Monday, December 28, 2009

letters to my exes, stalkers, current & potential loves

i jacked this from MzAuNatural-Beauty, check her blog Truth On The Rocks!. i thought it was real interesting and at the same time a good way to let it all out. so here's my letters to my exes, stalkers, current & potential loves:

first letter, is to my exes:

yanno how we left it. yanno why we left it. more times than not, it was your fault. more times than not, you regret it. it's over. i'm not sorry. you get what you give. and you're missing me, thinking about me, wondering what your life would have been like if you stayed with what you get. no, there are no hard feelings on my end. most of yall were some bitches. even if that isn't who you are now. even if it was, "i was a bitch in the moment". either way you slice the were/are a bitch. to the one maybe 3, that were unfortunate to follow up after a bitch was in my life. i apologize. i apologize for not being in my right mind to see how wonderful you were, or to recognize a real woman when she was in my face. more than likely it's the bitches who'll assume i'm talking to them. but know..the one's who became exes at my hands did so because i wasn't emotionally ready to be with you. the one's who become exes at their own doings, did so because more times than not you were selfish. you wanted me & something else. and once you got the something else without me, you saw my value. too late. stop texting me randomly out the blue 3 months later telling me how you miss me. and can we be friends now. that shit is weird and uncomfortable. what if my new chick got that text? wait, run that back. it don't even have to be about a new chick. i shouldn't have to see no shit like that. since when has it been cool to send someone some shit like that, like we've been talking back & forth. just because your life is in shambles doesn't make it my problem. you want the kind hearted guy you treated like shit, to reply back with..."wow, it's great to hear from you..." get the fuck outta here with that shit.

next letter is to my stalkers:

hey stalker,

ooh, i just tweeted..did you see it? yea i know you stalk my twitter. i know you read my blog. it's cool. trust me, i have lots of stalkers. ppl tend to think i'm making that shit up till they witness the text messages & phone calls. or the strange tweets, dm's, & emails. truth is, there is no reason to stalk me. you can add me. you can communicate back & forth with me, i'm not gonna bite. most of yall are exes or a nosy girlfriend who think you'll catch me talking about you. but the thing about me is, there is NOTHING i'd say on here that i wouldn't say to you. if i called you a bitch (above letter) trust, i've called you a bitch to your face/ear/eyes (depending on how we were talking..). if i complained about how you won't do this or that, trust i've said it to you. you just don't like it when you can't respond. because if you respond i KNOW you're reading. catch22 huh? there is NO way your nosy ass see a link on my profile and haven't clicked it. and you know i'm talking to you @.... ain't gonna put you out there like that. just saying. you ain't slick. just be for real. stop being a stalker. that is NOT how you make someone like you.

third letter is to the ladies only after my "long john silver":

dear fuck buddies anonymous,

i know these days you ladies are more open minded about sex. i know yall will admit to opening the barn door a little more frequently than of yesteryear. now we don't have to estimate your "#" + 3, we just gotta add 1 to whatever you say it is now. it's cool, i feel you. but i'm saying. as much as i'd love to be a hoe, it's just not in my dna. i'm preconditioned to want more from a woman. sorry, should have caught me like 9 years ago. i'm just saying being a fuck buddy is not on my agenda anymore. sorry ladies. the big oak has left the building.

forth letter is to my current/potential/future love:

you see what happens when you become a ex, stalker, or a fuck buddy right? lol.. learn from that shit. treat me with respect & i'll do the same. i'm not hard to understand, because i've learned from past mistakes. i've learned what not communicating can do to a relationship. i've learned what being bored can do to a relationship. i learned what not really loving someone can do to a relationship. yes, there are stepping stones to get to those levels..but once you've stepped on them don't digress. don't back peddle when someone else has invested their heart & time into a relationship with you. just love me. love me with the love that God intended you to share with me. don't short change me, because i won't short change you. i have a lot of love to give, and if your fortunate enough to be on the receiving end, you'll never need any from anyone else.

i want us to connect on a level that is uncharted. i want the love you feel for me to be unlike any love you've ever experienced. i'm willing to make that happen for you, if you're willing to make that happen for me. i want a friend. someone who knows me, who wants to know me more. i want you to smile cause you know what i'm thinking. finish my sentences cause you know what i'm gonna say. end a fight cause you know you were wrong. tell me to calm down and be quiet, cause we both know i'm wrong. i want you to know how much i love you & what extremes i'd go to to make you happy. and i hope you can the say the same.

