Sunday, August 30, 2009

tortured R&B stars...are so much better!

ok, so hear me out. my theory is R&B stars are so much better when they are sad, depressed, lonely, going through shit, on drugs, etc. so rest assured Mr. Brown...your day in the sun is not over!

it's an awful thing to say. but honestly it's the truth. think back to in the day. Lenny Williams, "I Love You". you can't tell me that wasn't a great song? tell me you don't still sing those "Oh oh oh oh oh oh OH...i love ya baby...". the thing that makes you love shit like this is the raw gritty emotion. this dude was hurt. it wasn't no usual hurt. it was some laying on the bathroom floor, matter of fact. laying on a disgusting public restroom floor bathroom, crying about your chick that left you. this man wasn't just begging, he wasn't just pleading. he was crying and like licking the tiles and shit. he got all squeaky with it. humming like a negro spiritual and shit. he loved this chick. and he meant it. if he was all happy and in love you wouldn't have felt that emotion. you had to be hurt to feel that. well you didn't have to be hurt HE, had to be hurt for you to feel that. don't agree?...

that's fine, but if you don't agree tell me why Mary J. Blige was so much doper before she got happy? yea, i went there. yall know that shit is true. Mary has a Lifetime movie in the making Life. scratch that, she has a biopic movie in the making like in twenty years. you might not see it, but just like your parents (grandparents) didn't really see Etta James getting no movie made about her life..your kids will probably see Mary fighting her demons as well as K-ci from Jodeci in a theater near them in a while. don't get me wrong, because post-happiness i've worked with her. she still does great music, but her emotion level has seriously dropped. before her voice was like syrup on a track. all heavy and laced full of that "punch on you in face, i'm so fucking serious" emotion. now she kinda like skipping rope on a track. it's like..."ooh this is fun...yall bitches ain't got nothing on me, nothing on me..". still not convinced?

tell me pre-crack, bobby brown whitney wasn't the shit?. i mean yea, she looks better than ever. but does she sound better then ever? that crack and bobby brown had you all in whitney's ass. (i feel like bevis, with that last comment...ha-ha i said crack, i said ass..). yea, we want you healthy and out of a crazy relationship...but at the same time we want bodyguard Whitney back. and the only way to get back is to get Bobby back. cause with Bobby comes the foolishness. and the foolishness is what made us like your siddity yet ghettoish classy demeanor. it saddens me because she used to be the epitome of what a singer was. beautiful voice, nice range & control. only person who was messing with Whitney at one point was...

Mariah Carey. do i even have to say how much we loved her before her ass went insane? tortured SANE mariah YES!, tortured INSANE mrs. Cannon, NO! but i'm saying crazy isn't really tortured. right now she's torturing us. btw i almost loathe her now. all the butterflies, glitter, & air machines. we know they're your friends Mimi, but guess what they aren't going to turn into people. get you some friends. Nick..please wild out and bring your wife back into reality so we can like her again. stop defending her craziness..we all know she crazy. the secret is out, has been out. we didn't need M&M (i spell it that way cause he's nutty) to tell us this. stop making diss tracks and threatening to beat up chicks in her honor. she's doing this shit to herself man. sad, but true!... but back to Mr. Brown.

Chris you made a mistake. a BIG ass mistake. i know you regret it, i've seen you man. i'm not one of these naysayers who are condemning you and saying you need to go sit down. i'm also not giving you a "beat a chick" pass. you have to pay for the shit you did. but you don't have to pay for it with your career. you can turn this shit around tho man. yes, you can no longer claim to be the boy next door. because lets face it, you in a wifebeater now has a very different meaning. but if you follow through with your intent to make things better & let your emotion prove to Gayle King, Oprah, & all the other ladies who hate you like they hate their can still come out alright.

i mean look at you boy... R.Kelly. aside from just needing a "hug" & to disappear for like a decade or two he's still around. people still love him. well "love" is a strong word, people still enjoy his music. the truth is if he'd just realize he was too old to be singing the same ladies you're singing to, he'd be alright. but we both know he's trying to get the same ladies you're singing to, & their little sisters. but this ain't about this man infatuations with 15 y/o's. (cause well we all forgave him for Aaliyah..but only cause we really, really, really, really, loved Aaliyah). this man is very talented. and although honey love, homie lover friend, vibe was all the shit. it wasn't till this dude started struggling with his craziness that we started really getting some good music from him. 12 play & rated "R" are two of the greatest albums made. yea, i'ma give credit where it's due. then he came out with the gospel and stepper album when the allegations first hit. but the trial took so long that we we're subjected to his Tp3, 4, 98, etc..and other garbage. he then had to go get happy & cop an ego, cause he wasn't charged with that shit he did in that video. and EVERYBODY know that shit was him. he ain't tortured enough. come on Sparkle, turn in that other tape..we know you stashing them till he really piss you off. eh, i digress...

