p.d.a.

looking in your eyes. tasting your words. hearing your thoughts ricochet off my heart. we speak with our eyes. can you feel me making love to you with my mind. touching you with my words. every syllable that rolls off my tongue enters your ears like a sweet melody. a song that plays continuous. that's familiar. that makes your heart skip a beat. as your lips position themselves into that smile i love. i can't help staring. glancing at the woman that makes my soul breathe. come alive. and feel complete. the waiter comes by repeatedly asking us if we're ready to order. if we've had time to look at the menu. my answer is the same each time, "i need a moment". because currently i'm stuck in this moment with you. time passes by and we remain unfazed. unmoved by our surroundings. nothing, no one else exist. as you caress my hand from across the table, slowly moving it up my arm, to my shoulder, my neck then to my face. i can't help tasting your fingers as you trace my lips with your fingertips. it seems so right to be being so wrong in public like this. as i drop my hands to your knee, then your thigh.

i almost forget where we are. . . 

as i watch you sip from your glass. all suggestively. licking your lips. tilting your head. running your fingers down the shaft of the glass. very "adult" thoughts dance around my head. as i whisper softly in your ear, i can hear parts of your body whisper back to me. as we finally order & eat. the whole restaurant knows we're in love. i'm in love. in love with you. as the words leave my mouth over and over again. you're smile says, "i know". your lips say, "i love you too". as you stand up, i grab your hand. don't you walk away from me, ever. i don't ever want to be apart. come here. i wanna hold your hand. walk with my fingers intertwined with yours. my arm wrapped around your waist. slowly bumping into you, side by side. i don't care who has to walk around us. who stares or complains. when i'm with you, i want nothing between us. i want you close to me. as i place my hand on the small of your back. i can't wait to get you someplace where i can really let my hands explore. as you stop me before i get too personal. i kiss you in the middle of the sea of people walking around us. letting you know, i don't care who sees. i don't care what they think.  as you grab my hand and push me towards a more secluded area. you pull me close, hands around my neck, and you kiss me like i'm the only person that matters in this world. your lips pressed against mine, your body pressed against me. you feel so good that i think we need to find a better place to do this. see p.d.a. (public display of affection) is just that, "i can't help myself", "i can't wait to be with you" or "i miss you so much" feeling. it's that spark you feel that ignites you. fuels your desire. i want you anywhere, anytime, anyplace. i don't care who knows.

"you know i love it when you're loving me. sometimes it's better when it's publicly. i'm not a shame, i don't care who sees us hugging and kissing..a love exhibition. oh.." - John Legend

manfive friday #64

you ever wonder why your boyfriend can hang out or talk to his female friends, yet when you try to do the same things with him it's...

crickets.

this week's manfive friday #64 topic of the week is:

why his female friends are cooler than you..

maybe cooler isn't the best word. it's not that we don't think you're cool. it's just..

um. 

er. 

uh. 

yea. 

well.  

 

i dunno a good way to say this. cause i sense a "go stand in the corner" moment in my future. but truthfully, there is a difference between a chick that's your girl. and a chick that's your friend. a lot of times, the fact that they are women..is what you have a problem with. because i admit, when it comes to female/male relationships it always hard to understand why someone you're in a relationship needs to have friends of the opposite sex. truth is, you don't NEED to..you just want to continue friendships you had before. so here are 5 reasons why a guy may hold on to his female friends.

#5: we were friends before.

so..all women want me. i'm just a chick magnet. no chick can resist my charm. i can't talk to a woman without her taking off her panties and assaulting me with them. no, this is not one of my fantasies. this is the mindset you women get when it comes to your dude and his female friends. all of a sudden you're pretending your boyfriend who looks like flavor flav is on denzel washington status. you treat him like he's the hottest thing since the sun, when it comes to his female friends...he's "sir-sex-a-lot".

i can understand not being comfortable with him being friends with his exes. but why you hating on all the other chicks he's friends with? women will tell you they have been friends with a guy since the 2nd grade. tell you he's like a brother. they went to school together. he gay. he's not interested in her like that...etc. you want to us to trust, respect, and understand your friendships.

yet when a guy tells you the same about his female friends you give him the "yea right" look. the "i don't trust that hoe" look. the "i bet you're sleeping with her" look. when it comes down to it women just don't trust other women. yet...want you to trust them with their male friends. it's the same damn thing. if i'm friends with someone before you, of course i'm going to want to continue the friendship. just like you'd want to continue yours. as long as everyone is respectful. there shouldn't be a problem.

#4: have things in common.

opposites attract. a pretty smile, sexy body, great personality goes a long way. a chance meeting strikes up a connection. cupid's arrow hits you. love knocks you down. whatever the love connection method, you DON'T always have to have something in common with the person you're dating. but to be friends, you have to. you have to be able to talk about something. because it's not about chemistry. it's not about how good they look naked. it's about being friends. which means there has to be similarities.

maybe we share the same sense of humor. like the same football team (or are rivals). have the same taste in music. maybe we're both hermits. like to play video games. have a addiction to cupcakes. like to crease our pants. like to talk. whatever the connection it's not a "hormone" driven relationship. so we actually think with the head on top.

#3: just one of the guys.

a lot of times, we don't even see them as chicks. i mean we know they aren't dudes. but after a while a chick you're not interested in "that way" is no different than your boys. like a sister.  you don't view them "that" way. you talk a little more out of pocket than you would with a random chick or with your girl. you can discuss things, that would get you a screw face from your chick. it's not about impressing. we are free to be ourselves. not to say we can't be ourselves with our girlfriends. just saying with a girlfriend there are always consequences when it comes to being yourself. it's more personal. anything you do, say, or think can get you in trouble. you can say "ok fatty mcfatty" to a  female friend & she'll probably laugh. you say that shit to your chick and she'll think you're calling her fat.

#2: complain.

men love to complain. and most times we can't complain to our chick without getting into a fight. we can't complain to our dudes..cause let's face it. as men our advice to one another consist of, "fuck it..", "fuck her..", "let's go get drunk..", "next lap dance is on me..", etc..

so our female friends play a part in us making it work with you. believe it or not. they are on your side, most times. which doesn't always make us happy. but at the same time it allows us to vent our frustration. it gives us chance to hear the female perspective on the problem without being able to get pissed off. if we're just being a jerk. or insensitive, they'll tell us. if what you did or asked wasn't unreasonable, they'll tell us. a lot of times women think our female friends are being haters. when more times than not they are trying to find the best possible reason why you're acting that way, and give you the benefit of the doubt. the only time a female friend will become your biggest hater is when she has come to the conclusion that you suck and aren't treating her friend right. 

#1: cause you hate it.

it's not a "i'm doing it to make you mad thing". it's moreso a, "you can't tell me who i can be friends with" thing. truthfully there should be trust. there should be respect. there should be understanding in your relationship. but when there isn't. a lot of times guys will continue their friendships to piss you off. they will continue it, because they think it's stupid you have a problem. or they just don't care.

i've never been that type of guy. i believe in respecting the person you're with and asking your friends to understand. true friends, will understand. a lot of you women get insecure. a lot of you don't like your guy having female friends. so it seems as if you'd understand if a male friend gets with a woman who is uncomfortable with your friendship. i've stepped back in friendships to allow my friends to be with someone. and i've had to ask some of my friends to do the same. the bottom line is..it's hard to make everyone happy. if you got a problem with me having female friends...it's best you get rid of your male friends before you start saying anything to me about it.