Friday, December 25, 2009

ManFive Friday #23

in keeping in the holiday spirit this week's ManFive topic of the week is: how do you know your man is trying to avoid giving you a gift on christmas?

merry christmas all! happy Jesus day! happy holidays! whatever it is you want to refer to it as...just have a good one.

we all know it's not really about the gifts. no matter what reason you're celebrating the holiday it's always about the love & appreciation towards others. so yanno when you've gone out, spent your little check on that Rocawear jacket he wanted. bought him those "J's" he kept talking about. put that playstation, xbox, or wii console on credit card. it's not that you're looking for him to do the same. you just expect that he'll think about you enough to get you a gift as well. even if he makes you something (and yes it may seem tacky to some of you), as long as it's from the heart he can always come up with a gift for you. and if he doesn't..then he's just not that into you. some of you know, how some of these guys get. here are five ways guys try to get out of getting you a christmas gift:

#5: he tells you he's a Jehovah's witness...

yet you've been with him every saturday for the past few months and he's never been out witnessing. and we all know Jehovah's witnesses do not waver in their witnessing. big clue, he's lying...he celebrates his birthday, he wears a cross pendent, he thinks no one is home when he rings your doorbell when there is 4 cars in the driveway & your little brother keeps on pulling the mini blinds back. yea..he's no witness. he's just someone who wants to convert for the sake of saving money. heathen..

#4: his phone mysteriously breaks...

now all day thursday yall were talking on the phone. now all of sudden his phone is going straight to voicemail. you've been calling, no luck. wow, how did that happen. you call his house phone (if he has a house phone) the line is busy..hmm. what's going on? you come through he's not home. can't reach him till saturday. "my phone was broke...don't know what happened". if you believe that shit, i got a beach house in the north pole i wanna sell you. it's right next to santa's house.

#3: he reminds you it's a recession...

i mean aye, it's been a rough year. it's all over the news so he's not making it up. but when he shows up with his new J's on, that new fitted, or tells you he just bought a playstation game... you should question how hard he's been hit. yes, it is hard out there for a pimp..but if he's buying shit like that he can swing a gift or two your way. it's not about the money spent, just the thought. and if the thought is all on him and not on you..he's needs a much better excuse than "it's a recession"..

#2: wants to stay friends...

now you've been talking to this dude for a while now. everything is going great, you're really feeling each other. you're in that relationship limbo where you really don't know what you are to each other. you've just spent thanksgiving together, even met some of his family. you decide to have that talk with him, and he makes it clear that yall aren't ready. huh?'re a little confused. don't be. you have tried to form a commitment in the christmas zone. a man will not "boo" you up during the month of december. i know, yall want a winter "boo", but he knows what is entailed with being your boyfriend. even if he has to get you something as your "friend", it is NOT the same as being your boyfriend. got to snag him before thanksgiving. after black friday..he's on to you ladies.

#1: he breaks up with you...

when i was in middle school/high school all my friends used to breakup with their girlfriend right before christmas, valentine's day, or their birthday and get back with them after. it's the "we aren't together" defense. and he'll dare you to challenge it. so come december 20th, because this gives him a few days before he's committed to the "i already got your gift" sympathy jargon, he decides to pick a fight with you. the size of the fight depends on whether he's just cheap or a jerk. if he's just cheap it will be a small fight so yall can "work it out" shortly after christmas just in time for new years eve. but if he's a jerk, he'll cause a big dramatic fight to just start the new year off single. either way if he pulls either one leave his ass alone, getting someone you love a gift isn't hard. if he goes through all that trouble to not get you should speak volumes.

#tip ladies: in order to foil this plan, just be real nice. whatever his ass does, just roll with it. he'll just be sitting there like "SHIT!.."

Thursday, December 24, 2009

#twitterkills thursday #6

ok, i was trying to keep it all Holy since it's Christmas Eve, but someone needs to be #twitterkilled today.

this week's #twitterkills thursday subject: changing your twitter icon & your twitter name at the same time.

who the fuck are you?

it's happened to all of us. yanno you're just browsing your timeline and you see someone @reply you or a strange name pop up and you're like...umm. you're looking and you don't recognize them. you might even go to your follow list to double check and make sure they are. cause yanno with the new re-tweet feature mojo's be popping up on your timeline you don't even follow. but these folks are there, and deep down on your list. they aren't new. the thing is..they've changed their twitter name & got a new picture. at least keep the same twitter picture for a week so we can get used to the new name. then change the picture. or announce that shit. i mean i've said before a lot of ppl get new pictures and i'm confused as fuck. because shit...i ain't realize they looked like that anyway. yanno those angles, them angles are a blessing for some folks (myself included). but to get a new picture and name just doubly confuses the hell out of me. it's like they are talking to me. and i'm @replying back like.."uh..yea i don't you know, buddy". kinda like when you run into someone you went to highschool with and they call you by your whole government name and you're looking a them like "where i know you from?..." then it finally clicks who they are when they someone else you're following @replies them. then it's like..."oh that's who that is...." *clicks unfollow*

let's #twitterkill them silently for Jesus..."silent night" style. *whispers* p o w

Sunday, December 20, 2009

love denied..

i am a chronic love adviser. meaning i'm in the business of offering advice on matters of the heart. i do it often. and often it's great advice (if i say so myself). i think hindsight is a bitch, and i've had a bunch of bitches.