ok, ok..if you haven't agreed with me up until now. let's look at Jill Scott. Ms. Jilly from Philly. who do music like Jill Scott? anybody, bueller? got to be fucking kidding me? she is the shit. and yes, she was in love on her first album. but it was a "emotional...ooh i love me some him" love. yet, as Ezel broke her heart did you not feel that shit with every song that followed? i'm saying i hate her and her hubby split, but i can't wait for the new Jill Scott album. same could be said for Ms. Badu who made one of the best albums after Andre 3000 broke her heart. shit while i'm at it his album was fucking amazing too. they both was going through it. he went from dressing crazy to preppy & she went from nature to black panther. but shit their music is ridiculously great. but while we're on couples let me get to what made me write this shit to begin with. i know many of you guys agree with me , when i say...i can't wait for U-S-HER R-A-Y-M-OND, to drop his shit sans Tameka. now i might get in trouble for this shit, cause this is my boy. in fact, i won't get in trouble for this cause his ass know just like i do. getting married and being an "It" dude is not the business. he knew this shit was gonna happen. i mean "we" submitted songs to him for his last album. and i heard tons of other songs he passed over..all in the name of "image" for his newly married life. dude, we all know you want this last album to disappear. i mean i appreciate art, your my boy..i feel where you were coming from. trust me i liked you album so much better than Maxwell's long anticipated trash he just put out that everyone seems to fucking love but the best song is the damn instrumental.....*hater pause*.

but back to you Ursher. i think we've all learned that it is better that you're single & cheating on your chicks. not married & cheating. married and cheating is not really that cool. i tell my ex, all the time. well really i don't, i just always like to reference her ass when i talk about cheaters. almost like a splinter in the foot. and no lion, i will not be Aesop's mouse & pull the thorn from your paw. go suck a lemon. you do the crime, i'll remind you all the time. again i digress. i'm saying though. it wasn't just usher tho. Tyrese, i think you've learned the same thing buddy. unless your Eric Benet and you are marrying up...getting married is NOT gonna help your career. i think the only person Ursher could marry now and get a cool pass is Chilli. i had to erase my following comment because Ro, is my girl..and i just couldn't say it. lol. i just couldn't say it.

anyway, to summarize...we need yall as artist to feel some pain. if you don't feel pain, we can't feel your pain. as much as we'd like to say, emotion is easy. it is not. we like that, i'm smiling on the outside but crying on the inside emotion. because truth is, as humans...most of the time we are too. most of the songs we play back in our head (minus the "this is our song" songs) are the sad ones. they are the one's we sing along to. the one's we put on repeat when we don't want to talk to anyone. the one that wakes us up in the morning when we haven't been out of the bed in 2-5 days. we need, "U Got it Bad", "Not Gonna Cry", "Will Always Love You", "He Loves Me". if you can accomplish these emotions and be happy...go for it. but if you can't...then give me the divorced, drugged, cheated on, crazy shit i've come to enjoy. i mean i about the music baby. i'm about the music!

oh and this is exactly why i'm so cryptic. i have & still work with 85% of the ppl mentioned. so i'm not being funny, i'm just being honest. so let me disclaim this shit, right fast. i mentioned real singers/entertainers. i'm interested in you & what you're doing because your talented. i just want the talent back. like my dude Songz would say..wait let me not quote him before i get him in trouble, insert *YUP!* lmao. kinda like when my homeboy went in on Omarion and he banned us from his project. *doing my "i get it in" shuffle* no love lost. my homebody still getting that B2K money..where your's at?..lmao

Saturday, August 29, 2009

ManFive #8

it's friday, it's's the end of the week it's the best day...

ManFive time. this week's topic: why we don't love dem hoes..

yea i had to say "dem" cause hoes aren't exactly proper anyway. don't get me wrong, there are some nice hoes. there are some classy hoes. i think women get mad that we refer to them as hoes. but sweetie, if you're a lady..we aren't talking about you. so what exactly is a hoe? come on, let's not play dumb. a hoe is chick that makes her way around. she smashes your homies. she uses her "goods" (her body) to get your "goods" (you're money). she doesn't really have respect for her body, because she puts a price on something that should be priceless.

so how do we determine if a chick is a hoe? very simple my friend, five ways to spot a hoe:

#5: no line, no wait...

yes, we love to hit on the first night. we love to meet you in a club, and take you home the same night. but if you let us let EVERYONE else hit. guys don't like to put in work. we don't like to wait. but waiting at least makes us think we had to work for it. that you have some kinda restraint. some kinda limit. of course we wanna think you don't do this often. we always wanna think we are in the Top 2. like your first love..then us. we're only giving you one.

