hopeless romantic. . .

"Hopeless romantics believe in true love, and the eternal bliss that comes from being united with one's soul mate is what they crave most.

Hopeless romantics recognize in themselves the ability to love infinitely deeply, and they ache to be loved with the same fervor in return. When a hopeless romantic has someone to lavish their affection on, lavish they do. Hopeless romantics sometimes write love letters full of poetic phrases and send flowers, but mostly they try to find a thousand thoughtful little ways to show their love. They make romance into an art form.

Hopeless non-romantics think that hopeless romantics are delusional and too intense. Other than the seeming futility in the search for a soul mate, nothing frustrates a hopeless romantic more than a significant other who does not understand the hopeless romantic temperament."

hi, i'm an hopeless romantic. nice to meet you. i am on a quest to love & to be loved. my ideal love? someone who looks at me and sees everything they need, want, & could ever desire. i know i'm not perfect, yet i try to become whatever it is they need me to be. is it too much to ask that they do the same in return? i know, chivalry is dead. being a gentleman is archaic. actually being a nice guy, strike 1, strike 2, strike 3...i know i'm out. but what happen to the lovers? what happen to the other hopeless romantics? where are the ladies who enjoy being courted. who enjoy a love note, written on scratch paper. cards with actual feelings inside, not just the store bought ones. what happen to a woman actually smelling the flowers you buy her, touching them, smiling, thanking you? you know i've never been on a date with a woman or saw her without giving her flowers? what happen to the women that noticed that?

where are the ladies who aren't afraid to be locked in the house all weekend with you. that find enjoyment by just being close to you? yes, we can go out and explore the world, town, neighborhood..but what's wrong with exploring each other? caressing my hand, interlocking my fingers. kissing, touching, gazing into one another's eyes. talking. actually talking. i wanna know you. what you like, don't like. the thoughts in your head. i don't care if all you're thinking about is, "i need to wash my hair..when i get home". that's interesting to me. you're interesting to me. i wanna learn you. i wanna read your moods, expressions, your thoughts. yes, it sounds obsessive but i want to be able to look at you and just know what's on your mind. i wanna share inside jokes without speaking. yanno, that smile we give each other when others are around..that lets one another know we're thinking the same thing. i want you to share your dreams with me. your passions, your fears. i wanna know what scares you, so i can protect you.. what hurts you, so i can never do that.

let me look at you. so what if i stare..maybe i love your smile. or the way your eyes invite me in & speak to my soul. did you know i can recite every line, freckle, birth mark, wrinkle you have? it's because when i look at you, its not purely of a sexual manner. i look at you for the beauty God created me to see. and let me just say, after seeing you...he is my favorite artist, hands down. i want you to see me that way. i want you to love my soul, so that one day when we do leave our bodies...we will find one another because we we're always in love. do you believe in deja vu? i do, i believe we were together before. and despite the years, the geographical distance, the different environmental upbringings..we still found each other. isn't that something? i found you, you found me. coincidence...or destiny? tell me do you believe? in love? in lust, in pleasure. all can be obtained as long as you never lose focus on the first. i lust for the pleasures of loving you. it's like you give me breath, hence you give me life. your love is what keeps me alive, and i need that. i need you. notice, i said need..not want. because you are a priority, it's essential that i have you. for you are what love is, and i NEED love.

all i ask? is for understanding and reciprocity. understand that this love isn't for everyone. that it isn't easily obtainable. if you can't work for it, fight for it, live for it, love for it..it isn't for you. if it's too much. if you can't handle someone loving you intensely. walk away. if "i've never had anyone treat me like this.." stops you from letting me treat you the way you're supposed to be treated..go back to mr. wrong. i know it may be intimidating...a man who actually tells you what's in his heart, on his mind, and that he wants no one but you..forever. it's all good, take some time to let that soak in, i'll wait....

but be advised that although a hopeless romantic is annoying at times. even though we can be a wee bit overwhelming. once a woman who is ready for one, takes notice. we are heavily in demand. meaning...we are a diamond in a field full of coal. yes, the coal has the potential to produce a diamond and shine. but we are 99.9% less work...and much more desirable. don't let the next chick get your diamond....i'm saying..if you like it you better make me put a ring on it..