i guess the most disappointing thing is i can't ever keep love. it's like, "those who can't, teach". i'm stuck in an endless cycle of knowing what love is. knowing what it's supposed to feel like. knowing what it isn't. and knowing when it's wrong. unfortunately, it never does me any good. i'm the kind of guy who looks good on paper. i look good to you as a friend. i'm charming in the beginning. then something goes terribly wrong. expectations.

i expect so much more, because i've been taken advantage of repeatedly. it's not a bitter expectation. like i'm just unfairly wanting things unreasonable. only thing i require is love. only thing i ask, is love. i want to feel it. i want to know it's there. it's almost like i got a love shield around me. as long as ppl are near me they feel the love all around me. to the point where they want to stay there. but they never give it back. like the shield, shields me from being loved. i'm honestly not being dramatic. this is how i feel.

when i lose love, it feels like i lose a part of my life. a part, that i set aside with the hope for more. it never really seems like the person on the other end is as hurt as me. i'll do all the lame: waiting for a response, checking my email, phone, etc.. just any sign they they even cared. and usually i'm let down. why can't i just roll over on love like that? why can't i just be ice cold? it's a part of me that feels like i should. but it's a part of me that feels like that blocks God. although i think he's playing a cruel trick on me. yanno the one where you probably should have become a monk, but you didn't so he's just gonna make sure you are alone for the rest of your life anyway? yea, i think that's me. and again, i'm not being overly dramatic. i truly believe God, chooses some people to be alone. it's one of those, receiving your paradise in heaven things.

a little background information about me. when i was younger i was really into church. first girl i ever dated was a PK (preacher's kid). she wasn't one of those bad ones either. i was a youth leader, i was really into all of that. all of sudden that relationship that was going great, just went away. like literally, we were together happily one day, the next not. one of the dumbest reasons. my next big relationship was my marriage. and again, it was going great. i know people say, "i didn't do anything to deserve it..". and honestly i didn't. it was great one day, and then off a sudden it was over. love comes into my life & gives me hope. then it leaves fast with no remorse. no one is every sorry. like they say it, but they really aren't. that is the part that sucks the most. people can go on the next day like everything is fine, while i'm left holding a bag full of empty dreams & promises.

i don't even have many close friends, because i don't really think people are interested in me for me. it's always something else. growing up, it was because i was a pushover and i had money. later it was because i was still a pushover. then it was the connects. then back to the money. needless to say, i doubt people's true intentions for friendship. that's why i rarely reveal much about myself. it's just easier to find out who likes you for you.

and when i think someone likes me for me, and they don't. it's like an arrow through the heart. you love people the way you want to be loved. that's why i love hard, blindly, & unconditionally. it just sucks when it's not returned. love denied. yet again.

Friday, December 18, 2009

ManFive Friday #22

This week's ManFive Friday #22 topic of the week is: why won't men deal with concerns?

it's no secret, i talk a lot. i believe communication is the only way to understand one another. i'm also an issue resolver. i like to resolve our issues so we can move along. i've been in too many situations where i've sat in a relationship full of issues and they just blew up in our faces at the end, to just be good with letting them go.

so i'll be the first to admit, this ain't about me. let me clue you in on 5 reasons a man doesn't want to discuss issues/concerns with you...

#5: because the issue is stupid

yea, yanno sometimes you pick the dumbest shit to complain about. #nohater just saying. with all the things going on in his life, he doesn't really have time to fuss with you about putting the toilet seat down. i know it's a big deal to you. but seriously, would it kill you to look? this issue could be fixed with you just understanding he's lazy and he's not really thinking. instead you wanna have a serious conversation about a toilet seat. really? this is some shit he's not gonna waste much time talking to you about. he'll just say, "ok..." and walk right into the bathroom and leave the seat up.

#4: because you waited too long

there is an expiration date on issues. you can't have a problem with me bottle it up then open that bottle a month later.

you: how about last month when you said....
me: um, it is not last month. let's work on this month

you can't blame me because you held your anger over for a month. what kinda shit is that? no one told you to do that shit. but i'll damn sure tell you that we aren't about to talk about that shit today. it's like yall try to stock up ammunition to really let a dude have it. and yall know we don't remember shit after about a week. so it's like..we're sitting there thinking.."did i even do that?...". and don't let us remember some of it and mention you being at fault.

you: what did i say?...what were my exact words...i didn't say that.
me: i mean shit it was a month ago. i don't remember your exact words, so now i guess that means you didn't say it huh?
you: exactly

#3: because he doesn't want to talk about it

avoidance is the next step. if a dude can avoid the issue, then more than likely he will. you call him, he busy. you talk to him, he busy. you mention it, he changes the subject. there are certain clues to let you know he just don't wanna talk about it.

clue#1: he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it
clue#2: he invents an illness for one of his boys, and has to take care of him
clue#3: he has to mysteriously go help his mama..whenever you mention it

eh, you get the picture right?

#2: because he doesn't know how to solve it

men are problem solvers. we are logical (most times). if the issue isn't solvable then it becomes a dead issue. it's like, "what do you want me to do?" women can come up with multiple solutions but most times they aren't logical. it'll be some, "Well you can do this..." and it's like.."okay, what will you be doing?". your solution doesn't make sense and i can't think of um..let's just throw this shit in the "forget about it" pile.