#4: you "ready" down there, no prep time...

now, i know chicks are planners. yall know when yall want to give in and let a dude have some. but a chick that take it off in the heat of the moment and she all lined up. like she knew it was gonna go down, "um, you need more people...". i'm not saying you should ever go around looking like gizmo is in your panties. i'm just saying. a chick with a fresh landing strip. designs and shit, is a pro. not even former girl scouts are that prepared.

#3: you got referrals and shit..

if any of my dudes know you. if any of them say, "oh yea...i know her ass". that shit ain't cool. cause my dudes aren't supposed to recognize you. if they have seen you in passing. friends with one of your homegirls, they'll say some shit like.."yo, she look mad familiar". but if they flat out be like.."ay, i know her...." *backspacing* out the situation. you can NOT smash my homies and think that shit is cool. if we go some place and you know you smashed my boy...immediately say someone in your family died so we can peace out. cause if one of my dudes tap me on the shoulder and be like.."ay tell her to do that thing with her tongue...". we gonna have problems.

#2: all your friends are hoes.

in fact it don't have to be all of them. just has to be one if she a close friend. we'll give you the benefit of the doubt if it's one chick. but if it's two or more or you BFF..then that's shit ain't cool. cause chicks live vicariously through their friends. you might not be a freak. you might not be a hoe. but if your chick is telling you about all the dudes she's messing with. you're living your freaky side out through her. one day you might roll out of bed, bump your head and think you're her. hoes can take you to the dark side. you think i'm bullshitting. why do women never want their dude hanging with that one boy who always gaming chicks. because she think he'll influence you. so we the only one victims of peer pressure? get outta here.

#1: she got an open box of condoms....

it's cool. you in the moment with your chick. things escalate and you realize you don't have no condoms. we've all been there. you know you either gotta run to the drug store, call it quits, or play that dangerous game of drive in, drive out. but wait, there is another option...these days women are all about the safety. so they may have a condom they got from their doctor. or they might have bought a box in anticipation. that's shit is cool. but if a chick pull out a 3 pack box of condoms and only one is in the box....

w.t.f happen to the other two? stay calm dude...check the expiration date maybe she's had them for a while. if you look at the condoms and the expiration date is like 2 years from now. and there is only one in the box..dude check the trash can for wrappers cause she JUST used them shits probably earlier that day. ladies never keep no box of condoms if there are any missing. take that shit out the box, pretend you got it like that. don't let a dude know your ass is a condom providing station. that is not sexy.

bottom line ladies. you know we are vain creatures. we want to think we are the only ones to have ever traveled down the yellow brick road. tips for you hoes...who need to convince your dude otherwise...

- always make your bed. it's much neater, it also will get rid of those tell tell signs. like if a dude left his draws under your bed. there are wrappers, used condoms, lube stains, wet sounds nasty. but seriously..some of yall don't wash your sheets.

- never date in a 10 mile radius. if the last dude you dated lived in the same zip code, venture out into a different county. that way you may avoid his friends, his co-workers, family members. just anyone who gonna tell your new dude you a freak. don't go back to the same club & pick up a new dude the next night. yes...we all saw you the night before. your name is on the stall in the bathroom.

-be selective. we all know women have the option to be choosy. even ugly chicks pull dudes. you don't have to settle & you don't have to give it up to keep a dude.

-change up your attire. if you dress like a stripper...unless you are currently stripping that's not a good look. it's like wearing a belt with your McDonald's uniform..we still know you work at McDonald's.

-never brag about all the dudes you've been with. all the shit you've done. yea at first the thought of you being a freak will be appealing. but once you become our chick, having sex with you shouldn't feel like we're using a public toilet.

i'm saying..

