Friday, February 26, 2010

manfive friday #32

this weeks manfive friday topic is courtesy of beyond danielle. she wanted to know, "why is it, your man's friend never likes you?".

is it you? is it them? is it a combination? the truth is whoever or whatever it is. . . it makes the dude in the middle life a living hell. why can't we all just get along? your a nice chick, right? everyone loves you. everyone except his boys that is. wanna know why his friends don't like you? wanna know what you did? what it was, you said? what the hell their problem is. . .here are 5 reason his friends are just NOT into you...

reason #5: you're a bitch and don't know it. . .

great possibility, you could be a bitch. a lot of times women don't get that a guy might like the fact you're a bitch. like that might turn him on. you being all extra. all dramatic. all needy. all clingy, bossy, insecure. it might play on his personality. like you being controlling might go well with him being passive. but to his reads: bitch. you popping off at your mouth, treating their dude like a punk. bitch. you calling him while he's hanging with them. bitch. you demanding shit. stopping him from having fun. bitch. bitch.bitch. i gotta admit it's very easy to get lumped into the "bitch" category. just beware once you get's extremely hard to get out of it.

reason#4: you've changed him. . .

whether it's for the good or for the worst. he's different he's not the same dude that used to hang out with you. like we're sitting around talking about porn, and he starts talking about a new book he's reading. you wanna go get drunk, call him and his ass says he ain't really into the club scene no more. your dude goes missing for like 20 minutes, you walk outside and discover he's started smoking cigarettes. or he used to wear beefy white tee's all the time, now he polo this, polo that. think about it. you know when your girl gets a new man. and all of sudden her hater ways are gone. and she is on some "love" shit. she's acting like shit smells like flowers and cupcakes. when a dude gets in that zone & really is with a chick. he's not the same dude. he's not laughing at the same shit. he's not into the same shit. if a chick has opened him up to new shit, new things, or he's outgrown his boys. who they gonna blame? that's

reason#3: he's told them what you've said about them. . .

you ever sit with your boyfriend and told him what you really thought about his friends. or maybe yall were discussing each other friends. and he called your best friend a slut. and you said his boy was a lame. he countered and said your friend was insecure and needy. and you countered and said his boy was a loser and needed to get a real job & real goals. then one day you find out your dude told his boy what you said. and it's like, true or not. it wasn't supposed to get back to him. sometimes things in a relationship should stay in a relationship. just between you and them. it doesn't even have to be intentional snitching. sometimes you don't know what will strike a nerve with people. i could tell one of my boys, my girl think you're a lame. and he'll be like "fuck her..she lame". i could tell another one, and it may actually hurt his feelings. then it's like, "well she don't like me, so i won't like her either..". wanna avoid this shit? don't go wild on his friends. play around. tell him what you think, but remember they are still his friends. co-signing on some shit he says about his friends is NOT always cool. imagine when you used to get mad at your mom and you'd think to yourself.."i hate her..she's such an asshole". then imagine one of your friends saying, "yea..i hate that asshole too". yanno you got that wtf face on right now, cause you know i'm telling the truth. that shit ain't cool.

reason#2: he's told them all the bad shit about you. . .

again, some things should stay between you & him. it's just like when yall tell your girls or your mama all the bad shit a dude has done to you. if he complains to his boys about you, then of course you become that bitch. and unfortunately once they deem you the bitch, once he gets back into that happy mode with you..they are still on that shit. just because your dude forgives you, doesn't mean his friends did. they haven't forgot you're a hoe. they haven't forgot you're a nag. they haven't forgot you're insecure. the things that we overlook because you're our girlfriends are not overlooked by our friends. in fact it's what sticks out in the mind every time we mention you.

reason#1: yall just aren't meant to be friends. . .

you can co-exist in his world without being friends with his friends. seriously. just because he's friends with them doesn't mean you have to be. doesn't mean they have to be. yes, it means a lot of times to let him hang with them you have to step back. and all yall hanging out and having fun, may be a distant fantasy. but honestly would it kill you not to hang around his friends? it's always gonna be that one friend, you hate. that will probably hate you back as a result. as long as yall are adults about the situation, no matter how you feel you'll be able to be in the same room with one another. stop trying to be his friend. it's not important to me that my chick likes my dudes. because honestly i don't plan or expect to like all or most of her chicks. maybe i'm bias because i'm not a fan of friend mixing to begin with. i feel like, you're in a relationship with me. who i'm friends with doesn't concern you unless it impacts our relationship negatively. out of respect i'll try to neutralize all the friend issues you have, but let me have my friends. they are MY friends. which means whether they like you it's not your decision.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