#1: cause he doesn't care

yea i said it. he just don't care. usually when a man cares about you enough he'll sit and discuss your issues. even if it's like you're sticking a needle in his ear. but if a dude never wants to talk about shit, he just don't care. which can translate to...he doesn't care that much about you. now mind you, this is after you've determined the issue is not stupid, expired, solvable & you've given him multiple chances to discuss it.

but wait...there is a new epidemic. the "new woman" typically women under 28... don't want to deal with shit either. when i was growing up in the dating game every woman i know wanted to talk forever about a problem. they wanted you to work it out with them. these days, you women don't care. and maybe it's one of those domino effects where yall have adopted the attitudes of dudes. but it's like WTF. if i don't care, neither one of us would care? how is that gonna work?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

#twitterkills thursdays #5

this week's #twitterkills thursday (feels like i should say, "bought to you by @soandso") is when someone acts too busy for you but they're all up on twitter.

don't you hate when you're texting someone. and you're waiting for a reply. or yall are in a heated text fight. all you can think about is what they are about to say so you can go in on them. and you're waiting. and waiting. so you just go on about your business. check you're twitter and their ass is either all on twitter telling everyone about your text fight. or they are on twitter like they have not a care in the world tweeting about the weather and shit. it's like motherfucker..i sent you a text over an hour ago. and obviously your ass isn't busy. if you lived next door and i wouldn't be lumped into a category with chris brown i'd walk over and throw your computer out the window.

i've even been on skype with someone and they were looking down. and i kept saying, why are looking down so much? come to find out after we get off they'd be on twitter the entire time. it's like...ok. maybe this is a sign you're addicted, cause if you know i can see you why can't you divert your attention for like 10 minutes. come on...this was your idea, not mine.

or when you're talking on the phone to someone. and you get off and notice the entire time they've been on twitter having 4-6 different tweet conversations. i guess to me i think that if i'm giving you my attention you should be giving me yours. if i reply back to you in a text a minute later. if i'm looking at you on skype. if i'm talking to you on the phone you should at least give me the courtesy to do the same. your timeline isn't going anywhere.

in fact, next time someone ignores my text and gets on twitter. my ass is gonna take it twitter. that'll really piss them off. my #twitterkills next week will be the aftermath of my twitterfight. lol.

Pow. Pow. running, jumping, on top of the head Pow.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

TMI blog award...

twice in the same day? aiight this one was courtesy of the.kisser kissthepen, this is the TMI blog award.

TMI blog award rules

*post the award on your blog
*list 8 things a voyeur / peeping tom could potentially catch you doing if
they were watching you (not restricted to a sexual manner..)
*award up to 8 bloggers who match the criteria this award
*make sure they know you enjoy peeping through their windows

as for the 8 bloggers i enjoying peeping at. i'd have to say everyone i comment to. i honestly read your blogs, honestly think about my responses. it's not just a generated.."that was great". i thank yall for sharing yall shit. cause that's all i'm trying to do myself. so i pass this award to all of yall. if i don't interact with you it's probably because you're not really trying to interact with me. not blogging for fame, name, or game. just blogging my thoughts, feelings, & issues. if you don't do the same, eh. . .

8 things a voyeur or peeping tom would catch me doing, if they were watching me:

1. being a dad. that's me the majority of the time. acting silly for my son. running around being the tickle monster.

2. being frustrated. i'm frustrated probably 40% of the day. various reasons. i always have a lot of shit on my mind. life, love, career..etc. if you we're watching me you'd see me thinking a lot.

3. being lazy. more than likely if someone was watching me they'd get bored as hell cause i'm a homebody. if i'm not working or doing something for someone else. i'm lounging around in my drawz watching tv. i make sure i have all the comforts at home so my venturing out the house will be limited.

4. working. the other side to me. that's really all i do all the time. even when i'm on twitter. even when i'm at home. even when i'm doing a million & one thing i'm always working. ppl who know me always complain that i never take time for myself to just enjoy time. i'm always thinking about work. always thinking about what needs to be done. i'm a work-a-holic, inherited that trait from my dad.

5. stroking & choking. no further explanation needed.

6. starting home projects around the house. ppl walk in my house & ask me who did this or who did that. again another trait inherited from my dad. i'm constantly doing something like putting in floors, changing long overdue project is building a bar. been trying to get around to it for a minute, just haven't had time. i'm an avid DIY & HGTV watcher.

7. dealing with a life changing illness that has totally changed my outlook on everything. never thought i'd have something folks ask you to donate to finding a cure for. i still don't like talking about even to friends or family.