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

you hate me, but i love you...

but i love you, so much cupcake. i mean i really do. your moist buttery cake melts in my mouth not in my hand. your icing, yes..your icing is pure bliss to me. sometimes, when i lick you and taste you in my mouth i have to close my eyes due to the pure satisfaction that is you. in fact it's not just you, it's all your friends. i could eat you all, all day. i can never get enough....

yet i got a hater telling me to lose weight. yes, i said it. she's trying to tear us apart. she thinks i'm letting myself go. and i admit my love affair with you, has lasted a while. and you haven't been the best thing for me. well i take that back, you have been the best thing for me, just not for my six pack. you transformed it into a fattypack. now it's become a guttypack. i'm saying, i don't blame you tho baby. i just know that in order for me to regain my gladiator physique i have to give you up. i thought maybe i could just sneak a few licks here & there. yanno not eat you all the way. just taste your goodness a little, but the temptation was just too great. i mean..'s just so hard. i dunno if i can do this. i don't know if i can leave you alone. i mean i am older, maybe i could pull off or at least excuse the fudge..i mean pudge you leave behind. i just know i'm too lazy to work you off. i never worked out to begin with. in fact i hate working out. when the other guys go to the gym..i used to spend long days with you & all of your friends (24 of your friends to be exact). now the thought of running in place, lifting weights, etc... has me sweating in anxiety. which might be good. sweating is good, yanno. although sweating from eating you these days does not seem like a good sign. who sweats from eating? i think we know the answer to that....

i've been trying to think of ways around this. really i have. yanno if i talk to slightly bigger ladies they are all about me being a cuddly teddy bear. it's those skinny girls that want you to be a stone statue of pleasure. why can't i plushly pleasure you skinny lady? aww..well. cupcake.. our days of fornication are not over. i still plan to ravish you, just not as much as usual. plus i think the sneaking around will make you taste so much better!...

Saturday, August 22, 2009

ManFive Friday #7

sorry if this ManFive is actually posted on saturday. if it means anything, i started it on friday.

this week topic: why are men always thinking about sex?

i think the better question is, why aren't women always thinking about sex? we both know it feels great. we both know it eases stress, burns calories, good in protein. yet, why is it a sore subject when it comes to relating to one another. don't get me wrong, when yall want it, it's all good. but 95% of time when yall don't we are viewed as wrong for thinking with our dicks.
lets explore this tho. have you ever woken up and sexually your body was ready for action. i'm not saying, you woke up and was like.."i could go for some sex right now..". i'm saying throbbing, hot, wet, tingly, ope..(smile) you get what i'm saying right? more than likely if you have a dude around all you gotta do is motion and you can get it. but imagine you had an ol' hater. someone that rolled over noticed the hot steam lines cascading off your body and rolled back over and pretended to be sleep. imagine having to convince this hater to "wake up" and give you some. see to women it's a task. to men it's second nature.

but it's not just morning wood. do you know how much dick to hand contact we have per day. when we piss. when we bath. when we dress. when we adjust (and yes, adjusting is necessary unless your dick is small enough not to touch your leg, nuts, anything..). when we need a warm place for our hand. when we cuss. and just naturally we default there. now imagine if you we're touching your "love muscle" like that all day, everyday. in fact do yall even touch it? it's all beautifully packed away, chilling. yall get up close to the area, but beat around the bush (smile). but your equivalent to what we have is JUST for sex. so therefore unless you're trying to have it, or getting your christopher columbus on yall aren't really in that area much.

so maybe it's not a hot button for you, because your just not pushing it. but with us it's too easy. not to mention we don't have to touch. shit a chick could whisper her "abc's" in my ear and that would do it for me. it's not that hard, or is it? (smile). so how can you blame me for thinking about it? how can i be blamed for wanting it? if anything you should be blamed for not providing it for me. yes, i'm serious. not on some "i wish i could fuck, every girl in the world...."shit like drake & weezy. just saying, if you my chick..why i gotta beg? if you had to beg, you'd be pissed. cause women think men should ALWAYS be ready for them. but yall the only one's who have to right to say no. that's some ol' bullshit. so i'm gonna help you ladies out.

five signs your man wants some "golden grahams".

#1: he's being extra nice and shit. cleaning up shit. taking the kids out w/o you asking (that's a maneuver to give you time to relax and get yourself together to thank him). asking you how your day was, when he never ask you that shit. smiling and shit like he up to something. he's up to trying to get it in. so stop tripping. milk the situation (smile) and get yours in too.

#2: he put extra effort into how he looked today. it might not have been for you at first. he might have just felt all good and shit. like it was just a good day. and he's in a good mood. then he's doing that extra shit like putting on cologne when he usually wears the scent of "irish spring", "dial", or "dove" (that's dudes who just use whatever soap you buy them). if he's in a good mood guess what would make him in a even better mood?...yup yup. if he looking all extra good & he knows it, he's trying to get some sugar smacks.

