manfive friday #56 topic of the week: 5 reasons a man might not support your dreams/ambitions.
the reality is, women hold men down all the time. a lot of times without reason. all these women talking about, "no snitching" or "i'll take a bid" for my dude are stupid. women confuse loyalty for stupidity sometimes. a man should never expect, ask, or let you take the fall for him. that's just part of being a stand up guy. no matter what the situation, he should handle it like a man and take responsibility for his own actions. don't ever let a guy convince you that his unjust living can be made better by you picking up the slack of his misgivings. don't be the "bonnie" to his "clyde". be the "mrs" to his "mr". you have to respect yourself enough to understand that supporting someone else is positive reinforcement , not negative. if what you're supporting is negative, then honestly you aren't supporting shit. but let me end this rant...and tell yall 5 reasons your man might not have your back...
#5: you aren't being realistic..
almost like the guy who is 40 years old and still wants to be a rapper. or the guy who is trying to get "in the league" and is approaching his 34th birthday. or the entrepreneur that you ran into 4 years ago, been in a relationship with for 3 years, and have never known him to have a real job. it's not that you are webmaster at www.dreamkiller.com. you just can't see any future in that dream. so you dismiss it. well guess what ladies, sometimes you're on that "head in the sky" shit too. you're 5'3, 290 lbs talking about you're gonna be a supermodel. or you mix vaseline with lavender oil and sell it out your car, and think you're gonna be the next bronner bros. or a more realistically, you have hopes of taking over a fortune five hundred company, but you don't put in the effort or work to do it. sometimes, not supporting you...is the best support. now wait..don't get me wrong. if a person believes in themselves and their dream, don't ruin it for them. let people hold on to their foolish hopes, as long as they are still productive. it's the people who sit on the couch, pouting, complaining about shit not happening for them while life passes them by, bills pile up, or you pick up the slack..that you have to have the intervention with. before you complain he's not supporting you, and your hoodrat friends co-sign. make sure what you're trying to get him to support you in makes sense. run it by a friend that "has it together" and just watch her facial expression. cause all of you hoodrats have that one friend who is on her shit. because every chick who is "on her shit" associates with at least one hoodrat friend to keep her grounded. run in by her. watch how she looks like, "oh uh uh" when you say it. or she says, "girl you a mess" after you tell her what you've been working so hard on. to normal people, "girl you a mess" typically means.."girl get your shit together....you are a MESS". to hoodrats "girl you a mess" means, "you go girl...". don't be a hoodrat. lol..
#4: he's a jerk..."i know"..he's a jerk..."i know"..he's a jerk..."i know" *does his skinny jean dougie*
sometimes guys are just jerks. and what is important to you, isn't important to them. he's in all around jerk. yanno the guy you tell, "i think i'm pregnant..and he's like, "what you gonna do about that?" or "you need some money?". the guy you tell someone in your family just died, and he's like, "damn, that's sad...well i gotta meet Jmack at the studio cause we been grinding". needless to say it's a guy who just doesn't care about you. so if you tell him your dreams. you tell him things that you want to accomplish, or that are important to you. why do you think he'd care about that? i find women try to make men better than they are. if you're dealing with a no good dude, and you know that. why do you expect him to support you? if he doesn't support you in anything else. why are you trying to squeeze lemonade out of a apple? don't expect much from someone who never gives you much.
#3: he doesn't know how...he can't handle the weight...
it's two ways this can go...
strangely enough. or should i say, sadly enough. there are men who just don't know how to support women. they have never had that in their life. men look to women for support all the time. that is a basic quality we need for you. from our mothers, to her sisters, to our friends, to the mother of her children..we look to you to hold us up. to take care of us & our children. a lot of times men don't see the part that they should be playing in it. or they grew up with no man helping their mom. and they think that "women..don't need no man.." or "she don't need me to help her". it sounds crazy. but i know a dude who thinks that just being in the household with his wife & child negates the fact that he should do anything else for them. his logic..."at least i'm there..my dad wasn't there, my mom didn't have a man marry her". this is the kinda guy who doesn't realize what supporting a woman/family is. it's just not innately in him. to him..his presence is support.