#twitterkills thursday 46

been a while since, i did a #twitterkill.

#twitterkills thursday 46 topic of the week: don't follow me: girlfriend/boyfriend edition

this one is dedicated to ppl who don't follow their girlfriend/boyfriends on twitter. i know..."it complicates things.."

only if you're hiding shit.

maybe i'm just a man scorned. but, i was in a relationship with someone who got on a social network, and pretty much let everyone but me know she was seeing someone else. why didn't i know? um..because i trusted her. not saying, you can't trust girlfriends/boyfriends on social networks. what i'm saying is...if you're in a relationship you shouldn't have private shit.

ok, i know i lost some of yall. but i'm saying. i'm not saying you shouldn't have privacy. or that your other half should stalk your shit. what i am saying is, if i wanna see your timeline, facebook, myspace on any given day..there shouldn't be a problem. if there is a problem, then that is a red flag. if i can't follow you, then that is a red flag. if your family follows you. your offline friends follow you. you co-workers follow you. but there is a problem if i follow you, then that is a red flag.

point of this rant?..men know what i'm talking about. a woman will be all in our stuff. on our twitter. on our facebook. she knows your top 20 myspace friends. she's even been to their pages. she'll be in your email. she'll go through your phone. she checks your bookmarks on your browser. she even unravels your receipts and looks at what you ordered from mcdonalds (her: "why you order 2 big macs?"..you: "um..i was hungry?"). women check any interaction you have with other people. men, don't really do this...yet, women feel like their privacy is above question. if i ask my chick a question about any of her friends, her twitter/facebook, etc....i get a screw face.

hmmm...*pulling out my snowgun*....*pointing it at you* ....*freeze*

 as a boy. one of my early memories was asking my uncle what the 
A Φ A on his forearm stood for. 

he told me, he was a member of the oldest. and the coldest. the first african american fraternity incorporated. i didn't know then, but 15 years later i'd be able to say the same.

 
 

my dad is a Sigma.

my mom an AKA

many thought i'd pledge the blue

and this is what i say..

i love my A phi

i love my A phi

i love my A phi

     A Φ A

104 years...and still the oldest. and the coldest.

manfive friday #63

here at manfive..i let you ladies in on some of our (men) secrets & little known facts. most of this shit is common sense, because again we are not hard to understand. but since you ladies are, and you OVER THINK, everything..you don't get us or where we're coming from.

men are simple & easy to please. there are a few things we require and everything else is just extra or annoying. either or..or both. this week, i'm gonna touch on something we do..that we act like we don't. that could be anything, right?

this week's manfive #63 friday(saturday) topic is :

5 ways men have to play hide & seek with you...

i'm not talking about the game, where you count to 10, 20, 100 and go find someone. i'm also not making a weird subliminal sexual reference. i'm referring to how we hide our information seeking mannerisms from you. men and women are NOT the same. we don't do easy, simple shit like..."just ask you". we are more subtle and less obvious with our attempts of espionage.

#5: your secret crushes...

we all know men are only allowed to like their women. only allowed to look at, appreciate, or lust after their woman. while women are allowed to crush over anyone. your girl can say,

"omg..i love denzel". 

"wow, halle berry is so gorgeous". 

"my UPS boyfriend just left the office..". 

that's cool, right? those are those, "universal crushes" but what about the dudes that she don't want to tell you she's crushing on. them regular and lame dudes? those secret crushes where she hiding his 8X10 at her office behind your picture and she changes it when you drop by. this dude is her screen saver on her desktop. she's going apeshit over leaked mediatakeout dick pics. the dude that personifies her "type" or even *gasp* her ex...and she knows if you find out you'll call her on that shit.

how do we uncover your disgusting dirty secret crush...

you: eww..that is so nasty

him: what?

you: this commercial it's showing a pack of cows grazing

him: cows? 

you: yes, i hate cows. ever since i was 4 and went to the petting zoo and the cow shitted on my shoes. i was scarred for life

him: *laughter* a cow shitted on your foot?

you: yes, big shit, mounds of shit. i was devastated

him: *laughter* that's crazy, what you watching anyway?

you: tv

him: i know you're watching tv...what show?

you: house of payne

him: *laughter* is that why you didn't want to tell me?

you: yes..*laughter*

him: i don't blame you that's an awful show

you: have you ever watched it?

him: no. . .

you: so how you know it's awful

him: it's by tyler perry right?

you: yes

him: that's how i know it's awful

you: well i like it...

*cue the mind trap*

him: i know, but the show isn't even about tyler perry

you: leave me alone, i like the show

him: you just like lance gross

you: *pause* no...

him: yes you do..

you: i mean he's alright

him: alright? i'm saying it's cool..he gay tho

you: *thought in your head* = "hater"

see we aren't gonna come out and ask you directly. but we can tell by the stupid shit you watch on tv, that it ain't about the tv show. just like we don't read playboy for the articles. y'all asses don't watch dumb tv for the dumb antics. y'all love shit like girlfriends, the game, bad girls club. that's the kinda shit that stimulates & entertains y'all. the silly coon shit always has a reason behind it. kinda like when your girlfriend don't like rap but got a favorite rapper. or don't like sports, but knows a random football players name. this is how we sniff that shit out. it's like that state farm commercial where the dude & chick are arguing. and he calls for the state farm agent. and his girlfriend sees the chick appear and says, "i want a new boyfriend." and she's all hyped that eggs (from true blood) appears. then he hits her with, "i want a new girlfriend". and then all of a sudden she's pissed off, "oh so this is what you like?"...it's not a jealousy issue. it's the fact that you're attracted to someone else..and you're acting like it's giving you life. kinda like when you found out your boyfriend saw the keri hilson video and he don't watch videos or listen to her music, yea..


#4: loyalty...

yes, we seek out your loyalty. if i see you smiling too much at my dude. or acting all friendly flirty with one of your friends. i know you'se a hoe...lol i'm just playing (or am i?).

that's not where i'm going with this loyalty thing. it's a few people men trust in their life. God. their mom. their friends. and their woman. the first three are life long trust. you women have to earn our trust. we have to know you want to be with us. you're not going no where. and that we can trust you. it's very important. and again since we don't just come out and ask you. we test you in different ways. now..i'm not talking about these dudes saying, "if you love me..you'll tell them it's your heroin". we test your loyalty through actions. one difference between men & women..y'all tell us you want us to be there. if we want you to be there for us...we come to you, but don't really come to you to see what you'll do. this is crucial because the way you play this will determine how and when he comes to you after that. i'd love to lie and say you get a lot of chances. but yanno men don't allow you to fuck up often. that's a "female towards a male". not a "male towards a female" thing. *amber rose at the std clinic sad face*...