#3: if he's put effort into trying to seduce you. which is different then just being nice. when he's reciting poetry to you. lighting candles. you see flowers on the table. you walk in and he's playing that "slow jams" cd. don't quietly back out the door..yanno you in the fuckspot as soon as you walk in. open the fridge and there is nothing new but strawberries & whip cream. still no eggs, just chocolate sauce and shit. yanno what's up. he jumps out from the shadows in a silk robe attempting to be sexy (cause let's face it...there isn't sexy male attire that's gonna turn on your woman). you walk in the bathroom and see the lube is out from in the back of the cabinet and there is some 3 y/o massage oil sitting next to it. oh yea,'s about to be on now.

#4: he tells you he's been thinking about you. and he giving you some ol' bullshit reasons why he was thinking about you, but yanno he really was thinking about getting you from the back on his desk earlier. he was thinking about walking in the house and you pouncing on him and slow grinding it against the wall, stairway, table, etc.. he was thinking about you giving him head on the way home, in fact now that you think about it, you did notice that he had raised the steering wheel. yanno what.."i was thinking about you" know what direction it's headed into. go ahead let him stroke your ego, then go stroke his. fair is fair.

#5: you're laying in the bed getting the best sleep of your life. and you feel this naked dude poking the fuck out of your spine, kidney, thigh, ass (depending on where yall bodies meet). it's a good chance he's saying...give me some. in fact he's not just saying it. it's there for the taking. now you can be selfish and ignore him. you can get mad and try to go back to sleep. or you can just roll over and get it in. it's not torture...and if it is why you with dude anyway?

bottom line. yall should be ready & willing just like us. sex is part of love. it's not the only part, but it's a big part. it's a mutually enjoyable act that should satisfy both of you. it's not a task. it's something that pleases not only yourself, but someone else. so what's the problem? if men treated women the way women treated them about sex. there would be no golddiggers in the world. there would be no housewives of atlanta, new jersey, new york, miami, etc..the only reason yall run us the way yall do is because yall are sex negotiators. yall hold the "sweet treats" hostage and be trying to work out a deal and shit. all we're trying to do is rescue her from her captivity. so stop being a pussy tyrant,
"give her, her free..& give her to me".

Monday, August 17, 2009

short man discrimination...

it's running rampant. and it needs to stop. i have been a card carrying member of the "short man" club for at least 20 years. i say only 20 because before puberty i was pretty tall. i just missed the growth bus, that all the other boys (and girls) jumped on without me.

yea, as a teenager i had a small complex. only because that's when "sticks & stones" have nothing on words when it comes to hurting you. fortunately for me i had a girlfriend who liked me for me, so it wasn't about "not having chicks". it was moreso used as a way for more insecure guys to pick on me. once i learned that it was insecurity on their part i was able to get over it and not really let it bother me. but then came the bigger problem...

me & my girlfriend broke up. i was instantly thrusted into a world where height was more important then the person you were. it sounds like a short bitter man's perspective, but it's very true. it's just like race, it's something you can't change or should be ashamed up. yet, any guy under 5"11 has heard at least one woman say, "i don't date guys under 6ft.". then you look at her standing 5'1, like are you fucking kidding me? i realize to women height = security. yall want a big tall man who can protect you. yet, you'll see a 200lb female with a dude 6ft tall dude who's 140lbs. yea, he's taller than you, but um..i'd bet on your ass in a street fight. height doesn't make you more of a man, nor does the lack of it make you less of one.

all i need is for you ladies to get on board. stop all of this tall dude shit. you realize how many good dudes you have potentially passed over due to your discrimination? i've dated chicks of all heights. i've dated women shorter than me, same height as me, as well as taller. and despite their original thoughts on it, none of them have had any problems once they work through their own insecurity. how can you ask constantly why a man can't look at you for who you are instead of judging you by you physical attributes, but you're guilty of the same thing? before i could even say something to one woman she told me i was too short for her. i'm saying chick, what if i was gonna ask you for the time?

what if i said..." "oh one of your titties is 3x bigger than the other one".

is that a reason to not talk to you? it's like get off yourself. i understand it's a preference thing. you want a guy who's at least your height or a little taller. just like you'd want one dark skin (cause everyone know a chick can't even give us light skin brother's any love cause if you don't say dark skin you "don't love yourself"). if you want a brother all cut up, instead of moderately sloppy. i'm not gonna fault you ladies for being superficial. i'm just saying...don't count the short brothers out. just like we deal with yall being fat (when yall still calling it thick 29 lbs later). why yall can't love us the same?

