how to spot a stalkertwit

some of yall might think i'm paranoid. but i'm dead ass serious. i have tons of stalkers. i have some who can't get enough of me. some who have gotten enough of me therefore want to keep an eye on me. some who are just nosy for no reason. some who are curious. some who are jealous. you name it, there's always a reason. so i kinda consider myself a stalker expert.

here are just a few ways to spot a stalkertwit. a stalkertwit is someone who relies on your stupidity to let other ppl know, "how you doing" & "where you are" to keep tabs on you. thanks to twitter, it's so much easier for a stalker to keep an eye on you from a distance.

i found my "stalkertwits" become too overwhelmed with this constant update of information that they tell on themselves.

how do you know someone's been on your twitter:

#5. they already know the news you got to tell them.

before you can casually tell them they are texting you lead ins to let them know. "so...how's you're day been?...oh really. anything interesting happen at work?...oh, i dunno like your boss was eating a tangerine some of the juice popped into his eye and now you have the day off?"

#4. they know the real names of your twitter followers.

you're reading your twitter on you phone app, they walk past as your laughing. you show them a funny tweet. and they say, "that sheila is hilarious". umm..how do you know @sheangel1019's real name?

#3. they make a reference to a mutual friend.

if you're RT'ed by someone that is a mutual friend. hell if you have ANY mutual friends then trust..they are all over your twitter. RT's make ppl interested anyway. you wanna see if there was anything else witty they have to offer. but if it's a RT from someone you know but aren't following that now just makes you wanna know about the whole conversation that led to that witty RT'ed tweet. so once you know yall have a mutual friend..say goodbye to your privacy.

#2. they know you've been talking about them.

but the only place you've said some crazy off the wall shit about them was on twitter. trust me if you talk about someone on twitter and they find out they come tell your ass right away. if they are good..they wait until yall next conversation. but trust, they aren't gonna let that shit slide. even if it was a sly remark like..."arrgh women make me so mad sometimes". her ass has calculated the time the tweet was made with the last time yall spoke. "yea that ninja think he slick talking about me..." i mean shit. i could have been talking about my mama. why i can't be broad with my shit? just cause we got off the phone at 9:52 and that tweet was made at 9:53. don't mean it got anything to do with you.

#1. they find you on twitter, but you never told them your @names.

this chick told me she recognized one of my friends "@" name because it was her name on another site and figure we'd probably be friends. so she happened upon my "@" name that way. i've also had MORE THAN ONE friend on twitter say someone asked them if @studiogenius was me. it's like how the fuck are yall ninjas finding me and knowing it's me?


these stalker tips can be applied to various other sites as well. myspace (site specific: if they have photos of you that you've only uploaded to myspace), facebook (site specific: if they text you the second you're status changes to, "it's complicated"), blogger (site specific: if they are arguing with you their side of an argument you just blogged), etc. as long as a stalker wants to find you they will do anything & everything to find you. my whole attitude is this. if you wanna read my shit, follow me. if you don't follow me and just read my shit don't say shit to me about it.

to add or not to add, is it really a question?...

not sure if i'm the only one who does this..but i don't usually add people i'm in a relationship to my social networks.

most of my friends aren't into the social networks. i'm a 33, black straight male. but the one's who are can be placed in 5 categories.

category #1: the one's who i don't want to deal w/outside of how we already deal with one another. like we are friends/associates, but honestly do i like you like that?

category #2: the one's i don't want to expose to my crazy demeanor on purpose. if they happen upon me, fine..but it's one of those "in conversations.." type things. i don't pass out business cards with my twitter name, blog url, etc..like ppl i work with, why in the hell would i add them to my shit? why would i want to seem like a groupie to people i deal with on an everyday basis who i can actually just text instead of dealing with them acting like "this" in real life...and "that" online cause everyone thinks they are "superstars"...@my-unlimited-superstar-friends "you don't even talk like that in real life...." stop it..

category #3: the one's i lost in my divorce. check "mrs. X's" (no that is not her actual twitter name) twitter, myspace, facebook, whatever the social network may be...and half her list we're "our" friends who she sufficiently embarrassed me in front of. so no i don't really want to add them nor for things to become a ping pong match between me & her.

category #4: ppl i'm in relationships with (see category #3)

category #5: my die-hard online friends, meaning we go way back to message boards, AOL chatrooms, other blogs etc..ppl who have transcended from online friend to real friends.

back to category #4 tho, i personally am not a fan of stalking a chicks facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. i feel like if you go looking for something you're bound to find it or make it up. and i HATE seeing a chick i'm dating flirting back & forward with some dude. not to mention the dude randomly flirting with her. so i put my jealousy in check, turn the trust on, & just ignore the fuck out of your page. it's best i don't see it, i'm secure enough to trust whatever you do & all the updating you're doing i'm getting it already so why i gotta jock you online?

but what i find is....

chicks stalk you tho. isn't it a fair assessment that if i'm not checking on you, you shouldn't be checking on me? that includes asking common friends about things i'm talking about (even if you don't look..it's just like looking if your asking!). i hate when you never check on someone, but she can tell me about my whole day in a heartbeat. because i'm not keeping it a secret. it's separate but not a secret. and as long as a chick tells me about something, she can keep it separate. and if you really want to be part of mine, fine. just don't ask to be part of mine, if you aren't willing to let me be part of yours (not that i'd ask....but it's the notion).