Monday, June 7, 2010

i got my build a bear shape on...

June Challenge (day #7)
i used to be in tip top condition. i used to go outside to wash my car, take my shirt off..and bring all the girls to the yard. it wasn't my milkshake...more so my frosty. but, let's face it. things happen. i'm older. i've been through a few things, these past two years. and the body i once had is not the same one staring back at me in the mirror. gone are the washboard abs. it started off just like dude in the picture. i started being able to pinch an inch. then another. started off as a little i'm a golden build a bear. stuffed full of love and goodness.

don't front, you know that's cute. it may not be SEXY...but let's face it. most you ladies have a cute like cuddly bear on your bed more often than you have a tall, fit, sexy man. so whatever to yall haters. but i do admit, compared to where i used to be...yes, i'm a work in progress. a work my chick thinks should be progressing a lot faster than it is..but that's just cause if she gains a pound she goes to the gym to lose it. *seesmic raccoon look*. what's my point exactly. i'm working on getting that old body back. not working too hard, but i am working towards it. so last yesterday i got invited to a pool party by one of my homeboys he was throwing for an atlanta falcons player who will remain nameless (due to all the hoe fuckery that was going on). so what to do, what to do? i wasn't sweating it that much, since attracting chicks at this thing would have been impossible anyway. why you may ask?
  • first off, i'm not single (sure my chick is shaking her head in agreement as she reads this)
  • with nba & nfl players all over the place i wouldn't have had a chance anyway.
but just because i'm going to be a speck in the crowd, does not mean i still do not care about my appearance. i may not have my beach body on point, but i can fake the hell out of a pool body. it's no secret i told yall i am not gonna win the mr. fit man competition anytime soon. but that's not gonna stop me from getting my "pool game sexy" on.

so what does that mean? it means that despite the fact that i'm not ripped and walking around like i'm not mouth watering chocolate out on honey, essence, or upscale magazine. just because i'm not eye candy on the daily to you salivating women who love to objectify men as pieces of meat, candy, or personal love toys. i still know how to make it a more eye pleasing situation. how you make ask...well i'ma tell you. all you gotta do is a quick workout. i did about 50 reps of 10 w/ the weights. followed that up with push-ups, the number i dunno. i just did them to my arms were too sore to do anymore. took a shower and lotioned up real good. and just like magic the instant bulk in the muscles distracts you from the bulk everywhere else. true story. but it's just for a limited amount of time. just like cinderella, at midnight the muscles are going to even out and your "pumped up" state will go back to, "i eat hamburgers by the pound and drink beer by the gallon. so don't be trying to show off...learn when it's time to leave.

there are too many dudes trying to be seen. which means there are too many dudes walking around like "the situation" trying to show off their abs like they're straight off an episode of prison break. but there is hope for the rest of us. yanno the dudes who have a life, jobs, distractions..and can't/won't/don't live in a gym. at the pool at least you'll have that one fat dude, fatter than you. you'll have the werewolf dude with his hairy back walking around the pool scratching his nuts to contend with. you'll have the one dude who doesn't realize he should have on a "cover up" like the ladies. you'll have titty man who titties dance around as he bounces on the diving board. so odds are in my favor. i might have been the shortest dude there, but i was not the worst one to look at.


Isis said...

lol @ all of this...

i have had some super cut dudes...and they are lovely to look at, but i need a little fat on top of the just looks more "manly" to me and it's a more comforting feeling. i also like a certain amount of gut *shrug*

& now i feel totally weird like maybe this is some type of oedipal complex cuz i totally just described my pops.


sunshinestar110 said...

fool you are crazy lol....but all that goes for females too! i remember being slim but now things are little different but my sexy is till around just in a different form...

ps..this whole blogging for 30 days straight is killin' me dog!! lol...U need to give up so i can too!

Alovelydai said...

So that's the plan huh? Eat burgers, drink beer, get pudgy, do a few reps, apply lotion, head to shirt off event? Hmmm me thinks I'm gonna initiate this plan for the duration of the summer...minus the beer & shirt off thing of course!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@isis: lol @ fat on top of the muscle looking more manly. see that's why we're cool. and that's exactly why you'd never be #twitterkilled for a simple as tweeter, cause of comments like that.

and that's not weird, you just like what you're used to seeing as a "man". and usually it's your father. just like a dude will go get a chick that acts like his mama.

@sunshinestar110: exactly, i be trying to tell my chick i still got my sexy on. she trying to act like she can't find it though all the fat. you superficial DC girls, i tell ya. and you're not having fun yet? we're on day 8..only 22 more days to go. we can do it.

@alovelydai: you should try it. the shirt off portion for you will probably make it an instant sensation though. trust that would distract from everything else. lol. not sure hubby would like it, but you'd be a winner to everyone else..

stephanie said...

witty and a great storyteller. i love it!

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@stephanie: thank you. thank you.