Q. Would you be in a long distance relationship? If yes, what would be your requirements and/or apprehensions? If no, why? no one wants to be in a relationship where they don't see their girlfriend/boyfriend all the time. yet, there are circumstances beyond our control sometimes. maybe you got a job offer in new city. just moved away for college, or going home for the summer. you might even have to move back home to take care of a sick relative. or could be old friends that reconnected and live in different states. or maybe. just maybe, you met by chance at the airport, and couldn't pass up getting each others number. there are tons of scenarios. whatever the reason, it's hard to make that decision. should we attempt to make this work, or just say goodbye. my question this week is about long distance relationships. do they work? i will share my answer in a follow-up blog.
12 comments:
If you asked me this 5 years ago, I would have said HELL NO! But I think maturity has a lot to do with it. I'm at an age that if I feel a relationship might be potentially worth it, then I'm going to invest.
I would like daily phones (a good morning text and a quick call at the end of the day to talk about our days.) I would also like Skype dates and the occasional card/letter in the mail. When you live apart, you have to get creative in ensuring that you still feel connected. We would have to visit each other at least once a month( if we are financially able).
It wouldn't work for me unless the relationship was already strong. I've been away from my hubby for extended periods of time and my feelings have never changed. But, usually I'm an out-of-sight-out-of-mind kind of person.
Ive been in a long distance relationship before and it was definitely harder than your traditional relationship, but we made it work. I have no apprehensions as far as being in a long distance relationship, its just that the two parties involved has to be devoted and willing to work hard. We used to send good morning text and talk at the end of the day about the days. On days when we werent too busy we would text throughout the day.
@monique: yea skype is cool. i couldn't get my chick to skype for some reason. don't now why. i really liked it. seeing that person and talking is so much different then just talking to them. it's so much more personal. i agree with you and your requirements. as well as the statement that you have to really be mature. i agree with everything you said.
@ciaradenise: i know a lot of people like that. where they just carry on the relationship when they see you. or when you come home. but when you're not around it's fair game. i think any relationship where you're not around one another it really does have to be strong. because it just takes a bad day, the right person, or a lonely feeling to make a week person stray.
@xxxx: yea. i used to talk to my chick every morning when she got ready for work. we'd hit each other during the day. and we'd talk everynight. it just made us feel more included in each other day. but there was one chick who wasn't a fan of the calling. and it made it incredibly hard to stay connected with cause if we aren't talking. if we aren't seeing each other..how are we supposed to make it? she was content with minimal conversation. even though i told her we need to talk more. and that i felt the conversation side was lacking to begin with.smh...you can try with some people but sometimes i feels like they set it to fail.
I definitely wouldn't START a relationship long distancce. I think when you are building a relationship that one on one person to person interaction is important. as a person grows on you in that intial euphoric lovey dovey oxytocin stage, so do little quirks that may otherwise annoy you. It helps if it's during this stage that you learn to love them "warts and all" That can't happen long distance. Then when you are finally in close proximity to one another if you didn't fall in love with those quirks you are gonna be like "WTF?! This is not the person I signed up for!"
If a relationship was already established then I think there has to an end to the long distance part in sight or in the works. And/or solid plans and schedules of time together. And you need to ccommit and stick to the plans and schedule.
I tried this just last year...I lasted about a year until I couldnt take it no more. The distance brought insecurities. Esp with him being in the Navy and me working on bases....The rumors....We broke up before he even got stationed here. and he did so just to be near me....I am not made for that. If I had that much love for them, I would move with them....
Long Distance relationship are complicated very complicated. I never thought i would be in one but yeah i am right now. I don't think i have no real requirements or anything of that nature I feel like you should have an pretty good idea what it takes to keep things afloat. Long distance relationship requires a little bit more of your time which can be an hard task but once you find a common ground things usually fall into place. I will say that this long distance thing can be stressful and i wish someone would have warned me about it cuz yeah its something real different than what i'm use to.
I find this topic funny because i was just about you and the long distance thing you got going on how you make it work but i guess i can hold off on that email and see what this follow up blog about to be hittin on.
@dabossbitch: i get what you're saying. that lovey dovey stuff really needs to be locked tight. because it's hard for some people to turn it on, if they aren't seeing you. it's also important to be with someone you can handle that distance. who doesn't have to sleep with someone every time they get that itch. you have to be with someone who sincerely wants it to work and makes it work. because all those quirks that annoy you, will make you glad you're not with them all the time. and that's an awful way to feel if you're with someone.
@jstar: yea i know how that gets too. insecurities...in a relationship. that have to do with the relationship (not just you) suck. because you have a lot of ppl always feeding your head. "oh...so he ain't answering the phone?..". "oh yall haven't seen each other in a month....and he's out there with all those women right now?..ok..if you believe that.." haters in your life make long distance relationships rough too. because they can't understand. and a lot of times they get jealous. its a "why are you so happy..they aren't even with you" type thing. when they are sitting there without someone themselves.
@sunshinestar110: wow..you're in one? really?..lol..look at you. you can def hit me up tho. email, gchat..whatever. i got a ton of stories..lol
lol..why is it wow? am I that much of a jerk and i would say i'm 100% in one but basically that is what it is. I'm nervous about these stories it might make me wanna run in the opposite direction! lol..email me ur gchat!
I've been in a few and they really weren't that bad. I'm not insecure and as long as we can talk on a reg basis I am truly good with it. Before skype there were just webcams in chat and I made good use of mine. I love to see the person I'm talking to. Like you said it makes it more personal and involved. My love has been in NY working for the past 3 months which makes us now long distance and I'm not enjoying it so much. Its getting a little lonely and that part sucks ass.
I was in a long distance relationship in college. He and I talked every night...I burned up my cell phone minutes on him. We wrote letters to each other, visited each other occasionally. Eventually he moved to Tallahassee claiming to want to be closer to me and everything was all good for what...a week? We broke up soon after. Now that I'm older, it's not a preference of mine. I'm unsure as to whether I'd get involved in one.
@sunshinestar110: it's just wow, i expected more ppl to have a problem with it, not to say they were in one..lol. so it's a good wow. not a jerk wow. i may throw jabs DC but not like that. lol..so pull up your ms. celie folk pants and walk on...*nothing to see here*
@luvlymskrissy: yea i like skype. something about seeing that person makes you feel closer. i used to stay on webcam with one of my older girlfriends. glad you have such a great attitude about long distance relationships. us caged animals have to stick together lol
@starrla monae: yea i remember the burning up the anytime minutes. it seems once they become unlimited or you add them to a "special" list you don't even call them like that. damn..i hate yall broke up as soon as he moved. lol especially aint shit else in tallahassee, but school & the capital. lol.
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