Friday, December 11, 2009

ManFive #21

this week's ManFive topic is brought to you in part by @shesgot2haveit, her question was..."what makes a woman approachable?"
i know a lot of times you ladies think it's you...that's the reason why a guy doesn't come up to speak. and sometimes that's true. sometimes it's him. sometimes it's a whole list of things.

i'm gonna do you ladies a favor and give you five things that would make you more approachable to men. now i'm not talking about the, "hey beautiful..." , "what's happening ma?", or the "come here shawty.." dudes who hold up the wall at subway waiting for any woman to walk by. i'm talking about what would make a man lock his keys in the door trying to catch you before you walked out of his life forever. i'm talking about what would snag you that date for your christmas party. i'm talking about how to stop guys from passing you like you're an old dirty hitchhiker on the side of the road with a dufflebag and a "i'ma kill you look on their face". i know you can't wait right?'s five things you can do that would help you be more approachable to men..

#5: Smile...

a lot of you ladies love to mean mug. yall love to spot a dude in the distance. see him headed your way and cross the street and shit. then you see him up close and be like Swiper (from Dora the Explorer).."awww man", cause you wish you hadn't did it AFTER the fact.

he may even be ready to say something to you and look up or turn around and you got the "please keep moving" look on your face. even if you would have been interested. even if it was because you just stepped in dog shit. it don't matter. you looking all mean & vexed is the quickest way to have to dude to keep moving. it screams "not interested" and most dudes will only speak if they are caught in that "i was in the middle of saying something before you gave me that look" mode. if they didn't get there they'll usually just look at you and keep going. one of the sexiest thing on a woman is a nice smile. so show some teeth, curve those lips, excite those eyes. it's the sexiest thing he's gonna see before you get naked so make it count.

#4: lose the entourage...

sometimes groups scare people. if you're out alone you'll find that men are more inclined to come up to you then when you're with other people. i've already told yall, i will not walk up to a group of women to holla because even if the chick you're trying to get at is interested, once you walk away all their asses are about to talk shit about you (good or bad). if you're out with your parents, it's a nada too. let's face it..what kinda dude come try to scope you in front of your mom. you can't even put the sexy on in front of your parents. yanno that look, that'll make us fight ourselves not to call too soon. a chick in front of her parents is automatically not be in that "holla" mood, so therefore we will not usually holla at you while you're with them. if you're with another dude, be it your gbf (gay best friend), brother, classmate whatever..only a shady dude would holla at you when you're with another dude. that's a lesson in respect. you don't have to care about the dude at all, but as a man you should have enough respect to go get your own chick. so usually if you're out with a dude even if that dude ain't your dude he'll still be giving that.."back up" look. yes, even your gbf's. in fact they are the biggest haters, but you can refer to my rant in ManFive #5 for further explanation as to why i hate all GBF's.

find activities, events, outings that you can go out with friends but you can kinda mingle around by yourself if needed. if you're out with a group of friends and see a guy who's checking you, kinda walk away from them. walk over to the bar. walk across the room. take the scenic route coming from the bathroom by his table instead of straight back to your girls. you'll find more times then not, it's them that's stopping your action.

*sidenote: chicks with kids. you already know it's a catch 22. you are super cautious when a man walks up on you when you're with your kids. and most men with sense will know that's not a cool way to holla at you. so if you're out with your kids and are looking..try to do things in environments where if a guy does walk up to you you're no in "hand on mace" mode.

**disclaimer: i do not advise you ladies to be out alone. i tell my girlfriend and my chick friends all the time. if a dude see you come running from across the parking lot get your ass in the car and crack the window if you do try to have any kind of conversation. i'm trying to promote your friendliness not your stupidity. we live in times where my daughter (when i have one..) will not be allowed to go anywhere till she's 32.