#3: interest...

like loyalty...you being interested in me is a big thing. women have different indications when figuring out a guy likes them. one..he comes to you. two..he reacts to you. three..he tries to impress you. women are much more colder with their interest. you could think you've got a woman's interest. wine & dine her. talk to her all night. put all your charm on the table. and at the end of the night she still does not give you her number. men, on the other hand. wont waste their time if they aren't interested. and i know y'all are saying.."what about the dudes who get our number and don't call?". that dude just has too many options. he's probably gotten a lot of numbers and you weren't the most memorable of the night. sorry...sometimes it "beez" like that. well that and he's a jerk...so why you even worrying about it?

anyway. dudes want to know you're interested. that you want conversation. you want to be around him. you like things he does. interest goes a long way. so he'll play you wide. try to see if you hit him up if he doesn't hit you up. anticipate you to act a certain way when he does things for you. no, we don't expect all women to burst into tears and get naked when we do "nice things". we just expect you to do something relatively female. if you act like a dude about it, we tend to think you didn't like it. or us for that matter.

#2: your freak-a-tude. . .

getting to know a chick is shaky ground. you can't just say anything to someone when you don't know their preferences. like you could be with the freak nastiest chick. but if you assume she is...and she's not. x all your o's  and go sit down. the second you say some off the wall shit to a chick she will forever think of you as merv the perv. don't get me wrong..i think you should be able to talk openly about all the things you like and want to do. but until you know who you're dealing with...you have to tread light. so..

how do dudes test your freak-a-tude. first off, he'll casually mention shit to see if you'll bite. and most of y'all don't. y'all be on that "he don't need to know i'm a freak" shit. y'all give us a little taste, but not enough to really feel you out. then when y'all get ready y'all start playing back, trying to impress us. that's when we really have to be careful. worse thing about women is..one false word...fantasy...thought, will get you axed. if you like to dress up like pinocchio and shout.."i wish i was a real boy" while you're getting it from behind. maybe you need to wait till she confesses something equally embarrassing to you. if y'all are having phone sex and she is referring to private areas with little kid terminology "my special place", "my no-no", "your thingy", etc..follow suit. hit her with a "oh yeah girl...take my thingy..". trust me. if she can't use the nasty words, she is not gonna be comfortable hearing them.

when it comes to trying new things. let her introduce the freaky shit first. find out what she likes/doesn't like through what she does/doesn't do. do NOT find out through trial and error. don't try to see if she's cool with something she's NEVER said she liked without feeling that situation out. there is one thing about turning a girl out. there is another thing to gross her out. i'd complain that it was unfair..but all you gotta do to get axed by me is start counting on your other hand if i ask you how many dudes you been with...shit after that 1st finger i'm already starting my *seesmic raccoon side-eye* we live in a unfair world. i'm saying..lol

#1: your limit..

y'all know we will drag you to the edge...push you off and just let you dangle for a while hoping we can pull you back. that's just how we do. we're gonna get on your nerves to the point where you hate us...but you love us too much to hate us that much. every man has to find his woman's limit. we have to find that hot button. trust..we'll find it. and we'll push it. whatever it is. whatever makes you the maddest, we'll perfect doing it at some point or time. and we'll push it..for "shits & chuckles" (men don't giggle..we chuckle).

i know you're thinking, "why on earth would we want to do that..?". to balance to playing field. women hold the monopoly of "hot button" pushing.  y'all don't have to find out buttons. y'all are built with automatic hot button pushing technology. we don't even have to know you. so us finding your buttons is God's gift of us and our way of saying.."take that, take that, take that..".

dear blog....

i have not forgot about you. the holidays have come. my friends have come. work has come. the sleepy has come. i will be back on you soon....i promise.

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earn my love...

it's no secret. men are on the point system. women make you earn everything. i'm not saying it's a "pay to play" system. even though a lot of times it feels like that. but truthfully, a lot of women sell themselves short. they also don't make everyone earn the same. yes, ladies you tend to be unfair with the point system. more times than not, the nicer the guy is...the more he has to wait. the more he has to earn. the more he has to bank to get to the same place that the guy who's not so nice but for some odd reason you let him get there faster.

but what if guys did the same thing? what if i made you earn things? what if you had to earn a date? i know you think men think if they treat you, you owe them. but we all know that's not true. yes, he thinks he's banking points. which will/should lead to some type of affection later. but what if before y'all do anything he makes you: earn dinner. earn a movie. earn those tickets to wherever yall going. earn a ride home. yes, it seems crazy. but the only thing men have control over in the whole, "earn" situation is when it comes to proposing. that's the ONE thing y'all know y'all have to earn. that shit right there, doesn't just happen. but other than that y'all think you're owed everything:

for free.

and to be honest, everyone should be offered your best. not saying you overdo it. but everyone should be on an equal footing. personally, i have a reversed list. i don't go into a relationship with a list of things i WON'T do for a woman. i go in with a list of things i WILL do for a woman. then usually the list starts the dwindle due to the things or treatment i'm receiving from the woman. meaning, your bank is full. and i'm trying to do any and everything for you. but as time goes on, based on your actions i start taking coins out the bank. is that fair? i think so. i believe women take advantage of you giving, if they don't have to do anything to get it. same way you feel a guy will use you for sex, if you give it to him and don't require nothing else in return. i think women will use you for the things, time, money, etc..you're giving them as well. wouldn't even call it a opportunist situation. i think after you give someone something for a while, they start thinking they deserve it. even if they aren't earning it. and that's where i think it becomes a problem. it becomes a one way street. if you're banking points, but they are steady cashing in their points what is the point of that?

Q. what are your views of "pay to play"? do you believe in it? what if you had to earn simple things in a relationship....would you do it? or do you feel like basic things are owed to you...

manfive friday #62

i admit women are the fairer sex. you are much better to look at than men. and it's always been a power struggle amongst the sexes. when the truth is, most times women run shit.

yea i said it. women run shit. it's not even a "we let you do it" thing. yall just run shit. whether you take control upfront, or play the background you are the wheels the drive the machine of our relationships. *grabbing nuts*..now i'm not saying yall are dominant. i'm just saying, that behind every great man, is a great woman.


the manfive friday #62 topic of the week is: 5 signs you are making your man weak...

there is nothing wrong with helping your man. there is nothing wrong with having an active role in the relationship. having a more dominate role, or sharing the responsibilities. there is nothing wrong with that. this is a new day. no longer are women chained the stove, barefoot, with a child in one arm..and a baby in the belly. i have much respect for you "independent women" (well the one's who actually are..not the ones who just like the song..). but sometimes you women go for the overkill. yall be doing too much. ya'll scream about wanting a man. wanting this big, strong, strapping guy who can protect you and take care of you. then you get with this big baby ass dudes who couldn't take care of a pet egg. 5 signs you're making your man weak...

#5: he stops working..

now most guys, are hustling. you hear it everyday. whether it's a cd. drugs. construction work. stocks/bonds. burgers. retail. office supplies. whatever..he's on his grind. he's working that 9 to 5. 12 to 6. whatever his situation. but after a while you ladies get laxed. you let his big baby ass lay up on your couch playing xbox and missing work. you let him "look for a new job" for months, years, decades..picking up the slack. you let him think it's okay to be a bum. yea i said it. any dude laying up on a couch willingly NOT working is a bum. now if he's collecting disability..and bringing in a check. can't knock that hustle. but every other guy who's not making no money and laying on a couch allowing you to take care of him is a bum. there is hard luck stories. there is are situations where you can depend on a woman to help you out. there is nothing wrong with getting help. but help requires you to do something. you can't do nothing...and get help. that's called charity. stop supporting bums. stop making a dude think it's okay to not work. to not do things to make your/his situation better.