8. clipping the fuck out of my big toe nail. i get hangnails like crazy. my big toe after i'm done is 95% big toe meat, 5% nail.

yay..i got another award..

it's times like this that make me love the internet. #twitterkill myself. lol

i got a couple of blog awards from my girl xxxx, check out her blog GOLDEN MIND, she just keeps on sharing the love.

and for that, i gotta share it right back. putting on my latex gloves as i type this.

this post is in response to her Kreative Blogger Award..

i'm supposed to say 7 things i love and pick 7 fellow bloggers to pass it to..

here go my 7 things i love (not in order, just as they come to mind):

1. music. it's in my blood & what drives me financially and emotionally. it's part of every aspect of my life. you literally can't be my friend if you don't love music. it won't last long, if you don't.

2. family. i'm a real family man. i love doing shit with them. love being around them. love spending time. my best friends have to be like family to even fit into my circle. serious.

3. logic puzzles/cards/games. i love scrabble, monopoly, sudoku anything that requires thought. and yes monopoly requires thought when you play for real. i will have someone leave the table crying, cause i'm just that serious.

4. having discussions. i love to sit and talk about shit for hours. to the point where a lot of people won't even get me started. i will sit and listen to your side of a conversation but i want you to give me the same courtesy.

5. cupcakes. dunno what is up with that. but i LOVE cupcakes. to the point where if i had a 24 pack..i'd just eat them shits back to back within a day or so. that's why it's not even cool for me to have them around.

6. speeding. fuck folks who think that driving the speed limit is cool. fuck folks who drive in the fast lane or the HOV lane when there isn't no traffic and they go 5 miles over the speed limit. fuck somebody who has waited 10 minutes to turn and then wants to jump out in front of me when they could wait 30 secs and have a clear space. i love to speed. cause i always have some place to be. if you don't like that shit..get on the bus or become a police officer and do some shit about it.

7. gadgets. any gadgets. anything techie. i will go out and buy shit i don't even want if it looks cool.

alright 7 folks i'll pass the award to and ask to do this shit. (really the 7 ppl that actually MIGHT do this

1. xxxx gonna reciprocate (that is not against the rules) Golden Mind

2. shesgot2haveit my little sis from another mother & father ..ShesGot2HaveIt (she'll only do this if she feels obligated by being my friend. lol )

3. sheila, when she finally stops playing farmville she might Here we Go

4. beyond danielle, maybe when she stop trying to fit in those skinny jeans A Matter of Time; Don't try this on your own

5. Mel, cause i know she'll do it...It's never Black & White

6. the.kisser cause i like to be all up in her business Kissthepen

7. sunshinestart110, cause i like her opinion You don't like my opinion, That's Fine!

Friday, December 11, 2009

ManFive #21

this week's ManFive topic is brought to you in part by @shesgot2haveit, her question was..."what makes a woman approachable?"
i know a lot of times you ladies think it's you...that's the reason why a guy doesn't come up to speak. and sometimes that's true. sometimes it's him. sometimes it's a whole list of things.

i'm gonna do you ladies a favor and give you five things that would make you more approachable to men. now i'm not talking about the, "hey beautiful..." , "what's happening ma?", or the "come here shawty.." dudes who hold up the wall at subway waiting for any woman to walk by. i'm talking about what would make a man lock his keys in the door trying to catch you before you walked out of his life forever. i'm talking about what would snag you that date for your christmas party. i'm talking about how to stop guys from passing you like you're an old dirty hitchhiker on the side of the road with a dufflebag and a "i'ma kill you look on their face". i know you can't wait right?'s five things you can do that would help you be more approachable to men..

#5: Smile...

a lot of you ladies love to mean mug. yall love to spot a dude in the distance. see him headed your way and cross the street and shit. then you see him up close and be like Swiper (from Dora the Explorer).."awww man", cause you wish you hadn't did it AFTER the fact.

he may even be ready to say something to you and look up or turn around and you got the "please keep moving" look on your face. even if you would have been interested. even if it was because you just stepped in dog shit. it don't matter. you looking all mean & vexed is the quickest way to have to dude to keep moving. it screams "not interested" and most dudes will only speak if they are caught in that "i was in the middle of saying something before you gave me that look" mode. if they didn't get there they'll usually just look at you and keep going. one of the sexiest thing on a woman is a nice smile. so show some teeth, curve those lips, excite those eyes. it's the sexiest thing he's gonna see before you get naked so make it count.

#4: lose the entourage...

sometimes groups scare people. if you're out alone you'll find that men are more inclined to come up to you then when you're with other people. i've already told yall, i will not walk up to a group of women to holla because even if the chick you're trying to get at is interested, once you walk away all their asses are about to talk shit about you (good or bad). if you're out with your parents, it's a nada too. let's face it..what kinda dude come try to scope you in front of your mom. you can't even put the sexy on in front of your parents. yanno that look, that'll make us fight ourselves not to call too soon. a chick in front of her parents is automatically not be in that "holla" mood, so therefore we will not usually holla at you while you're with them. if you're with another dude, be it your gbf (gay best friend), brother, classmate whatever..only a shady dude would holla at you when you're with another dude. that's a lesson in respect. you don't have to care about the dude at all, but as a man you should have enough respect to go get your own chick. so usually if you're out with a dude even if that dude ain't your dude he'll still be giving that.."back up" look. yes, even your gbf's. in fact they are the biggest haters, but you can refer to my rant in ManFive #5 for further explanation as to why i hate all GBF's.

find activities, events, outings that you can go out with friends but you can kinda mingle around by yourself if needed. if you're out with a group of friends and see a guy who's checking you, kinda walk away from them. walk over to the bar. walk across the room. take the scenic route coming from the bathroom by his table instead of straight back to your girls. you'll find more times then not, it's them that's stopping your action.