#3: have yourself together...

again, if you're looking like you just ran into the grocery store to pick up some tampons & some toilet tissue. you're gonna attract the kinda guys who think that shit is sexy. not saying you ain't cute in your head scarf, jogging pants, & sweater. just saying that the mode in which you are "together" is going to reflect on the dudes who stop you in the store. it's also gonna reflect on the frequency. and i know you're thinking.."it's just the grocery store..and i'm just going for 5 minutes". don't get me wrong i'm not saying you need to get dressed all up to go buy some tissue. i'm just saying, lose the head scarf. a chick in jogging pants is cute when it don't look like she's about to go back home curl up in front of the tv and devour the whole gallon of "chunky monkey" in her cart herself.

put it to you like this...if you had been a hot chick on aisle #1..i wouldn't have ever made it to aisle #4 to holla at the next chick. i would have just got your number, went and paid for my cheerios and went home. you are just helping the next chick who took a little more time getting ready before she came out. get yourself together. i love to see a woman with her hair nice. all moistened looking all soft & sexy. smiling bending down to pick up that Tide off the bottom shelf. i'd push my cart into an old man trying to run over to help her. yall just don't know...yall sexy even with your clothes on, that is when yall trying to be.

#2 give him a direct signal...

men fear one thing off jump, rejection. i already broke it down to you in Manfive #11. you women give off indirect signals left and right. and yes, you complain about men doing this ONCE in the relationship. yet yall asses do this shit before he can even talk to you. ask any man, he's been in a situation where he saw a woman checking him out. he KNEW she was looking at him. giving him the, "yea come over here" signal. and once he got over there..."wah wah..i got a man". if you're checking out a dude and he's checking you out. let him know it's okay for him to come and speak. match the direct eye contact with a smile. make dude point to himself and be like, "me? want me to come over". and then do that sexy little head nod. keep looking at him. now...i'm not trying to get yall all throwed and played. don't hawk stalk a dude from across the room. it's that's playful doe like looking up shit we like. if you're just staring we'll think we look like a lame for a second.

if you walk by him, brush up against him. again, as in ManFive #11..women only initiate contact when yall are interested or clumsy. either one is a pre-opening line to an introduction. so go out there and spill your drink on him. it'll also test his temper. if he beat your ass, he was not the

#1: keep an open mind, mentally prepare to be approachable, & have fun...

this is the #1 thing for a reason. yall ladies be too serious about this shit. don't overthink it, have fun with it. don't be on the search for your husband ONLY. sometimes someone has to come into your life and grow into that person. he can't be everything on your checklist from hello. with that being said....i'm SURE you ladies get approached all the time. it's just not by the guy you want. there is nothing wrong with be selective. it's nothing wrong with having preferences. but the guy who would move mountains for you & give you the world, could be sitting right next to you and you just blocking. i find when chicks complain about being approached, it's not that they don't get approached. it's that they don't get approached by the guys they want. if you're ready for some conversation, be ready. don't turn off the lights on someone who wants to get to know you. you can entertain a conversation it doesn't mean you have to give him your number (the correct one). it doesn't mean you have to go out on a date. it doesn't mean you have to marry him. i've had tons of conversations with women, that were just that. conversations. and it wasn't even about getting at them, in fact it was with chicks who probably before we started talking wouldn't have even given me their number. but by the end of the conversation, after i thanked them for the beautiful conversation and walked away i could see that if i asked at that point i could have gotten it.

that's the thing about courting that is missing in dating now. before people got to know one another. it wasn't just, ok you're hot. so now i'm gonna get your number, we'll go on a date tomorrow, and you'll give me some by friday. understand that dating is awkward, let go of your "man checklist" that's probably based off your ex boyfriend anyway. and yanno what i'm saying. you want a dude JUST like him, just different. don't get locked into a "type". have fun, get to know people, and be open. you never know what life has in store for you until you open your eyes & pay attention

last bit of advice: remember, as the fairer sex you have great power. you have the power to make a man do just about anything for you. but you have to realize that. you have to know how special you are, in order to make a man see that. all the steps are about showing him a piece of you that you're holding back.

smiling = inner beauty
no entourage= isolated beauty
nicely packaged = outer beauty
direct eye contact= instinctual beauty
open mindedness= spiritual beauty

share that with a man & i promise he'll approach you. but to remember to show him all the different areas. to quote my favorite artist..eric roberson.

