Friday, October 1, 2010

manfive friday #57

ok. peep game ladies. i know i tried to school you on "how to buy for your guy". cause i noticed a lot of you ladies are clueless as to what men like. yall think we like those gadgets the department stores try to sell you in the middle of the men's department.

we don't.

i know yall think we like those "as seen on tv" snuggies they are always trying to see you.

we don't. 

i know you think we like...well guess what. whatever it is you think we like.

we probably don't.

this week's manfive friday #57 topic: 5 "man items"...that we must have as men.

this isn't even shit you can buy us. this is shit we buy ourselves. it's the things we save up for. the things we get catalogs for. it's the things we actually want. the things we feel we need. it's the must haves of mandom.

#5: technology

 we gotta have that new phone. we gotta have that e-reader, i-pad, mp3 player. we gotta have that blu ray player. top of the line stereo system. xbox, playstation, wii, atari..shit any gaming system. even though beat by dre headphones suck...we gotta have them. men will waste tons of money buying and upgrading some shit they already got. just to have the "new shit". techie shit is = what shoes & purses mean to you. it gives us life. you get victoria secret catalogs, we get crutchfield catalogs. you look though the paper to see the sales at macys, bloomingdales, nordstroms...we look through the paper to see the sales at best buy, hi fi buys, hh greg, etc..

#4: sports & games...

football/basketball/baseball season tickets. air hockey, billiard, card tables. fishing poles, basketballs, golf clubs. jerseys, sports memorabilia, sneakers. pinball machines and arcade games. anything that has to do with sports or playing games. we are just big kids. most men if not all want a man cave. just a den of man shit. put us a place where we can hang out. drink a beer, watch a game, play poker,etc..we are happy. this is our hobby. this is how we release steam.

#3: car

a car is an extension of a man. it is a part of his personality. it's something that will get heads turning. men & women...everyone will check out a nice car that rides by. so for a's worth it. that's why we spend so much money on our car. whether it's rims, tvs inside, interior upgrades, detailing it, tint, etc..a car although degrading in value from the time of an investment. it's an investment in getting women. it's like that golden ticket from willy wonka. it gets attention from women. roll up to a woman in a '85 cutlass with two tone hood & trunk due to an accident, and ask her to get in. and watch her ignore your ass all the way down the street. she wouldn't even get in if you were idris elba. but pull up in a maybach, and she wouldn't care if your ass looked like flavor flav. women can act like a cars don't matter..but men know.

#2: house/apartment

this applies to grown men only. because college dudes don't care at all about their accommodations. they could have a mattress, toilet and tv and be fine. but grown men..take pride in their spot. when a man buys a house or gets a "real" apartment, it's a big step. we have to have a place that is comfortable. we have to have a place that is representative of us. all the "beer" lamps. and the "twin" beds. he roommate shit. are left in college. this is a big step into becoming a grown man. so we really take it seriously. we save up. we look around. it's a big, serious, long term purchase. is this one of the most important and life changing purchases of our life. it's also our bachelor pad. we have to have a place that is woman friendly...cause we plan on entertaining. the "clap on" lights/radio. the dimmer switches. the jacuzzi tubs. that shit ain't for us. in fact i got so much dust in my tub from NEVER using it...i could host a allergy convention. 

#1: tv

this is different than technology. because all men want a big tv. if we don't already have one. we are secretly lusting after one. that's some shit that just isn't negotiable. we got to have a big screen. we have to have that tv that you can see ants walking across the 50 yard line and shit. people are often fooled when they enter my home and i have my modest tv ontop of the fireplace. they walk through and see a tv in every room. then they get to my room and see the 55 inch plasma screen hanging directly across from my bed and think..."OMG" you really need a tv that big in your bedroom? YES, i really fucking do. i love to lay in my bed and watch tv, like i'm at a drive in theater. if i would have saw a bigger one i probably would have got it. yes, it is that serious. what they don't know is, i'd have a bigger one on the fireplace if the fireplace mantle could handle it. i currently have two satellite dishes outside my house and so many cable boxes i have to have a special plug to power them. do i think that is obsessive? no. i think i actually need another tv in my game room. a tv is an essential "man" item, and just like anything else. "bigger is better".


Krissy said...

Hey I know how to buy gifts for men! Lol I'm an awesome gift giver. Smh@ the tv thing being so on point! Lol its king of sickening! Lol

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@krissy: i'm saying. but this isn't even shit you'd have to buy. this is shit. guys will just buy cause we have to. it's in our dna. and yes..the tv is something serious.