Wednesday, November 21, 2012

i am thankful

day#21: i am thankful for fajitas...

ok, so i couldn't go all coon and say CHICKEN. but God knows anything chicken it alright with me.

i am a sucker for chicken, onions and peppers. i could eat it everyday. all day. the combination is heavenly. on rice, in a tortilla, fresh out a skillet. there is a reason why i'm mayor at my local mexican restaurant. someone says fajitas and i'm paying. it's one of those i could be laying in the bed and you call me at midnight and ask me if i want to tag along and i'm up in out in a few. it's also the way to my heart ladies. you wanna win you a life size teddy bear fix some fajitas. before you can get the chicken in the skillet i'll be at your place fixing shit. fix some chicken & shrimp fajitas......i will marry you. lol

i am thankful

day#20: i am thankful

this is too easy. so easy i won't even bore you with a "why i love music" rant.

i am thankful for music because it's what drives my life. it's what i do. it's how i live. it's in my blood.

i am thankful that i was blessed with music as a natural talent. i'm glad it's "my thing".

i am thankful

day#19: i am thankful for...something given to me by a loved one. 

no it's nothing naughty. it's nothing over the top. it's a gift my parents gave me when i was a little kid. something that if we left the house without, we had to turn around. something that i couldn't go to sleep without. something i couldn't breathe...without (yes it was that serious). it was my security blanket, but wasn't a blanket. it's something i will not reveal on here. and you have to have known me from childhood, heard the story from my mom or grandmother, or one of the very few people i've confided in with this classified information. i'll say this tho..i still have it. it may not be intact. it may not be recognizable. but i still have it. and if you ever guess what it is. or get around my parents and tell them i have it, i will deny you like you're crazy. 

but trust me. i was thankful when i received it. and i'm thankful that i still have it. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012

i am thankful

day#18: i am thankful for giving love to others....

I had tons of things that came to mind when i read today's topic. i thought about my son. i thought about my heart. i thought about personal gifts. i decided to just go with love, because it kind of summed it all up.

not to go on a love rant, like usual...all i'm going to say is i'm thankful i'm able to give love. openly & freely. i tell my parents i love them, my family & my friends. that to me is one of the best gifts you can give anyone. it's essentially the reason we're here, to love one another.

i am thankful

day#17: i am thankful for something materialistic...

life isn't about riches. it's not about how much you have or what you can buy. life is about living. but in a world where money is held above most things, its always nice to have it.

i am thankful not for the riches, but for the ability to take care of my son & my responsibilities. i live a humble life. a lot of my friends refer to me as Jason Pitts from the tv show " the Game". because unlike a lot of people in my position i don't spend money unwisely. my parents taught me growing up that money doesn't make the man, but it's important to have.

so i make money, i get things here & there but i don't go overboard. that's what separates you from the greedy. to truly be thankful is to acknowledge that you've been blessed and to act responsible with that blessing.  God gives you riches to enrich your life, not to sway you from the path of righteousness. it's okay to prosper as long as you don't lose yourself in the process.

Friday, November 16, 2012

i am thankful challenge...#16

day#16: i am thankful

i was never one for the gym. still can't manage to eat good. no where close to the body i used to have. unsure of what my physical condition may be in a few years, months, or even tomorrow. but i'm breathing. i'm here another day for my son, my parents, anyone else who loves me. so i have to be thankful for that. i have to be thankful that i can see the world. breathe the air. hear the noise. go for a run. wrestle with my son. just live. i'm healthy enough to wake up, walk out my house and enjoy my life.That's God.

i'm about a new me, health wise. i had a few setbacks as far as my MS is concerned. but it's made me focus more on the things i should have been doing. i should have been working out. not that i suddenly like it. but i know it's something i need to do. i went from having one strength training session a week to two, to working out 5 days a week. if i could avoid the cupcakes, sweets, & liquor i'd think i'd be good. step at a time huh?

i'm saying any of you ladies wanna cook me a nutritious home cooked meal 1 day out the week? i just need 7 of you to commit. lol.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

i am thankful challenge...#day15

day#15: i am thankful for..spirit

i'm low profile, i'm not on instagram with my line jacket on over a decade after the fact. i don't have the license plate covers or decals on my car. other than the black & gold air fresheners in my car. or the fact that i rock black & gold hats, shoes, shirts, bow ties,'d probably never guess, i'm part of the oldest & the coldest black fraternity around.

when i was in school we literally went ape. we were about that fraternity life. but as i got older, graduated, i never wanted to be one of those old guys who walks around like he just got off probate. not to bash anyone who does do that, i'm just saying. just because i don't do that doesn't mean i don't represent. i'm still ice cold to the core. i'll tell you in a second if you try to insult me by insinuating i'd pledge anything else. what i took from my experience is spirit. i'm thankful for the spirit of belonging to an organization that stands for brotherhood, excellence, & strength. that's what i take with me. that's what i share with other's. AΦA.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

i am thankful

day#14: i am thankful for my mind...

a mind is a terrible thing to waste. and an easy thing to take for granted. about 5 years ago i started suffering with symptoms which i later found to be the onset of my MS. i woke up one day and noticed a glare in one of my eyes. as the day progressed the glare got blurrier and blurrier until i found it hard to even see out of that eye. two days later i was blind in my left eye. which i immediately went to a neurologist, got on steroids, and regained my vision in that eye within a few weeks.