signed,

tha hopeless romantic

letters to my exes, stalkers, current & potential loves

i jacked this from MzAuNatural-Beauty, check her blog Truth On The Rocks!. i thought it was real interesting and at the same time a good way to let it all out. so here's my letters to my exes, stalkers, current & potential loves:

first letter, is to my exes:

yanno how we left it. yanno why we left it. more times than not, it was your fault. more times than not, you regret it. it's over. i'm not sorry. you get what you give. and you're missing me, thinking about me, wondering what your life would have been like if you stayed with me..is what you get. no, there are no hard feelings on my end. most of yall were some bitches. even if that isn't who you are now. even if it was, "i was a bitch in the moment". either way you slice the bread..you were/are a bitch. to the one maybe 3, that were unfortunate to follow up after a bitch was in my life. i apologize. i apologize for not being in my right mind to see how wonderful you were, or to recognize a real woman when she was in my face. more than likely it's the bitches who'll assume i'm talking to them. but know..the one's who became exes at my hands did so because i wasn't emotionally ready to be with you. the one's who become exes at their own doings, did so because more times than not you were selfish. you wanted me & something else. and once you got the something else without me, you saw my value. too late. stop texting me randomly out the blue 3 months later telling me how you miss me. and can we be friends now. that shit is weird and uncomfortable. what if my new chick got that text? wait, run that back. it don't even have to be about a new chick. i shouldn't have to see no shit like that. since when has it been cool to send someone some shit like that, like we've been talking back & forth. just because your life is in shambles doesn't make it my problem. you want the kind hearted guy you treated like shit, to reply back with..."wow, it's great to hear from you..." get the fuck outta here with that shit.

next letter is to my stalkers:

hey stalker,

ooh, i just tweeted..did you see it? yea i know you stalk my twitter. i know you read my blog. it's cool. trust me, i have lots of stalkers. ppl tend to think i'm making that shit up till they witness the text messages & phone calls. or the strange tweets, dm's, & emails. truth is, there is no reason to stalk me. you can add me. you can communicate back & forth with me, i'm not gonna bite. most of yall are exes or a nosy girlfriend who think you'll catch me talking about you. but the thing about me is, there is NOTHING i'd say on here that i wouldn't say to you. if i called you a bitch (above letter) trust, i've called you a bitch to your face/ear/eyes (depending on how we were talking..). if i complained about how you won't do this or that, trust i've said it to you. you just don't like it when you can't respond. because if you respond i KNOW you're reading. catch22 huh? there is NO way your nosy ass see a link on my profile and haven't clicked it. and you know i'm talking to you @.... ain't gonna put you out there like that. just saying. you ain't slick. just be for real. stop being a stalker. that is NOT how you make someone like you.

third letter is to the ladies only after my "long john silver":

dear fuck buddies anonymous,

i know these days you ladies are more open minded about sex. i know yall will admit to opening the barn door a little more frequently than of yesteryear. now we don't have to estimate your "#" + 3, we just gotta add 1 to whatever you say it is now. it's cool, i feel you. but i'm saying. as much as i'd love to be a hoe, it's just not in my dna. i'm preconditioned to want more from a woman. sorry, should have caught me like 9 years ago. i'm just saying being a fuck buddy is not on my agenda anymore. sorry ladies. the big oak has left the building.

forth letter is to my current/potential/future love:

you see what happens when you become a ex, stalker, or a fuck buddy right? lol.. learn from that shit. treat me with respect & i'll do the same. i'm not hard to understand, because i've learned from past mistakes. i've learned what not communicating can do to a relationship. i've learned what being bored can do to a relationship. i learned what not really loving someone can do to a relationship. yes, there are stepping stones to get to those levels..but once you've stepped on them don't digress. don't back peddle when someone else has invested their heart & time into a relationship with you. just love me. love me with the love that God intended you to share with me. don't short change me, because i won't short change you. i have a lot of love to give, and if your fortunate enough to be on the receiving end, you'll never need any from anyone else.

