manfive friday #54

when i was younger, i watched this movie. you've probably heard of it, "star wars". there was this thing called, "the force". and everyone kept on saying, "the force is strong with this one" or "let the force be with you". now back in the day, i thought this was strictly a jedi thing. but i learned as i got older, that all the force was "mind tricks" and when it comes to "mind tricks" you don't have to be a jedi. you just have to be a woman...lol

this week's manfive friday #54 topic of the week: 5 things you can tell a man that will fuck up his world...

women have the unique ability, to just fuck you up completely. they can hit you where it hurts. cut you till you bleed. and sucker punch with the best of them. and that's without ever laying a finger on you. how you might ask?...simple. "the force". 5 things a woman can tell a man that completely fucks up his world..

#5: i have "fill-in-the-blank" (sexually transmitted disease)...

ok if you drop this bomb on him..he's gonna think one of two things. either. you cheated or he gave it to you. either way. none of those situations are good. if you sit a guy down to tell him you have some random ass std, he's going to be hiring someone like fabolous did kat stacks to come kidnap you and slap you up. because not only is he NOT gonna admit he gave it to you, he's gonna think you're a hoe. so now y'all sitting there with an audience (the clap) trying to figure out the next step. now if he knows he gave it to you, he may be inclined to forgive you. lol..because you finding out you had it first is still your fault. but if he finds out first and gets it treated...you're a hoe....cause he ain't got it. 

#4: i cheated on you/i'm into someone else...

ok, we do all know that women are more forgiving right? cause if you cheat on a dude, the odds of him taking you back and "trying to work it out" are very slim. we just aren't hardwired for that kinda shit. it's a blow to ego. it's a betrayal of trust. and it's just fucking nasty. once you cheat we can't look at you the same. all we see is "other dude" on you. you got that scent everything. you just stank. and we don't want your stank hoe ass no more. as for you leaving me for someone else. and you want to be friends. fuck your friendship. if you found someone else, find yourself in their face. cause dudes ain't trying to have a heart to heart about no shit like that.

#3: i'm moving/let's live together...

a guy doesn't handle this well...because he usually interrupts this as a "what you gonna do" situation. i'm talking about the women who got job offers or headed to school and are moving away. or the chick who starts sleeping over every night and when her lease comes up is acting like she trying to shack up. either way this shit sends a man into panic mode. he's thinking...wtf am i supposed to do. maybe he likes the relationship but don't wanna live with you. he may want to have his space. want to be a nasty ass individual and not conform to living with someone else. maybe he is in love with you, but doesn't have the means to "marry" you or to move with you. either way it puts him between a rock and hard place. and he's just sitting there with a dumb look on this face... like if he just acts like he don't hear you, you'll drop it. yanno when you ask a guy something 12 times..and you're like.."why won't you answer me?"..umm..yea he's not answering you cause he wants you to shut up and stop asking it. you're just not catching the hint. so the next time..he answers everything but that question. remember that is your cue to stop asking that shit. that's what man silence translates to.

#2: let's just be friends...

 you want to mortal kombat pull a dude's heart out finish move him? tell him you just want to be friends. let him be your "pretend" boyfriend. let him take them "cry on the shoulder moments" or we're just hanging out dates. then tell his ass you just want to be friends. or *gasp*...be out some place and introduce him as "my friend...." when he thinks he's your boyfriend. i'm telling you ladies. you want a smack brown? do that shit. seriously. men hate that. we do not want to be "just friends" unless we tell you that. if we haven't called you "just a friend" don't call us a "just a friend". if you've let me cake off money. be your taxi driver. made me listen to you whine, cry, and act-a-fool over some other dude and we like you...don't you let that shit slip from your friendable lips. yes, that may be what we just are. but don't you say it. don't you say it...

#1: i'm pregnant...

of course this is #1...if it weren't maury wouldn't be as popular as he is today. the #1 way to fuck up a dudes world is to tell his ass your pregnant. the only way this shit will not fuck up his world is if you're trying as a couple or he's trying as an asshole to knock you up. other than that...it is a life fucker upper. yes..even if you're married. and have 2 kids already. he's thinking to himself....."fuck, i knew i should have worn a condom". children are great. but having them unexpected is not some shit dudes are really into. so be sure to have the excuse ready when you get ready to tell him. it can be anything but, "i forgot to take my pill". if you said it's because you didn't take your birth control. smh..just don't ever say that. trust. just plead the fifth on that shit.