#twitterkills thursday #15

remember vinyl? good chance if you we're born after 1982. . . you think it's cheap material they make clothes or chairs out of. remember cassette tapes? good chance if you we're born after 1989 . . . you think it's some kind of adhesive tape. remember bet, mtv, & vh1 when they used to actually play music videos? it was less talk and more music. good chance if you we're born in the 90' probably don't. damn..if you were born in the 90's, you're young as shit. lol

anyway. cassettes tapes killed vinyl. cd's killed cassette tapes. mp3's killed cds. same shit is happening with twitter, facebook, & wackspace (myspace). it is killing texting. kinda like email killed writing letters. no one text or calls anymore. it's like if you see everything on twitter, why do you even have to hit somebody up?

my beef (topic) today is..."when you find out shit on twitter that you should have found out in a more personal way".

if you're sitting on twitter and find out your chick/dude just got a promotion. if you're checking your status and find out your sister just had her baby. if you just won the lottery. if your grandma died. if your mom & dad are getting divorced. if the greatest shit in the world JUST happened to your best friend. or even that your friend is NOT your best friend/girlfriend/boyfriend anymore. like seriously they ended your friendship on twitter and told twitter before they told you. or if you get on and see your chick's new picture is her with another dude. when did it become cool to share in the news with other people first. those used to be special occasions where you'd be the first or second person to know. now depending on your refresh rate & their number of followers you could potentially be the 78th person to know. that fucking sucks!

some people honestly jump on twitter as soon as some awesome shit happens and don't even think about texting their friends anymore. me, my friends can attest..i do all that shit at the same time. i hate hearing news in my text, over the phone, that i've already seen on twitter. i hate that shit. by the time you get to telling me personally i'm over it. like really..."i read that this some new news?".

*running, flipping, sledding. . . my way into your computer.....* POW. or should i say WAKA FLAKA

either way you're dead. #twitterkilling you bitches. tell everyone else first if you want to. i didn't care anyway..

Monday, February 22, 2010

migraine monday meltdowns. . .

if there is one thing you should be learning about me, i love creating days..phrases...hashtags, etc.

this is NOT gonna be a weekly thing. i know how i say that then yall hit me up on twitter like.."where is #migraine monday meltdowns..." *evil stare* @drrarepearl83.

migraine monday meltdowns is a courtesy tip for you ladies how to prevent your dude, friend, brother, father, etc...from melting down on monday.

today's tip: be prepared to swallow the honesty pill

something we appreciate as men is straightforwardness. we want you to get to the point and just say what you gotta say. we also want to know if you have a problem, issue, concern. . . like some time around the time you actually have it. so if you got something to say...say it. that being said. something i think that is hard for women is to just tell us the truth. maybe it's a protect our feelings, protect our ego, or "i'm just afraid of you.." thing. but for some reason women don't like to tell you the truth, unless it has to do with something we've done wrong, you want to hurt us intentionally, or you're just fed up. anything else, it's like a skating rink because yall asses are just skating around.

be big girls, like you swallow those big 800mg motrin at that time of the month. those big ass prenatal vitamins. birth control pills, plan b, antibiotics, etc... swallow the honesty pill. just say what you're feeling, but learn how to accept the reaction that comes with it. yea he might become mad. yea he may overreact or not understand. yes, he might need reasons, examples, an explanation. yea he may become defensive. but just like anything else, just say it because it needs to be said. if you don't like how he dresses, looks, dances, drives, etc..just say it. i know you're thinking, "what good will it do?". and yea, sometimes it's good to use tact, but if you never say anything about something bothering you it begins to be your problem..not his. so if you never tell him his favorite shirt he never washes, sleeps in most nights, and wears every time yall go out needs to go in the trash. that's your problem, not his. if he gives you pecks and you prefer long passion filled kisses. that's your problem, not his. if he dances like elaine from seinfield and embarrasses the hell out of you at the christmas party, your wedding, your kid's b-day parties. that's your fault, not his. if you don't tell him, he doesn't care, know, and won't alter it. we aren't mind readers. we won't correct or change things that don't seem wrong to us. we also aren't MAN-nequins, we do have feelings. you can hurt them. so when you swallow and take your honesty pill..remember we have to swallow & take our "hurt feelings" pill and it'll take time for it take effect.

honesty is the best policy and even though things seem to get complicated for a minute, in the long run there could be a compromise or change that could benefit the both of you. stop causing monday meltdowns..just be honest with us (you want the same from us, right?). and deal with us being upset, hurt, or defensive. imagine if i told you, i hate that dress you wear ALL the time. the one that's your favorite. you ask me why, and i say it makes you look pregnant. you ask me if i think you're fat, and i shrug and give you one of those..."" but you read my facial expressions and know i mean, "um yea". imagine how that would make you feel. just because i'm a man don't think that you suggesting i should lay off the cupcakes, fried chicken, & other "good for your mouth, bad for your heart" foods, that's gonna make me feel good about myself. find a nice way to say what you got to say. and yes, it may be a "really?" moment but that's better than a "i hate her ass...evil bitch" moment. don't throw grease at me and assume it's gonna roll off my shoulder like water.