imagine a 120 pound man. if you throw 90 pounds at him, maybe he can catch it and run with it. if you throw 120 pounds, maybe he can catch it and hold it. but if you throw 300 pounds at him, it's going to crush him. if you throw a man with 120 pounds of ambition a 300 pound dream..you're going to crush him. a mailman can make you a good life, but he can't give you what bill gates can. a man can be supportive to his limit. a lot of times women hand a guy too much weight and he can't handle it. you could work your way through school, get a good job, and still struggle because he's not on that level. it's not that he's not supportive of what you're trying to do. he just doesn't have enough resources to support you in the way you need to accomplish what you're trying to do. this is the point where you make the decision. get your priorities straight. is being with him worth sacrificing your dreams? it goes back to the "realistic" example. you might want a life of gucci, prada, fendi...but in the long run will that make you happier than the man you're with? because once you make that decision you can't be bitter or regret it.
#2: he's jealous...
if you are on the way to making your dreams happen. if you are climbing up the ladder of success. if you are accomplishing things on your own, that you never thought were possible. and he's sitting there with a yuck face. it's because he's jealous. if he's knocking what you're doing. "hating" on you. it's because his life isn't going the way he wanted it to. he may be that dude grinding trying to find success anyway possible and getting no where. sometimes it's intimidating to have a woman who is accomplished. a woman who is smart or highly educated. if you are leaving him behind, he's not going to support you and what you're doing. not that it's your fault. sometimes you do have guys who are just lazy. and they aren't doing anything for themselves. but there are times a guy is trying. he is working towards doing better. but it's just not working for him, at the moment. it puts you in a difficult situation when you're doing good and he's not. and most men are able to deal with that. you have to just swallow a man pill..and be happy for your woman. yes, he may get a little envious or feel like less of a man because he's not able to help you or succeed at what he's trying to do. but then again there are some dudes..that are just bitches. some dudes who hate on their friends success..so why do you think you're exempt? if you're with a guy who's like..
"why you going to school anyway...you just gonna stay home & take care of the kids"
"don't know why you're wasting your time, working all those hours. they aren't ever gonna promote you"
"school/work is getting too hard...you should quit"
if you're with a guy who is negatively (un)supporting your dreams...run. because he's going to make it harder for you to succeed. he doesn't want you to. he wants to rob you of your ambition/dreams.
#1: you don't have his back...
it's a two way street ladies. in order to get, you have to give. and like i mentioned before..loyalty is very important to men. support from our woman, is very important. if you shit on everything he does, you can't expect him to back you 100%. everyone needs some support. everyone needs a push. sometimes that guy who just "can't get it right", just needs that one person to push him to "get it right". sometimes that guy who is trying to be in the nba...needs someone telling him "that's great...i want that too, but in the meanwhile let's work on doing this together". don't have a guys back in the stupid shit alone. don't go fight his battles. take his charges. support his foolish recklessness. support a guy who wants to go to school. support a guy who is trying to get a better job. support a guy who tells you, "i want to get to the point where i can take care of us. and provide these things for you". those are the kind of guys you support. and you'll find that when you support men who are actually being men...that it all comes together.
another thing, to all you independent ladies. don't let your independence overshadow you supporting him. sometimes you have to ask yourself, are your dreams..getting in the way of someone else's. meaning. he wants a big house, to live comfortably, raise children....and he's looking for you to help and you're off chasing a dream, taking risk, and thinking just about yourself. there comes a time for all of that. imagine what kind of life you could have with a man who is actively trying to get things and make things happen for you and him. again priorities ladies. i see it too much, women are convinced everything is on them these days. that they have to be able to do this, that, and everything by themselves. let me break it down for you...
let us help you. let us support you. let us have your back.