manfive friday #58...

as a young man, my first girlfriend was a big deal. i remember being super nervous. super anxious. it took all the courage i had to speak to her. after i braved that front, it moved to talking on the phone. back in the day, cellphones weren't as popular as they are now. so you actually had to call a girls house. the worst part about that...other people lived there. so you'd actually have to ask to speak to someone. i remember the first time, my girlfriends father answered the phone. i felt a knot in my throat the size of a turtle shell. i tried my best to get out the words..but i ended up hanging up. once i finally "man-ed up" , i called back and put my deepest voice on and asked to speak to his daughter.

i remember him laughing and telling me to hold on. he had accessed me, and could tell i was not yet a threat. as young kids, you do most of your hanging at school. and talking on the phone. i had managed to charm her mom and seemed respectable enough to her dad. so one day her father was like..."when am i going to meet you?"

huh?..meet me? um...never?..

after i realized that this was inevitable, i bit the bullet and met her parents. it was one of the most intimidating moments in my life. as i got older, i learned the art of making a woman's mom love me. but dads are NEVER easy. i don't care what a woman says. "oh my dad's a big teddy bear..". "my dad's don't care about guys i date...". "my dad's going to love you". they are never right. women have no idea the looks their fathers give you when they turn their head. they have no idea the conversations that take place as soon as they walk out the room. not to let your mom off the hook. because there are those mothers who will tear you apart too. just saying, meeting a girls parents are never easy.

this week's manfive friday #58 topic of the week: 5 ways NOT to introduce your man to your parents...

there is an art ladies. and after a while you should have mastered it. you should know how your parents are. you should know the things that get them riled up. the things that impresses them. you have to coach a guy. don't leave him out in the cold to fend for himself. after all you know the opponent. you know what he's up against. don't just give him the ball and tell him the dunk it.. here are 5 ways you can completely mess things up when it comes to introducing a guy to your parents...

#5: by not telling your parents anything about dude...

ok. tell the truth. how many of you women have brought a guy home to meet your parents and haven't told your parents a damn thing about dude. you may have mentioned his name once or twice. you may have mentioned you were talking to someone, went on a few dates. but your parents don't know this dude from a star in the sky. don't do that. you are walking both your parents and dude into a landmine. if you think dude is worth meeting your parents, he should be worth mentioning before hand. yes, your parents are being introduced to him for the first time, but they shouldn't be in the dark. they should at least know his name. at least know a back story. something..

#4: by telling them TOO much about him...

yes, full disclosure can also be a problem. you may not want to tell them he has 4 baby mamas, no job, and has been living with you for the past month. sometimes. you can tell your parents too much. give them a chance to meet the guy. get to know him. don't go advertising his flaws. don't go making excuses and setting them up for a "loser". because if all the know is "loser", when they meet him that's all they'll see. that doesn't mean don't be honest. it doesn't mean you can't share with them the things you want. i'm just saying, try to tell them the good things about him. him having all those kids ain't cute to you either, so don't go saying some shit you know is gonna make your mama side eye the hell out of you. don't go letting your dad know this dude is a sex machine. cause it don't matter if you have 4 kids yourself, no chicks father likes his daughter having sex. you gotta make him think, this guy is "respecting you" even if he's blowing your back out every night. so tread lightly with the information. tell them about the guy, but choose the right time to tell them the things that are gonna make them have an intervention with you.

#3: do not overload him with family...

family reunions, thanksgiving, christmas, anniversary parties..etc..if all your family is going to be there, "just say no". don't pick that time to introduce your man to everyone, because this is where the fools rise & shine. i'm not saying you can't bring him home for the holiday. but, try to at least introduce him to your parents first. i'm saying..do you really want your drunk crazy uncle to initiate him into the "punk your boyfriend" club. cause everyone has that one uncle who act like he's your dad and is gonna try to punk dude out. or amp your dad up with shit like, "so...this the dude she fucking now?" or your aunts are asking your mom all these questions she don't know the answer to.  whose mama want to be like, "i don't know...this is the first time i met him too..". your family is crazy. you know that. not only will they embarrass you with stories of your childhood, they are out to embarrass any dude your bring around for entertainment purposes. if you got brothers/male cousins...you better believe all they are doing is sitting there talking about dude. and shooting him, "don't fuck with my sister/cousin" looks all day.

#2: don't throw him to the wolves...

this may just be a "me" thing. but i HATE when i'm meeting a chick's family and she leave me alone for long periods of time for me to get interrogated. do not leave me alone. lol. you need to be at my side so you can curtail some of these questions. you need to rescue me when you see your parents going in.  yes, your dad may want to have a man-to-man. but you need to come and check that i'm still alive after a few minutes. peek your head in the door and make sure he's not threatening me. same way i wouldn't leave you in a room with my mom/aunts/cousins who i know are ready to pounce..don't leave me in a den of wolves. it is your duty to make sure things are cool before you start thinking i'm comfortable. maybe we can have a safe word. you can ask me, "did you leave the lights on in your car?" and if i feel safe...i say, "no". but if i feel unsafe, i say, "yes"..then i go get in my car and leave. lol.

#1: by not giving him the 411...

you wouldn't take a guy to a gun fight with a knife. you have to arm him so he can defend himself. a man should be a man. yes, he may get nervous. yes it can be intimidating. but he has to be able to handle his own. no woman wants a man who's gonna act like a punk about meeting her parents. but you can help him out a little by giving him a heads up. if your mom will get offended if he calls her by her first name. tell him. if your mom has a different last name than you, tell him. if your dad has a hobby in common with him. or he likes a certain football team, tell him. don't let him get in a friendly conversation about the cowboys and totally degrade them and all of their fans and then see your dad has a shrine set up to the dallas cowboys. those kinda things can ruin things for forever.

also discuss your relationship beforehand. if you lied and told your mom you didn't meet him a bar...tell him before he tells your mom. cause your mom is going to ask, even if you told her already. because mom's like to check to see if you told them the truth. bottom line, you should be telling him about your family. and you should be talking to your parents about your boyfriend, if he's important enough to you. i know every situation is different, but meeting each other for the first time shouldn't be awkward and uncomfortable. your parents are going to be in protective mode. and your boyfriend is going to be defensive mode. it is up to you to ease the tension and make it go as smooth as possible. you are the link that connects the two. they love you, you love him, make them love him by default.