*sidenote: chicks with kids. you already know it's a catch 22. you are super cautious when a man walks up on you when you're with your kids. and most men with sense will know that's not a cool way to holla at you. so if you're out with your kids and are looking..try to do things in environments where if a guy does walk up to you you're no in "hand on mace" mode.

**disclaimer: i do not advise you ladies to be out alone. i tell my girlfriend and my chick friends all the time. if a dude see you come running from across the parking lot get your ass in the car and crack the window if you do try to have any kind of conversation. i'm trying to promote your friendliness not your stupidity. we live in times where my daughter (when i have one..) will not be allowed to go anywhere till she's 32.

#3: have yourself together...

again, if you're looking like you just ran into the grocery store to pick up some tampons & some toilet tissue. you're gonna attract the kinda guys who think that shit is sexy. not saying you ain't cute in your head scarf, jogging pants, & sweater. just saying that the mode in which you are "together" is going to reflect on the dudes who stop you in the store. it's also gonna reflect on the frequency. and i know you're thinking.."it's just the grocery store..and i'm just going for 5 minutes". don't get me wrong i'm not saying you need to get dressed all up to go buy some tissue. i'm just saying, lose the head scarf. a chick in jogging pants is cute when it don't look like she's about to go back home curl up in front of the tv and devour the whole gallon of "chunky monkey" in her cart herself.

put it to you like this...if you had been a hot chick on aisle #1..i wouldn't have ever made it to aisle #4 to holla at the next chick. i would have just got your number, went and paid for my cheerios and went home. you are just helping the next chick who took a little more time getting ready before she came out. get yourself together. i love to see a woman with her hair nice. all moistened looking all soft & sexy. smiling bending down to pick up that Tide off the bottom shelf. i'd push my cart into an old man trying to run over to help her. yall just don't know...yall sexy even with your clothes on, that is when yall trying to be.

#2 give him a direct signal...

men fear one thing off jump, rejection. i already broke it down to you in Manfive #11. you women give off indirect signals left and right. and yes, you complain about men doing this ONCE in the relationship. yet yall asses do this shit before he can even talk to you. ask any man, he's been in a situation where he saw a woman checking him out. he KNEW she was looking at him. giving him the, "yea come over here" signal. and once he got over there..."wah wah..i got a man". if you're checking out a dude and he's checking you out. let him know it's okay for him to come and speak. match the direct eye contact with a smile. make dude point to himself and be like, "me? want me to come over". and then do that sexy little head nod. keep looking at him. now...i'm not trying to get yall all throwed and played. don't hawk stalk a dude from across the room. it's that's playful doe like looking up shit we like. if you're just staring we'll think we look like a lame for a second.

if you walk by him, brush up against him. again, as in ManFive #11..women only initiate contact when yall are interested or clumsy. either one is a pre-opening line to an introduction. so go out there and spill your drink on him. it'll also test his temper. if he beat your ass, he was not the

#1: keep an open mind, mentally prepare to be approachable, & have fun...

this is the #1 thing for a reason. yall ladies be too serious about this shit. don't overthink it, have fun with it. don't be on the search for your husband ONLY. sometimes someone has to come into your life and grow into that person. he can't be everything on your checklist from hello. with that being said....i'm SURE you ladies get approached all the time. it's just not by the guy you want. there is nothing wrong with be selective. it's nothing wrong with having preferences. but the guy who would move mountains for you & give you the world, could be sitting right next to you and you just blocking. i find when chicks complain about being approached, it's not that they don't get approached. it's that they don't get approached by the guys they want. if you're ready for some conversation, be ready. don't turn off the lights on someone who wants to get to know you. you can entertain a conversation it doesn't mean you have to give him your number (the correct one). it doesn't mean you have to go out on a date. it doesn't mean you have to marry him. i've had tons of conversations with women, that were just that. conversations. and it wasn't even about getting at them, in fact it was with chicks who probably before we started talking wouldn't have even given me their number. but by the end of the conversation, after i thanked them for the beautiful conversation and walked away i could see that if i asked at that point i could have gotten it.

that's the thing about courting that is missing in dating now. before people got to know one another. it wasn't just, ok you're hot. so now i'm gonna get your number, we'll go on a date tomorrow, and you'll give me some by friday. understand that dating is awkward, let go of your "man checklist" that's probably based off your ex boyfriend anyway. and yanno what i'm saying. you want a dude JUST like him, just different. don't get locked into a "type". have fun, get to know people, and be open. you never know what life has in store for you until you open your eyes & pay attention

last bit of advice: remember, as the fairer sex you have great power. you have the power to make a man do just about anything for you. but you have to realize that. you have to know how special you are, in order to make a man see that. all the steps are about showing him a piece of you that you're holding back.

smiling = inner beauty
no entourage= isolated beauty
nicely packaged = outer beauty
direct eye contact= instinctual beauty
open mindedness= spiritual beauty

share that with a man & i promise he'll approach you. but to remember to show him all the different areas. to quote my favorite artist..eric roberson.