great, huh? that's what i thought until i started getting these mind numbing migraines. pain so bad it makes you nauseous. you feel like you're going to pass out. and you can literally hear the pounding in your head as if you were standing in front of a gong all day long. so i went back to the neurologist and got put on a migraine medication. i started taking it and my headaches slowed down...but i started noticing little things. one thing, i couldn't look at people at all. like if i caught eye contact with someone i felt like i was jumping in their mouth. my mind was racing 8000 miles a second. i felt off, i felt weird....i felt out of control.

i kept telling people..something isn't right. but everyone kept telling me if i didn't take it i'd continue to have the migraines. the medication had me depressed, so depressed i didn't even want to get up. everything made me upset to the point where i was either very angry or i just started crying. it had me so spaced out, i literally lost track of time. someone could start talking to me and i wouldn't hear a word they were saying. it got so bad, i just avoided conversations. it was like i was there, but i wasn't really there. like i was standing outside of my body watching "me", thinking "what the fuck is going on?". and no one believed me when i said "this medicine is making me feel weird". then one day....

i just stopped taking it.

it was like all of the animals that i saw chilling in my living room, ran back into the forest. everything was right in the world, almost instantly. i was me again. i had found my mind. it wasn't until that experience that i knew what it felt like to not have control of your thoughts. to literally be in a walking coma. i am thankful that i had sense enough to know that something wasn't right. i am thankful for my sanity. and i now know that medication side effects are no joke. trust me, i read all the fine print. i document any changes in behavior, or symptoms i may feel. i won't ever let nothing like that happen to me again. i love my mind. i lost it once, but after i found it...i promised i'd never let it leave again.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

i am thankful

day#13: i am thankful for heart

i'm a kindhearted guy. who gets taken advantage of a lot. it's hard being the good guy. especially when everyone's always rooting for the bad guy.

but i continue to live my life and stand by principles i believe. i'm not a quitter  deserter, or coward. i'm not afraid to be myself. i'm not afraid to live life. i'm not afraid to go against the grain. paint outside the lines. be different.

i'm different.

that's what makes me, me. i lead with my heart, not my fears. i do not hide my feelings or behind my words. i say what i mean, and i mean what i say. character says a lot about a person. who they are, what they mean, and how they treat others. i strive to be a man of great character and a man of great heart.

i am thankful

day#12: i am thankful for family...

family is important to me. i'm a family man, i'm a father first. a son, next. a cousin, grandson, godfather & nephew. i'd love to add "husband" to that list, but yanno. . .

being a father has opened my eyes to so much more, now that i have someone i'm responsible for nurturing, raising, protecting & teaching to be a good person. to be a good man. to love himself. to love others. it's the one job that never ends. the one job i'd never walk away from. and the best and most important job i will ever have.   i'm thankful for being a father.

i'm fortunate to have both my parents alive, active, and in my life. i still go and make them breakfast for mother's day/father's day. me & my son still sleep over their house on christmas so we can wake up together. we still go on family trips. we have family dinner night (until they started we hang out just to hang out. i enjoy being around my parents.

i also have a 86 y/o grandmother who calls me her favorite grandchild. who instantly smiles when i call. she's been through hell and back with health problems the last few years...but she's still here. i can still call and say i love you. i can still visit, hug & kiss her (even though i should do all of it more).

me and my cousin have been best friends all our lives (he's one month younger than me). we went to college together, pledged together, and he's the closest thing i have to a brother. his sisters (my cousins) are like my sisters. my godkids (my second cousins) might as well be my kids, because i love them to death. i have tons of other cousins who all refer to me as their "favorite cousin". because i love my family. i invite them to everything. i attend anything they have going on. family is more than genetics. it's a lifeline to who you are & where you come from. it's a connection that even if you don't want it. even if it embarrasses the hell out of you. it's still there.

i am thankful 11

day#11: i am thankful for my parents...

thank you God for blessing me with my parents. as a father i now see that the guidebook to parenthood is written as you go. and as a child i didn't quite understand that. but as a man, as a father..i've seen firsthand just how hard it is to be a perfect parent. all we can do, is try to do our best. and raise our children to be good people. thank you, for giving me two of the greatest people to teach me how to love. how to live. and how to be a good person. too many times we complain about the things we don't like. that we overlook the things that matter. do you know how many people would give anything to have their parents at their graduation, wedding, birth of their child...any life event. i've never had to know what it was like to not have them there. i love my parents & i can say they have loved me longer than anyone else on this earth.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

i am thankful

day#10: i am thankful for giving gifts...

i'm saying...

but for real, i'm the kind of guy who prefers to give than receive.

ok, i'ma stop. lol

i never realized till i was older how much my dad loved christmas. it's like his absolute favorite holiday. as a child you would have thought i was richie rich during christmas because my dad would have an entire room full of toys, trains, bikes, etc..
he couldn't wait til i woke up and went ape shit over my gifts. it wasn't so i'd think he was the greatest dad in the world, because until i declared i knew there was no santa....all my gifts were signed "love santa". he used to stay up all night putting together my toys so i never had to wait to play the next day. this "joy" he had was passed on to me. christmas is now my favorite holiday as well. and if i posted pictures of the view my son wakes up to on christmas...y'all would think i'd had 20 kids. and it's not about the's about watching his face light up when he shows me everything santa knew he wanted.