Friday, February 19, 2010

ManFive Friday #31

this is the last in the "insushiwetrust" series of Manfive questions. again, ladies if you have questions hit me on twitter #manfive, through comments, or email .

this week's topic: 5 common pitfalls single women make when trying to find mr.right

okay ladies grab a seat. get out a pen. get some wine. call your girls. i need yall to relax and listen. i know we live in a world full of sorry men. yes, it's true. there are a lot of them out there. that being said..there are a lot of sorry women too. but there are good ones out there, men & women. so how does a good woman find a good man? better yet how does she avoid missing a good man? here are 5 common mistakes women make when looking for mr. right...

#5: Bag lady...
"bag're gonna miss yo' bus/you can't hurry up, cause you got too much stuff/when they see you coming/niggas start to running/from you/yes it's true/ they do". -Erykah Badu

yanno how yall like to hide your purse in drawers or in a closet or under a coat in the car? and a guy will come up to yall and be talking. he'll start feeling you thinking you're great and shit. you're just walking around carefree. then he's ready to go someplace and you go pick that damn bag up. all of a sudden things aren't simple. you got this big ass bag full of your whole house on your arm. and it keeps stopping you from walking as fast. it starts stopping you from getting on rides. every time you try to walk through a new door, you gotta stop and check the bag.

your issues are like a purse. when you are carrying them around with you it complicates shit a bit. it doesn't ruin it. it just slows things down. when a man is into you and is trying to progress if you keep bringing up old shit you're stopping the movement. once there's a stall, yanno it's hard to get the ball moving as fast again. i'm not saying you can't have issues. i'm just saying, not dealing with them beforehand or letting them rule & run your life will make you miss out on someone who is interested and ready to move with you. don't slow down the progress with your purse full of issues. carry that purse but instead of that big ass hobo bag, get a dinner purse. some shit without a strap that you can just carry. some shit you can lay down and forget somewhere. leave them issues in the car, on the table, at home.

#4: the List....

all yall have them. even the one's that say you don't. "he has to be at least 6ft.", "he has to have a Ph.D"., "he has to make 7 figures". "his dick has to be at least a foot"..

yes, there is nothing wrong with wanting the tallest, smartest, richest, biggest dick dude in the world. but the truth is, getting a combination like that is going to highly minimize the pool of men you can choose from. trim your list some. what is important? what do you need in a man? stop focusing on what you want. there is nothing wrong with being choosy, but if being choosy has you alone till your 41..then stop complaining. your mr. right embodies everything you NEED. he can become everything you want after you get your needs met.

don't let a good man slip away because he isn't as tall. or physically fit. don't assume because a brother didn't go to school you know his life and he isn't smart. don't look at his hooptie at 26 and think that's what you'll have the car seat in when he's 34. don't feel him up and miss out on the best head of your life because you assume his pipe isn't long enough to snake your pipeline. sometimes you have to just live and give people a chance. don't limit who you give a chance. you might miss out on something or someone who is packaged wrong. sometimes great things come in small & ugly packages.

#3. STOP caring about what your friends think...

don't look at your relationship through your friends eyes. don't let them influence you to go against your own judgment. i'm not saying don't listen to them. i'm not saying don't go to them for support or love. i'm saying, don't let them tell you what you're feeling. don't let them tell you what your man is feeling. don't let them control or critique your relationship. yes, he may not be into you to them. may need someone to wake you up and make you open YOUR eyes. but the only way for you to take responsibility for your decisions is for you to be in control of your decisions. you have to make that choice. you have to feel that way. you have to take everything into account. weigh all the pros vs. cons. if your girls don't like your man? so the fuck what? if you love him. if it's a healthy relationship for you. if you can see a life with him. fuck them. fuck what they think. never live your life for what your friends think is best for you or be with the guy your friends think are best for you. you're the one who has to be with him. you're the one when everyone is gone home who will be sitting there alone. don't let them lead you down a lonely road. friends are there for you no matter what. even if they hate your dude. think you could do better. they are gonna still be there for you regardless. so just roll with it. don't justify your relationship or liking a guy so your friends will be cool. they aren't gonna be fucking him, are they?

