Tuesday, September 7, 2010

long distance relationships...

"absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle, it blows up the bonfire." 
-Francois de la Rouchefoucauld

this is a quote & a picture i stole from a calendar i made for my girlfriend. as "lovey dovey" as i seem, i have one big flaw. that's making time for relationships. i'm very attentive. anyone i've dated will tell you that. i pay a lot of attention to you. i just have an unconventional work schedule, a 4 yr. old son, and weird personal travel restrictions (i hate flying). so actually seeing a girlfriend who isn't a hop, skip, or drive away is difficult. so i made her a calendar. different pictures reflecting the different feelings/events/things going on month to month.  but the most important part..i put dates on the calendar that were "in stone". well, not actually in stone. but we agreed we'd try to keep them as "taken" days. believe it or not, that really made a BIG difference.

i think when it comes to long distance relationships, anything that gives you something to look forward brings you closer. why is it so hard? i mean honestly people who live in the same city, state, home..sometimes don't appreciate being able to see one another whenever they want to. does distance make the heart grow fonder or does it make it harder. trust me, no one ever understands how i'm in a long distance relationship. it's one of those things, you don't understand unless you're in one. these types of relationships require trust, patience, and a lot of compensation.

trust...

you have to trust the person. there are going to be a lot of men that cross her path. a lot of women who'll look good, give me the time of the day, want a little more from me then conversation. if one or both are jealous, it's going to strain it till it doesn't work. sometimes it makes the other person very insecure: of themselves, of your friendships, and worried every time you step out the house. it's almost impossible to expect someone to be 100% trustful, because you're really not there. but you have to have a lot more trust then the average couple. because you can't make those, "drive by" visits at 3am to check and see if you're really at home, at your mama's house, or out with your girls.

patience...

there will be times where it's days..weeks..even a month(s) before you'll see them again. if seeing someone everyday is your thing. if you aren't used to doing things by yourself. if you can't entertain yourself. or don't have other friends to hang out with. it'll get really lonely & frustrating. if seeing them, being with them, touching them is very important to you..it's something you'll have to wait on. you can't get all excited about your day and rush home and tell them. you have to settle for the phone. you have to settle for cards, skype, text messages. a lot of being in a long distance relationship is waiting. you're waiting to see one another. to spend time. to be close. this is shit you never think about when you have someone available to you all the time. you take all that shit for granted until you don't have it.

compensation...

sounds crazy..but it's true. you have to do more in long distance relationships. you have to make up for all the time you're not spending. you have to squeeze everything in a weekend. you have to give them all that love you've been saving up when you see them. you have to stay locked in all weekend making love. you have to see all the movies that's come out in the last month in two days. you have to show them pictures of things you've done and that's happened to you while you weren't together. you have to call more. you have to write letters, send cards, send flowers more. you have to have phone sex...have to. it's must. lol. a must.



don't get me wrong. it doesn't suck to be in a long distance relationships. there are feelings you get that you wouldn't if you saw the person everyday. like seeing her walk out of baggage claim the lights illuminating her silhouette and thinking..."wow...". that first kiss, that feels like...your first kiss in a million years. you appreciate all the time you spend together. believe it or not..you hardly fight while you're together. that feeling of "it's worth it" that you feel when you're with them. and even though you're sad as hell that in 36 hours, 28 minutes, and 17 seconds she'll be gone..you hold her the entire time like you'll never let her go.

yea...if i have to have a long distance relationship, it'll be a bonfire not a seance.

8 comments:

Monique said...

Trust is so important in a long distance relationship. In the beginning it will be difficult but if you put in the time and work, it will all pay off.

DaBossBitch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
xxxx said...

Trust is definitely important in a long distance relationship. I think the top components is: trust, compromise and time.. You have to find time for that person, even if its fifteen minutes out of the day. I used to tell my ex that I cant see him everyday the way that I would like to so when I hear his voice it makes my day that much sweeter. It was a nice feeling.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@monique: it will pay off, because love is a great reward. it's worth it, with the right person.

@dabossbitch: see you just removing shit in my comments. lol.naw i see you in the question one..you good, you good..lol

@xxxx: i'm glad you see that. shit 5 minutes out your day will make a difference. it's very important to let that person know you are there. even if it isn't physically. you have to know you're not in the relationship alone. you aren't missing them alone. you aren't needing something from them...alone.

luvlymskrissy said...

Yea people don't realize how huge of a thing trust is in long distance relationships. Without it, there is no relationship. Being patient is hard. I am a very patient person when it comes to relationships but even with that, the waiting can be killer. And please school my love on how this long distance stuff works. Because he's truly clueless on it lol. When I say call me everyday, that's what I mean. It really shouldn't be THAT hard.

DaBossBitch said...

Oh... Wow. That makes me rethink this a bit. I for one have never been in a long distance relationship. BUT I am a fan of newness. And the way you describe a long distance relationship sounds like you get that newness. It's drawn out over an extended period of time. I have a new point of view now. Hmmmmm..... Look at that!

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

You make it sound all moist cake good but I'm still not sold...LOL. Dammit let's just hope the man is where I am!

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@luvlymskrissy: like i told you set those "call times" to guarantee a certain call. that or play the no call game, and they'll call you lol.

@dabossbitch: i made you rethink it? i gave you a new point of view? *doing the happy dance*..yanno how long it's been since i've changed a woman's mind? like seriously? lol..

@starrla monae: i love this comment.."you make it sound all moist cake good". i love that shit. lol. and i hope you find a man in your area cause that breaking up after a week shit aint cool.