#4: home depot/lowes or "rent-a-man" on speed dial...

ok. i understand a lot of you ladies are used to do-it-yourself. a lot of you ladies, are getting homes. and having to take care of things that usually a man in your life would take care for you. so you've learned to hire repairmen. pay that extra $35 to have something delivered, installed, or fixed. but do not. i repeat. do not, call these same guys to fix, install, and deliver shit when you got a man around. don't do that shit. what's the point of having dude around? if he don't know how to do it..tell his ass to learn. tell him to go down and attend a clinic at one of those places. buy him a book. magazine. diagrams..whatever he needs to figure that shit out. there is no reason why you have to hire a repairman to change a light fixture. now i'm not suggesting you let your dude tinker on the toilet when your septic tank explodes. i'm not saying you let him take your engine out of your car to diagnose your "check engine light". i'm just saying. if you think you're low on oil. ask him to check it for you. you don't have to go to jiffy lube and have those crooks rip you off (cause regardless they gonna tell you, you're out of oil), when he could have just dipped the stick and told you that you need a oil change. you shouldn't wait on the side of the road and call the D.O.T. to change your tire when you got a dude sitting your passenger seat. both yall on the side of the road scratching your head, looking a the spare tire like, "what the hell do we do now?"...hit that dude with your tire iron and tell his ass to change the damn tire. if he doesn't feel embarrassed to have some dude come save yall day. if he doesn't feel awkward having a repair man changing your ceiling fan, hanging blinds, or delivering anything that can fit in your car. then you got a soft man. feel his smooth soft hands. those are the hands of a man who sleeps with velvet gloves.

#3: letting him think he's the shit...and he's not..

now there is nothing wrong with positive encouragement. and i know how some of you women get with a dude and you go into an alternate reality where for a minute you start to believe the hype too. but seriously...don't throw your dude to the wolves. there is nothing wrong with believing in a man. supporting a man. but don't hype up a hype man. if he's not beasting at some shit...don't lead him to believe he is. it'll only embarrass him later.

#2: being on "#teamhim", when you know he wrong...

if he dates you. takes care of you. takes care of your kids..but don't do shit for his own kids. um...yea. don't get all maury chick swag with it..and start being like, "so his baby mama be tripping". you know regardless of what she doing. he need to be taking care of those kids. don't co-sign on the foolishness. this his how you bring the punk ass out a man. because he starts thinking..he's right or justified. if he shot somebody. got you arrested. got caught doing some foul shit. you DON'T have to have his back. love the dude, not the crime. this just creates the idea that his actions are tolerable and lets you take the fall of him. any man that lets his woman take the fall for him, is a weak ass motherf%#@er.

#1: taking him back when he cheats..

all this does is let him think it's okay. a man who is truly sorry. feels like he's made a mistake. won't ever do it again, is generally a man who has to live with what he did alone (without the chick). these dudes you let come back. then they slip up again. develop a pattern. and that pattern is in the shape of an "F" and a "U". it's a "i know she won't leave..." so it lets him know he can do it again. and again. and again. i'm not saying you can't be understanding and forgiving...i'm just saying never let him think it's ok. it's never ok. it will never be ok. yes, i can still love you, be with you, etc. but if he ever does that again...he has to know you'll leave. he has to know you won't tolerate it. he has to earn your respect, trust, and all that back...don't just pretend like it doesn't bother you.

#twitterkill me for no manfive..

i didnt forget yall..just been a stressful week. will return to my bloggly schedule soon.

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30...the do's and dont's..

so you've had your birthday. you've finally joined the 30 & up crew...

what now? first off..relax. it's not as bad as you think. contrary to popular belief life does not stop at 30. only people who think that are people under 30. and once you make 30..you'll learn what people under 30 think, doesn't make any sense anyway.. (sorry...you 20-somethings).

so what does being a 30 year old man mean? it's time to grow up!..

you're not an old man. in fact you are at the perfect age. you are actually at your most desirable. i know what you're thinking..."my body was amazing at 18...21..25..etc.." yea join the choir, we're all singing that song. but truth be told at 30..the women are looking at you because you're supposed to be grown. you're the guy who's looking for a wife. looking for a family. you're more responsible. you've stopped playing the games. got secure in your job. got that "stroke" that the young dudes lack..and can stroke it without needing viagra like the old heads. 30 is sounding better already huh?

before you get to comfortable. there are some do's and dont's of being 30.

don't...

participate in fads...skinny jeans. mohawks. jordans. capri pants.fake bling. anything you see on dudes 10 years younger than you. don't do it. they do it cause they don't know no better. you do it and know better..which makes you doing it more ridiculous.

smoke weed...i know you're saying.."whoa whoa whoa...". yes. you really should leave that shit in your 20's (honestly shouldn't do it at all..but i digress). i know it relaxes you. i know it's your "thing". but honestly..do you want to be a weed head all your life? time to stop that shit. find you something else more addictive and grown up like purchasing stocks or some shit. make money, don't smoke it away...


get tattoos in visible areas...i know the chicks think that shit is sexy in your 20's. they like you got "marco da don" on your neck and shit. and yea, while in school. while working at popeyes..that shit was cool. but once you're trying to venture out of that era of your life. how many serious jobs you think your ass gonna get with that shit on your neck. unless you're a rapper, professional athlete, or tattoo artist all the tats on your face, head, hands, fingers..etc..will come back to haunt you. if you already got them, make the best out of them. but if you haven't made the foolish mistake yet...don't do it after 30. no excuse. i don't care if it's your mama's name, a scripture, or a middle finger saying "fuck the world". it doesn't belong on your neck, face, or fingers.

saying catchphrases. words like "swag" or "no homo", shouldn't be in your vocabulary. not cause you can't have swag. just that they are stupid words, and you sound stupid and lame saying them. part of being grown is not having to justify yourself. saying, "i got tons of swag...". makes you sound 10. saying, "no homo" makes you sound gay. just saying.

do any "new dances" outside your house.  ok. so you know how to stankyleg. you can teach someone how to dougie. you got that pretty boy swag on 100. i'm sorry, but you can never let anyone know. sorry.  you can NOT be a grown ass man doing no shit where you putting your hand on your hip and cranking it. i'm sorry. we made our boy as punishment for losing a bet, put on skinny jeans and do the the "i'm a jerk" dance. it was meant to be a mocking situation. not a "hey man..cool dance". my cousin a dancer. we give him a pass. but if he was to ever break into one of these dances while we were out. we'd cart him off to the corner and put him on timeout. somethings you just don't showcase in public. if you're over 30, doing this shit....*smh*..

live in the clubs. you should have that shit out your system. those wild drunken nights. it should be a every now and then situation. it's not a good look to call out of work cause your hungover. now if it's your birthday, the weekend, a boys night...knock yourself out. if you're partying cause it's tuesday..get the fuck out of here. part of growing up is realizing that the shit you used to do is no longer acceptable...

be a bum. you should have a job. if you don't have one, go get one. fuck what you heard, you get more respect working at mcdonalds than having no job at all. you need something to go along with that ambition. after a while women don't care about your big dreams if you're aren't making them happen. the dreams need to be coming to fruition, or you need to get new ones. it's not cool, being a grown as man with nothing.

