Wednesday, October 6, 2010
sometimes the truth hurts...
a friend. a real friend.
only friends are going to tell you the truth. only they are going to say.."yea, yea...all that other shit sounds cool, but are you really focused on what this really is about?". see marriage is much more than a piece of paper. it's much more than a fancy wedding, bridesmaids, a house with a picket fence or 2.5 kids. marriage is a commitment. one that you are vowing to make for the rest of your life. but unfortunately, some of us find ourselves not making it to the end. some of us find ourselves on the other side of marriage. can a man who's been divorced give a woman who's about to get married advice? hell yes. who better to tell you what led to the demise of their marriage. yes, your girlfriends can tell you about their cheating husbands. they can tell you about all the expectations of being married. they can tell you the good, some of the bad, and all of the ugly. but they can't tell you what ruins it from a man's point of view. ask any married man or man who used to be married....how important it is that his wife has the right kind of friends. ask him...i'll wait. . .
it is absolutely true. if you're engaged or married...you need friends who are in the same boat. your single friends really can't relate. not to say you have to rid yourself of your single friends. you can still be friends with single women, but the way you deal with them changes. the relationship of, "this is my home girl....and no man can come in between this.." changes. if you're about to get married, this dude should come before you girl. same way you want to come before his dudes. to get married is to become one with that person, meaning you put no one but God before this person. a lot of women don't get that. a lot of women still want to hang out with their friends. do the same shit they did before. i learned first hand, how living vicariously through your girlfriends can lead you astray. which has clouded my opinions of the way the women i date hang out with their friends. i don't like women i date hanging out all night, drinking the night away...so you better believe my wife would NEVER be doing that shit. just like you "id" a guys friends. and think.."he's gonna have him around a bunch of girls.." or "he's nothing but trouble". your guy can see your girl is a hoe. he remembers all the stories you've told him. he knows who is likely to have you playing their "winggirl" when yall go out. so let's think about this....
every time you go out with your single friend. she has you talking to the friend of the dude that she's trying to holler at. she is constantly on the lookout for a man, and has you out with her when you should be home with your man. her idea of solving problems is, "girl you don't need that...if he don't like it..leave his ass alone". never mind the fact that you are married. and shit isn't that easy. it's not that your single friends are incapable of helping you in your marriage. they can be supportive. they can be great friends. but there are things that you need experience in to give advice. and marriage is one of those things. just like you won't listen to a woman who's been married for a week, why would you listen to a woman who's never been married tell you about your marriage?
where they do that at? i know this may be offensive to some of you younger women. some of you women who are the "single" friends, may think i'm just being a bitter dude. but honestly, you need friends in the same space as you. a least a couple. you see how all you women who are going "natural" are on these hair boards. and asking all these other women who have natural hair for tips and advice. why aren't you asking women with perms how to be natural? why aren't you going to them for transition support? you get where i'm going with this? sometimes you need to go to people who understand where your coming from. not knocking single ladies....just saying. you only have to be accountable for yourself. which makes it hard for you to relate to a situation where someone has to be accountable for someone else.
[october challenge: day#6]