Tuesday, July 27, 2010

not my type part 2...

i thank everyone who participated and left a comment. thank you. as promised i'm going to post my answer/opinion. so the other day i asked a question...

Q: does physical attraction supersede all other attraction? can you be with someone you aren't physically attracted to?
My Answer:

in my opinion, attraction is important. it's necessary. you have to like the person you're with. there has to be something. but physical attraction is subjective. what you find attractive doesn't particularly mean that's what makes someone attractive. just means that's what attractive is to you. there is no universal "that's attractive". i was taught at a young age, that beauty is from within. and that attractiveness is a quality that exudes you. it's that swagger that people brag about. it's why money makes people more attractive. it's why power makes people more attractive. it's your attitude that attracts. yes, looking at someone and drooling helps. seeing someone with a body cut up like a slasher film is great. but try explaining why seeing someone with tons of "swag" and a gut is just as amazing as someone with a six pack naked. the anticipation of both are equal when you see them through the same "attraction goggles"...
the problem is, the "attraction goggles" are optional. and we don't choose to wear them with everyone. before you get to know someone none of the other qualities are visible. the only thing you have to go on is their looks. it's the first thing you see. it's what you notice..whether it's positive or not. so what makes someone not attractive? what makes them displeasing to your eyes, ugly, or "not your type". what is it that turns you off to the point that you couldn't see yourself with someone? like is it that easy?

to me it's not. the only thing that will get your disqualified from the door is...you being a man. that is definitely not my type. that's about it. yes, there are people i look at and might think, "damn....you're sexy". but it's nothing that's gonna make me totally be like, "there is no chance no hell..". i've just learned that there are too many good people out there to judge them on their appearance.

another thing i've noticed is there is a lot of "can't help it" discrimination. shit like height, skin color, specific features..you just can't help. it's really not my fault that i'm short. it wasn't "not eating my veggies" that made me stop growing. it's genetics. same goes for my skin color. i can sit in the sun all day, i'm not getting any darker. yes from the door a chick will say, "i don't date short light skin men". whaaat? 

don't get me wrong, i'm not nit picking. you have to right to like what you like. you have to right to look at someone and lose your mind. but imagine if someone you were attracted to, wasn't attracted to you due to things they deem "unattractive". flip it around and let the guy you're interested in, tell you he'd date you if you weren't so tall. he's the same height, or an inch taller/shorter. go up to a guy and he tell you, "he usually dates lighter chicks". if you thought you were a decent looking person, and someone treated you like the queen of the ugly parade. to me if someone shows you interest. and they seems like a genuine person. what's in physical attraction? 

is that some fairytale shit? 

to me, love = attraction. if i love you, you're the most beautiful person to me. it's your attitude/personality that makes you ugly. think about it. think of all the exes you used to date and thought they were fine as hell...now you look at them and they make your stomach eat itself and throw up. you look at them and shit you never noticed, shit that never bothered you is now sticking out like a red flag. that's not because they've suddenly become unattractive, it's because you don't look at them with your "attraction" goggles anymore. am i lying?...


★Starrla Monae☆ said...

" what you find attractive doesn't particularly mean that's what makes someone attractive. just means that's what attractive is to you."

This is oh so true. In a perfect world there wouldn't be any "nitpicking" and we'd give equal chances to those who deserved it. But seriously if a guy told me he wouldn't date me because of x,y,z...that's his loss. I still know I look good =) I agree that love=attraction. Loving someone goes way beyond those stringent check list rules. You can't help you who love and BOY OH BOY when it comes my way...I may go into hiding for a few.....years LOL. Great post.

JStar said...