do...

get you something. buy you a house. a car. something. start trying to own shit, instead of renting/leasing. you think chicks think it's sexy to have a flat screen at your mama's house? or yall can only watch it when you're roommate isn't home..your sexy point are gonna be decreased. get you something. anything. it doesn't have to be big or permanent. just something that you can say is yours & be proud of.

know how to tie a tie. certain things as a man you need to know how to do. if your daddy never taught you. if your mama never taught you. if no one ever taught you, go into a men's warehouse and ask. go to youtube and search, "how to tie a tie..". but know how to do that shit. it's vital. even if you don't wear suits. it's just something that by 30, if you don't know..you should kill yourself.

know how to treat a woman. the days of tricking/hoeing should be over or coming to an end. at this point you should want more. the kind of woman you attract says a lot about you. the way you treat a woman, also says a lot about you. not saying you should be on your way to the alter..but when dating it should be about more than just having sex with a chick. learn from your past mistakes, regrets, and misgivings. your wants should be more long term, than what you can get right now. that's for everything.

have a savings account. even if you're only saving $10 a month. shit at the end of the year you'll at least have $120 at the end of the year. just saying. it's not always about having enough to put down on a house. it's more like, having a reserve that you'll never have to say.."all i got is $20 to make it the end of the week". being broke is some shit that stops being acceptable after 30. it wasn't acceptable before but women will tolerate it more in your 20's.



be responsible. take care of your kids, if you don't want them wear a condom. if you didn't wear one..you wanted them. so stop making them suffer due to a decision you don't want to own up to. don't mess with hoodrats if you think they just trying to trap you. you can't blame women for your mistakes. you can't blame anyone but yourself. stop pointing fingers and be a man. if you aren't getting the kind of job you want. find out the reason why & fix it. if you're living paycheck to paycheck. budget your shit. if you have a job, not a career...make a change. yes, it's that simple. you are in control of your own life. it's time you took control and rocked it the fuck out..

take care of yourself. there is nothing worse than a helpless man. if you don't have a woman. learn how to cook. learn how to iron. learn how to clean. learn how to fix shit. learn how to take care of your basic needs. women do that shit all the time. so what you look like, being a man big strong man who can't do half the shit a woman can do by herself? this is exactly why women think they don't need men. get your grown man game tight. just like women learn how to do things to attract us. learn shit to attract them.


these are just examples of some of the dos & donts. it's all about ultimate survival as a 30-something man. like i mentioned you've entered into an elite club. so don't let us down. cherish your 30's. cause they go by fast..

death to the friendzone..

who's been trapped in the friendzone before? raise your hand....

*raises hand*, *looks around*....oh so none of yall have been in the friendzone? i can believe that, but more than likely you've kept, trapped, or demoted someone to the friendzone. the "friendzone", can mean two different things..depending on what side your in.

if you've put someone in the friendzone. it means the spot right before "relationship". which means you allow that person to do everything someone who could cross over into the "relationship zone" . you allow them to be your shoulder to lean on. your companion for various things. but more importantly your friend. then you put them in a category that pigeon holds them. sounds awful huh?

yea it actually is. because the other side of the friendzone, is that person who wants more. they enjoy your company. their attracted to you. they want to be more than friends. and no matter what they do. no matter how well they treat you. how patient they are. how much they confess their feelings. it won't change anything.

not to make yall feel bad, just saying. the "friendzone" sucks. but i understand, why it exist. i was watching the movie "lucus". it's about this teenager who falls in love with the new girl. he meets her during the summer. they hang out, go on adventures, they are great friends. school starts, and they are still friends. then one day she gets into the whole, "i wanna be a cheerleader so i can date football players" thing. and then all of a sudden, lucus is in the friendzone. even though her ass was hanging with him, supporting him (against bullies), and even going on "friend dates". then she takes one class with the quarterback, then breaks her date to the dance with lucus to stay and eat pizza with him when him & his girlfriend conveniently break up.  then all of a sudden they end up dating and she tells lucus, "there are people you like, "like that". i don't like you "like that". . .


that is the friendzone. that is the ultimate feeling the friendzone gives off. ppl who have never been put in the friendzone, don't get how that feels. until they are chasing after a guy, who uses them cause they are smart..to get better grades. or girls who the guy will hang out with, have sex with, but never commit or marry. see women get put in the friendzone too, they just have no idea. all yall chicks who dated those dudes who had NO intention of making you his wife. NO intention of being serious with you. NO intentions of returning the love you give him. yea..that's the male version of the "friendzone". you wanna be kendell from "the bestman"? the chick that gets the forehead kiss..while the other chick is getting dicked down & married?...i'm saying. 


this is why men hate the friendzone. because if they actually wanted to be with you..it's TORTURE. for all of you ladies who know the guy wants more. why even be friends? i'm not suggesting you cut all ties. but if the guy really likes you, and you've made it clear all you want to be is friends. what's left? you aren't being the friend he wants. and if you're nice and sensitive you'll resist the temptation to call him for everything, tell him about your boyfriend, ask him for advice. so it's like what exactly are you coming to him for now? lol


i remember being in the friendzone before...before i became so desirable. lol. i remember having this one girl who thought i was cute. thought i was charming. thought i was "like a brother". so we hung out. did things like boyfriend/girlfriend, except the "good things" that boyfriend/girlfriends do. after a while i lost interest in her. we were still friends, but as soon as i started dating someone guess who wanted to be my girlfriend? it seems like women don't want you, till someone else wants you. at least they don't appreciate the things you were doing or would be doing if you were with them. that's what i really learned about the friendzone. that eventually the right person, will realize what a wonderful person you are, in "that way". even if it's not the one you thought you wanted, it'll be their loss in the long run.


death to the friendzone....viva la "you're still single and we're in our 30's...bet you'd date me now huh?"

manfive friday #61

"ooh baby look into the corners of your mind/i'll always be there for you through the good and bad times/but i can't be that superwoman that you want me to be/i'll give my love, oh, lasting love if you return love to me" - Superwoman by Karyn White

manfive friday #61 topic of the week: 5 definite signs a man needs his woman's support. (topic courtesy of qu33nkam)

i'm gonna be honest with you ladies. yes, we do expect yall to be mind readers. yes we do expect yall to know something is wrong and to make it better. no, we don't plan to tell you what is wrong. you should just know. and if you don't know..guess what, "you don't care". and if you care to much, you're smothering the hell out of us. either way, we don't leave a lot of room for you to win. we want you to be our superwomen, but most times we won't or can't open up enough to let you know when you're needed. so by request...here are 5 signs that a man needs/wants your support, comfort, or attention.

#5: he's crying..

now, look at the picture above. how many of yall ladies started laughing when yall saw that? i'm thinking maybe 89% of yall. the other 11% were looking confused thinking, "why dude crying?. yanno why yall did that? cause yall don't really deal well with guys crying. either it's funny, cause it's like..."you look like a punk..man up". or it's confusing because you're not used to it and don't know what to do or say. either way...crying on a man is not common place. now, there are dudes who randomly cry. who really are punks. and i think we all know when a dude is punk crying. so no, i won't sit here and tell you to coddle a punk crier. but there are serious times when men really do cry. and a dude may lie and tell you he never cries, but that's a lie. everyone cries. we come into the world crying. for most men there are  3 types of man tears:

1. tears of anger. you women see these a lot. you might even think he's sad, but he's not. he's pissed off. you're leaving him. you think he's breaking down cause he can't phantom not having you. no...he's pissed off you're trying to break up with him and that he has to beg you. he is crying cause he's mad. guys often do this. let a dude get really mad and watch his eyes water. seriously..watch.