i want us to connect on a level that is uncharted. i want the love you feel for me to be unlike any love you've ever experienced. i'm willing to make that happen for you, if you're willing to make that happen for me. i want a friend. someone who knows me, who wants to know me more. i want you to smile cause you know what i'm thinking. finish my sentences cause you know what i'm gonna say. end a fight cause you know you were wrong. tell me to calm down and be quiet, cause we both know i'm wrong. i want you to know how much i love you & what extremes i'd go to to make you happy. and i hope you can the say the same.

love denied..

i am a chronic love adviser. meaning i'm in the business of offering advice on matters of the heart. i do it often. and often it's great advice (if i say so myself). i think hindsight is a bitch, and i've had a bunch of bitches.

i guess the most disappointing thing is i can't ever keep love. it's like, "those who can't, teach". i'm stuck in an endless cycle of knowing what love is. knowing what it's supposed to feel like. knowing what it isn't. and knowing when it's wrong. unfortunately, it never does me any good. i'm the kind of guy who looks good on paper. i look good to you as a friend. i'm charming in the beginning. then something goes terribly wrong. expectations.

i expect so much more, because i've been taken advantage of repeatedly. it's not a bitter expectation. like i'm just unfairly wanting things unreasonable. only thing i require is love. only thing i ask, is love. i want to feel it. i want to know it's there. it's almost like i got a love shield around me. as long as ppl are near me they feel the love all around me. to the point where they want to stay there. but they never give it back. like the shield, shields me from being loved. i'm honestly not being dramatic. this is how i feel.

when i lose love, it feels like i lose a part of my life. a part, that i set aside with the hope for more. it never really seems like the person on the other end is as hurt as me. i'll do all the lame: waiting for a response, checking my email, phone, etc.. just any sign they they even cared. and usually i'm let down. why can't i just roll over on love like that? why can't i just be ice cold? it's a part of me that feels like i should. but it's a part of me that feels like that blocks God. although i think he's playing a cruel trick on me. yanno the one where you probably should have become a monk, but you didn't so he's just gonna make sure you are alone for the rest of your life anyway? yea, i think that's me. and again, i'm not being overly dramatic. i truly believe God, chooses some people to be alone. it's one of those, receiving your paradise in heaven things.

a little background information about me. when i was younger i was really into church. first girl i ever dated was a PK (preacher's kid). she wasn't one of those bad ones either. i was a youth leader, i was really into all of that. all of sudden that relationship that was going great, just went away. like literally, we were together happily one day, the next not. one of the dumbest reasons. my next big relationship was my marriage. and again, it was going great. i know people say, "i didn't do anything to deserve it..". and honestly i didn't. it was great one day, and then off a sudden it was over. love comes into my life & gives me hope. then it leaves fast with no remorse. no one is every sorry. like they say it, but they really aren't. that is the part that sucks the most. people can go on the next day like everything is fine, while i'm left holding a bag full of empty dreams & promises.

i don't even have many close friends, because i don't really think people are interested in me for me. it's always something else. growing up, it was because i was a pushover and i had money. later it was because i was still a pushover. then it was the connects. then back to the money. needless to say, i doubt people's true intentions for friendship. that's why i rarely reveal much about myself. it's just easier to find out who likes you for you.

and when i think someone likes me for me, and they don't. it's like an arrow through the heart. you love people the way you want to be loved. that's why i love hard, blindly, & unconditionally. it just sucks when it's not returned. love denied. yet again.

love in & out of time......

you ever got the feeling that someone thought their time was more valuable then yours? i touched on it briefly in another post, about how ppl assume that their problems can't wait. yet aren't there to help you deal with yours. well i think that w/ love it's even worse.

ever felt like someone had you on a set time. like they deal with you on a "P.S.T." ( particular set time). like if you randomly text them something. or you called them, they would ignore what you said until it was convinent to get back to you? the same people who will text you right back with a "so you're not talking to me?" when you take more than 2 minutes to reply back to them. yea, that person. someone with no regard for your time or feelings. basically when they need you, you should drop everything and be available. they don't understand that, "you're working". they don't understand, "you're tired". they don't understand, "you have problems too...". so they don't understand when their micro world of non-life-threatening emergencies happen why you don't run to their rescue when they just sit back and ignore any & everything that goes on with you.