I agree with what you wrote here...More than you will ever understand :)

Isis said...

long comment...you ready...ok...go!

even when you don't know a person, it's more than just their physical features that attract you.

let's say you're at the club...
& you're the type of person who just goes out to wild out & have fun...if you see a short guy with a gut who is actin a damn fool on the floor...that's gonna be more attractive to you than the tall, immaculately dressed guy just leaning against the bar looking pretty.

the dude who softly touches your arm to pass by you, says "excuse me", & gives you a nice lil smile is gonna be more attractive to me than the Que who keeps elbowing the fuck outta me to make space so he can do his little step routine in the middle of the floor with his bruhs, no matter what either of them look like. but the next chick might be really into aggressive dudes & be on the Ques nuts b/c of what she perceives to be his masculinity.

i'm sure there are some people who solely/mainly rely on aesthetics to determine who they're attracted to. i'm not one of those people.

it's like if you see a chilli look-alike at the mall...but she is goin ham, cussin somebody out on her cell phone...1 dude will be like "that bitch is nuts & ghetto", the next dude might think she is "fiesty" & would fuck the shit outta him...& the next dude may not even be giving a fuck about what she saying, period, because he just thinkin "damn, she fine as hell."

but anyway, i totally agree...if i love you...you are the most attractive person in the world to me. which is how i know i'm one of those people who is wired for monogamy...& it makes me feel weird...cuz a lot of ppl...are not this way...& i don't understand them.

Alovelydai said...

I liked a really not so attractive guy b/c he was funny, like knee slapping, belly aching funny. Oh, and he smelled yummy. We dated briefly & broke up b/c he moved away. He was good dude & took great care of me...oh lawd I feel a blog forming. Thanks for the inspiration!

DaBossBitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DaBossBitch said...


There are so many components that go into what makes a person attractive to someone. And initially those can be physical. But looking deeper those physical preferences may link to some emotional needs. It could be a physical traits that subconsiously remind her of her father or an ex that she is not over. Or a friend that says he doesn't want a relationship that carries on like he does and she just can't get over him and trying to replace him with a physically similar looking man... But i digress

So yeah not necessarily fair, but my dad always says fair is a place with rides and cotton candy. Life's not fair.

In some cases it's that initial physical attraction that opens the door to explore someone's soul and learn that inner beauty. But a lot of times the people you meet and end up in a relationship with are going to be introduced into your life in a manner that you get to see a larger picture than just appearance. Whether it be sitting in a waiting room and striking a conversation or at church or through work or some other place where you talk and see that person is funny/intelligent/energtic or whatver you like. So that person does get more of a fair shake than in a loud crowded club and you rely on outter beauty as an initial attraction.

One more thing... There's always someone who will like what you have. I am on the taller side for a woman and I actually perfer a man that some women may consider short. But it is a physical preference that is rooted in an emotional need at the time. What's one woman's short man may be another woman's dream man.

Alovelydai said...

Thanks for the inspiration http://bit.ly/drtIg5

UglyCleanBroke87 said...

Thanks for posting your thoughts on the subject (cuz I was gonna talk about you if you didn't lol). Seriously though, I think what you said is true. Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder, because a lot of times my friends and I will be out and I think a dude is really ugly but my friends will be like, "Oohh girl you trippin, he fine!"

P.S. Lmao @ Isis and that Que scenario at the club. You ain't never lied!

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@starrla monae: thank you. and i agree. if someone doesn't want to date you because of your appearance it is their loss. the whole post it just to say..don't let that shit get in the way of you missing out on a good person. i mean they may be a double dose of ugly. ugly person & attitude. but if you never open the door, you'll never know.

@jstar: coo' coo' thanks

@isis: let's go..lol thanks for the comment. and i'm with you. i'm wired for monogomy. i'm wired to be with one person and just love them till they tell me to stop.

@alovelydai: thank you. and you're welcome. i liked your post.

@dabossbitch: i don't mind typos. i have mad typs all the time. i agree with everything you said.

"the fair is a place with rides & cotton candy"

i love that shit right there. lol.

@uglycleanbroke87: oh you was gonna talk about me huh?..lol. and please don't encourage isis. lol. she's one of those tigers you let stay in the cage..cause if you start petting her she'll end up eating your hand. just saying. lol.