#2: Stop chasing unavailable men...

if a man has a girlfriend. if a man has a jump-off. if he's married..leave his ass alone. don't think you're gonna change his situation. or he's gonna see that your all he's every wanted and make your dreams come true. if he leaves his "now" situation for you..then he'll leave you "later". loyalty is a great trait. it's something that you can't count on if a guy shows you in the beginning that he doesn't have it. don't trust a dude who tells you his wife just doesn't understand him. he's just with his girl because of the kids. he's leaving her as soon as he gets his situation straight. don't fall into the illusion that you'll be any different. don't stand by, wait, or tolerate being second, third, forth, get where i'm going with this?

if he's heavy into his career. if he's too busy with his friends. if you are chasing him..leave him alone. guys will chase you. if he wants you, if he's interested..he's gonna make that clear. it's okay to be patient, but there is a time where patient becomes stupid. make sure that the guy you're waiting on has concrete intentions to be with you. if he's just busy right now, fine. i know how that is. if he's just under a lot of stress, fine. i know how that is. if he's being pulled eighty-seven different ways, fine. i know how that is. but if he shows no interest in you at all...leave him alone. i get crazy busy at times. sometimes months at a time. i've neglected women who have been in my life. but i've always found time to give them in some way. if we aren't seeing each other, we're always talking. she can always hit me up. i'll go without sleep to talk to her. i'm not forgetting her birthday or special days. there is a limit on how much room you get when you're busy. i'm not perfect...most my girlfriends will tell you that. but i try. and my effort is always there. ladies, make sure you see some effort. don't waste your life on someone who isn't trying to give you any of theirs.

#1: Don't be afraid of love, relationships, & to trust..

don't be afraid to try. don't be afraid to love. don't be afraid to be open. don't be afraid to trust. don't be afraid to be taken care of. don't be afraid.

need me to say it again: DON'T BE AFRAID.

i have a painting in my game room that reads.."nothing beats a miss, but a try". you'll never know what life has in store for you. or what you can have with someone until you open yourself up to it. and i know it's a hard thing to do. but seriously, think about your dream relationship. you want to have the comfort of loving someone. knowing they love you. sharing everything with them. trusting take care of you, to love you, to be faithful. you can't have that unless you let someone in. you can't have that unless you open yourself up. it takes that first step. everything you want from a man, believe it or not he wants from you. but if you're not giving it to him, you can't expect to receive it back. if you don't trust him. if you're closed off to the idea of things. if you have "issues" that get in a way of you being completely honest about your feelings. you're holding back that 100% feeling that when it's present it's overwhelming. seriously. when you meet someone and you feel like you can be yourself. like you can confide in them. you can trust them. you connect with them. it's like nothing you've ever experienced. but it's not a one way street. you can't expect to get that if you're not giving that.

i'm not saying you have to be completely free of issues. you have to lay everything on the line. i'm saying if it feels right, take that leap. you can't be afraid of everyone & everything..forever. at some point you have to trust in your judgment, in your heart, & in God to see you through. it hurts to lose love. it hurts to be wrong. but if it is right...the reward will right all hurt & all wrong. give the dude a chance. give yourself a chance. give love a chance.

(next week question courtesy of beyond danielle)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

#twitterkills thursdays #14

okay, we all have them on our list (those of us on twitter. come on you stranglers...time to get on twitter). those folks who are doing the most on twitter.

this weeks #twitterkills thursday topic: people whose life revolves around twitter.

you ever been sitting there looking at your timeline like.."shit, what the fuck did they do before twitter?" yanno that person who is on twitter EVERY time you get on. it could be 9am...noon..7:34pm...1:23am...4:48am..etc. their ass is always talking about, "i'm going to bed..." but then you wake up in the morning and they are still tweeting..."ok, i'm going to be for real guys...". they may even try to fool you with, "i can't sleep....ugh" but they say that shit every night. the truth is they don't want to miss a second of twitter. they also don't want you to miss a second of their interesting but not interesting life. it's like come've been on twitter 23.2 hours of the day. there is no possible way for you to have a life and be on twitter that much. like seriously. at some point or time in the day you have to be distracted by SOMETHING..anything. BIG or small.

your roommate has to come in your room naked and wipe their ass with your shirt. or your kids have to spill some shit all over the floor and table. your mom has to forget to pay the power bill & the phone bill at the same time and both your internet and phone access gets blocked. your dog may take an interest in fucking the sofa. something...even if it's very twitter worthy of tweeting. it will take your mind off twitter for a moment to *cough*actually live life *cough*. yes you can tweet about it later. yes it can be the topic of a great trending epidemic. but you have to get of at some point or time.

so look at your timeline. find that person who is ALWAYS on twitter and shoot that twitter fiend POW.. right between the fingers. make them tweet with their tongue or toes.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Manfive Friday #30

just in time for the lovefest that is valentine's day. here's the third installment of the "insushiwetrust" manfive questions 4-part series.