Music Playlist at


pretty girl
do you always use your smile
to get your way
once in a while
do you use your heart
do you find that hard to do
pretty girl

ooh ooh
were you hurt by love before
too much pain for your heart to endure
is that why you hide
behind a disguise
ooh, pretty girl


one day you're gonna wake up and find
out, that our time cannot rewind
while you're out chasing things
seems like you're flying right passed your dreams
i wanna know who you a really are, pretty girl

(repeat chorus)

trust in me, there's no need to run
be yourself
what you want will come
you can rest assured
it ain't just your
beauty that's gonna get you through
just doing what the other's do
when there's a path meant for you

(Chorus 2X)


a rose can bloom
before it's time
but it'll never bloom
if the sun don't shine

so live your life

no need to hide
girl, what's inside

cause that ain't right
you'll see what's true
who's meant for you
loves you for you
stop playin games
now you might lose

a friend or two
but if you do
were they there for you (ask yourself baby)
you need to see
open your eyes
and realize
that you're worth more
so so much more
my pretty girl
i'm pretty sure that you're worth much more
so so much more....

Pretty Girl - E. Roberson


lalaliybean said...

very well said. i'm good up until the direct signal. i hate that awkward eye contact sometimes so i just divert my eyes.

Beyond Danielle said...

if he beat your ass, he was not the one- LMFAO some men you should know just don't even try that drink thing with.

the.kisser said...

i love you're writing style, why do i keep belly bustin over here? damn it! i'm defin guilty of not smiling, people (men and women) tell me to smile all the time! #3 is of upmost important, ladies need to stop looking like shit and asking me why no one asks them out. chuh!


Freckles said...

say that. Good post. I am so sharing this to a few women that I know that I have the nedrve to complain. I have tried to nicely tell them they do not follow good protocol but you have experessed your words so well that I think that they may get it. Thanks.

insushiwetrust said...

#1, that open mindset is so important and leads directly into #2 (the direct signal)...and smiling (#5)...people always talk about women smiling though, and dudes never smile!

#3, keeping yourself together, i have found to be less important. depends on how you define "together"--but i feel like i get approached by men semi-frequently & the quality of who they are is determined by the context, moreso than whether i'm lookin jazzy or lookin fresh off the sofa.

do you give advice? words of affirmation? i need some.

**Ms. P** said...

I'm not so sure about your #2 direct signal tip. If I have to catch his eye, smile AND finger him over, etc then I might as well walk up to the freakin guy right! The girl is doing all the work here. Guys approach who ever they're attracted to. I don't have to smile or motion anything, if they like what they see then they'll approach's not rocket science. Ladies you won't get every man you want!

insushiwetrust said...

i feel ms. p...however...if i give you NO indication that i am interested in you, or even interested in being approached, period, and you STILL are trying to talk to me, it can be kinda annoying.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@lalaliybean thanks, most ppl shy away from direct signals. But imagine if you were checking for a dude & as soon as he looked up at you he shifted his eyes like he ain't seeing you...see the importance?

@beyond danielle true, but usually a dude won't get super crazy on a woman the way he would on a dude. It's one of those, ok you better give me your number things.

@the.kisser thanks, I enjoy your writing style as well. Glad I keep you belly busting over there. Better smile, no need to look mean regardless of what you're doing.

@freakles thanks! I'm glad someone got something from this.

@insushiwetrust dudes don't smile cause a lot of times they look mad gay. Yanno mad friendly like, still no excuse just the reason most times. And def advice man, hit me up. I know I've been slacking on LJ. But you should have a couple of ways to get at me.

@ms. P don't sleep on direct signals. I'm not saying get up and do a "come over dance" just saying eye contact & a smile isn't too much to ask. Again this is what makes you more approachable. I understand don't get me wrong, dude has to at least initiate something, but there is nothing wrong with showing some interest. Letting me know the light is green, helps me speed through faster.