Friday, August 14, 2009

ManFive Friday #6

ManFive Friday again! nope i still haven't figured out the format, nothing has just clicked to me. i like the rants, but how is that any different then any of my other post?

i like the questions, but it's a bitch coming up with 5 questions that chicks might wanna hear. i guess i'm gonna continue to freestyle it till i just figure out what it is, so maybe i'll change the name when i figure out what the actually change is going to be. for now i'm gonna continue to experiment.

this weeks topic: why men don't find jealousy attractive.

unlike you women, we don't think it's "cute" that you overreact to us receiving attention from other women. we don't really want you to "fight" for our affections (unless it involves oil, mud, or a wrestling match). you ever wonder why your man didn't tell you he works with a attractive woman everyday? why you had to go to the christmas party and find that shit out. or why he has "friends" you've never met or he rarely talks about. now i'm not talking about a dude who's notorious for cheating on you. i'm not even talking about a dude who would cheat on you. there is a difference between jealousy w/ reason. and jealousy w/o reason. with reason your hatred is fueled by the actions that come with it. it's the ladies who are jealous for no reason. basically insecurities or a threatening feeling is what makes you act a fool. here are five reasons why men hate jealous chicks.

#1. you make it impossible for him to maintain old friendship.

now i'm not talking about being friends with his ex. i'm talking about old friends who have been there for a minute. people who have proven their value in his life. friends who were there longer or just as long as you.

i admit i have a uncanny sexiness about me. i have the ability to go from being that dude you never saw yourself with, to the one you can't see yourself without. that sounds kinda vain, huh? so if you think that sounds vain, why the hell are you assuming every chick thinks that about me? i'll be honest a lot of my girlfriends have come from being my friends. because i guess with my shy nature i never swoop down on chicks and just "holla" at them. but also if you check my track record i don't cheat on women. if you remember back when i was your friend, how i never crossed that line. yes, i may have said some perverted things here & there. but they weren't directed at you or how i wanted to do them with you. so why do you think my conversations with my other female friends are any different. i understand you think that if you fell in love w/ me one day that some other "friend" may fall in love with me. and that's quite possible. but what does that have to do with them being my friend now? it's a show of distrust not for them as you claim, but towards me. trust me to deal with them if they come at me sideways. after all you have male friends. what makes your friends so much better and trustworthy than mine?

#2. you make it impossible for him to be honest w/o there being a fight.

ever been watching something on tv, and a half naked girl appears on screen. first thing you hear is, "oh, you liked that huh?". i'm saying, what if i did? i am a man. i like to see half naked chicks. in fact i'd love it if you got half naked and let me see you do that shit right now. there is nothing wrong with looking. women do it all the time. i already told you, i can't even wear jogging pants anymore due to grown ass women hawking my package.

but let me take this to a grown up level. when a guy tells you that a chick from his past has hit him up. he is taking a step to let you know that he's been in contact with someone you consider suspect. if i call you up and tell you my ex did something for me, why are you mad at me? why do i have to have been dealing with her for her to have thought about me? like when your ex sends you flowers on your birthday. or his mama is sending you cards and shit, that's cool. that some shit i don't hear about till days later. as soon as i get off the phone, read the email, or walk away..i'm texting & calling you updating you on shit. why if i'm telling you, do you then make me sorry i did? if i'm not doing anything suspect i don't OWE you that courtesy. i could just keep it to myself. but if i'm trying to be honest with you, you can't make me regret telling you shit.

#3. you make it impossible for him to go anywhere.

if every time i wanna go out it's a problem. then i have a problem with you. i'm a grown ass man. i've had my clubbing phase. i've had my wild days. i'm not into that. i have a child that I keep 5 days a week myself. so if i wanna go out one night with my boys what the hell is the problem? i hate when chicks assume that you going out is you looking for chicks. especially chicks who go out all the damn time themselves. if you come home with a story about how you talked to a dude for you girl EVERY TIME you go out. then why do you assume that i think you're sitting there alone wanting to come home. i know you're around dudes, i know you're attractive and people are going to hit on you. no, that's not my favorite thought, but at the same time i'm not hiding in alleys jumping dudes for talking to you. i can't talk to a chick in the grocery store w/o there being a "why you laughing?...i can't believe you're flirting with her while i'm on the phone". are you serious? i got preparation H & gas X on the conveyor belt. you really think she trying to come home with me?

#4. you make it impossible for him to even deal with you.

talking to a chick who is jealous is like talking to a mad dog. you see the foam in the mouth. the daggers shooting from her eyes. you wanna say..."bitch chill.." but you know that'll just escalate the problem. we can't even have a conversation if you're sitting there mad at me. you're steady mad at me and calling me like a crazy person trying to check my location and i'm ignoring the fuck out of you cause your crazy. how is that gonna work?

