Wednesday, November 3, 2010

question time...

i know i've touched on this before on other's blogs. i've touched on this a little on this blog. but as i was reading a comment this morning from my "mr. nice guy" blog. it made me want to know more. the comment was about a friend of hers that felt he was a nice guy. and wanted to know why women put him in the friendzone. and her explanation made a lot of sense. now i don't usually compliment her, since she's one of those chicks i'm on the verge of fighting every now and then. lol. but it really did make sense.

the comment:

He's a nice guy and he wanted to know why women tend to put him in the friend zone. I told him, woman want a nice guy but they just don't know it. I told him that he's so non aggressive and is actually trying to get to know the woman while most men are trying to get to know just enough to get her panties off. And that's the normal more times than not. So since he's not trying to fuck her the 1st week, it seems he doesn't want her. So she sets her sights on someone who seems more "into her" *shrug* women are strange creatures I tell ya. Lol - msluvlykrissy

so i wanted to ask this question once again to all of you...

Q. why do you put someone in the friendzone? why do you keep them in the friendzone, if you know they want more? what could someone do to get OUT of the friendzone (is it even possible)?

i will post a follow up blog shortly.


Monique said...

1. I would put someone in the friendzone if I have absolutely not romantic interest in them. It doesnt mean that I don't enjoy their company and the person that they are, but I just can't the see the of us growing together as a unit in a romantic aspect. And as crazy as it may sound, if there is no sexual chemistry (not saying I'm going to jump bones), then that's usually somewhat of a turn off. Let's face it, we are sexual beings after all.

2. I dont think I could continue to be friends with someone that I know wants moer and I don't. Not only would that be awkward but it would make me feel as though I'm taunting them with somethig they can never have. I can't do that anyone. I would probably distance myself from them (not hanging all the time, random calls, keep in touch via phone or email) as not to play with their emotions.

3. I don't know if it's possible to get out of the friendzone if there is no romantic connection. Sure they could demonstrate ways that they would be the ideal boyfriend/husband, but if you aren't both on the same page, what's the point?

Anonymous said...

I typically don't have this problem myself. My problem is men who start off as friends strickly developing romantic feelings for me. That there is awkward. I still haven't figured out how to deal with that.

I do however like monique"s response. I say don't lead someone on if you aren't interested in them. And being upfront is always best. If you and the guy are both single, I say go on a date. Test your chemistry. If nothing comes of that then cool. But you never know what someone has to offer if you don't explore it.

Anonymous said...

I would put someone in the friend category if I couldn't imagine waking up next to that person or going to sleep next to them. I would put someone in the friend zone is they're the argumentative type. Hmm... what else? If they're at the club every weekend, he's automatically in the friend zone. Can't take someone like that seriously.

lovely said...

i can only speak for myself...

i feel like you can be a nice guy (or nice woman) and show interest without being overwhelming, a doormat, or making the situation uncomfortable.

a lot of guys who claim to be "nice" are not.

like this dude who likes me...thinks he's a nice guy...and he IS nice to me...but he declared his like of me within a week of knowing me & meeting me a total of once...he's roommates with one of my closest friends here, so i see him regularly.

wait this is about to get tangential. but we've had group discussions & i've heard his view on women and relationships and i'm so turned off. i also know that he is on & off again with his baby mama.
being truly NICE doesn't mean you treat me nice but are a dick in all other aspects of life, and nice doesn't mean "too shy to really come to me like a man & get to know me".

so many self-proclaimed nice guys i know are whiny, have self-esteem issues, and are just as superficial as the women they get upset with for rejecting them.

now moving on to REAL nice guys...
real nice guys are confident...and have pure intentions...and therefore are willing to wait til they have really gotten to know you before deciding to pursue you.
and like your girl said, a woman who's used to guys "showing more interest (in fucking asap)" may think that dude is not into her and therefore put him in friend zone...
but if SHE is a "nice" woman...that category isn't necessarily permanent. she may be the same way, and figure that making sure you're the guy she'd want to be with by getting to know you is more important than immediately expressing attraction.

but i also believe in vibes...i know when i first meet a guy whether i'm attracted to him or not...i don't think you can force chemistry.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@monique: but how do you know you have sexual chemistry off first sight? the whole "women know if they are gonna sleep with a dude within 5 minutes of meeting them" explain that to me. cause if guys said that, it would be a *gasp* instead of a "yea, girl i know that's right..."

i agree with you on #2. and #3..i think it is possible to get out of the friendzone, because i think for some people it takes a minute for the feelings to develop. some people it's instant. some people you don't even realize you're growing feelings for until it happens.

@msluvlykrissy: yea..that's how it usually goes too. and i agree on the "go on a date". at least test it out. i'm not with...just setting someone to the side isn't cool. good job..i agree with

@i'm alee: why even put them in the friendzone? sound like you just don't even need to deal with someone you can't take

@lovely: ok. you explain to me about knowing if you're attracted right off jump too..

i get what you're saying tho. and i like that you said that it's not a permanent for "nice" women lol.