i guess i'm just tired of inconsiderate women. i've grown up thinking women were listeners. women we're more caring them men. women liked to talk things out & try to make things better. that is all a lie. women are just as selfish and uncaring as men! wish i had a lady zapper where i could just zap the fuck out of a chick everytime she ignored me & had an automatic instant message of the reason why i was zapping her ass. "you are being zapped because yesterday you ignored my question....and now you bitching at me about why i won't answer yours...this is why bitch." ZAP.

friend 2 lover.....

why is it so hard to understand women? i know the same can be said for guys. but honestly, women are a whole different creature in itself. i've always prided myself as a "say how you feel" type guy. so i'm not one of those guys women sit around and wonder what's going on in my head.

in fact most times, they wish i'd stop saying what was going on in my head. i'm a straight forward, straight shooter. if i'm into you, infatuated, in love, engrossed, close to be a stalker for you..i'll let you know. no guessing here ladies! so when i get a chick that is nothing like me, and i have to guess at everything she's feeling it's like...w . t . f . ? if i'm your friend beforehand. like we've been friends for years, why you acting like you don't know me? i find that dating/talking/liking someone you've known for years leads to one thing. the only thing they remember about you & your past friendship was all the chicks you dated, what you did with them, & how you felt. and that is used against you more then anything you could possibly do in the present with them aside from cheating on them.

how do you get that old friend back? the one who isn't afraid to tell you how they feel. the one who listens & isn't judgemental or keeping a list of things to throw in your face later? when i get with a lady, i pretty much put her before my other friends. that is if she is suppose to be there. and yall know what i mean. if a chick is trifling, just using you for money, status, or cause she bored...you don't put her before your homies. but if a chick is for real, and that's who you trying to spend all your time with then when you boys come calling you tell them to get at you later. but what if you get with a double standard chick?

a chick who don't want you to do anything, but (in t.i. voice) "she can do whatever she like...". a chick who will hang out with countless male friends, but don't want you to even text your female friends back a "hello" w/o there being trouble. or she get on that jealous tip where she hear you talking to the cashier at the grocery store and swear you're flirting with her. it's like the entire time we've been friends you aint check that i don't randomly just get with ladies like that? not only that have you heard stories where i was juggling two or three girls at one time? if i didn't have hoe-like tendencies before we started kicking it..why you think they've developed into grown ups overnight?

sometimes i feel like you shouldn't mess with friends. and more than likely i'm straying away from it if the opprotunity arises in the future. it's like it's great to have someone you have history with. you love & respect, and you value them already as a friend. but the issues & baggage that the shit brings is not the business...

stuck on 3rd base....

i'm a baseball guy. i actually played second base, but i've entitled this blog, "stuck on 3rd base" because i'm using to express how i'm feeling.

it's like picking up the bat, going out to the plate, gripping it tight & focusing on hitting it out the park on the first pitch. first pitch comes, you hit it and it looks like it's headed towards the stands then you hear the umpire scream, "FOUL BALL". you get 1 strike.
you then get your wits back, shake it off a bit and wait for your next pitch. you're a little scared to swing again, so you lean in and get "BALL 1". somehow you find yourself at "BALL 2", then "BALL 3"...

with the easy "take your base" ahead, you finally get the courage to swing again. you see a good pitch, you grip the bat, close your eyes, follow your heart, instincts & hear the crowd roaring. you throw the bat down, prepare to take your base, "FOUL BALL". strike two. your heart drops, your legs waiver a little as you make your way back to the plate. your decision at your full count.."lean in for a ball", "bunt", or "swing" & just take your out. you grab your bat prepare for the pitch. you get ready to swing, get scared and lean in for the pitch. and the pitcher has given you a baseball shaped tattoo in the side. "HIT BY THE PITCH, TAKE YOUR BASE".

you're on first base now. and you're trying to figure out the pitcher. should you stay and wait for a safe time to go or should you chance it & run? if you play it safe, what are your chances getting to second base? but you don't know if you don't take the chance. so you steal second base. things are going right, you make it to second base. you look down at third base and it looks so far away. yet you're confident you can make it. so after a minute of accessing the situation you make a break for it and slide into third. what now?