Music Playlist at


pretty girl
do you always use your smile
to get your way
once in a while
do you use your heart
do you find that hard to do
pretty girl

ooh ooh
were you hurt by love before
too much pain for your heart to endure
is that why you hide
behind a disguise
ooh, pretty girl


one day you're gonna wake up and find
out, that our time cannot rewind
while you're out chasing things
seems like you're flying right passed your dreams
i wanna know who you a really are, pretty girl

(repeat chorus)

trust in me, there's no need to run
be yourself
what you want will come
you can rest assured
it ain't just your
beauty that's gonna get you through
just doing what the other's do
when there's a path meant for you

(Chorus 2X)


a rose can bloom
before it's time
but it'll never bloom
if the sun don't shine

so live your life

no need to hide
girl, what's inside

cause that ain't right
you'll see what's true
who's meant for you
loves you for you
stop playin games
now you might lose

a friend or two
but if you do
were they there for you (ask yourself baby)
you need to see
open your eyes
and realize
that you're worth more
so so much more
my pretty girl
i'm pretty sure that you're worth much more
so so much more....

Pretty Girl - E. Roberson

Thursday, December 10, 2009

#twitterkills thursday #4

what's up, what's good?...#twitterkill thursday rant of the week: ppl who got their own heads up their ass on twitter..

i dunno if this annoys anyone but me (a good chance it's only me...). but i hate when ppl get on twitter and start acting like superstars. famous bloggers, internet rappers, singers, songwriters, etc..

i'm not hating on your hustle. my beef is with the self obsessed tweeters. i honestly try to give them the benefit of the doubt. but i'm so tired of hearing that you're hanging out with this person or that person tonight. it's like..everybody in the damn club is hanging out with them tonight. in fact they tweeted.."come hang out with me at..." that does NOT make you important.

telling me you're a songwriter and hitting me all up in my DM's asking me a million questions..dude. who the fuck are you? the reason you are DM'ing me is because you're trying to get put on, not the other way around. then you go back on twitter and act like you making all these moves. dude i see you. when i go to walmart and you greeting me (i'm not hating, everyone need a job), don't get back on twitter and tell me about the stacks you stacking. dude i see you. even if you got a little clout here or there. even if you are hanging with this person or that person. why are you acting like it's the greatest day of your life? must mean the rest of your life is a port-a-potty. cause dude i see you. chill the hell out. it's annoying as fuck to read my timeline and see someone going on and on about some shit that it's obvious they know nothing at all about. and even more annoying to see people RT that shit, only encouraging their foolishness.

i am a self proclaimed nobody. i don't go around trying to be important or to get noticed. normally when you have a life, you don't have to do that shit.

i'm just saying....

#twitterkill to you non-important port-a-potty mouths. P O W

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Manfive (Saturday) Friday #20

i apologize, it's been a rough long week. been working all day, just got in about 20-30 minutes ago. been having a hard time sleeping lately, so my internal battery is running on "low". i figured if i'm gonna be up i can go ahead and do this manfive, instead of laying here lifeless, uncomfortable, & unable to sleep. enough about my laundry list of issues.

this week's manfive topic is: things you must NOT touch.

my son has this phrase he says all the time, "No, don't touch it!". at first when he started saying it, i thought his mom had taught him how to ward off all the chesters (yanno..chester, chester child molester). then i realized this ninja says that shit for everything. his food, "nooo...don't touch it". his toys, "nooo...don't touch it". even shit he tries to deebo from me, "nooo...don't touch it"

it's already ingrained in his mind...he has personal space & personal possessions and he don't want you to touch it. here are five things men don't want women to touch..

#5: His food...

as a man, you have a hearty appetite. if you order some food or go out and pick some up, get what you want. see you women play games with food. yall don't order enough. yall don't THINK you're gonna want that extra cheeseburger. so after your man says, "you sure that's all you want..." and walks out the door, that's it. the way i eat, i save all the best pieces for last. so my last bite can be savored. yall chicks been watching too many movies with this "if a man loves you, he'll give you the last bite..". you ever gave someone you're last chicken wing and they nibbled on that bitch and put it down with meat still on the bone? fuck that shit..i'll pick that shit up and eat it. all them kids starving in ethiopia and you messing over my food to see if "i really love you...". yea, i really loved your ass till you did that shit. don't go eating my wings. i ordered 20 because i wanted 20, not 19..18..17..etc.

