Friday, September 17, 2010

manfive friday #55

there is a mythical character that walk around daily. kinda like santa claus, the easter bunny, the tooth fairy, oh yea..and big foot. but these creatures are highly in demand & rarely found. women fantasize about them. they wonder if they are out there. if they really exist. if they're extinct.

this weeks manfive friday topic of the week: the 5 gentlemanly things you should expect from every man.

i did a blog last year entitled "jack ain't no gentleman", and it was simply the reasons why men aren't "gentleman like" anymore. i was out the other day and witnessed very ungentleman like acts in progress and decided to give you ladies a "must" list. even if you got a barbarian as a boyfriend. there are at least 5 gentlemanly acts every man should have ingrained into their skulls..and you women should enforce it. the least 5 ways your man should be a gentleman....

#5: pull the car around for you

maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine. but i hate to see a woman walking a mile & a half to the car in heels. if your dude is too cheap to park by the place, if parking is limited, if it's raining..etc...let his ass go get the car. now, maybe you want to take a walk together, fine. maybe it was your decision to park that far out, fine. but if yall are out and you're all dressed up. he can go get the car and pick you up. if it's raining, he should run out the car, pull it around, and get you an umbrella and wait till you get inside the car. the "every man for himself" is just that. "every man....for himself." don't let a dude have your ass looking like walking with your heels in your hand & glass in your feet. don't let a dude have you out in your nice clothes, soaking wet. hair all frizzy, face all moist, makeup all joker like. maybe this isn't necessary for most of you. but for you ladies who have had to make that trek. you ladies who have had to go back home because your night was ruined by rain. you ladies who were on your period and had to walk 100 feet to the car. tell the truth...how much would it have meant if your dude pulled that car up for you? make him do that shit. i saw a chick with a cast on her foot, hopping down the street behind this guy. now..why they were even out like that, is none of my business. but once she caught up to him she should have given him nutkick with that cast. cause that's just retarded.




#4: give up his seat...

now unless the dude is in a wheelchair..he should get his ass up for you. i mean he should get up for any woman, but to some that's asking a bit too much. i know a guy who thinks as long as he gives it up his seat to a chick he likes, he's cool. he'll sit his punk ass down while an older lady stands up right next to him. this behavior..gets you the "punk ass dude" badge. he can apply it to his girl scout slash...cause he acting like a bitch. if your guy lets you stand. whether you have on heels, flip flips, sneakers..whatever. you should let his ass wear your skirt. cause he's a punk. do not let a dude do that to you. not only does that work on your legs..it looks bad as hell. every time i see a guy walk in and sit down and his chick is standing up...i get up out my seat and give it to her. and look at him like, "yes, next i'm gonna give her some dic....." . cause she should be ashamed of himself. and she should be embarrassed that another man is willing to give her some simple shit her current dude isn't. #truestory...i was at my cousin's wedding last month and all the seats were taken when we got there (cause we were late as hell..and it was an outside wedding that got rained on, so it was moved inside). i watched this couple come in and dude grabbed a seat and told his chick.."the lady said she's bringing more seats".  she stood up next to him for about 10 minutes..before i went outside and got a seat for her. i give the chick the seat..and dude's like, "thanks man...". there was a small crater in hell created for him at that moment. filled with prisonesqe dudes who like to make love to men who act like bitches.