i've loved that feeling since i was little kid. it's always felt better to give than receive. my dad used to take me to the store to pick out a gift for my mom. and no matter what it was, if i chose it he'd buy it. and even if the gift was a piece of junk, my mom would act like it was the best shit in the world. and that made my day. it made me proud to have made her happy. and i do the same with my son now, except his mom has figured it out and has started coaching him on "things mom likes". but even still the smile on his face when his mom receives his gift and starts going ape shit...priceless.

i try to teach him that it's not about the gift itself,  it's about the giving. we give out of love, because we love. cause i'm kanye in the "birthday song" "i'll get a sweater, kiss her on the forehead....and tell her to do better" lol. naw..i don't do ever do that. because it's not about to gifts, it's about the thought & effort put into the gift. some of my favorite gifts received:

  • pictures my son has drawn me. 
  • one of my girlfriends knew i only liked root beer bottlecaps and bought a whole bunch of boxes and picked out the rootbeer one's for me.
  • one of my friends sent some of the most unique ga tech belt buckles..she also sent me a stupid book she won at secret santa that she kept telling me she was sending it to me and i didn't believe her till i got it in the mail...i love the book (and no i haven't read it..) lol
  • cards from friends & family...with personal messages
  • all of the gag gifts from my friends (we get each other stupid shit like pogo sticks, my little ponies, hair club for men subscriptions, etc..instead of real gifts)
  • crazy gadgets from the home shopping network and tj maxx that my mom sees and can not help but buy for me
  • my son
i'm thankful for any gift i receive, and i could list a million things because i love them all. but it's the one's like these that i never forget. i may not be able to tell you what i got from christmas when i was ten years old. but i can tell you about seeing my dad go back and forth from the car with gifts in his hand trying to make sure my christmas was amazing. the gifts that last forever...memories.

i am thankful (late edition)

day#9: i am thankful for gratitude...

i'm not the most reliable blogger. i pop in and out sometimes like i'm visiting. but one of the things i'm thankful for are all of you who still hold me down. no matter how long it may have been, i get those threatening "get off instagram & twitter and do another manfive!" messages from a lot of you. y'all hit me up and tell me to get back to blogging. y'all encourage me when i'm i'm feeling down. your kind words and funny replies sometimes make my day. It's not said enough but the kinship you form with people that you share your thoughts, feelings, and words with is strong. i feel like i know a lot of you, and i feel like a lot of you know me. i'm grateful for all of the friends i've met and shared my moments with, i am grateful for all of you. yes, even you people who NEVER comment but read my blogs. don't think i don't notice you anonymous people on my stats list. lol

i'm grateful for all of your comments, suggestions, and for checking me out. i'm thankful for YOU!

(and that y'all don't get mad when i'm late w/ posting shit...)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

i am thankful

i have to admit, sometimes i just want to pump my gas. or eat my fiber one bar at the traffic light in peace. i'd like to be able to walk to my car without feeling like i'm being followed, watched, sought out.

i'm not a fan of a beggar. yes, i just saw you ask the dude before for money. yes, i see your sign. no, i don't want to give you money if i see you smoking cigarettes or holding a cell phone. feeling this way doesn't make me selfish, but reaching in my pocket when i see someone who looks like their hungry and pulling out change when i have money in my wallet does. i'm a believer in people. i've given money to ungrateful people. i've given money just so someone would leave me alone. i've bought dinner for a man laying outside on the ground in front of KFC who didn't even ask me, put a $10 bill inside the bag and listened to him curse me out before he even looked inside the bag because i didn't buy him a drink. i've given just because.

and then...i've given because God moved me to. i still til this day say i had one of the greatest conversations i ever had with a homeless man on the expressway ramp at wesley chapel. i rolled my window down, because  before i even exited i felt a feeling. i can't quite describe what it was, but it was one of those things where you  just feel good for no reason. i saw him walking down the ramp, and before i knew it i had rolled down my window and reached out with a $20 bill. the guy walked up to me and said, "thank you sir, thank you. God bless you". and i have no idea how it happened, but we shared a conversation about God that has never left me til this day. I just remember driving away and feeling amazing. it wasn't even about the money. it was a connection i made with someone who was in need. it wasn't about me or him in that moment, that was God. i have no idea what the guy did with the money, i could care less. i just know that it made me feel good, just to give. just to talk to him like he was a person. just to share the word of God with someone.

giving to other's is not always something you want to do, but it's something you should do. it's something you will get a lot more back from, than you may expect. i am thankful for the spirit of generosity. i am thankful that God is with me at times when i forget that everyone on this earth is my sister or brother. and if i am able, even if it's the last penny i have to my name to help someone else...i should not hesitate  because God is always going to make it alright. he blesses you, so that you can bless other's. remember that year round, not just holidays or disasters.

