Thursday, June 3, 2010

#twitterkills thursday #29

ok..this week's #twitterkills thursday was a special request. the interesting fact, this person who is being #twitterkilled was #twitterkilled before for this. i had NO idea. i should actually put their twitter name on here, but thankfully i'm NOT that mean.

this person's crime? simple ass tweets. it's so bad that i have been summoned a few times by a few people to #twitterkill you. did i mention by more than one person? did i mention that these people don't even know each other. so randomly it has been a collected thought that your tweets make people want you to die. and i know that sounds real harsh. i know it's not a easy thing to hear. but truthfully it's time you heard the truth.

if you are watching "Lost". i'm going to need you to at least be making a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. do NOT tweet. "@simpleasstweeter: Lost...OMG". no one, not even people watching Lost know what the hell you're talking about. please use some of the other 140 characters available to you. please use adjectives and be more descriptive. if the only person who has EVER RT'ed you RT's everyone and everything...and they retweet a compliment like, "@chronicRTer: (thanks!) RT @simpleasstweeter: i like your shoes". that should tell you right there.

if all day you tweet something like this:

@simpleasstweeter:  i need more sundresses

everyone on your twitter list should @reply you back: "go get you one & get the fuck off twitter..with that boring shit". twitter is not the place for that.

if you tweet something like this:

@simpleasstweeter: i'm watching soultrain

i promise you everyone on your list is thinking..."annnnd?"...

i'm trying to save you from being marked "that person". yanno the one everyone feels obligated to follow because they are cool with you but HATES when they see your name on their timeline. don't be someone that numerous people come to someone who doesn't even follow you & ask him to #twitterkill you. this is dedicated to you @simpleasstweeter. one day maybe we can even be friends. maybe i will even follow you. it's not personal. there is nothing wrong with saying what you're doing. you can share what you're doing...but please at least elaborate on that shit. it's like playing mad libs. you are just saying the begining phrase. there would be a "_______________" after your tweets.

@simpleasstweeter: i have a new follower, "__________________________"
  • and they look like they smell like burnt kitties
@simpleasstweeter: i love twitter, "____________________________"
  • but i love crack more..j/k, or maybe i'm not
@simpleasstweeter: i'm in the kitchen, "___________________________"
  • licking hot sauce off my neighbor, should i cool off with some cool whip?
@simpleasstweeter: i just tweeted, "_____________________________"
  • and that was pretty boring, so now i'm going to read a book. #boringismylife
@simpleasstweeter: running bath water, "__________________________"
  • who wants to get in with me?
@simpleasstweeter: in my car, "_______________________________"
  • and it smells like a footlocker, i think i just found my lost chicken nugget from last month
@simpleasstwetter: in the bed, "________________________________"
  • should be sleeping, but the bogeyman is making too much noise #helpme
i'm not saying lie. i'm just saying think about what you're about to say and at least make it interesting. i won't @reply you if all you're saying is the first phrase. no one will. all they will do is #twitterkill you. so *taking your computer away, throwing gasoline on it, then wetting you up like gavin did patty on why did i get married too..*

@studiogenius: i got the matches...any last words?
@simpleasstweeter: i'm on fire!
@studiogenius: *smh*...

4 comments:

Beyond Danielle said...

follow me on twitter @MsPeachcandy promise I don't have any @simpleasstweets

although I am curious about who this person is

Isis said...

this is why i'm not a big twitterer...my life just isn't interesting anymore & neither am i. *teardrop*

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@beyond danielle: so glad you're back on twitter. and you don't wanna know the person, simply because they are boring as fuck. lol

@isis: you're life is interesting. you always have me cracking up whether on twitter, LJ, or even through comments. i think you follow the @simpleasstwitter tho. lol..

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

POW! POW! POW! #dead