2. death. men cry at funerals. men cry when they lose someone they care about. if you have any emotions in you, it's hard not to. now i'm not talking about aunt esther laying out on the floor crying. but a few tears. maybe a breakdown if it's major.

3. something traumatic/monumental happens. either something he's deathly afraid of. birth of a child. marriage. graduation. anything that means a lot but doesn't happen often.

this is where guys get a cry pass. so what do you do, when your guy gets a cry pass? first all..stop laughing. if you see your dude bust out in tears, please resist the urge to laugh. and i'm serious..i know a lot of yall think it's funny. i mean when some of my dudes cry it is kinda funny. but think about it. as sensitive as yall asses are...what if he started laughing at you when you were crying over something? so put your grown woman panties on and be serious. at a funeral or something..if you can hold it together..hold it together for him. let him know it's okay. that you don't think he's less of a man for doing it. also don't mention it again. if he cries cause he broke down and told you something, don't replay the moment over for him. it was a moment. you were there..leave it alone. the trick of comforting in a crying moment is understanding it's a vulnerable state that he's probably uncomfortable with you seeing him in. so be sensitive, but don't make him feel like a girl for crying. that's his male friends job, not yours.

#4: he gets angry with you and you haven't done anything...

you ever said something to your dude and he just snapped at you like he was on his period? like seriously. you said, "i love the stars..." and he's just like, "fuck a star..". and you're looking at him like, "what the hell is wrong with you?".  or you ask him how he likes a new hairstyle and he's starts going in on you, and you're just sitting there wondering what's wrong. when a guy has a lot on his mind. he's gotten fired. or got into an argument with someone else. everyone knows people take things out on the people who love them more than anyone else. it's never right. and it's definitely not fair. i mean what can you do to counter an attack you have no idea about?

well first. resist the urge to get rowdy with him. and i know it's hard. it's always hard to ignore someone pissed off at you, especially for no reason. but try your best, to calmly ask him what's the problem.

example of what NOT to say...

you: hey baby..you like my dress?
him: it's ok.
you: just ok?
him: yes...just ok
you: it's new, i just bought it from....
him: i don't care where you got the damn dress from...
you: uh...um okay..what the fuck is wrong with you?

yall proceed to fight...
-------------------------------------------

vs. what to say..

you: hey baby..you like my dress?
him: it's ok
you: just ok?
him: yes...just ok
you: it's new, i just bought it from....
him: i don't care where you got the damn dress from....
you: uh..okay time out. what's wrong? i know it's not about my dress...
-------------------------------------------

now i'm not saying yall might not fight after the second scenario. because if he's hellbent on fighting he can make it happen. but at least you remained calm. he's trying to upset you, honestly because he's upset. and maybe he couldn't control what upset him earlier, but he thinks by catching you off guard he can control this fight. get his aggression out. and to be honest a lot of times it's unconscious behavior. you're just angry and even if you're not trying to fight everything just turns into one. best way is to diffuse the situation. either give him some time to cool off. if he's snapping, excuse yourself from the situation. BUT...don't do it with an attitude. giving a guy space, and saying, "when you stop being an asshole call me" then going on about your business. just makes him think you don't care. all you got to do to show a guy you care but don't want to fight with him is say, "it seems like you're upset. and i'm not sure why. but i hope whatever it is it gets better. if you want to talk about it, call me later. but i'm going to let you go now". then leave/hang up/stop texting. yes it's that simple.

#3: he withdraws

a common sign a man is upset, sad, or unhappy..he starts to withdraw. a lot of times women automatically think a man being distant is him being sneaky or cheating. when honestly a lot of the times it's a comfort zone. men don't know how to deal with our emotions. not the same way women do. it's okay for women to be sensitive. it's okay for you to be frustrated and complain. but what happens when a guy complains? he's being a punk. he's being a bitch. he's acting like a chick...(i'm sorry but yall know yall say that too). so when a guy has a lot on his plate. he's dealing with something. he tries to deal with it himself. keeps to himself. and tries to fix it himself.

so what can you do to make it better? let him know you're there. if you notice he's becoming distant, acknowledge it. not in that annoying . yanno the way where you keep asking over and over again.."what's wrong?". "why you being so distant?". "you cheating on me?"...lol. there are ways to get to the bottom of the problem without being a parrot. so don't continue to ask the same question that's getting you no where. just say, "i notice you aren't talking to me much, is anything wrong". if he isn't receptive. just tell him, "yanno, i'm here if something is bothering you..". the truth is, it boils down to communication between you two. if he feels like he's able to talk to you, then he'll come to you more often and when things are bothering him. if communication sucks, more than likely he'll withdraw from the situation. the key to getting a guy to open up is letting him know you're receptive, that you aren't forcing him. it has to be our idea. we have to want to tell you. we have to be ready to talk about it. we have to be in control. if you try to coax it out of us, it annoys us. and we go back into our man shell. 

#2: he hits you with, "i need space". then gets mad when you give it to him..

ok. this a important one. men want to talk to you when they want to talk to you. meaning. don't ask, i'll tell you when i'm ready. don't smother me. don't ask me a million questions. don't ask me if i'm sure. don't bother me. i need space. then you give him space and hit him up and he's pissed off at you. i'm saying...he told you to give him space right?

this is where the mind reader part comes in. men naturally expect women to care. we expect yall to be in tune with things. you should know what's wrong. and that we need you. so even when we ask for space. yall aren't supposed to give it to us. not in that, "i'm really giving you space" way. needing space is, "needing you to chill out for a moment and not be over the top. needing space is, "not asking us a million questions". needing space is not bogging us down with your problems & issues when we're going through our own shit. we don't need you to disappear, stop calling, checking up on us. guys who want "you to disappear" space, just don't wanna be with you. needing space to deal with something is needing time to think and figure out the best way to fix a problem. if we feel like you're missing in action, we get upset because we're so used to you over caring that once you're no longer doing that..we think you just don't care at all. i can't tell you exactly the right balance between leaving your guy alone and being there..because it varies. and i know it doesn't make sense. but that's just how we are. we want yall to leave us alone to a degree. but we expect you to at least check and make sure we're cool. yes we'll act annoyed, but that's actually how we know you care about us.