this week's manfive friday #30 topic: 5 ways to get a guy to push his "freak" boundaries (other than sexless stalemates).

remember when all he had to do was touch you, kiss you, pull you close. when all it took was him grabbing your hand or caressing the small of your back to make you get that tingling sensation. the long nights. slow stroking mornings. and surprising afternoons of sex that had you speaking in tongues, kissing & telling with your girls, and rushing home to get some more. then it got comfortable. and the sex got, well um..boring. or maybe you've been with one of those dudes who has always been boring. who just doesn't rev your engine or get you to that place where you're trying to get all wild with it. the sex has gone into a stalemate and even though you love him, you seriously need a change in the bedroom.

well i'm here to help you ladies out again. maybe you can even try this shit this weekend, since we know the #1 gift you can give a dude for valentine's day is some good ol' fantastic nookie.

5 ways to turn your man into a freaktastic animal...

#5: get creative. . .

i know a big gripe with you ladies is that we tend to be a little selfish & controlling in the bedroom. you start pulling out toys, oils, & feathers and we give you that "wtf" look. yes, we tend to think that all you need is some dick in your life & as long as we're giving it you're getting everything you need. you have to slowly start introducing things into the relationship. start with edible things first. whip cream, icing, chocolate syrup, honey..anything that you can lick off. it's not only a turn on it's very sensual and gets our mind racing about where you're gonna put it. then move to hot & cold: ice, wax, or warming massage oils. after that whips, chains, handcuffs, feathers whatever floats your boat. thing is once you get him going and him into it he'll be anticipating what you'll do next. even if it doesn't increase his stamina at least you've added like 10 minutes of foreplay right?

#4: get adventurous: get wild with it, think outside the bedroom. . .

one of the biggest misconceptions is that all the loving has to happen in the bedroom. i get it, most times when you women think of "making love" it's in the bed. and after a while we get conditioned to thinking that's where the sex happens all the time. that spontaneous part of us goes into hibernation mode and we're no longer thinking outside the box. or in this case the bedroom. there are PLENTY of places we can have sex. PLENTY of places we can touch, grab, & feel. from the kitchen table, counters, up against the fridge, wall, or on the stairs. in the shower, the tub, the couch, or the floor. it doesn't even have to be in the house. climbing into the drivers seat on his lap when yall pull up to the house. pulling his trunks down when yall are in the pool. grabbing his package under the table at a restaurant, the movies, back of a cab. not saying you gotta get all crazy with it in public, just saying that the thrill of doing it in different places brings excitement to the relationship. thinking you want him and you're not afraid to do it: "whenever, wherever...whenever..". will get him giving you that look wherever you go. only problem once you start it, he's gonna be wanting to do it everywhere. be sitting in the pews on sunday, making Jesus shake his head. . .

#3: let go of the rules. . .

some of the most common ones:

"don't touch my hair" - which means no running his fingers through your hair or pulling on it. no sweating it out. no nutting above the neck. no shower, pool, or ocean loving.

"no leaving marks"- no hickies, no bite marks, no spanking..

"no dirty talking during sex"

"no ripping clothes"

a lot of times you aren't maximizing his full freak potential, because you got too many rules. it either takes him out of the his sex game or it puts him into a more bland sex life. it's like getting a gift and you want to rip it open and get to it, but your mom makes you unwrap it slow like you're going to reuse the wrapping paper. sometimes he wants to act on his animalistic instincts but he's being told no. sometimes you gotta let him grab you hair, rip your panties off, bend you over slap that ass, and tell you what he's about to do to you. it doesn't have to be every time, but letting him do shit you don't usually let him do will excite him. it will also give him the feeling that he's in control and there isn't anything off limits. he might give it to you so good, that you might just forget you just got you hair done earlier that day.

#2: talk to him about your fantasies, ask him about his..

women are afraid to tell us what they like sexually. either you think we'll take it the wrong way, look at you differently, or reject you. yet you sit and listen to us ask you to have threesomes, dress up, rub our balls till we go to sleep..whatever the fantasy, fetish, or personal likes & dislikes. you think it's because we're selfish lovers and don't care about what turns you on and what you like. and there are some jerks who are only out for theirs. but for the most part we do want to know what would turn you on. what would make you go crazy. what would totally turn you out. we're willing to do just about anything, as well you should.ask him what he thinks about. when you're talking to him before he gets home ask him what he wants you to meet him at the door in. role playing. sex swings. dominatrix. blow his mind & in return he'll blow your back out.

