Tuesday, July 13, 2010


sometimes, i get mad. i get very mad. and it clouds my judgment almost like drugs cloud your piss.

sometimes i get upset. i get very upset. and it boils my blood almost like a vampire with an sterile OCD.

i find these days my anger or (better put) my disappointment in things & people is easier set off than a car alarm in bankhead.

my life is like an equalizer (yes, a music reference). it's full of ups, downs, & levels. just as it's peaking...it gets dragged down. sometimes it levels out. sometimes it goes below "0".

what can i do? anger management would just make me angry. i'm serious. i feel like sitting around discussing with a stranger and listening to what they think my "real problem" would just make me wanna choke them like someone eating a peanut m&m at the same time they were coughing. i don't think that's the solution, nor do i think my anger is that bad.

i think i just need to scream. like just go to the edge of the world and just scream till my voice leaves for a few days. it's frustration. you ever have an idea of something. a vision of a perfect world..and in your mind you're so close to making that real. i find myself there all the time. like i can reach it. touch it. smell it. yet, it's just being yanked away like the football lucy always moves right as charlie brown is about to kick it.

why can't i kick the fucking ball?


Hershley's Sweet Kiss said...

wow...interesting... is this just you writing...or is this how you really feel? why are you so mad? its a beautiful day outside.... Why don’t you just take a minute and breath and think of a strategy to target that ball(aka situation)


tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@hershley's sweet kiss: it's frustration. it's the point where you know something in your life NEEDS to change, but you're struggling to make the change because you want to hold on to it. it's more disappointment/frustration than anger. but it comes out as anger when i sit and think about it.

Hershley's Sweet Kiss said...

hmmm i was going through something like this two years ago... it was really bad. it took something else to come in my life to make me stop thinking about doing those negative thing, doing "bad" things, and wanting ...yeah..it was bad. I knew i needed to change but things stayed bad for a year and a half. i was mad at the world and more important mad at myself. I was lost in a big secret but it took me finding a better and different "hobby(GUY)".


Beyond Danielle said...

I was feeling the same way last night. Almost sat down a wrote a post too. But it's like I'm just beginning to feel real anger, and it's absolutely hot! I get so hot. I censored cursed my daughter out last night out of Anger.

When I was a teenager I was sentenced to anger-management and I was diagnosed severly depressed. Because I told the lady when I don't have anything to do I take naps. So Anger Mangagement is not the way to go. Does she know I wasn't even angry I was just being a spoiled-brat. Why didn't she tell the judge that.

JStar said...

I am sooo here with you

xxxx said...

its like that sometimes. you sound like my bf exceot for he goes to anger management and it makes him angrier. its hard dating people like you. i never know whats the problem. when i get angry i just take time away to myself and write. find something that can calm you.. have more sex perhaps

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@hershley's sweet kiss: yea it's a bad place to be in. i think that's the biggest thing, being mad at yourself. i think that's what it is to most for me.

@beyond danielle: not really seeking anger management. my moods are really dependent on people i'm dealing with. remove the source of anger and i'll be alright.

@jstar: let's say a prayer and hold hands then lol.

@xxxx: that's what i hear. and i HATE dating people like you who just takes time away. it's almost like, why do you have to "get away" to fix a problem? i don't understand that. i wanna fix the problem asap to move on.