Wednesday, October 27, 2010

i'm gonna kill this kitty...

ok. ok. so here's what happened. i met this chick. and we have been going out for a while. and one day she introduced me to her kitty. and usually i'm not a pet person. but i love kitties. and she had one of the prettiest kitties i had ever seen. i could tell she loved it. she had her all groomed and smelling nice.

so as i looked at her kitty and i guess she liked me cause she started purring. so naturally i started petting her. i asked her if it was ok, and she said "yes". i guess she had a fever or something cause she was real warm. so i asked her if she was sure she was ok. and she said, "yes, she gets warm when you pet her". so i'm thinking, cool. 

then all a sudden. she starts to moan and purr. so i'm assuming she enjoys it. so as i'm talking to this chick and her kitty starts losing control. she's getting so hot that she starts sweating all over my hands. so the next thing i know. she jumps on my lap. so i'm just sitting there asking this chick if she knew her kitty just jumped on my lap. and she starts smiling. and asking if i want her to get it off. so i tell her..."you can get her off...or i can get her off". so she's tells me she wants me to get her off.

so i start to pull her up, but she keeps pulling herself down. and this goes on for a while. all that up and down. i try to move her left & right. up and down. i doesn't seem like she wants to get off. at least not right now. so i thought if i keep on rocking her back and forth. pulling her up and down. i'd wear her out, so i grabbed her and start trying to push her up but she locks tight on me. at this point i can't do anything but let her stay there. i guess she likes that spot. so i just keep her there and keep talking to this chick. next thing i know her kitty starts having a seizure on my lap. so i hold her real still till she's done. so she gets up and lays next to me. next thing i know this chick gets up and tells me she has to go give her kitty a bath. so i'm just sitting there. waiting. the chick tells me her kitty likes me. and is really tired. so we chill out all night. fall asleep.

i wake up and this damn kitty is on my face. fur all in my mouth. all i know is i'm gonna kill this & beat her up.

[october challenge: day# 27]


Anonymous said...

WOW..................I actually had a jaw dropping moment reading this. Lol Clever ;-)

Eyes on the Prize said...


That was hot!

Alovelydai said...

*turns off computer...shuts down office...goes home*

Monique said...

i hate you. Now I'm all distracted and get finish working. dang it.

Anonymous said...

This one actually made me a little confortable. Like I knew what you were talking about but I HATE cats! Like with a passions and all I coulf picture was some furry ass actual cat that wouldn't get off ur damn lap with its sweaty fur. Just ugh! Lol

Anonymous said...


*favorites this post*

See, I told you that you were the male version of me. This proves me right.

That is all.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@sj is so unique: lol. thanks.

@eyes on the prize: thank you.

@alovelydai: why you gotta close up shop? thanks for the twitter shoutout. lol

@monique: you need to be distracted at work. unless you are a surgeon or something..

@luvlymskrissy: i knew it would be one person who would think it was a actual cat. cats are not kitties. cats are nasty. kitties are wonderful.

@hightopsandpearls: lol..i'm glad you liked it my female clone.

~Sheila~ said...

This was disturbing in all kinds of ways.
I have 2 cats (no, not metaphorical) and I was squinting thinking about all of that. Kitties...Cats...It's all just WRONG!

LOL, this plays well with those non-animal owners..

Traci Lavette said...

That there was HOT! I knew from the beginning though what the 'kitty' was. LOL! Got me ready to make a call of my own up in here!

Monique said...

Nope, not distractions like this needed at work. LOL I wouldn't want to slip up and type my response in an email.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

Man oh man...that's really all I can say! Wow

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@sheila: i will kill those kinda cats too. not in the same kinda way as the kitties

@traci lavette: thanks..i knew i couldn't be discreet for long.

@monique: don't slip up in the emails but distractions are always good.

@starrla monae: woman oh