i find myself stuck on third. and the more i try to access my situation. check myself. and trust in love..the more i find i need someone to hit that ball & bring me home. in a relationship you can't do it all yourself. yes, you could try to steal home...but what's the possibility you'll make it? yet, it's hard to depend on someone to do that for you. and when you're looking down at the plate and see that person standing there unsure. you see that person standing there head down, eyes closed, choking on the bat just like you we're..you realize that was you three bases ago. how can you depend on someone who isn't ready to hit the ball out the park for you?

so i vowed, not to be scared of love. no matter what love gave me, i was going to try to knock the ball out the park every time. but what happens when the ball goes back to the wall. stops and drops in outfield. you take your bases, end up on third again. and you're waiting and you see that the person standing at the plate is standing there without a bat.

w. t. f. ?

love dissertation via 808's & heartbreak

love is a funny thing! actually, let me take that back. there is NOTHING funny about love. love is a series of different emotions: joy, pain, ups, downs, detachment, stalking, completeness, (mis-)understandings, (in-)security, excitement, boredom, etc...

depending on where you are in your life, love can be many different things. i think with time, you develop an understanding of what you need & what you don't need. i think kanye west was on the realest shit of his life when he dropped 808's & heartbreak. totally co-sign this album for documenting the ups & downs of love.

watch as i breakdown my love stages via Kanye West "808's & heartbreak" titles..

Love Lockdown:

"i'm not loving you, the way i wanted to. i can't keep my cool, so i keep it true. i got somethin' to lose, so i gotta move. i can't keep myself and still keep you too..so keep your love locked down. you love locked down. keeping your love locked down, your love locked down. i keep your love locked down, your love locked down. i keep your love locked down, you lose...." - Love Lockdown

when i was younger, i dated one girl (middle school through college). that was all i knew & when that love came crashing down it seemed like the end of the world to me. after suffering my "mini nervous breakdown", i had to get my mind right. so i told myself, i'm not gonna love like that again. it put me in a love limbo for years, because truly my resistance to love was the fact that i still loved her. it was this realization that allowed me to move on.

Amazing:

"i'm a monster, i'm a maven. i know this world is changin'. never give in, never gave up. i'm the only thing i'm afraid of....no matter what you'll never take that from me. my reign is as far as your eyes can see..i'ma amazing, so amazing.." - Amazing

after that realization i became "amazing". this was the rest of my college years to mid twenties. it took a while before i dated or even thought about talking to anyone else. i still had her in my heart, but i got her out of my mind (most times). i admit i wasted the time of a few nice girls, to my defense i didn't know i was doing it at the time. i had just made up in my mind, that i was going to find a nice girl to hang with & we'll see from there. but marriage was NEVER on the table. until i met, heartless..

Heartless: Bad News : Coldest Winter

"in the night, i hear'em talk, the coldest story ever told. somewhere far along this road he lost his soul. to a woman so heartless..how could you be so heartless" - Heartless

"didn't you know, i was waiting on you? waiting on a dream that'll never come true. didn't you know, i was waiting on you? my face turned to stone, when i heard the news..when you decide to break the rules? cause i just heard some real bad news...people will talk like it's old news. i played it off and act like i already knew. let me ask you, how long have you known dude? you played it off and act like he's brand new..when you decide to break the rules? cause i just heard some real bad news..." - Bad News

"only lonely nights, i start to fade. her love's a thousand miles away. memories made in the coldest winter. goodbye my friend, will i ever love again? memories made in the coldest winter.."- Coldest Winter

ok, mrs. X (code name for my ex-wife), totally fooled me. anyone who knows me, knows from the beginning i said, "i'm going to marry her". within a few weeks of talking/dating. i claimed her as my girlfriend, shortly after my fiance, then my wife. we had a beautiful son & started our life together. that's when the shit hit the fan. she became heartless, & hit me with some real bad news which started the coldest winter.

Welcome to Heartbreak:

"and my head keeps spinning. can't stop having these visions, i gotta get with it.." -welcome to heartbreak

after mrs. X decided she wanted to start a new relationship during our current one. i entered true heartbreak. i'm a traditional guy. i only wanted to be married once. i only wanted to have children with one woman. how can one person screw up what you want in life for you? although she left me with a beautiful son, she took away everything else i felt i had. i admit i was prepared to go into a full nervous breakdown because i was going through some things health wise at the same time. but thanks to my family & some real good friends i made it through this time w/o a love lockdown. instead...