#3: carry your bags..

whether they are grocery bags, luggage, or even your shopping conquest. the only bag a man is excused from carrying is your purse. i can promise you ladies a man has always had to get somebody's bag. my mom would just pull up in the driveway and leave the doors unlocked. she would walk in and be like, i went to the store. yes, " . " she wouldn't say anything else. "i went to the store...", was codeword for: "there are bags in the car, go get them". there was no discussion. she didn't care if i was watching tv, playing video games, playing with my friends, taking a shower..whatever. she would find me. and tell me "i went to the store . ". if we went somewhere, me and my dad would load her 12 bags to our 1 in the car. carry them upstairs. that's just how it was. so the first time i got with a chick who got out my car and grabbed her own bag i had a twilight zone moment. it was like..."wtf....are you doing?" and i ran over and grabbed her bag. now your dude might have had a simliar moment. but sometimes the force isn't strong in them. and they think.."wow she's a keeper....she gets her own bag". if you're with that kinda dude. that's your fault for letting him think that's okay. not saying you just assume he knows to get it, like my mom did. my mom is my mom. i was about 7 or 8 before she started requiring me to do that shit. so i was trained by that time. all you have to do is say, "can you get my bag babe?"...just ask. if he looks at you crazy. if he acts as if a bag you carried to see him is too heavy or too much for him..you should make better choices in dudes you go and see. maybe he doesn't reach for your shopping bags. maybe he lets you tote in a bag or two when you come back from the grocery store. but any man who sees you holding anything..and doesn't reach to help you is showing you that he has little to no concern for you. that "anything" includes...bags, boxes, objects like food trays, even babies. yes babies. you ever seen a woman holding a grown ass sleeping child for like 30 minutes with a grown ass man standing next to her. yes, i realize sometimes kids have "mommyitis". and only want mommy. but after the child is sleep..dude, grab the kid. i watched a dude watch his lady struggle with a big box. and he ran and opened the door for her. they were moving the shit together. and all he did was open the door for her. now i understand, yes, women should help. women can grab a few items too. but his ass had a plant and a lamp in his hand. and she had a big ass box. with his hands filled with both he was still able to open the door for her without putting either down. crazy...

#2: open doors...

the only reason a dude should walk in front of you is to protect you (if yall hear/see some weird shit..) and to open the door for you. you ladies should just go and stand by car doors, establishment doors, your house door like it's the automatic door at the grocery store. if he's standing behind you..you should just act like it's broke. if he doesn't get that he should be opening it..then you open it and say, "there you go my lady..". i'm saying, unless there is something out to get yall. unless yall are running away from a monster, the police, or zombies...he can take that extra time to walk around and let you in. see as boys & teens...we used to do it all the time. and yall think it's because we were just trying to impress you back there. yea..that and it gave us a chance to look at your ass. as grown men, we've encountered women who'll grab their own door. women who don't wait for you open the door. women who are "independently" messing up their chances of having a man be a gentleman because they are so used to doing everything themselves to the point where they don't expect a man to do those things. if you expect it, they will do it. if you don't...then he won't. same dude that you break up with and see opening the doors for the next chick....would have done it for you if you would have just expected it. remember...automatic doors.

#1: pay...

have no idea how you ladies lost at this game. oh..yea it was that hypothetical.."i'll pay for dinner". or the want to go out when you were with that broke dude to the point you offered to pay for everything. or when you told him "you'll give him gas money..". how many times do i have to tell you ladies......"close your purses". men know women have money. men know yall go out with us..and have enough to pay for your meal, get home, etc. we know that shit. do not let him get to the point where he thinks it's alright to let you pay, just cause you have it. i'm not saying, you can treat your dude. you just can't make that shit a habit. a treat is sometimes. paying all the time, is a habit..not a treat.