#5. you make it impossible for him to be with you.

the difference between #4 & #5 is even after ignoring you there can be resolution met. but if your insecurities are that deep. if you can't act like a "grown up". i just can't be with you. it's annoying and aggravating having to answer to someone else. especially when they are only mad due to their personal insecurities. i can't fix, what's wrong with you. i also can't deal with someone who can't get it together. you need to focus in on what the real problem is, and fix it for yourself. or you'll be less = me.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

i got such a big ego...*clears throat*...

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." -Hebrews 10:35

and i believe that. everyone who knows me, knows i'm a shy guy. yes, it never appears this way online. "subjects are less outgoing then they appear". but one thing i do have, is confidence in myself. not in a over the top way. not in a "i'm better than you & have to tell you way". moreso in a, "i know i'm good..." way.

i feel like my life has been rewarded many times over. yea yea...i'm having some issues right now, but i guess it's the faith that those things will be overcome w/ some awesomeness in my near future that keep me going. that's the story of my life. i smile because God puts a smile on my face. it's not that i haven't been knocked down, dragged around, hung upside down..etc. it's not that i think i'm favored or owed greatness. it's because i know i'm favored & i am greatness. don't get confused by my "woe as me rants", because it's days like this when i'm just overcome with happiness. so it's days like this when i know God is hanging with his homebody. i feel like i could go out and play in traffic today, and be okay. true, with the feeling of wonderful coating me today it seems more than obvious i will be met with ppl who want to steal my sunshine & make today overcast. but to them, i say...come back tomorrow.

today is not the day, i'm fucking with you!

(i know yall hate that i be cussing & talking about God in the same post..but the Lord has coated just about everything but my tongue today...he knows i can't help it)

Monday, August 10, 2009

some things you just don't fuck w/ a month before they expire..

yanno when you're thinking about that special someone. and you're counting down the days till you're gonna get some of that "special" love. and it's been a minute since you had some of that "special" stuff. then out of no where, you being like a boyscout and trying to "be prepared" you look at the box and see the expiration date is for next month.

it's almost like yanno them shits are always popping, breaking, tearing, etc. anyway. but if they're about to expire makes you think they just gonna evaporate in the middle of you having sex.

sorry trojan, i don't fucks w/ you like that. some things are negotiable, you my friend...are not.

Friday, August 7, 2009

ManFive #5

wow, friday comes along fast these days. ok, i'm feeling the manfive rant style so i'ma go in hard best friends today.

topic this week: why you're man really don't like your gay best friend (gbf).

being a man who's been involved with more than one chick with a GBF. let me just say i hate hate hate hate hate that shit. yea i see him with his skinny jeans on. yea i hear him laughing and talking "girl talk" with you. talking about like he like dick. yea i know YOU think he gay and shit. but i'm saying when dude was hugging you bye and saying, "i love you girl" he was giving me that gay *side eye* with a nigga nod. yanno the nod. the "i got you girl" nod. yea, that shit does happen in real life. i know yall watch all the movies where the guy "pretends" to be gay but is really trying to get with the HOT girl who wouldn't have talked to him any other way.

well the "GBF" is even sneakier. cause these dudes actually be fucking other dudes. but if you notice...they always become friends with the one chick they'd go straight for. and they'll say shit like that too all the time, yall just don't catch it. they'll be like,

"girl...if i was straight, i'd be all over that ass".

now if i had a lesbian best friend and she was always telling me, "boy if i was straight i'd be all over that dick". would that be cool? no, it wouldn't you know why? cause women aren't cool with you having a lesbian as your best friend. and if they are they want it to be a lesbian that's all dudely. you can't have a hot sexy lesbian as your best friend. because then she'll swear yall are pulling chicks together for threesomes. which isn't a bad idea...but i digress.

what i'm saying is. i don't discriminate. i don't trust no dudes. straight or gay. dudes be on some sheisty ass..."i don't even want you chick, but i wanna fuck with you" shit. check the logic...

this dude is doing EVERYTHING you won't do with your chick. she telling him everything she like. they sitting around having lunch, going shopping, movies, talking on the phone. i mean that's pretty much dating. you're just the dumb one if you don't see what's happening. cause the one thing a dude can do better than a chick when he's being your girl's friend....HATING.

everyone knows niggas be on different shit when it comes to hating. especially gay dudes. they don't come at it like their chick friends do. women are clueless when it come to men so their best & only material is..., "oh girl, he must be cheating on you..." or..."i saw him with..such & such last week". nope gay dudes be giving away secrets from the "man manual". it's like you forget that know that shit. not me tho...

a gbf will hit your chick with some shit like this...

