i got this question from a friend. she was telling me about a friend of hers who was involved with a guy who always pulled her friend back into a relationship when he felt she was drifting too far. but once she was back, he showed little to no interest in her.
i find a lot of times, people find themselves in a "yo-yo" type relationship with someone. it's like you can't get away. there is something constantly pulling you back into their clutches. whether it's general companionship. the sex. the history. or an undying love for them. it's something you can't escape (for now..), something you don't wanna let go, someone you feel you can't live without. so you go back. over. and over. and over again. only to let them enjoy you for the moment then push you right back away. so you wanna know why he does it? why he plays with your heart like it's a toy. why he treats it like it's disposable. why he can want you so bad one moment, then not the next. well....five reasons why he plays yo-yo with your heart.
#5: it's a game..
and like most games, someone's got to lose. and guess who the loser is? that's right, it's you. some guys think it's fun...to toy around with your heart. to make you love them. to make you do shit for them. to watch you suffer. to test your willingness to be with them. they don't sincerely care for you the way you do for them. so for them it's not about love. it's not about caring, appreciating, or respecting you. it's not really about anything with you. they aren't acting like they don't care. they really don't care.
and your love is a joke. no matter how deeply you confess it. no matter how much you've done, given, forgave...they're pulling you back, because they can.
sometimes you ladies go back for it. sometimes he keeps you around for it. sometimes it's an equal trade. y'all are both using each other for it. but most times, one person is being used moreso than the other. and usually it's the woman. so if he doesn't want anything to do with you till 2am. or all his calls have to do with you coming over. if he does something nice for you, and it leads to y'all sleeping together. he's just pulling you back for the sex. don't equate him wanting sex with you as him missing you, loving you, wanting to be with you. because with men..we show that in other ways. if we're calling to hear your voice. if we're standing out in the rain with a boombox in the middle of a tornado and thunderstorm singing, "i'll pay your rent...". if we're sending you those annoying text messages "i love you = ( ". that's us missing you, wanting you, loving you. if we're sexting a picture of our dick and telling you to come hop on it. that's us wanting to have sex with you. stop confusing the two. they are very different.
#3: he's unsure...
just like you ladies, men get lonely too. one minute you are a hindrance to his life. you're nagging. you're complaining. you want this, that, everything. you're stopping him from doing what he wants. you're cutting him off from all the millions of women who are just waiting for him to become single again (in his head). then once he cuts you loose, he's sitting there thinking he wished you were there. one of those, you don't miss what you have till it's gone thing. so he calls you up. he comes back and then he gets frustrated with the nagging, complaining, the commitment again. he can't make up his mind as to what he wants. he doesn't know if he wants to be with you or without. so he continues to go back and forth, until he can decide. or until you get frustrated enough to just leave him alone.
#2: dependent on you..
sometimes when you've counted on someone to be there for you for a long time. it becomes second nature to call on them or "need" them when it's convenient. it's one of those things where "you're the only person who understands him". and even though he broke up with you to be with someone else. or he just couldn't take the relationship anymore. or he needed space, time to grow, time to find out "who he is". as soon as something comes up, your number is the first one he calls.
if someone close to him dies. if he loses his job, or has a bad day at work. if he needs someone to wait for a delivery. someone to watch his kid for a few hours. if he has an accident and needs someone by his side. if he's just lonely and wants to share some news with someone. sometimes he gets in a combination of #4 & #3 ...he's unsure about his initial decision not to be with you, misses your company, wants the closeness, sex, attention...but at the same time he's really not trying to be with you. he just wants the things you offer. and it's hard for him to stop looking to you for them. so he hits you up. brushes the cob webs off your heart. and gives you that glimmer of hope you've been waiting on for the moment. because in that moment he needs & wants you. but once he gets over his crisis. once the task is done, he's back to his original state. and that's the state of "not wanting to be with you".
#1: you let him...
in your attempt to love him, you lose your ability to love yourself more. so in turn you accept treatment that you ordinarily would not accept from other people. yanno how your friends/family say..."if i did that..you wouldn't talk to me for a week?". but he can go an cheat on you, talk to you any kind of way, not call or explain why he wasn't there when you needed him. and you're chasing him with a wedding dress on.
allow me to be a little crass. yanno how when a guy sees a beautiful woman. and all the blood leaves his brain and rushes to one part of his body?..that's how you ladies are with love. you fall in love with a dude. and all the sense leaves your brain and rushes to your heart. and you're standing there, knowing better. but doing shit that you never thought you'd do. you'd never be that stupid. you'd never let a guy treat you this way. you'd never be "that girl...". shit it's not exclusive to you ladies. men find themselves in that same predicament all the time too. that's just what love does to you sometimes. the thing to remember is, someone who loves you SHOULDN'T play games like that with you. if someone is constantly pushing you away. and you keep coming back, it stops being them. and becomes you. because first time you can give them the benefit of the doubt. but if all they do is win you back to treat you bad...you should catch on to how this story is going to go. love blinds you. it makes you put your faith in someone. and we all know faith is a very powerful thing. but once a person shows you that they aren't worthy, and aren't going to treat you like you're worthy...cut the string. and i promise they won't pull you back again.