and i know yall gonna hit me with the, "well my guy doesn't have much money" bull shit. if he don't have no money yall invest in doing free shit. stop being high maintenance. if you picked him, he makes you happy in other ways..stop acting like yall have to do all the shit that requires him having money then. don't put yourself in a situation where you think if you want to have fun or a night out it requires you paying. if you want to see him it requires you going to pick him up or dropping gas money on his lap. a guy who really wants to see you will go steal copper out of houses, pawn it, and get his ass on a bus to come see you. don't fall victim to the, "i don't have no money for gas". because some kinda odd way he always has enough gas to make it to your house to get the money, correct? i know yall think i'm being too hard on all those dudes who "just ain't got it". but i was raised by parents who taught me a gentleman is a gentleman that lives within his means. meaning, if i can't afford to take you here or there. i'd make a way to take you. even if it requires me going without a few luxuries (not necessities). i'd never accept you to pay. if we go out to eat and all i have is $50 and your meal is $30..then i'll fake a stomach ache and get some soup. or if i'm keeping it real..i'd be like.."look i got $50..i want you to have a nice time, but we might have to split this appetizer, entree, & dessert". lol. not trying to knock you broke dudes. just saying...there was a day when men worked to impress ladies. and when "a man having more" was an incentive for you to work harder not for you to hate. men used to say, "i can't date her, because i want her to have the finer things..and i can't afford to give them to her". that's back when men took pride in taking care of women. back when "taking care of a woman" meant something. i admit you ladies have made it easier for these dudes. you have allowed them to think that "helping" him is the same as "enabling" him. if you have a little more, yes you can chip in to make the experience better. but don't lose focus that he supposed to be entertaining you. don't get to the point where you're paying for things and he's not even attempting to pull out his wallet. don't "take turns". he should always have more "i got the check" under his belt.

10 comments:

DaBossBitch said...

I'm so embarrassed. I'm so ashamed of myself. Seriously. No Seriously. Why didn't someone tell me this shit a long time ago? For real. WTF?!?!?!? I must say my current main squeeze does this stuff but I thought he was EXTRA SPECIAL. Like he was AMAZING. But this is just stuff he's Supposed to do?!?!?! He was getting MAD brownie points... for stuff he was SUPPOSED to do WTF?!?!

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

And let the church say, "AMEN".....

Krissy said...

I agree 100%. I been a trick before ( #1) and of course he took full advantage of it until I was fed up with it. I'm not the bank dude. I'm really not. I felt bad because he got laid off but when I look back I was being TOO nice! Never again!

Monique said...

You make me miss real relationships. You know the ones before the 'gray area' became the normal and 'we're just kicking it' was considered ok.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@dabossbitch: don't take away his brownie points. just make sure he continues to do those things. lol

@starrla monae: *passing around the plate*

@krissy: yea...don't do that no more. lol..

@monique: i miss those kinda relationships too.

I'm Alee. said...

Yes!!! It's about time I heard this from a young man. I knew there were still a few of you guys out there :)

mrstdj said...

Thanks for breaking down the bare minimums for the ladies! Many will hear other women say it to them, but it often doesn't resonate unless it's delivered from a man.

Qu33n Kam... said...

Idk if this is a global dilemma but it surely is one in LA becuz guys out here have no sense of wat a gentleman is or even the paying situation... I've been nice to where a man I was seeing wantedlunch but couldn't leave to get what he wanted and be back on time s I went and got it next he is asking me to pay his phone bill I just met him idk why guys think its ok to ask me for money and then get so angry when I say I don't have it...and I had to educate a guy on the bringing the car around thing and he just didn't get it it turned into a debate nowadays that's all guys do is debate on whythey should be gentleman they say shit like that's only for wifey to do all the things u listed but I'm thinking ur never gona get to wifey not doing these things

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@I'm alee: there are plenty of guys like me. that's the exact point I'm trying to make. don't accept a guy who won't treat you w/ respect.

@mrstdj: you're welcome. truth is, you should hear it from a man so you know that there isn't any shame in being a gentleman. men should take pride in it. knowing how to treat women right should be innate, not a learned skill.

@qu33n kam: that's the problem, a lot of guys are so used to not working for affection. they don't know what dating/courting entails. it's the women who allow men to treat them however that groom these dudes into losers. if a man has his hand out in the beginning, run. this means he waste no time using you & he lacks the ability to be self sufficent. run. run. run. lol

Qu33n Kam... said...

Thanks ill definitely keep that in mind cuz guys always have their hand out I'm like what kinda man are u should u be asking for a woman to support u that should be ur last resort