how come you don't call me...

my phone's been on. i know i paid the phone bill. i know the battery has power. i know my phone number is still the same. i'm not out of network. i'm not roaming. i have 5 bars...

so why haven't you called? text? or emailed me. every time i see my screen go dim, i tap it. every time i walk out the room, and come back in i check for a notification. 

why am i so lame? why am i such a loser? who literally sits around and waits for a phone call? waits for a response from a text. refreshes their email to see if maybe something is wrong with the server. or maybe something is just wrong with you..


yea i said it. stalking you or being obsessive is one thing. but if you're SUPPOSED to call me. you're SUPPOSED to text me. you're SUPPOSED to email me. then waiting and wanting you to do so isn't unreasonable. it doesn't take much: time or effort. truth is. if you don't have the time, and don't want to put forth the effort..why do i waste time even caring?


why do i answer when you call? text you back when i see your text. read your emails...you don't deserve a response. yet, when i don't answer or respond...i get the 911 treatment. yanno the.."i really need you to call me back.." voicemails. "call me asap" text. then comes the are you dead treatment. "call me back, i'm worried" voicemails. or the "is everything okay"..." text.  


whenever you're looking for me, i'm supposed to be available. whenever you're in the mood to talk i'm supposed to be in the mood. next time you call my phone. next time you check for text or emails.

remember, this is what it feels like...


2 years later...

why you texting me? why are you still calling? we haven't been together for a while. i haven't talked to you in months. yet, i keep getting those, "hey" text.

i remember how excited i'd get to see your name & number. now it churns my stomach. seeing your name on my phone. seeing your number pop up. why can't you get the picture? i don't want to talk to you anymore. i don't care about the shit going on in your world. it's crazy how now that i don't care, you want me to. you want me to text you back. you want me to call you, just to catch up. say hello. don't you get..that me NOT calling you means i don't want to talk to you. me NOT answering means i don't want to communicate. 

i understand. it took me a while to realize too. those days where i'd wonder why. why you didn't call me. why you wouldn't hit me back. i thought maybe you were just busy. maybe you just weren't the type that "calls". maybe you didn't realize how much i wanted/needed that. then it hit me. you just didn't want to talk to me.  you just didn't want to call. because just like me now, if you had wanted to talk to me..you would have. 

so lose my number. my new chick don't like seeing your name or number on my phone either.

[october challenge: day#23]

*sorry for the late update was out all night, didn't have one scheduled for midnight. but eh...get over it. lol