#1: he ask you for it..

if we have a bad day. we expect you to know it. we think.."i hate the world..but i'm gonna come home and my woman is gonna make it better". then he walks into the door..and there is no dinner. in fact...you're no where to be found. there goes that "mind reader" thing again. but maybe he's gotten to the point where he tells you he needs you. he wants you to support, or make it better. what do you do? you do the best you can. it's unfair to think anyone can make everything better. we are all human. just because i have an issue, doesn't mean that's the biggest issue in your life. i can't expect you to just stop everything and see about me. but the one thing i should be able to expect..is for you to try to do your best to make me feel better. if you know i'm going through something. if you know i'm down. or in need of being cheered up, don't ignore it. it's very easy to become annoyed when someone needs you. be understanding. be patient. pay attention. most times we just want to know that you get where we're coming from. you understand why we're upset. once we tell you, we want it to be important to you as well. we need to know we can depend on you. that you're concerned. we need to feel like we aren't alone. it's not your job, nor is it one sided (we should be able to give you the same thing). but it is an expectation we have when it comes to women. we want you to be nurturing and caring. we want you to be understanding and reassuring. we want you to make it better, yet still view us as strong. one of the biggest reasons men are scared of show emotion is because we feel it changes your views of us. we fear judgment and misunderstanding. we are taught being strong is having/showing no emotions. you are taught the same thing as far as what men should be/do. being able to share that with you is a process of honesty, communication, and trust. so next time a guy shares something with you, before you write it off. know it took a lot for him to be vulnerable with you. respect him for being man enough to ask you to be there for him. and just be there.

question time...

i know i've touched on this before on other's blogs. i've touched on this a little on this blog. but as i was reading a comment this morning from my "mr. nice guy" blog. it made me want to know more. the comment was about a friend of hers that felt he was a nice guy. and wanted to know why women put him in the friendzone. and her explanation made a lot of sense. now i don't usually compliment her, since she's one of those chicks i'm on the verge of fighting every now and then. lol. but it really did make sense.

the comment:

He's a nice guy and he wanted to know why women tend to put him in the friend zone. I told him, woman want a nice guy but they just don't know it. I told him that he's so non aggressive and is actually trying to get to know the woman while most men are trying to get to know just enough to get her panties off. And that's the normal more times than not. So since he's not trying to fuck her the 1st week, it seems he doesn't want her. So she sets her sights on someone who seems more "into her" *shrug* women are strange creatures I tell ya. Lol - msluvlykrissy

so i wanted to ask this question once again to all of you...

Q. why do you put someone in the friendzone? why do you keep them in the friendzone, if you know they want more? what could someone do to get OUT of the friendzone (is it even possible)?

i will post a follow up blog shortly.

i did it....

"we did it...we did it....we did it HOORAY" - dora the explorer & boots

excuse the dora the explorer quote. i have a 4 year old..lol

but i did it. i finished October's blog a day challenge. me. all by myself. all yall folks chickened out. even the person who challenged me....not saying no names. *cough* ms.ex kisser *cough*..."yanno who you are".

but i did. so excuse me for the past few days. yanno after i finish a challenge i be looking at my blog like..."errrr....do i have to post". lol. but i'm not going no where. just didn't want to not acknowledge i DID it. i did it. hooray!

challenge. over.

make me want you...

yea. yea. yea. i want you for you. i love you for you. but sometimes, i want you to make me want you...in "that" way. yanno "that" way.

i want you to shave all those places. make it nice and smooth for me. so my fingers can glide uninterrupted to all those areas. feeling your soft slopes, crevices, openings..

i want you to let your hair down. whip it around. go head. let me watch you...i know it's not an everyday pass, but today let me play in your hair. run my fingers through it, caress it, brush it behind your ear, away from your face....pull it. i don't care if it's permed, natural, yours, or paid for...let me touch it.

let me touch you. smell you. you always smell so good, but today i want you to spray that sweet scent you're always wearing in different spots and let me search and sniff them out. i bet you i find every spot. maybe even some you didn't even spray. i can't help it, i don't play by the rules. so punish me.

tease me. make me watch you take off your clothes. s - l - o - w. yanno you have me captivated, because my eyes follow you like an eye exam. examining every inch of exposed skin, till all you're wearing is a smile. my smile, your smile..either is fine with me. put on that secret in the closet. some say it's victoria's secret, but i ain't never see no chick name victoria look as sexy as you do right now. so i'ma say it's your secret..so come whisper it to me. whisper in my ear, you want me. whisper you love me. whisper, "grrrr". just say that sexy shit and follow it with your lips on my neck, hands on my chest, body on my body.

i wanna look in your eyes while you kiss me. i love how beautiful you are naturally. but i do appreciate how sexy you look in your make up. your eyes are intoxicating. i literally get lost between blinks. trying to focus on your pretty eyes, while you bite your lower lip. playing tug a war with them as we exchange kisses, like we've never kissed before. give it back. yanno...my breath. cause you take it away every time you lips come into contact with mine. if you can't tell by now...i want you. i want you like i've never wanted anyone else before.

caress my face. wrap your arms around my neck. show me you want me too. that you like my hands on you. my lips on you. my *ahem* against you. undress me. touch me. show me you like it. you want it. you need it. let's explore together. all naked everything. let me remove that sexy piece of lace between us, so there are no more secrets. no more barriers. nothing stopping us. i do want you to make me me want you...but i must admit.

i already do.

[october challenge: day#31]

men don't take baths..

there are two reasons a man can be in a bathtub.

• he needs to soak an injury
• he's having sex in the tub

if you walk in the bathroom and your dude is just sitting in the tub like this...run. in what world do men sit in the bathtub and "relax"?..

i have dust on my bathtub. like seriously it never gets used. the only person who takes a bath in my house is my son. he's four.

taking baths, like wearing dresses are for women. don't let your man practice unmanly behaviors. don't let him toss around in your bath salts. lay on the tub pillow. lounge in a tub of suds. that ain't sexy.

men are dirty. dirty, dirty dirty. at the end of the day who wants to be sitting in a stew of their entire day? who wants to watch the dirt leave their body and just float around them like they're in a swamp? only way it's allowed is if the lights are dimmed. candles are lit and there is a woman on top of you. you're not actually supposed to get clean in a tub.

if he ain't in there with epsom salt. or with you...tell him to man up. tell him to get some body wash, an axe scrubber and clean his balls like a man. not boil them in hot water like a punk.

[october challenge: day#30]

manfive friday #60

all hail the "jump offs", "side pieces", the "other women",  the "mistresses"...

yall are giving life to so many dudes, yall should get mother's day cards.

yall are ruining so many chicks lives, yall should be called periods.

yall are keeping trojan & "plan b" in business, even though it's a recession. 

yall are like ashtrays: dirty, ashy & nothing but butts.

am i going in too hard? is it stinging just a little? it's not my intent. truth is, you are people too. with feelings, and emotions, and misconceptions just like the rest of us. my mission isn't to offend, it's just to caution & lead you to freedom. so come on hoes...let's go....

manfive friday #60 topic of the week: why you keep jumping, but you'll never take off... (why you stay being a jump off)

#5: he doesn't love you...

i know you're thinking, "but he says it to me when he leaves". yea, when he leaves to go home to his main chick..he tells you he loves you? *seesmic raccoon side eye*

"but he says it to me when we are making love". newsflash..yall are not making love. making love requires love. if you're sexing with some dude and he has another chick, he don't love you. maybe he loves you as a person. or with the love of a pimp. but he's not loving you the way he should. love requires respect. to say you respect and love someone you won't completely give yourself to is ridiculous.

don't fall victim to this misconception. he doesn't love you. no matter how much he says it. no matter how much you think or feel he means it. more than likely the person he's doing wrong. the person he's cheating on you with, he's telling the same thing to. she thinks he loves her too. and me and you both know he don't love that bitch right? all she got is a big ol' house and a ring on her finger. stupid just a stupid trick, huh?..