#1: be into him...pleasing him

i know you ladies like to claim it's ego & maybe a little of it is. but there is nothing like knowing and feeling a chick wants you & wants to feel that intimacy with you. that in itself is one of the biggest turn ons. find out what it is he likes, be in tune with his moans. know what it takes to get him to that point. if something he does turns you on, tell him. don't be afraid to moan or talk to him and let him know you like it. i promise you once a guy thinks he knows what turns you on he'll do it all the time. and i'm sure yall notice that shit too. he does that one move, ALL THE TIME. you think it's his signature move, and maybe it is. but i'm sure at one point or another you made him think you liked it, whether you did or you were just faking. and he tries to recreate it to make you feel good. women tend to act as if sex is one-sided. like yall are doing us a favor and you could be watching "bad girls club" instead of messing around with us. when you get into it. when you get into us. we feel that connection & feel free to explore and try new things. the more you enjoy it, the more you give us. the more we enjoy it, the more we give yall. make him feel like the best lover in the world & he'll try to live up to that title.

yall have a happy valentine's day. . . i dunno if i will.

my valentine's flight got canceled...*update* NOT canceled anymore. *update* canceled AGAIN.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

#twitterkills thursday #13

so. . .you ever been on twitter and people act like the burden of grammar, responsibility, and subtleness relies on you. ever felt like there were things you just couldn't say. . . on YOUR own twitter? or that the twitter police were going to come arrest you for saying how you feel or for talking to someone out of pocket?

#twitterkills thursday topic of the week: being censored on twitter.

personally i feel like some shit that is yours, is yours. what you say, how you you say it is your right.

offense #1, people who try to make twitter an english paper. yes, "your".."you're".."they".."they're" is highly misused. but if you know what the hell they meant why the hell you got to correct them on twitter? or point out a typo? it's like once you hit send, it's out there. don't make ppl think they have to retweet themselves to change "thi" to "this" we know where you were headed. and those be the same people who think they got an "A" in grammar class, yet say the most ignorant shit and use the worst shorthand in twitter history. we know you're not really smart. you cancel yourself out, sorry.

offense #2, now i admit i say the word, "nigga" on twitter or my blog but only in extreme situations. i'm trying to be racially responsible on both. due to the fact that i see SO many ppl use it in the worst way and it leaves me with my mouth wide open...kinda like that whole John Mayer saying it felt like "wtf". the reasons ppl like him and other's who SHOULDN'T be saying it say it like it's nothing is because we say it too much. i have no problem with the word, just prefer it be used by ppl who can't use it in a demeaning way towards you. if ppl understood why they couldn't say it and understood why you& me saying it was different..then i wouldn't feel like i'd have to water down my "that ninja owe me $40". when yall know i really mean "nigga" with heavy emphasis on the "n" & "ga". yet...i have to watch what i say out of personal responsibility. don't get me wrong you can say whatever on your twitter, not trying to censor you..just saying if your descendants nor you have ever been referred to as one (negatively), i'd prefer you follow john & his "david duke" then me if you're gonna use it.

offense #3, being on a twitter leash. due to me being monitored by my stalkertwit. the # of ladies to the # of men i have on twitter gets me in trouble. participating in certain #trendingtopics (relationships, sex, or #shesofine) gets me in trouble. i've been told a man with a girlfriend isn't allowed to have a sexual opinion about anything to anyone except his chick. it is a way of bragging, advertising, or flirting. because again, remember MEN are only on twitter to get some. *sarcastic typing fingers sound* so a lot of things i would usually say...i can't/don't/won't in order to keep peace with my stalkertwit. i feel it infringes on my right to be my usual witty self. some ppl have the gift of bargain shopping, i have the gift of turning anything into something sexual. let me be me...dammit.

pow....pow pow. #twitterkilling you censors.

Friday, February 5, 2010

ManFive Friday #29

this is a special post...not only is it the second installment in the 4 question series from insushiwetrust (again, thanks for the questions/topic of the week). it also marks my 100th post. i wish i could do some special ass shit, but to be truthful i'm trying to write this before i head to miami for the superbowl. so you'll just have to recognize it for special, as

this week's topic is:

"how to get the guy you're into when it's his boy that's checking for you..."

this again is a tricky one. ever saw a group of guys, checking for you. you scoped them out, found one you liked, smiled to let him know if he ask maybe he can get that number. you're sitting there looking all good, getting your drink on when the ugliest dude from the group walks over smiling. now at first, maybe you think he's acting as scout for the group. so you're being nice, giving casual conversation, still looking at the dude you want in side glances. you get it in your head that you're gonna ask about his homeboy if he says anything about you being there alone. but what you don't know is this little exchange has made you his, "CTT". at this point once the homies see him talking to you, you are a "can't touch this" chick to them. because he's made his claim. and trust the lamest dude will be watching the door to make the call on the chicks early. they always find the finest chick and be like, "aww man...i'm getting that tonight".

or maybe after hanging out with a new dude in that "just talking" phase you meet his friend and you find out that the connection is out of this world. and you're sitting there thinking, "why the hell didn't i meet him first?". again, you are in CTT land.

this is when it gets difficult because you're trying to make dude go against one of the most basic man-laws. yes, there are some brothers who "just don't give a fuck..". but for the most part if a dude call dibbs on you, you can't go against your boy. even if she fine. even if the connection is amazing. even if she gives him no play. there are a few things you can do to "switch friends & begin again". but you have to be really careful, when you're coming between friends.

