let me apologize...

i'm sorry.  i apologize.  i regret. 

that i didn't meet you sooner. that we weren't next door neighbors. that you weren't in my kindergarten class. that my mat wasn't next to yours. nor did i try to steal kisses from you.

it's my fault, that i had a crush on that girl in the 8th grade that used to call me cute and hug me all the time. you weren't my first girlfriend. you weren't my first kiss. my first date. my first nervous phone call. your parents weren't the first to freak me out. i didn't have my first "dream" about you. i'm sorry..

my first poem wasn't written for you. my first song wasn't dedicated to you. you weren't the first woman i took to the movies. i bought a valentine's gift for or the girl i saved up all my money to buy the 14k gold plated cubic zirconium bracelet for.

you weren't the first woman i had sex with. the first woman i made love to. or the first woman who broke my heart. you aren't my first wife. you won't have my first child. most of my first are long gone. i'm sorry.

but i don't want you to be my first. because first is just the beginning. everyone before you were the first chapters. you are story of my life. you will be the final chapter. in the end when my life is summed up, the most important parts will include you. you i want you to be my last. my last kiss. my last hug. my last date. my last love. my last girlfriend. my last wife. my last everything. i don't want anyone after you. so this apology is only for you.

i'm sorry, i didn't meet you first.

[october challenge: day#18]