"that nigga is NOT hanging with Ty Ty, check this boo boo..give him 10 more minutes & call him back! {ten minutes later}...where he at? in the car huh? what he listening to?...maxwell, you heard maxwell in the background? girrrrrrrl, you think him and Ty Ty bumpin' "pretty wings" in the car?".

that will inspire a "a-ha" thought that will set off fireworks. it's not just limited to that tho. a GBF will make a chick think her man will do some gay shit for her.

"girl what you mean he don't eat you ass? are you kidding me? OMG you don't know what you're missing."

i'm saying, you're taking sex advice from a dude who's supposedly messing with other dudes? now you're super curious and you want a man who ain't ever thought about messing with your ass like that to be enhaling dookie snacks? i'm saying. and it don't stop there, just cause he don't mind holding your purse, don't mean i want to. just cause he'll paint your toe nails, try on your underwear (for shits & giggles)...don't mean i'm gonna do that shit. it's like because he's a dude, you start thinking that it's a normal phenomenon like, "why isn't my boyfriend like you...he'd be perfect".

one catch ladies....he'd be gay. or at least pretending to be. which i mean pretending is pretty much gay in itself.

i'm saying...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

young chicks are like delicate flowers...

they need to grow the fuck up. lmao. i'm so fucking serious. anyone who knows me, know i have an on going feud with young chicks. this rant is not directed at anyone in particular (or maybe it is..). i'm just saying i have lifted my dating bar to 25. you must be at least 25 to ride on this ride. that's right...i will no longer date chicks in school. i don't care if your in college for your P.HD. if your ass is still going to me after graduation. cause i can't do it. i just can't do that shit!

i admit, i've dealt with my share of young chicks. and when i was younger, that was cool. we we're on the same level. when you're both young 20's you both are foolish. both are still learning, still finding your way.

but once you cross that "grown up threshold" which for guys i think comes a little later (unless you have HUGE responsibilities on you from a young age) you kinda see the world different. i call it my "age of experience". the time where i woke up looked at my life and said..."'s time to stop being young & grow the fuck up". that happened probably around the same time i was looking for a woman to be more than just my girlfriend, fuck buddy, etc. when i wanted more than just hanging with my dudes, going to clubs, & just living life reckless. this age for me was mid 27. i think for women it's usually 25. 25 is when i say women's "young chick" era ends and they become grown ass women. not saying yall can't be mature before then. just saying by about 25..yall have gathered some life experience points that would put you in the same mind frame as me at mid 27. and yall should have GROWN THE FUCK UP by then. let's not confuse this with you wanting the same things i wanted. because you can be 19 and want a family. but think about it. at 19...did you know HALF the shit you knew at 21. just saying real talk. two years, made a hell of a lot of difference right? now think back. at 25 can you not see all the mistakes you made at 21? it only becomes clear with time.

so what makes me upset? when a "young chick" will tell me they are grown. it's like you have NO IDEA what grown is. that's why i can't do the school shit. if you are stressing telling me how "stressed you are cause you got a 5 page paper dude in 10 days". and my ass is sitting here with a 3 year old little boy doing back flips off a bed. do you think that i can relate to your melodrama? HELL FUCKING NO. it's like fuck your paper. you're ass ain't gonna do it till day #10 anyway. your problem is NOT a problem. and i'm just not nice enough to care anymore. i used to be, but now it's like i got real fucking issues. that's like you complaining about going to work after working a 12 hr. shift. and i liken your problem to me not being able to find a toe-nail clipper. it's like are you fucking serious? i need a woman with real problems. i need her to be like...

"yanno...i'm tired as hell i worked all day."

THAT SHIT RIGHT sexy as fuck.

"*sigh* i just finished paying all my bills for the month...i don't have no money"

OMG, i love you. that perfume "responsibility" you have on really turns me on.

"i don't know why she mad....i don't feel like going out hanging out in no club, i don't have time for that shit!" you have time to marry me? cause i def feeling that shit.

i'm saying. young chicks don't say shit like that. they just don't. and if they do, it's followed by a bad behavior. them working all day was their 4hr. shift at their work study job. like they spent all their money paying half their bills (to them the "important" ones: cell phone & past due bills) and the rest shopping. they don't feel like hanging out, nor have time for that shit...tonight. it was a one night only statement.

can't wait to smell that "responsibility" on my stalkertwit. now if we could just stop her from stalking me...that would be SEXY as fuck too. lol.