Sunday, October 10, 2010

help....my cousin's a metrosexual..

ok. so i'm sure you are looking at this picture thinking..."there is nothing wrong with what he's wearing". you know what..you're right. this is something i'd wear myself..maybe not that long of a scoop neck v-neck. but no, there is nothing wrong with the "outfit" he's wearing. it's the fact he has a damn purse.

and i know yall will say, "that's not a purse, that's a bag!". okay...how many of you ladies carry "bags" and call them purses? he is using that as a purse. and that defies all kind of man laws.

let me start by saying. i got mad respect for kanye. but the style he on....makes me look to the left. then to the right. then all around. cause i don't know why the hell he wears half the shit he does. but this post isn't about 'ye. it's about my cousin.
_____________________________
metrosexual


— n


 a heterosexual man who spends a lot of time and money on his appearance and likes to shop
___________________________________________________________

 
so by definition, a metrosexual is a heterosexual guy. my cousin is a few months younger than me. i've been around ever since he moved down to atlanta for college. we (were) real close. he's married & just had his first child. i'm 100% sure he's not homosexual. this isn't a "gay" thing. this is a "siddity" thing.
 
it all started at a cookout. me and his sister were sitting around eating food, drinking beers, talking shit. and she looks over at his feet and says, "um...is that clear polish on your toes?". and he said yes. then proceeded to explain how he started going to get pedicures & manicures. so jokingly his sister asked.."do you get facials too?"..and he dead ass seriously says, "yes, i do". she looks at me. i look at her. and we both look at him and burst out laughing. see we blame his wife, because he did not believe in these types of things before he started dating her. he wasn't so bourgeois. now he equates his behavior, likes and dislikes, & grooming habits to class. i mean i should have seen it coming..i started noticing a change in his clothing. how all his clothes started becoming "outfits". now, regular dudes (none metrosexuals) don't wear outfits: there are uniforms, suits, or clothes. women wear outfits. what is the difference?..
 
 
in the first picture 50 cent has on a suit. in the next, he's wearing a white-t, durag & a fitted. the last picture he is in an outfit. there is no other way to describe what he has on in the last picture. you can't say, he has on a shirt and some pants. that does not effectively explain that shit. an outfit is like a onesie. it's components of the same "look" that all have to be there in order to achieve the desired look. so essentially it's one piece. yanno how you ladies will put on a dress. match the shoes. match the earrings. match a necklace. bangles. your purse. a scarf. etc. it's a lot of different pieces but they all come together to form your outfit. when your girl sees you...she'll be like, "ooh girl i love your outfit". and she's talking about everything you got on. yea..well that's what metrosexuals rock. outfits.
 
i started noticing how all his clothing choices looked like the dudes on the cover of the banana republic catalogs. he started wearing all sorts of pastels. suspect sweaters/shirts/snug pants. he shaves everything. at least everything visible i'm not all up in his business like that. his arms look smooth, his legs..he no longer rocks a goatee or mustache. he started shaving his entire head bald and his head was noticeably shiny. like he oils it. he eats sushi, chicken with a fork, and is a wine-a-holic. now i'm not saying these are the things that make you a metrosexual. i'm just saying, these are the things that make him a metrosexual. i think the straw that broke the camels back, was when he asked me to help him move some shit into his new house and he came through in some khaki pants, a long sleeve button down, and some loafers. this was his, "moving shit" outfit. um, ok. . .
 
i am currently planning an intervention for him. i just have to schedule a time to kidnap him, throw him in a van, and turn him back into a regular man.
 
[october challenge: day#10]

7 comments:

I'm Alee. said...

Yeah, um... That's a little suspect. I would kidnap his ass too. *DEAD* @ that 3d picture of 50 Cent. I can't with these rappers...

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@i'm alee: i'm planning on it. and yea..how you gonna be a thug in a outfit?..when i saw this picture i said.."i have to use this" it completely describes the absurd nature of a metrosexual.

Monique said...

ha!I like Kanye's bag. Maybe it's a carry-on piece of luggage.

I'm cracking up about the use of the term "outfit". I just asked my son's father if he calls his clothes outfits and he straight gave me the side eye and walked away. I'm all for grooming but the polish, regular facials and eyebrow plucking is a bit much.

sunshinestar110 said...

I have to agree with Monique! he could have just got off of a flight or something lol...

Can this intervention be on A&E because i just wanna see how this is gonna go down..but i hate to tell u this that once they go metro sexual they never come back!

Supastarrr said...

No man should have a purse or bag. & they don't take those on flights, they take SUITCASES. Intervention sounds necessary.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@monique: carry on bag? you think he carry his own bags....pssssssh. yea right. and your dude walked away cause he know we don't use the word "outfit". what that sound like?

@sunshinestar110: like i told monique..pssssh. and yea i'll try to get it on A & E. and i think you're right i doubt i'll rescue him from the metro side.

@supastarrr: lol thank you. i'm so glad you understand.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

Men in anything tight or skinny just screams suspect in my brain. The only thing tight and skinny in his life should be my jeans.