall damn fault.

yes i admit her annoying ass entertains me with her fuckery. it's funny to laugh at the dumb dudes who continue to fuck with her when it's obvious she's out for blood. she is literally changing the game with her 411 sessions of all your favorite rappers (who actually when you think about it, aren't your favorite rappers at all. she's actually doing them a favor because no one's been checking for any of them in a minute). so why is it yall fault? because if you follow @ihatekatstacks you encourage her fuckery on a different level. it's not about laughing at her being stupid anymore. by following her it's her getting recognition for her foolishness. this chick not only thinks she's fine. she thinks it's sexy to be a gangsta bitch drinking vodka straight with her titties sitting on her earlobes. while i enjoy titties sitting on earlobes, i can not endorse that foolishness. if i don't see it on www. worldstarhiphop.com then i don't see it at all. i could never follow someone that annoying on a regular bases. cause let's face it, we all know a hoe that annoying in real life. are you following her? no...well why the hell are you following @ihatekatstacks?

in fact what ms. stacks (cause i'm nasty)..is really showing you is, sleeping with these pu$$y hungry rappers is easy. if katty can continue to get with these dudes even after it's obvious you shouldn't NEVER give her your number...then anyone with some nice titties and a big ass can do the same. i'm convinced all you gotta do is focus your attention on one dude. don't cheat on @bowwow with @SouljaBoy, it's obvious they gossip with each other too much. if you're gonna be a successful twitter groupie, target the young & dumb rappers one at a time. the one's who yes..could walk into any mall and take 6 chicks home, but they so young & dumb they do that then get on twitter looking for some more chicks to speed up their quest for HIV. then start feeding their ego. then (because all of them do it) participate in one of their "twitter after dark" sessions. and if you catch their attention...you'll be at their house in a a cab in about 3-4 hours later. why follow @ihatekatstacks..when you can BE @ihatekatstacks? just a friendly PSA. i want you ladies to be leaders, not followers. don't follow the hoes...be the hoes.

loading up a syringe cocktail....gardiasal, valtrex, monastat...*POW* {kat stacks laugh} *tee hee*