See You In My Nightmare:

"i got my life, and it's my only one. i got the night, i'm running from the sun. so tonight i'm running headed out the door....after tonight there will be no return, after tonight i'm taking off on the road.....and that you know....tell everybody that you know. that i don't love you no more. and that's one thing that you know, that you know. okay i'm back up on my grind. you do you, and i'm just gonna do mine. you do you. cause i'm just gonna be fine. OK, i got you out my mind. the night is young. the drinks is cold. the stars is out. i'm ready to go. you always thought i was always wrong. but now you know. tell everybody, everybody that you know. tell everybody that you know. that i don't love you no more. and that's one thing that you know, that you know."

"you got the right to put up a fight, but not quite. cause you cut off my light. but my sight, is better tonight. and i might...see you in my nightmares. but how did you get there. cause we we're once a fairytale..but this is farewell...yea..." "baby girl i'm finished, i thought we were committed.i thought we were cemented, ooh we thought we meant it. but now we just repenting. and now we just resenting. the clouds was in my vision, look at how high that i be getting. and it's all because of you. girl we through, you think your shit don't stank but you are miss P-U. and i don't see you, with me no more. but tell everybody that you know...that you know..." - See You In My Nightmares

this song says it all. nothing else i have to say...

Street Lights:

"let me know, do i still have time to grow. things aren't always set in stone. let me know. let me know. let me...seems like streetlights, glowing. happen to be just like moments, passing in front of me. so i hopped in the cab, and i paid my fare. see i know my destinations, but i'm just not there....in the streets. i'm just not there, in the streets, life just not fair.." - Street Lights

after the realization that life has to go on. i had to start over. i knew where i was going, just had to figure out how to get there. a life as a single man, after you've been married is crazy. you have that horrible "divorced" stigma attached to you. you have a child, that you have to raise as a single father instead of how you envisioned. i knew God had taken care of me, allowed me to rid myself of mrs. X, without ridding myself of "me". so i knew the next chapter of my life was going to happen, just wasn't sure how yet...


Say You Will: RoboCop: Paranoid:

dating when you're separated SUCKS! women don't really want to come near you because you're "still married"or they think they're your "rebound girl". i guess no one understands what place that puts you in. it's like, mrs. X is with her new dude..engaged. and every girl you talk to and explain your situation is "side eyeing" you like..."negro please.." lol. after my divorced i was armed with the bias that "it will not happen again...". so all women that follow will have a harder time loving me, convincing me & fooling me.

" hey, hey, hey..don't say you will. unless you will. hey, hey, hey..don't say you will. they play you will. i pray you will." - Say You Will

after you've been in a committed situation. you look at dating different. i'm not looking for some chick who just wants to date me. i not the same single i was years ago. so it's hard finding women who are on the same path. a lot of times, they "say they will" but they aren't ready to make that step with you.

"bout the baddest girl i ever seen..straight out a movie scene. who knew she was a drama queen...that would turn my life to stephen king. up late at night, like she on patrol. checking everything like i'm on parole. i told her it's some things she don't need to know. okay, okay, okay.... cause i don't want no robocop, your moving like a robocop. when did you become a robocop, now i don't need no robocop." - Robocop

i'm also not about being checked. i think a lot of women lack trust, therefore they want you in their back pocket. they want to know everything you're doing, when, how, & why. which causes unnecessary drama, drama i'm not used to because i've never been in a situation where a chick didn't trust me before. i'm from the old school, where you trust until you have a reason not to. i trusted mrs. X, she didn't sneak behind my back she did everything in front of my face. it was the trust i had that allowed her to do so. but i wasn't wrong in trusting her, she was wrong in betraying that trust. so when a woman doesn't trust me to the point where she's a robocop, it's def not a good look.