"I was hungry and you fed me,

I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me. - Jesus

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

i am thankful

day#7: i'm thankful for encouragement...

yesterday, represented a beautiful change. we as a country are evolving, we're changing. it's not about who you voted for. it's the fact that so many people took action and voted. looking at my timeline on twitter, having random conversations with strangers, discussing with friends and family there was an excitement. one thing i can say about President Obama, he ignited a young nation. four years ago many young people discovered how important they are. how important their vote is. how they can make a change. even in states like mine, that are soaked in prejudice & racism the number of people who voted is amazing. that's beautiful. that's encouragement.

there are a lot of people who voted for Obama because he was black. there were a lot of people who did NOT vote for Obama because he was black. and then there was the rest of us that voted for him because he's the best man for the job. we re-elected a man who cares for america. not just black america or white america, all of america. and that's the difference, he just wants everyone to have an equal shot. whether it's education, healthcare, ..etc. it's not about one class or race of people. he wants everyone to have these basic necessities, because he understands this is the difference between the haves and have nots. this is the kind of man you want your children to look up to. he's educated, he loves his wife & his children, and he's humble. being from the south, i know that racism is still right around the corner. but seeing the country change the way it has these last four years i'm more hopeful for my son's america. the first president he'll remember is a black man. he'll grow up in a country where him wanting to be president won't be scoffed at. he has a chance not to experience the same racism i did, my parents did, or my grandparents did. i'm thankful for his encouragement that we as a country can change.

i believe, do you?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

i am thankful

day#6: i am thankful for writing...

i'm not a writer in the sense of a journalist, columnist, novelist, or any other "ist". trust me, people who feel they are any of those categories are quick to let you know you aren't "on their level". my attitude is, who the hell cares? i blog for myself, it's just another outlet to channel my creativity.

my real writing badge was earned through my music. my entire life i've been writing songs. even when i was child, i'd make up songs about everything. if i was eating it was about my food. if i was taking a bath it was about my bath water being too hot, too cold. even today, my friends will tell you i randomly start singing things we're talking about. it's always been a love. it's always be a gift. i thank God for my creativity. i thank him for the ability to tell a story through music and my words.

i'm a word play man. i like to play around with words and trigger emotions. this is what i do for a living. i compose (write) music. i write songs. i make love to a melody. i give voice to a note. i can say so much without saying a word. honestly it's spiritual. me & my engineer will listen to something a million times. then when we think we got it: we'll turn it up, close our eyes, and just listen. it's like an experience i can't even explain. this is when it's ballads: love, relationship type songs. when it's more uptempo i'm dancing around the studio like diddy. i literally can not sit down, because i become too engrossed. me and my production partner will skype when we're not working together in the same state and you'll see my engineer and his engineer rolling their eyes because we are cursing, dancing, and getting crunk over a......justin bieber song. seriously. lol

Monday, November 5, 2012

i am thankful

day#5: i am thankful for acceptance...

one thing about me is i love myself. i'm not the tallest guy around. i'm not even the average height guy. i'm downright short...and i'm okay with that. a lot of people joke and think i'm just saying it because i can't change it. but honestly, i'm okay with it. my dad once told me, "it's usually the people who don't like their own reflection that have a problem with yours. don't let people like that dictate how you view yourself". and that has stuck with me my entire life.

i feel like women especially want to make it an issue for me, because they always find issue with it. i can't help if me being short makes you insecure. i've had girlfriends not wear heels because they were so self conscious about being taller than me. when the truth is...i've dated TALL women, who have no issue with it. it's the women who are like 1-4 inches taller than me that act like i'm webster and their some amazon model.

proof that it's all in chicks heads...

me and my girlfriend at the time drove out to a park. we were at the gas station, she was in the car..i was pumping gas. these two dudes walk over to me. me being a gentleman and not knowing what the nature of the conversation was going to be..i locked and closed the door to the car for her safety  so these two dudes are asking me where i'm from, and inviting me to check out their barbershop..and just talking about the park we just came from. so i get back in the car, and she's all scary eyed asking me what they wanted. so i start telling her, and she exhales and tells me she thought they were going to jump me. now one of the dudes probably was 4 inches taller than me and skinny as a rail. the other dude was a midget. like a true legit midget. it was a very funny experience but it also showed me how she really felt about me being a protector. and that did bother me. but at the end of the day, i accept who i am. i accept how God made me. i am thankful that i can look at myself in the mirror and like who i see.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

i am thankful

day# 4: i am thankful for love..

i am thankful that i love, love. even when it doesn't love me i still seek it, want it, need it. i receive love from so many people, that i feel bad when i harp on not having it in the one area i'm lacking it in.

i struggled with this topic as soon as i saw it on the list. i wasn't looking forward to it, or had any clue of what i'd write. a lot of you know my stance on love, especially romantic love. i'm a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. when i'm in love, everyone knows i'm in love. i'm not afraid to share how i feel, what i want, or need.
i'm thankful i know what love is. i'm thankful i know how to love someone the right way. i'm thankful that my love is patient & kind. and i'm thankful that one, two, three, or even a million people couldn't spoil me on love if they tried. it's not love that's let me down, it's people. it's people who make empty promise, pledges, vows and take no personal responsibility for them. it's not God's fault for pointing me in the direction of someone who seemed deserving of my love. everyone deserves love. everyone deserves only the best love, they just don't understand that you need to return only the best love to others. so you get in situations where you know you're giving the best, to someone who isn't being fair to you. this is why life is full of lessons, experiences, and tests...and unfortunately i stay being someone's life lesson or experience. and the chicks i date stay being my test. how many heartbreaks does it take before you just give up? how many times can you be the good guy, and not win. no matter how hurt, bitter,sad, upset, disappointed, or angry love makes me, i still know that "that's not love" making me feel like that. so many people will nurse a heartbreak as if it's just a part of love. it's not. love doesn't hurt. love doesn't make you bitter, sad, upset, or disappoint you. people do. i'm thankful that despite my heart being broken that i still love, love. and i can see it, feel it, and receive it from everyone & everything around me. i endure my test, because one day i'll be rewarded for my diligence. and anyone i have loved will search forever for someone to love them half as much as i did. my test, your lesson.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

i am thankful

"a friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow" - William Shakespeare

day# 3: i'm thankful for my friends...