5 ways to refresh the situation & get the dude you're checking for instead of the one checking for you..

#5: see the play & intercept that bitch..

get your play book out because you are about to be gamed:

play #1: quarter back sack..

to avoid confusion, keep eye contact with the dude you're checking for. do not ALLOW any of the other guys to think you're looking at for them for a second. even if his boy calls it, everyone is gonna be like, "she checking for "Ed"...".

play #2: the fumble..

keep the conversation moving. as long as never gets a chance to ask you out, you're safe. you can be nice. you can inquire about him and his boys. you can get that invite back to the table. as soon as his boys see there is a loose're up for grabs. we have to respect the initial call. we have to respect our dude introducing you as his girl. but if he brings a bun into hot dog land, it's a fumble. whoever picks up the ball...slides the hot dog in the bun.

play #3: the interception..

if you happen to check the group of guys checking for you. and the wrong one gets up to talk to you, carefully but quickly get up and go to the bathroom. at this point you've seen the play & you intercepted the ball. yes, the friend may still be trying to get at you (if he's persistent) but this gives you another chance to make it clear the one you're checking for. you can be bold, walk over introduce yourself to the one you like first. be friendly to all of them, but make it known that's the one you're interested in.

play #4: touchdown..

when the dude gets up and starts walking towards can write your number on a napkin, smile & hand it to him before he says anything. look over at the guy you're checking and say, "tell him, i'd love to go out with him".

#4: ignore the fuck out of his advances...

if you run into two guys and you notice his boy is giving your more play. best way to let him know you're not interested up front is to act like you don't hear none of his advances. let him buzz by you like a gnat. continue the conversation with both of them, but shrug off the advances of the friend. as soon as the one you're checking for gives you an open lane, step on the gas. you have to be careful because you can't flat out make his dude seem lame, to the point where he trying to call you a bitch & get an negative reaction out of you. you have to be nice to both of them, but let him catch the hint that you're not interested in him like that. which is hard cause some dudes just don't get it. and if he's in front of his boy and he's trying hard he'll get mad quick. the thing is for him to realize you're not interested or for his boy to realize you're interested in him and to take over the situation.

#3: put him in the friend zone...

if you're friendly enough and put up the fence between being friends and being more. then you have a good chance of getting at his friend in the future. in fact he might even hook it up AFTER he's over the fact that yall aren't gonna hook up. you gotta be careful & patient. you can't befriend him then ask him about his friend the next week. it takes a minute for guys to give up on the dream. even if YOU think, yall are friends..he's still thinks he's working on being more with you. one way to kinda remedy this, is to befriend the two at the same time. kinda get a hang out situation where you're hanging out with them both but not as either of their chicks. if you naturally let feelings get stronger between you and the other dude his dude can't really get mad. and you're not really coming between friends.

#2: take the bullet...tell the truth

yea, someone is going to be the bad guy. in this case, the bad girl. if you're really feeling the other dude, tell the dude you're with...first. don't go talking to the other one trying to set shit up. just be honest, up front. yea, you don't know if his friend is even gonna be interested. but if you want to try to holler you have a better chance of it not being as much of a problem if you're upfront. sometimes people just don't connect, or at least not on the same level as you & someone else. just tell him you're interested in his friend. just tell him you're just not that interested in him. just tell him that you're just not interested period & give up on talking to either one of them. either way..just be honest. no one can fault you for telling the truth, they don't have to like it. but you're not doing anything wrong but saying how you feel. it saves on time, energy, & even more hurt feelings.