"why are you so paranoid...don't be so paranoid.... all of the time, you wanna complain about the nights alone. so now your here with me, stressing about it, you shoulda left that attitude way back at home. you see'em look crazy, let'em look, get you cold look, cause we look cold. yeah, you heard about all the word of mouth. don't worry about what we can't control..." -Paranoid

again..chicks are so paranoid. i hate when a woman listens to her friends about you. most times their friends only know "hsots" (her side of the story), and speak out the wrong sides of their mouth. i'm a busy guy....i work a lot, i have a son (which i have solely 5days a week), and i have family responsibilities. i hate when a woman doesn't get that. when they aren't appreciative of the things you do for them. all they do is complain about what you don't do.

Pinocchio Story:

"wise men say...you'll never figure out real love...i got the whole world figured out...but i could never seem to find what real love was about. "do you think i sacrifice real life for all the fame...& flashing lights." - Pinocchio Story

i'm still trying to figure out love. what i'm suppose to do, how i'm suppose to do it. what will make a woman truly happy, gracious, & love me the way i want to be wanted. my work, does get in a way. i spend months locked in the studio, unable to give all the quality time i need to. this isn't a hobby tho. it's what pays my bills, provides for my son, and my other love. it's what has loved me since i was born...and until you "say you will...", you're gonna have to understand that!

guess you special, and i'm not?

something that drives me crazy about people....is the fact that they think they deserve treatment they don't give you. it's like, i can call someone twice. once because i was trying to get at them. again, to leave them that "i was trying to get at you, but you weren't available..i'm kinda upset about that" message. they explain it away with a bullshit reason and it's supposed to be cool.

yet this same person. when in distress will call me 11,000 times, leave tons of messages, leave those annoying text "PLEASE CALL" messages your voicemail offers as an option, text you with "i'm trying to call you..." as if they are the police and it's official business. am i the only person who hates that? am i the only person who ignores the fuck out of them for doing that? that is except my mom and she's a chronic abuser of this fact.

i'm saying i hate people who think they are special & you're not. that's an any area, for example:

• everyone has that friend that will call you at ungodly times of the night to complain about the most trivial shit in the world. they want you to listen. keyword, listen..as in not talk & give them the same advice they gave you last week when you wanted to talk to them about the SAME shit. all of a sudden "insert subject" is the worst thing in the world and them writing it off last week, is now null & void...in their situation.

• you have a friend that highlights your flaws. yet the second you say anything to them it's a cry-bitchfest and they can't believe you said or think that about them. it's like come on, please get a life & another zip code.

• you meet someone & they totally pass judgement about you at first glance. happens all the time to me. i'm at a friend's party...i'll be introduced as such and such cousin or friend. they'll ask me what i do, and i'll respond i work in music. now if i was going to pookie's bbq or a regular house party, i'm sure i'd run into a lot of "i work in music" types (on various levels). but you automatically get that look like..."oh yea my cousin's boyfriend's uncle makes beats". then they go right back to their, "intelligence bowls"...where they try to quiz and test each other's knowledge of random ass tidbits. give them about 10 minutes and they want to become a music critic. they'll sit there discussing gangster rap vs. r&b these days..etc. and then turn to me and ask me what i think...are you serious? that's when you gotta floss...first off, you got your degree in what? history, huh?..okay well i have an engineering degree from Ga Tech. fuck with it. that ring you got on your finger, i got 4 of them in my ear right now (8, if you count the other side). fuck with it. you're cousin's boyfriends uncle does music, huh? me & him is not the same. fuck with it.
  

• and my most hated "you think you're so special moment". when you're waiting in line for some shit. and you've been there forever. and someone walks their ass to the front of the line and says, "oh..i just have to ask them a question real quick"...dude..you're question gonna have to wait in the back of the line. i'm saying..

i agree with diddy on this one thing..."no more bitchassness". i say we have a "no bitchassness" day where we get a "slap a bitch" pass. not a "bitch" as in a female. a bitch as in a bitch...and yall know what i'm talking about. just a slap hard enough to knock their ass back into reality. so come on diddy..let's gooooo! (you start with Day26..then yourself for allowing Day26 to be on tv like that, then MTV for allowing all yall to be on like that...don't worry about the girls..dwoods can slap aubrey can slap dawn can slap andrea and so forth and so forth..).