when i'm happy, they're there. when i'm sad, they're there. even when i think i'm alone, they're there. my friends aren't deserters. even the one's who i don't talk to as often or they pretend to be fake mad at me. at any moment i needed them or they needed me we'd be there for each other. because that's the type of person i am, and those are the kind of people i befriend. we stay to the end and are always here →←, there , and everywhere . i thank God for surrounding me with people who feel more like family than friends. you are who your friends are, and if i'm a reflection of my friends it must mean i'm a pretty damn good person myself. cause my friends are kick ass awesome. every single damn one of them.

i'm not the kind of guy who calls everyone my friend. it's never been easy for me to trust or depend on others. so when i say i totally trust & depend on these people i'm honestly saying i love them to death. you get a lot of people who pass through your life, but it's the people who never leave that make your life amazing. once i'm your my friend, we're friends forever...even if you piss me off. because that's what friendship is. it's a bond. it's a relationship. it isn't dependent on things we do, or say to one another. it's dependent on how much that person matters to you. and even if i curse you to the depths of hell...i don't mean it, because at the end of the day i still care about you. you're still my friend, and i'm thankful for the memories and times shared with you. i may want to throw you into the fire, but i'd risk 3rd degree burns trying to pull you back out. because real friends don't grow on trees, aren't easy to find, and aren't ever possible to replace.

❤ my friends...

Friday, November 2, 2012

i am thankful

day #2: i'm thankful for my life..

thanks be to God for the gift of life and that i'm breathing right now. thanks for waking me up, raising me up, protecting & leading me into an amazing life.

life to me is like a book. from your introduction there are people who are anticipating all of the wonderful, fantastic, amazing things you will do and become. your pages are filled with twist and turns. your plot thickens. and there will be people who never  want your story to end.and just like a book, you have to take it "one page (day) at a time" .

my story isn't done, my life is yet to be complete. i have a lot of living left to do, a lot of pages left to write. but i'm thankful for the experiences i've had. good & bad, i only get stronger & smarter. i'm happy i have my life together. that i'm not lost, or looking for "me". you can be happy with life, and not have everything you want. it's what you choose to focus on, that controls your happiness. i know too many people who think their happiness is dependent on their job, their relationships, their finances..etc. when in reality no one controls your happiness but you. if you're unhappy with starts and ends with you no one else. take responsibility for your happiness, and be thankful for all the blessings you overlook daily. when you add them up, you'll find the good outweighs the bad..always.

write on.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

i am thankful

day #1: what i'm thankful for right now...

thursday nights....anyone with kids knows how your life has to operate on a schedule. you have to get them up, get them out, pick them up, get them settled, homework...etc. everything i do from tuesday  to saturday  all revolves around my son's schedule. we get up at the crack of dawn. get home just in time to do homework and get him in bed before 9pm. one day that is the break from the norm is thursday.

this is the one day we either hit our local mexican resturant, or some random resturant to watch thursday night football with my boy Chuck, grab a beer (my son gets a cherry coke), and some good eats. it's become one of my son's favorite days as well as mine. at first i'd leave him with my mom or my cousin (the mother of my god kids)...but he started telling me he wanted to come with me. so we make it a night. we still get back in before 10:30pm, so he get can in the bed. but it's one of our special nights where he feels like one of the boys. and i get to relax, grab a drink, & hang out. thank God it's thursday!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Thanksgiving Challenge...

so since i've been missing in action....i've had a few naysayers, who think i'm not about that challenge life.

so just to prove them wrong. i'm committing to this Thanksgiving challenge brought to me in part by my girl Freckles.

starts..nov. 1.

*if you're participating hit me up and let me know so i can check you out.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

what i was looking for. . .

are your lips lonely?
do you mind if i introduce them to mine..
your wondering hands are restless...
do you mind if i give them a place to rest?
your heart is racing...
do you mind if mine joined in and they ran off together? someone grab a straight jacket cause i'm crazy about you. every second you're away the counter in my heart clicks away it's been 1 month, 3 weeks, 1 day, 6 hours, 34 minutes, and 42..43..44 secs since i've been close to you. i just want to reach out and touch you, hold you, kiss you, _ _ _ _ you...and a lot of random other things i like to do to and with you. can you smell the obsession on me? no not the cologne the scent of "i want you so bad it hurts to look at the moon because i get jealous it sees you every night and i don't" that lingers on my t-shirt that you cling to when i leave. i love you. i'm in love with you. that's the bridge i've went over and burned behind me..cause i'm not looking back. i bought a one way ticket to your love. no trip insurance, no refunds, no exchanges. my love train is headed toward your station....choo choo. i'm not slowing down. destination love land. i can't wait to ride your rides. eat your concessions. and look at all of the attractions. 

