Wednesday, September 1, 2010

an affair you'd remember...


honestly...i'm cheating on you. i know i said i would never do it. i know i told you there was no one else for me, but you. i know you think that i'm an awful person. i'm sorry.

the truth is, i've been in love with this person for a long time now. she's everything i've always wanted, need, or could need. it's not you, it's me. wait....

it is you. not to point fingers. not to place the blame. but the reason i'm in love with her, more than i'm in love with you is your fault. harsh. mean. but the truth. are you upset? again, i'm sorry. i'm not doing this to hurt you. i'm just trying to be honest.

her name? her name is..."* * * * *" , yes. she has the same name as you. where did i meet her? "* * * *   * * * * * * *", yes. the same place i met you. does that make it worse? no, i'm not doing this to make you more upset. see i still don't think you get it. the person i'm in love with is you. it's just the old you. i want the old thing back. i want the girl who couldn't get enough of loving me. the one who i could hear the smile on her face when she spoke to me. the one who wanted to do any & everything to make me happy. the one who would talk to me into the early hours of the morning. the one who tried...the one who fought...the one who cared. what happen to her? where did she go? i find myself missing her even when i'm with you. thinking about her every time you make excuses. i never doubted her words, feelings, love...but as the excuses leave your lips i can't help thinking.."who are you?"

see i understand people change. i really do. i understand the things we want and need change. but you can't fault me for wanting something, i've always wanted if you were the one who changed. you want me to understand that things have to be this way ( <---- ) for you. well please understand things have to be this way ( ----> ) for me. i need the effort. i need the love. i need that old thing back.

question of the week.....

Q. What happens when one person changes, but you don't....can you make it work? Or do you just give up?



12 comments:

Alovelydai said...

This has to be the hardest thing about relationships hands down. Even though I'm married my hubby & I go out of our way to keep dating. WE take day trips alone & have date nights as cheesy as that sounds. I can't seem to get him to buy me flowers like he used to though...still working on that! LOL! But yes, sometimes it seems we were happier when he didn't have anything. Add bills, mortgage, etc to the mix & all you get at the end of the day are two very tired people.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@aloveydai: i agree. i think being married makes it easier tho. when there is nothing to lose. people just give up. at least when your married you try. that is if you're a standup person. it's never "not worth it" to try to make things work with someone you love. maybe the end result is not being with one another. but at least make that effort to try to fix things. i feel you on the dating thing. and remembering to do things you once did. it's very easy to get stuck in a rut, get tired, and get too lazy. but if someone is asking you for something..and it's not too out of you way, why can't you just do it? that's how i feel..

sunshinestar110 said...

wow..hard question to answer...real hard but i would say it depends on how bad you want it to work. I have stuck it out with someone who changed and it was not a good change. I stayed supported them in whatever but at the end of the day I wasn't happy with the "new" i was still chasing the "old". Needless to say that "old' never came back and I ended it neither of us was happy and not willing to change for the other. But I too have ended a relationship because the person changed and it was one of the hardest things i had to do and in the end i regretted it. I guess you would just have to follow your heart it never leads you wrong...

geeezzzz ATL its too early in the morning for all this deep shit!

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

I hate giving up....especially when I've invested my time, my emotions, & my heart into something. I'll fight for as long as I can. It's not easy for me to walk away from anything I put in work for....but at the same time if you're fighting a losing battle, if your well has run dry, if the fire can't be lit anymore, then why drag yourself through a challenge so draining as that? If the person changing has impacted the relationship negatively and they could care less about the effect it has on their significant other, that isn't fair to the partnership and could cause feelings of resentment. There can't be one person playing to win while the other has completely checked out of the game and is content on the sidelines not contributing to the cause. No relationship is going to be perfect but there needs to be a balance...geesh it could all be so simple...but you rather make it hard! Loving you is like a battle...and we both end up with scars...tell me who I have to be...to get some reciprocity (in my Lauryn Hill voice)...ok I'll stop here lol

JStar said...

This is a tough one here....But even married people sometimes esp married people...Both parties need to come together to work this out...Find that common ground...Getting comfortable with the other and the lack of luster...You need to get that spice and fire back into the relationship...But it takes two to do so...More effort than is taking place now....The love is still there...You just have to search harder for it...If its meant to be you can get that back...

Isis said...

my totally non-expert ponderance is...depends on how/why the person changed...or if some of things you mentioned that you missed were being done in the beginning to impress you/keep you instead of that being the way the person naturally expresses their love.
some people get to a point where they just put no effort into their relationship at all...i see it all the time...

luvlymskrissy said...

I'm one who will try and make a relationship work until I just can't amymore. I find that in most relationships one or the other person tends to change. Its a hard situation trying to get things back to the way they were. More than likely, things won't return to their former ways. But trying to work things out for find common ground is the best course of action. I've never gotten into a relationship and intended for it to end month later. I treat every relationship like it will last for ever. And I'll fight for it, that is, until I see you aren't fighting with me. At that point, its over.

I'm Alee. said...

This is way too deep for me. I'm nowhere near being in a relationship, and if I was and it ever got this complicated, I would bring it to an end. I don't handle "man stress" well.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@sunshinestar110: i'm sorry for hitting with the deep shit in the am..lol. but you say you regret it..why? (if you don't mind me asking..)

@starrla monae: i completely agree with everything you said. i feel it's very unfair to be on one wavelength when the other person is on the other end giving their all. it's selfish and it's almost manipulative seeing that they usually know they are taking advantage of you putting up with their shit because you love them.

@jstar: i agree. but what if you can't get the spice back? what do you do when someone has given up but you're still trying and they are still dragging their feet (acting as if they are in it, but really aren't).

@isis: but is that your fault they changed or were just doing it to impress you? i hate when people feel they don't have to put forth effort. you have to put forth effort in anything you want. your lack of effort just shows your lack of wanting to be with that person in general.

@luvlymskrissy: but shouldn't the one who changed understand that it's an adjustment. and that they have to compromise too. i find people who switch up shit have the attitude, "you change with me..or be without me". and i think that's an unfair stance to have when you're the one who changed things.

@i'm alee: *passes you a man stress relief pill* take two of these and breath. lol..

sunshinestar110 said...

To answer your question on why I regretted it....In that case i feel like jumped too soon. I was so worried about what we use to have that i didn't pay attention to why the change was happening. I jumped ship on him and i realized later the change was because of somethings he was going through in his life...something he was trying to deal with.

Freckles said...

Sounds like a Donnie Hathaway moment...

I will totoally agree with Starrla - I do not like giving up when I am so invested. I love and believe in LOVE so hard. I feel like it is worth fighting for but communication is an absolute must and being on the same page.

One thing I will say about some is that sometimes we do not make the effort to pay attention in the beginning. Folks will always show you who you are even when you are all caught up with all the stuff that makes you fall for them. All relationships are hard and they take work. If we dont work at it what are they worth?

Two must be on one accord to turn the page. Sometimes there is a need for a new chapter without the previous character. Sometimes you have to walk away for your own sanity but dont walk until you have tried to work at it.

Tauni said...

Ever watch the tug of war at the beach? Someone always ends up with there face in the dirt....Some relationships just run there corse...so you move on or lose yourself, you choose....I choose me;0)