#4: he doesn't value you...

he'll never view you as more than a side piece. it doesn't matter what you do. it's unfair to assume all women who are "jump offs" or side pieces started off that way. i'm sorry for lumping yall together with the mistresses & the other chicks. because a lot of times, he wasn't even in a relationship when he started messing with you. he just never made you his official girl. he never got serious with you.

the truth is, he just doesn't see you as a girlfriend/wife. doesn't mean he just sees you as a hoe. you could be his homegirl. his bestfriend. yall could be some of those, "just can't get it right" lovers who have been going back and forth for years and years. he may love you. but the kind of love you need to take it to another level is not there. it'll never be there. he just doesn't view you that way. and he never will. he doesn't see the value in you. not that he doesn't recognize you have value. that's where the misconception comes. he knows you're a great woman. you just aren't the woman for him.  

#3: you're a living sex toy

you aren't real. you aren't a person. you're just sex. he's not coming to you for anything else, because to him..."you're just sex". you can make dinner. you can pamper, cater to him, etc...but at the end of the day if you aren't fucking he's gonna stop coming around.

you're giving him the thing he wants, without true commitment. he may pay your rent. he may buy you things. take you here or there. but he'll never upgrade your status. the things he does for you are great. but imagine the things he'd do for someone he actually loves and cares for. the misconception here is, you're shortchanging yourself, thinking that sex is the best thing you have to offer. thinking that this man will see your worth through your body alone. you'll stay a jumpoff because your jumpoff mentality leads you to believe that sex = love.

#2: you already have a title...

you're his ex...so stay his ex. *looking around*..yea i know a lot of yall are like, "you are wrong for this one". whatever. yall know yall wrong for this one. you're not a jumpoff. you had his heart. you had his attention. you were his main chick. now, a lot of yall do become the "other woman". yall breaking him off a piece here and there, knowing he got a new chick. knowing you got a new dude. knowing yall shouldn't be doing that.

once you get into that mode. once it becomes a "fuck buddy" thing with your ex. it's not the same. it's not the relationship you had before. the misconception is, it feels familiar. it's comforting. it's something you trust, you miss, you love. but the truth is it's not good for you. just like he's not good for you anymore. you know that. that's why yall aren't together. the same shit he did to you to get you to this point, you doing it to some other chick right now. i know some of yall saying, "well that hoe deserve it, i didn't". trust me, i feel you. but honestly, no one deserves that. no one should be with someone who is with multiple people pretending to be into them only. no one should share someone. you didn't feel good sharing him to begin with, now it's all good? now he can fuck both of yall..now that you aren't his girlfriend? ok ladies..

extend your left hand, now take your right hand and spank it. you know you're wrong. dick don't grow on trees, but it's plentiful like leaves. it's autumn, there are leaves everywhere...find you some new dick, jump on it, & keep it moving.

#1: you're in control...

biggest misconception of a jumpoff, she's in control. you think you're running shit. you're only breaking him off when you want to. he has to buy you things or do certain things for you to give him some of that good good.

yet you have specific times you can call him. there are numbers you aren't allowed to dial. there are special days you can't be apart of or spend with him. there are parts of his life you aren't invited to be in. oh, but you're fancy huh?

yall are using each other, right? he's using you for sex. you're using him to feel as if you're wanted or desired. it's sad, because he's getting gratification from shortchanging you. all the things you can get being a side piece. you can get being a main chick, but like a million other things too. yet to you, it's enough. what he's giving you is enough. you make yourself believe that you're benefiting from this, when deep down inside you want more. maybe not even from him. but you do. we all do. we all want more. we all deserve more than being used for just part of who we are.

i'm not trying to exterminate the jumpoffs of the world. yall are valued citizens too...i'm just saying. if you want more. if you need more. it's out there. stop being an afterthought. be a first thought.

mr. nice guy

heard you've been looking for me? allow me to introduce myself. i'm mr. nice guy.

i'm a hot commodity. i'm an endangered species. i'm a dream come true.

but you're not ready for me.


right now you're into "him". and it's unfair i have to wait. it's unfair i'll be jilted, mistreated, and looked over until you realize that "he" is not what you need. he's never been what you needed.

he never paid you any attention. never opened any doors. never opened his wallet. never said, "i love you" first. you weren't the first thought on his mind, second or third for that matter. the entire time you were with him, he wouldn't commit to you. wouldn't give you a title. he made you cry. left you alone wondering who he was with. he wasn't with foreplay. pleasing you was a perk, not his goal. he didn't look at you and say everything you needed him to with his eyes. his touch wasn't sincere. his dreams weren't inclusive. he wasn't your friend. yet in still...you want him. you gave him your heart. you gave him your body. you gave him your all. even though he never appreciated it.

yet, my mission is to love you from the start. all the things he wouldn't do, i'd do. all the words he couldn't say, i'd say. i'd listen. i would show you with my words & my actions what a man should be. what kind of man you should want. yet..


you just need me, not want me. and because you don't want me..you continue to choose "him". maybe respecting you, isn't sexy. maybe taking care of you, doesn't turn you on. maybe saying i love you and meaning it, doesn't get you wet. excuse my niceness. i was under the impression that being a nice guy, i'd prevail.

but it feels/seems like all i do is, lose. maybe i should call you out your name? cheat on you? ignore you? continue to fuck up...leave when you need me. because all i get for doing the right thing is trampled over. your heel has driven itself so deep into my heart i can hardly feel it beating anymore. loving you feels wrong, because you won't love me right. it's like the "good guy" in me wants to hang on, but the "good sense" in me continues to ask why?...

why?... respect her, if she doesn't respect herself.

why?... love her, if she doesn't love herself.

why?... treat her right, if she doesn't want to be treated right.

why?... give and not receive.

why?... be a good guy, when bad guys have all the fun.


look at it this way...bad guys are appetizers and/or dessert. he's that piece of chocolate cake. he's that queso dip that you can't get enough of. he's more attractive. he's more appetizing. you order him first, because you assume that's the best part. you indulge yourself with him now. thinking you'll have room left for your main course later. or you leave your main course, to nibble on your dessert. you allow him to spoil your appetite. you pass on better choices because he is enough to satisfy you now.

good guys are the main course,yet you treat us like leftovers. our mission is to satisfy you. our mission is to give you everything you want and need. when you're done with us, you aren't still hungry. you don't need more. but to some, we are too much. you're not ready for an entire meal. so you save us for last. you realize we're the best option. yet, you assume you can come back to us. you assume we'll still be here after you've gained 20 pounds from eating all that cake. as soon as you want more than just queso dip, you're trying to get with the steak & bake potatoes.

see appetizers & desserts are plentiful. they are meant to shared. they aren't meant to be filling. and come standard. the main course is just for you. it's a combination of everything you need. it's meant to be filling. it can change to suit your needs. meant to be enjoyable. meant to last.

like i said before...

  

i'm a hot commodity. i'm an endangered species. i'm a dream come true.

you're not ready for me now, but when you are...there will be a line of  women with chocolate icing around their mouth and A1 sauce in their hands ready to snatch up this steak. so, prepare to wait.

[october challenge: day#29]