what do you say when "i love you" is not enough. when there are no words that can come close to explaining how i feel right now. " _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _    _  _ _ _ " fill in the blanks with anything you feel appropriate. anything that sounds awesome. anything that you want to hear. because i'm out of compliments. how many times can i call you beautiful, pretty, amazing, lovely, sexy, dazzling, gorgeous, ravishing, stunning, exquisite, alluring, or enticing? i feel like i say it're probably tired of hearing it. so i'm going to just start acting out my feelings....*points at you...breathes out....breath flutters away...i reach out take it and put it in my pocket", get it "breathtaking"..that's what you are. and i'm a little lame for that, but i don't care. as long as you understand how i feel. i went searching for love and i found you. you're what i was looking for. 

day#7: sweet talk week

Saturday, July 21, 2012

the way i feel.....

my life is better
whenever you're around
my heart is alive 
my soul is on fire
i feel electric 
powered by desire
fueled by passion
driven by emotions 
you take me there
higher than the clouds
further than the sky
out of this atmosphere 
i feel like i can fly
if my eyes are a window 
to my heart & my soul
then my window's wide open
because there is no door
no walls
no obstructions
no uncertainty
i know for sure
it's you..i want & need
my choice is you
there is no second
no runner ups
just you 
for me
i stake my claim
i scream to the world
i love this woman
i love her more than
numbers i could count
days i could live
or things i could do
if i dived into the deepest ocean
i could never swim to the depth 
of my love for you
if i walked into a burning building
i could never match 
the fire that burns in my heart for you
if i wished upon a star
i'd merely be wishing upon you
for you are the decoration in my sky
the wish that came true
this is only a fraction 
of the way i feel
for you..

day#6: sweet talk week

Friday, July 20, 2012

old school love

i want that old thing back...
that old school loving
when i see a pretty woman
i know how to approach you
stop you by saying: 
"excuse me pretty lady

my name is . . .

i couldn't let you walk by 
without telling you how beautiful you are"
and instead of you taking it as a pick-up line
you actually knows how to take a sincere compliment
you smile
and introduce yourself 
i want to be able to ask you out for lunch
maybe a movie
or a drink
without you assuming my intentions are wrong
i want to show up with flowers 
open your door
pay for the date
walk you to your door
instead of pulling up at your house 
and letting you walk alone
i want to respect your boundaries
court you
show you what dating is
show you what a man does when he's interested in you
not what he does when he just wants to have sex with you
i want to meet your friends
meet your parents
go through all of the avenues of a relationship
i want to show you i'm a provider
that i can take care of you
and i want you to let me take care of you
i want to buy a ring
get down on one knee
and ask you to marry me
first comes love
then comes marriage
then we can talk about the babies
in the carriage
i want to be your partner
your best friend
and stay together
like they used to do it. 
i want that old school love

day# 5: sweet talk week

Thursday, July 19, 2012

i ♥ chocolate ladies..

Hey there chocolate lady
i think you're beautiful
can i get drunk on your chocolate
tipsy on your soul
follow your chocolate with kisses
to the center of your roll

if they tried to make me go to rehab...
i'd say: no, no, no.
i can't give up the chocolate. i love it too much. i'm just naturally drawn to your brown perfection.

there's so much energy spent on trying to categorize you. trying to fit you in a stereotype. when there is no way you could be explained, or contained. the skin you're in is shaded with care. i love your chocolate whether it's with cream and sugar or rich & dark. as i said before "God loved the brown tones so much he kept using the brown crayons to color his people. you've been shaded by God, now tell me that ain't beautiful or you ain't beautiful? ". so come here before hershey kidnaps you for flaunting all that chocolate around. i get a cavity just thinking about you. from latte cocoa mocha to caramel brownie fudge just describing your skin tones sounds delicious. i have a secret to admit. i ♥ looking at you. i know you catch me staring. i can't help it. God, placed you on this earth to be breathtaking to my eyes. he packaged you so uniquely that you'd stand out in the crowd. your hips, lips, curves... memorize me. i lose my concentration, when you walk by. your hair, whether long or short. natural or permed. is a extension of your personality. you wear it, it doesn't wear you. your confidence is sexy. your mind is your power. you're the thread to my fabric, the spider of my web. interlocking, hold me together. you create a foundation that's strong, a love that's unmatched.

see, there are guys out there who are intimidated by you. they lack your drive. they lack your confidence. they lack your strength. don't ever sacrifice any of that to fit in a mold that's too small to hold you. and don't pay a guy any mind when he says he doesn't like, love or want a black woman. this is the kind of guy who'd throw the winning mega millions ticket away. because you possess everything a man could ever want or ever need. so don't let one man's stupidity get you down. there are a lot of of us out here that stan for you. i've been a member of the "love a black woman" team since birth. the woman responsible for me being here is a black woman. the woman responsible for my son being here is a black woman. how could i not love the source of my presence and my future? like i previously said years ago, "don't let anyone tell you there is a boycott on black women. you can't boycott your manufacturer. we are, all of us..because of you. so thank you."

thank you for holding us down...when everyone else gave up on us. thank you for lifting us up when we fell and needed support. thank you for remaining loyal..and loving us the way we should all love you. thank you for nurturing, birthing, raising our children. thank you for wanting more..and pushing for us to be better for ourselves as well as you. you enable us to be greater, stronger, & smarter than we've ever been. so come on chocolate lady, let's go rule the world....

day# 4: sweet talk week

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

fighting i love you...

