Saturday, June 19, 2010

manfive friday #48

this was a special request from a manfive love hater. her request, was to get away from the norm of the usual manfive questions. since as i continue to say you ladies hate love these days. it's okay, us hopeless romantics are here to stay...pushing peas to the front of your plate (inside joke)..

manfive friday #48 topic of the week: why men have to do it with their socks on..

i know you ladies have been plagued with this question forever. i know this is secretly why you don't watch porn movies, because the guys always keep on their socks. here are 5 reasons why men love to wear their dirty, stinky, holey, itching socks to bed and give you that nice sock burn?

#5: ugly feet

let's face it, there aren't many body parts that win acclaim from you ladies. you might go crazy over big feet, when they're inside some nice shoes. but it's no secret, all men can't be foot models.  in fact, no men can be foot models. you can have presentable feet, but sexy feet..naw. they come in a lot of different varieties: big,nasty, corn infested, hammer: sledge & jack hammer toes, middle toe longer than big toe. toe nails like razor blades. ashy, crispy, flaky feet. they aren't pretty to look at. they aren't pretty at all. therefore, we have to hide them.

#4: there is fungus lurking..

socks act as condoms. yes, that's right. that thin cotton layer between you and him is for our own protection. deep down inside those synthetic fibers there lives a fungus. a fungus among us. and let me tell you ladies, he knows he has it. it's beyond smelly feet. it's beyond crusty feet. it's that white shit between his toes. it's the scratching you see him doing with his finger, pens, keys, and anything else that will fit in the middle of his toes. you're mad cause he has those ugly socks on, but trust it's for your protection. he's doing you a favor. you know it's bad when he's in your shower with his socks on or flip flops. any dude that wears flip flops in his own shower, is telling you to wipe that shower down with some lysol & scrubbing bubbles. or yall will be sharing the itch.

#3: it's cold out there for a pimp...

you know how yall HATE for us to put our feet on you. laying there all soft and warm. so what if i need to ped egg the bottom of my ashy scratchy feet. you should take one for the team.when you ladies are laying there being stingy with your body heat, we have the socks to keep us warm. sometimes that's the only body part that needs something on it to maintain your body heat. so what if it clashes with our skintone. so what if it looks tacky with our birthday suit. it's serving a purpose and keeping our cold crusty feet off your manicured toenails. i swear it gets so bad i probably could file a chick's toenails just by rubbing the bottom of my feet on hers. at least with the sock it's like exfoliating with a loofah instead of the burn of sandpaper feet.

#2: you have some secret fetish..

what? don't act like you couldn't have a sock don't have to lie to kick it, i know you like it. i know you like that fabric rubbing against your freshly shaven legs. i know you like to get your toenail snagged on my socks. you know you want to be like the fabric softener sheet, all stuck to the bottom of my foot. i know you want it. i know you think it's sexy, my ankle all exposed with that bright white sock screaming, "come sex me..come sex me". i know you get all giddy like a schoolgirl when i put my ga tech socks. you get in the school gonna be my sexy cheerleader? don't be shy. come touch them. kiss them. feel them. pull them half off..tease yourself, i don't mind..

#1: we simply forget...

seductively getting out your clothes, whether stripping down nice & slow or ripping them off like savages. the last thing you think about is your damn socks. the shoes come off to get the pants off. but when was the last time you had to take your socks off to pull down your pants. it's not like pantyhose ladies. we do not have to remove them to get to the good stuff. and at lot of times we don't wanna waste time trying to pull them off. i'm saying, what sexy strip tease included socks? only times socks come off is during strip poker where you're actually trying to keep your other clothes on. so honestly if you want to know the truth the #1 reason we keep them on is because we have other "thangs" on our mind.


Isis said...

LOL @ this post.

#5 is a true story. this 1 dude...when the socks did come off, had ridiculously long toenails...felt like i was banging edward scissorfeet.

[nosequitir alert]

i feel like i need a relationship life coach

Ashley said...

First off, screw you and your peas! Just so you know, I did a quick scan for peas before I read lmao. Had to make sure you didn't try and be slick and throw peas in at the end just so I'd end up reading it all before I stopped lol. I know how you do jerk.

Second, you're an idiot for #4 lmao. I guess most of these could make sense but there's gotta be something else lol. I've watched dude strip down AND adjust his socks by pulling them back up before hopping back in the bed. Like wth? Maybe I'd be okay with footies but these damn tube socks are NOT the business! And what if we've seen your feet and told you that they actually are foot model material, you still can't let the socks go?

sunshinestar110 said...

Lmaooooooooooooooo.....I keep my socks on sometimes! *shurgs* I just feel like it not essential in the sex process and my feet are usually cold so they keep my cozy!!

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@isis: lol@ edward sissortoes. and what's up..want me to call up chilli's life coach for you? hit me up.

@ashley: it's part of an outfit. he thought you had a sock fetish. please keep up. he adjusted them so you'd be like, "ooh". it was part of the strip tease. almost like women "keeping their heels on".

@sunshinestar110: better take those socks off & get hot in the moment. socks on women is a NO NO, even with ugly feet. it's okay. the lights are off you can expose those puppies. he's trying to put them & you to