#1: keep it friendly till it's no denying it...

what happens when you're in the best conversation of your life? you're speaking to this person on so many levels: spiritual, physical, emotional, etc.. and his boy comes and puts his arm around you because, he's your boyfriend. you feel it's wrong because you're developing feelings for his dude. you feel it's wrong because you can see his dude is developing feelings for you. it's time you incorporate #2 in the mix. just tell the truth. it's one of those things where you don't want to hurt your dude. and his boy doesn't want to fuck up his friendship. but the feeling that, you're missing out on something that could be life changing is killing you. keep it on 100% with your dude. until it becomes completely obvious that you switching dudes is what you want, don't give into the temptation. have that talk with your dude...first. the only way you can start something great is by starting it the right way. and even though your dude may get hurt & never want to mess with you again or his friend. at least there is no deception in the situation.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

#twitterkills thursday #12

this #twitterkills thursday edition is:

you need more people

so my boy just hopped on twitter. he's actually been on twitter for a minute, but he's one of those folks who got on didn't get it and didn't stay around. so we we're hanging out about a week ago..and i was tweeting. one thing about me my phone is text message central. everyone cept my mama & the president text me. my mom doesn't cause she can't figure out her phone enough to do it. the president doesn't because i'm one of those folks with a crazy name that you kinda gotta distance yourself from if you got a crazy name.

anyway. needless to say i'm always on my phone doing something. so my boy peeped me tweeting. i think he got a little tweet jealous cause i was telling him the crazy shit i was getting @replied. and the crazy shit i was tweeting back. so he's like, "i ought to get back on twitter". so i'm like..yea, it's cool. mind you i'm not a fan of befriending too many folks i know and hang out with on twitter. not that too many are on. i hang with them dudes who unless someone show you how fun the shit is you don't wanna do it. because at first i wasn't a fan of twitter. in fact i was like, "who wanna be on some shit and tell folks what their doing every few minutes..lame". well guess who got lame & addicted? yea, me.

so first thing i tell him, "don't go adding everyone you know, know...cause if you're saying what you're doing & who you're doing it with it's the quickest way from a mojo to check you and your locale. and it totally does not allow you to talk about folks you even remotely know cause all that shit always gets back some how (snitch ass mojos) ". he got what i was saying immediately. so he gets on and thinks he just gonna add folks and get his twitter thang going. wait, i'm bout to go look & see how many followers he has right now..4.

the hell? how he hell you been on twitter for a few days and still only got 4 followers? shit i got you 2 of your followers. your twitter hustle is a #fail. my advice to him, just tweet eventually ppl you add will add you back if you hit them up on the regular and yall connect. he was telling me last night, "man twitter takes too much...."

awwww, poor him right? wtf-ever..for being a punk about it i'ma give him 4 #twitterkills.

pow-pow-pow..yippie yo yippie yay- POW

let me know if you wanna make his day & follow him.

Monday, February 1, 2010

ManFive Friday Disclaimer

alright ladies, it's become apparent that maybe i need to put up a official MF.S.A (man five service announcement).

since starting ManFive, the format has changed. it took me a minute to bring you what i envisioned for ManFive Friday. i started it after advising one of my friends on her man problems. it became apparent to me that you ladies needed a little help understanding the male point of view. through a few of our talks, she would say "i feel like you're telling me things i shouldn't know...". that's when it hit me to start ManFive. this was a way for me to kind of clue you in as to how the male thought functions, works, self destructs.

yes, some of the topics are silly. some of them are aimed at single ladies, some at taken or married ladies. the realm in which i'm hitting varies based on your questions, my personal experience, and what's going on in my mind when i sit down to write.

my hope, for ManFive is that you ladies will see the error of your ways (i know yall don't find that funny..but i'm saying), no but seriously. it's so you can understand where we are coming from, but also so you can stop getting played or playing yourself. i want you to see bullshit for bullshit. if i tell you a dumb dude is the only one who is gonna treat you that way. don't try to justify your dude behavior. if i tell you that men don't care or don't listen when you do this or that. it's to tell you that you're wasting your time, move on. i am not a relationship guru (although, i'm pretty damn close), i'm just a guy who feels bad when women don't see that they deserve more.

you are the fairer sex. just like things we put on pedestals like our jobs, cars, kids, personal accomplishments... a good woman is one of our greatest yet most neglected assets. not to put you in a "things" category, just to say that finding, keeping you, & making you happy will be one of the most rewarding things we could ever do. so if you realize your importance in our life, at least what your importance SHOULD won't accept any less than that. yes, we as men make mistakes like you do. we aren't perfect, so there is some leniency that should be shown to some of these rules & red flags. but for the most part, you know when something doesn't feel right. i know some of you women haven't be fortunate enough to have a man treat you right. so you don't know what that's suppose to feel like. thing is despite that, you should know when someone is treating you wrong. expect more & you shall receive more.

remember to: be yourself, love yourself, & stay yourself. don't let a man or anyone rob you of who you are. because a good man will nourish you & help YOU change YOU for the better. he will never try to change you for himself.

hope ManFive continues to help you ladies in your quest for world domination. with the tools i'm trying to give you, men will be left powerless to your bullshit detector.

feel free to donate cupcakes, baked goods, & nice delicious home cooked meals for my services.


tha unpretentious narcissist