it's hard for me to let someone in
i've been hurt before
my heart's damaged
i have trust issues
tons of emotional baggage
i keep coming up with reasons
why you can't have all of me
but i can't shake
that feeling
the one where my stomach's in knots
my legs get weak
i get tongue tied
and i fall love with you
it's right there
on the tip of of my tongue
"i love you"
but i can't say it
i can't
because if i say it i set myself up 
to be hurt again
i let someone in
i let you control my heart
my mind
my soul
that's what i need
a reason why i can't dive in
a reason why i can't give in
a reason
why i'm not 
but i am
my hearts already there
i can't stop showing you i love you
even though my words haven't caught up
to my actions
tug of war
with my emotions
back and forth
with my heart
i hear the words leave your mouth
and i'm stuck
in a moment of stillness
where it feels like days of silence
the spotlight shines on me
the darkness clears
and i say it...

i love you too

day#3: sweet talk week

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

love police . .

the on. 
i've got a warrant for your love.
 a ticket for your pleasure.
and a badge that certifies i serve to please.
turn around

s l o w l y

"you have the right to remain silent
..but i prefer if you didn't."
let your dress hit the floor
and let your insecurities go..

"damn you're so beautiful..."

let me make love to your ego
let me stroke it
till you ...
can't take it anymore

your body can't feel what your heart can't see
so tonight 
i want your body to see what your heart feels
close your eyes
let your other senses take over
listen. breathe intaste. feel. 
how much i love you.

let me chase your kisses...

like a game of tag.
i kiss you, you kiss me
we kiss like tomorrow won't happen
and if it does we'll 
start all over

top to bottom
front to back
i want to earn my explorer badge
discover unexplored territory
like the arch of your nose
the crease of your wrist
the tips of your fingers
all of those places you never 
knew could feel so good
i'm not an ordinary 
neglectful lover.
so please forgive me if i linger
 get lost.. 
in you
just whisper... my name
 when i'm there
i'll show you how much i love to hear you say it
how much tolerance i have for pain
as you dig your nails into my back
scream in my ear
pull me closer
it's my pleasure
to deliver you to yours
to protect & serve
your body

day #2: sweet talk week

Monday, July 16, 2012

promises. . .

i'm not the tallest, strongest, or most powerful man, but as long as you allow me i vow to protect your...


i'll only take yours when i give you mine. i promise once you give it to me not to let it go. not to damage, bruise, or break it. to cherish it and never take it for granted. to introduce you to parts of it you've never felt. i promise to keep your secrets and share with you mine. i promise to understand it's been hurt before and to help old wounds heal. i promise to love you completely, unconditionally, and without limits. i promise i will love you even after it stops beating. 


i promise to be your bodyguard. your defensive line. your human shield. whether it's a bullet, a car, a family of rabid raccoon...i'm stepping in front of all of them without hesitation. i promise never to touch you in a way that is violent or unloving. i promise to listen to your concerns or issues when it involves what goes on with your body. i promise to be exclusive. to only share myself with you. i promise to take the precautions needed to protect us both and to love your body as if it were mine. i'll try to keep us out of sketchy situations and if we find ourselves in one, i'll make sure you stay safe. i'll lock the doors when strange people walk by the car. i'll get up even when i know it's nothing downstairs, but you heard a noise and go check it out. i will be your exterminator baby...spiders, bugs, rodents..pets don't stand a chance. i will do everything in my power to make sure you are never harmed. 


i promise to not disrespect you. to check my friends who step over the line. i promise to not get into stupid fights. to ignore that last promise if someone overtly does or says something that i feel as a man i can not allow (put them paws on him...). i promise to ride with you against your friends even when you're wrong #moneyteam.


i promise to love your soul, so when we leave our bodies we will always be in love. i want to establish a spiritual bond that can't be broken. i promise to pray for you, pray with you, and keep God first. I promise to keep God in every aspect of our lives, decisions, & plans.


i will take your feelings at face value. i won't undercut them because they conflict with mine. i will try to listen, understand, and not judge. i promise to take them into consideration before i make decisions whether it effects only me or both of us. i promise to be honest, open, & receptive. i will try my best not to say things out of anger, hurt, or sadness.

these are the ways i will protect you.

day#1: sweet talk week

sweet talk week 2012

some of you may remember this from 2010. as you know i severely started slacking sometime in 2011 with the updates so i never got around to doing one that year. so since i'm feeling it...i'm declaring this week "sweet talk week 2012". 

what is sweet talk week? 

all week i'm going to touch on a different love subject.

it starts monday, july 16 

*if you go to labels on the right side of the page you can click on sweet talk week and view the first edition (it reads better if you scroll all the way down and read from bottom to top).

Saturday, July 14, 2012



i know y'all think i've been slacking. and you're almost correct, except you're not. i have like 10 manfives sitting on ice. they are all in my drafts and i just haven't been feeling any of them for #99. i feel like since it will be the last one before the big one i can't just put up any ol' shit. i want the anticipation for #100 to be so awesome that y'all stop bathing, eating, and working till i post it. well, maybe you can take a

i'm also trying to think of some kind of contest cause i got an awesome prize (well it's awesome to me, that's all that matters) but i want to make it fair to everyone and allow even those folks who know me a little more personally to participate without it seeming like they have an advantage. so i'm currently working on that. 

but i decided to maybe do another sweet talk week. so something is definitely going on this week. not 100% on what...but i will post. about something other than not posting. 

so be on the look out. 

