Sunday, October 3, 2010

i need rehab...

as i'm about to embark on my vacation which = long drive, due to my not liking to fly anywhere. i am already shaking, pissed off, and practicing my "mean mug as i pass you by" face in the mirror.

i hate people who can't drive. i hate people who have no place to be. i hate old people who drive. i hate student drivers. i hate truck drivers. i hate slow drivers. in fact....i hate any driver who does not drive faster than me or move over when i'm behind them.

i'm one of those people who ride up behind you very fast. i only do it because i assume since you see i'm trying to go faster than you, you'd just move over. i truly believe that if you aren't driving. correction...faster than the car behind you. you get your ass over. i get over for cars that want to drive faster than me. when it's raining or snowing..i get into the slower lanes to decrease my speed. i do NOT drive in the fast lane at the speed limit. let's face it, we should ALL be driving at least the speed limit. if your car won't reach the speed limit, do not get on the highway. if you are too old to go to speed limit or to drive without swerving, do not get in a car. people say all the time, "what if it was your grandma"...um. my grandma does NOT drive. so it wouldn't be my grandma. so fuck your grandma, tell her ass to go knit some socks and get the fuck out a car. if you are a new driver..they have closed courses for that...

do not get your ass on the highway.

also do not mistake the fast lane for the HOV lane. the HOV lane is the lane that no one is in. it's the lane with the two lines and the triangle in the middle. it's the lane that is all the way to the left, it is NOT the fast lane. do not get your ass in the fast lane if you're driving in a mini van. do not get your ass in the fast lane in a u-haul, bus, or tractor trailer. the fast lane is not the community lane. it is the passing lane, and if you aren't passing someone...get the fuck out that lane.

but wait my rage doesn't just exist on the highway or against cars. i have all around road rage. paved roads, construction roads, dirt roads...whatever..if your ass can't drive. don't drive. if you're on a bike, motor scooter, in a go-kart, jogging...i'm gonna do you like mario kart and run you the fuck over. i am NOT gonna share the road with some shit that is not my equal. that goes for all yall in those toy cars (focus, beetles, cube, etc..) i'd rather be behind someone who is high on drugs & drunk, than someone who will stop on yellow lights. people who brake when the car 5 cars ahead of them brake..i hope your brakes really do fail. people who are looking for street numbers, looking at houses, daydreaming...i hope a train hits you while you're distracted. you people who drive 3 car lengths behind the car in front of you. don't be mad when i pass you. don't be mad when i not only pass you, but i pull over, let you pass, then pass you again. people who drive slow, until the light is red and run it thinking i'm going to just sit there and wait...."yeaaaaah..oh' let's do it..." cause i'ma run that light too. and then i'm gonna ride your bumper so hard you're gonna think i'm sitting in your passenger seat. people who stop when they see police cars, either because they're scared or because their tag is expired...i bet i hit your car so the police have a reason to stop both of us. folks who get in the lane next to me knowing good and well their lane is going to end, i hope you got a coat..cause hell is gonna freeze over before your ass gets over in front of me. and finally you people who act like you don't see me mean mugging your ass in your rear view mirror, don't worry..i'm gonna replay that shit when i get next to you. and if by chance you happen to turn off..i'm gonna turn off and park next to you and mean mug you all the way into your house/store/restaurant..whatever.

i'm saying, i'm not trying to be rude. i'm just saying, there are rules to driving. the first rule being..."learn how to drive". people can talk shit all the want to. tell me i can't drive worth shit all the want to. i don't get into accidents, other ppl hit me. i don't EVER get speeding tickets when i'm actually speeding. and most importantly, i drive like i got someplace to be...all the time. all you motherf$@%ers who drive like you ain't got no place to be or a job....i hope a hurricane comes and takes your ass away to kansas where people really have no place to be. get the fuck off the road.

or die. which is what it feels like i'm doing when i'm stuck behind you.



[october challenge: day #3]

7 comments:

Shay Dizzle said...

I loved that rant!!! Safe travels on your trip!

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Spoken like a true Georgian driver! LOL. I always tell people they don't know what crazy driving is until they get on the highways of Atlanta. I always feared for my life while driving down there.

Isis said...

lol this shit was funny...i used to be like this...but now...my only real pet peeve is people who don't move over when i'm behind them, clearly trying to drive faster than them...or people who reasonlessly rock the fast/passing lane when they on chill mode.

i'm still praying b/c i have never been in a car accident or hit a car when i was driving...so i know chance has a lot to do with that, but i also like to think it means i'm a pretty good driver...especially since i used to like to race, & even now i rarely go below 85...

sunshinestar110 said...

lmaoooooooo....this is so funny to me because i'm the same way hints why i hate driving long distances because i just can't handle how ppl drive.

xxxx said...

lmao i told you yall damn Georgia people cant drive.. haha but i hate that shit to. like i do 90 damn near 100 going anywhere.. see the cops i dont slow down i just move on over... i hate people who brake when there is no reason to, and if you think you going through the red light and imma be stuck there waiting an additional minute and a half you sadly mistaken cause i will cutch up on your bumper and ride right through with your ass... idc.. #thuglife.. lol

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@shay dizzle: thanks. and thank you. i made my trip without killing anyone. so i'd have to say it was pretty good. lol

@uglycleanbroke87: listen. we take driving serious. we aren't a city like ny, chicago, philly with massive transit systems. we depend on driving. we all drive, from like 15. so acting like you ain't got no place to be. or driving like you don't know where you're going is a no no. like ludacris says.."move bitch...get out the way..." lol.

@isis: yea, today i almost took my phone out and videoed this car in front of me violating 4 of the things i complained about in this post. i wanted to tape their face as i passed them by flicking them off and mean mugging them. but i saw a cop..and thought i'd get a ticket for "texting"...

@sunshinestar110: i don't mind distance cause after a while on the highway you get a break. you get long stretches where people will move over or won't be on the road. it's not until you get into the cities that people start driving like they're the tortoise and i'm the hare.

@xxxx: whatever we CAN drive. that's why we don't deal well with outstate folks. cause we need yall to keep it moving like us. we need yall to go with the flow. so what it's raining, snowing, sleeting, cows are falling on the interstate...who the fuck cares..if you're in the fast lane i'ma need you to at least be doing 90...seriously.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

Damn I thought I had horrible road rage but this tops anything I've ever thought of doing to a stupid driver.