#4: His radio...air conditioner, mirrors..anything in the car

ever picked someone up and they started fucking with everything in your car? i hate when a chick get in my car and start fucking with my radio. changing my cd's, asking if we can listen to the radio. no...we can't. i'm setting up a mood right now. if you get in my car and i'm playing grown & sexy that's what we bout to be. i don't want to turn to Kelis or see what's on the radio. what i want to listen to is exactly what i WAS listening to.

then she go turning the air off. it's like..i got dual controls. meaning your side can be as hot as you can handle. go ahead lucifer light your ass on fire over there i want my side to stay on 69.

matter-a-fact...don't move my rear view mirror either. there is a vanity mirror on your visor. don't adjust the seats, i don't want to have to kiss the steering wheel to see if a car is coming since you wanna have your seat upright like you're on a damn plane or some shit. act like you can lean back for like 10-15 minutes. just get in the car, keep your hands to yourself, and don't say nothing. let's just listen to car sounds since we can't agree on a playlist.

#3: anything with his name on it...

if you see my name on some shit, why are you picking it up? don't go through my mail. don't look at the papers on the table. don't be all up in my wallet. stop being nosy and mind your business. there is no reason you should be in my medicine cabinet reading my prescriptions. don't like my magazine selection, guess who's name is on the front?...that's right mine. i hate when a chick look at some shit then ask, "what's this?.." it's like you should know, you been reading it since you sat down.

#2: his porn...

remember when you we're younger and you had that dirty magazine, that VHS of the scrambled spice channel where you can actually make out one titty and the girl says, "ooh yea..." at that one part? and you came home from school and it was gone. no where to be found. you looked up under the mattress. in your closet, in that shoe box behind your church clothes (cause they are always hanging up). checked that drawer that's broke and you have to do that special thing to open it. no where to be found. and yanno your mom found that shit and threw it out.

yea we are very territorial about the porn. so when we get grown, don't go pulling that "mama" shit. if i go through the trouble of hiding it in a box that says, "camping supplies", "toxic: don't touch", or "has my name on it" and you happen to find NOT throw my shit out. do NOT watch it to see what it is. especially with VHS tapes, because every dude has that "special" part that he leaves his tape on. always reset the counter so you can rewind 4 mins & 36 secs to that part. if you open my dvd player and find one, do NOT remove it. and if you do, replace it when you're done. everyone knows porn DVD's go missing like socks in the dryer when left out.

#1: it's a toss up between the phone & the remote...

there are only a few things we walk around the house with. our phone & the remote control. we walk around the house with them so that you will NOT touch them. it's not that i'm hiding anything. it's not that you can't use my phone if you need to. it's just the fact that women don't ever want your phone for a good reason. they wanna check your text log. call history. even your web browser. they wanna see the contact pictures for everyone. they wanna answer it when it rings. same chick who'll sit next to you with her shit on vibrate, wanna answer your phone. it's like even if your phone was ringing i have no reason nor desire to answer your phone. why you jocking mine?

as for the remote. it could be 4 tv's in the same room. the only one a chick wanna watch is the one you're watching. even IF she's watching what you're watching she wanna flip back and forth to shit. turning the captions on. fucking with the display features (on accident). as soon as she get her hand on the remote control the watching tv enjoyment level goes into the negative numbers. that's why we have to carry it around the house. just keep it in our pocket. if you wanna change the channel, do it manually. bet your ass will leave the tv on ESPN, if you gotta keep getting up and down to change it.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

#twitterkills thursday #3

#twitterkills thursday topic this week: #trending topics...when you try to deny what you're tweets say daily.

i know we've all seen it. people doing those damn #trending topics. i mean look i even start off #twitterkill with a hashtag. i make up my own hashtags all the time in fact you've probably seen me kill a few
: #hoestat (my favorite), #youaintfoundshit {christopher columbus}, #dopeyachtboyfresh, #imsohappy, #pancakegamesexy

it's gotten real popular to "get in on the what everyone is talking about". and also to entertain people with your foolishness. yet, sometimes something goes very very wrong.

the other day #sidechickawareness was a trending topic. that's nothing unusual. when comparable #whywomencheat & #whymencheat also up there on the trending boards. yet, i noticed a lot of self proclaimed "side chicks" we're going off on their fellow "side hoes". it's like i don't have no problem with you expressing your opinion, but you can't say "what his girl don't know, can't hurt her" one day. then trend "if you sleeping with a dude, and you ain't his ain't shit #sidechickawareness".

ok, is it just me. . . or does this #sidehoe need some awareness her damn self? how you gonna be sitting there being a jump off side piece talking about another chick? just saying, don't shit where you sleep. cause today you're again talking about how you're mad dude can't get away from his chick to give you some time. i the only one who sees this shit?

i tried to indirectly shoot you a bird (#twitterkill you) yesterday, but today i might just have to retweet your #sidechickawareness tweet and put #youasidehoe next to it.

#youasidehoe #youasidehoe #youasidehoe #youasidehoe #twitterkill