Friday, June 15, 2012

manfive friday #98

"slow down're moving too fast. he's pushing the brake, you're pushing the gas."

you ever fell in like with someone. it turned into "in lust". then transformed into "in love". and you're pretty sure he feels the same way. i mean you enjoy each other's company. you're compatible in every way. he makes your heart beat. you can't remember a time you've been happier or more into someone. but before you start sending out wedding invitations and inviting him to move in with you...stop, think..& slow down.

manfive friday #98 topic of the week:  5 ways to slow down & stop "moving too fast" in a new relationship..

#5: reality check...

first and foremost, radio back to earth and get your feet back on the ground and your head out the clouds. this may be "the one". he may be everything you've been praying, searching, waiting for. but that doesn't mean you have to operate in hyper speed. the one thing about "meant to be" is..if it's really meant to be, it'll be. you don't have to rush or be afraid of losing it. you also don't have to owe it to your mind the allow it time to digest what your heart already knows. it's very easy to jump in head first when all you see is ocean. you can completely miss the rocks directly under the waves. if you've loved and lost. if you've been hurt or been disappointed. remember to take the lessons from those situations and apply them to this. don't assume all the glitter to be gold. i'm not suggesting you love with caution. i'm not telling you to back away. i'm just saying allow an ample amount of time to figure out what it really is you're feeling. make sure it's love, not lust. make sure it's secure, not comfortable. make decisions that you won't regret or look back at as a mistake later. first rule, in slowing down.....slow down.

#4: get to know him...

everyone tends to fall victim to the "firsties". this is all the wonderful things you first notice about a person. their appearance, their mannerism, their habits, their lifestyle, etc. you remember what first attracted you about one of your exes. the things that made you think they were "the best you ever had...". and now you hate them and can't remember what the hell you were smoking when you got with them. those were the "firsties". the first impression. it's like playing blackjack or poker. and the dealer is only showing you a few of the cards on the table. you may see Ace's, Kings, Queens...but you don't see the jokers (bad cards) they have turned over. you need to allow time to see someone's full qualities...good and bad. it doesn't mean to go sniffing around for bad qualities if you don't see any. it's just a safe guard. probe deeper than what he had to eat last night. or what he wants to accomplish in the next few months. don't get fooled by the "firsties". before you're co-signing, moving in, and telling your girlfriends to buy bridesmaid dresses...make sure you know who you're in a relationship with. and that your confident that you have dug deep enough that you won't be surprised weeks, months, or years later.

#3: stop the countdown....

another big faux pas you ladies the countdown. the "i don't wanna be 30 and unmarried". the "my biological clock is in overdrive and about to time out". the "all my friends are married...". your life is your life. things will happen when they are supposed  to happen. stop rushing into things because of the pressure of the ticking clock. no one knows your life. no one has to live your life, but you. if you get married at 40, 50, 60..ok. if your mom is asking for grand kids, point her to an elementary school and tell her to take her pick. if you're the only single one among your what? don't rush into a relationship because you feel like it's just time for you to be in one. don't move faster because you fear you're running out of time. be fair to yourself. be fair to the guy you're dating. time is fleeting, and sometimes love is as well. don't max yourself out in a relationship because you're trying to beat the clock. this isn't a game. losing shouldn't be an option. you should go into a new relationship with the goal of obtaining everything you want, without unfair expectations based on time. don't cheat yourself...

#2: if your friend told you....

the "if your friend told you" test. let's be honest here for a second. we all have the tendency to judge our friends differently than ourselves. so i've developed this test...the goal of the test is to imagine your new relationship as your best friend's relationship. take off your blinders. and read this shit like your friend is saying it to you. imagine your best friend came up to you and told you...

  • i just met this guy 3 months ago! he's everything i've ever wanted and we're so in love...we're talking about moving in together.
  • girl he was so fine...before i knew it we were having sex all over the house, i didn't even think about a condom.
  • his birthday is in two days, and even though we've only known each other for a few weeks I want to buy him the new i-phone.
now i know you're thinking..."no, not me". love can do some crazy shit to us. a totally sane person can lose their mind. if the smell of his cologne has you running out of the store to call him or you're already loaning him rent money. . .step away from the foolishness. if you'd take your friend to a Love Addiction intervention over the same shit you're doing...maybe you don't need to be doing it. always test your decisions. always bounce these "crazy" ideas off of friends who are going to tell you the truth. there is nothing wrong with feeling like you want to move to the next step with someone. just make sure you're on some stairs..not a ski lift.

#1: set a realistic timeline...

if you want to be married. have a family. move, travel, etc...set a time frame. realistically you don't see yourself married with kids with someone you met 2 months ago. so tell yourself as well as him that in 2 years you'd like to be married. you're ready to talk about having children. you'd liked to go here or there. but that doesn't mean it has to happen tomorrow. new relationships give you the opportunity for new experiences. it gives you the hope that things will and can turn out beautifully. so allow yourself space to let that happen. it's hard to read another person's mind. and sometimes it seems like you two are on the same page, until one of you make that move that gets you side-eyed. you can share all your hopes & dreams with someone. you can discuss all the things you want in the future....for the future. the best way to stop from moving too fast is to pace yourself. pray on it. be honest with yourself. and take your time. if he's the one, he's the one. no need to rush, he'll wait for you.