Sunday, November 7, 2010

death to the friendzone..

who's been trapped in the friendzone before? raise your hand....

*raises hand*, *looks around*....oh so none of yall have been in the friendzone? i can believe that, but more than likely you've kept, trapped, or demoted someone to the friendzone. the "friendzone", can mean two different things..depending on what side your in.

if you've put someone in the friendzone. it means the spot right before "relationship". which means you allow that person to do everything someone who could cross over into the "relationship zone" . you allow them to be your shoulder to lean on. your companion for various things. but more importantly your friend. then you put them in a category that pigeon holds them. sounds awful huh?

yea it actually is. because the other side of the friendzone, is that person who wants more. they enjoy your company. their attracted to you. they want to be more than friends. and no matter what they do. no matter how well they treat you. how patient they are. how much they confess their feelings. it won't change anything.

not to make yall feel bad, just saying. the "friendzone" sucks. but i understand, why it exist. i was watching the movie "lucus". it's about this teenager who falls in love with the new girl. he meets her during the summer. they hang out, go on adventures, they are great friends. school starts, and they are still friends. then one day she gets into the whole, "i wanna be a cheerleader so i can date football players" thing. and then all of a sudden, lucus is in the friendzone. even though her ass was hanging with him, supporting him (against bullies), and even going on "friend dates". then she takes one class with the quarterback, then breaks her date to the dance with lucus to stay and eat pizza with him when him & his girlfriend conveniently break up.  then all of a sudden they end up dating and she tells lucus, "there are people you like, "like that". i don't like you "like that". . .

that is the friendzone. that is the ultimate feeling the friendzone gives off. ppl who have never been put in the friendzone, don't get how that feels. until they are chasing after a guy, who uses them cause they are get better grades. or girls who the guy will hang out with, have sex with, but never commit or marry. see women get put in the friendzone too, they just have no idea. all yall chicks who dated those dudes who had NO intention of making you his wife. NO intention of being serious with you. NO intentions of returning the love you give him. yea..that's the male version of the "friendzone". you wanna be kendell from "the bestman"? the chick that gets the forehead kiss..while the other chick is getting dicked down & married?...i'm saying. 

this is why men hate the friendzone. because if they actually wanted to be with's TORTURE. for all of you ladies who know the guy wants more. why even be friends? i'm not suggesting you cut all ties. but if the guy really likes you, and you've made it clear all you want to be is friends. what's left? you aren't being the friend he wants. and if you're nice and sensitive you'll resist the temptation to call him for everything, tell him about your boyfriend, ask him for advice. so it's like what exactly are you coming to him for now? lol

i remember being in the friendzone before...before i became so desirable. lol. i remember having this one girl who thought i was cute. thought i was charming. thought i was "like a brother". so we hung out. did things like boyfriend/girlfriend, except the "good things" that boyfriend/girlfriends do. after a while i lost interest in her. we were still friends, but as soon as i started dating someone guess who wanted to be my girlfriend? it seems like women don't want you, till someone else wants you. at least they don't appreciate the things you were doing or would be doing if you were with them. that's what i really learned about the friendzone. that eventually the right person, will realize what a wonderful person you are, in "that way". even if it's not the one you thought you wanted, it'll be their loss in the long run.

death to the la "you're still single and we're in our 30' you'd date me now huh?"


Chymere said...

oh boy...I was in the friendzone forEVER. 3 years strong. I survived 1 girlfriend and a love interest...neither was me. And when it finally got to a point where I wasn't accepting my position anymore and he didn't want more than a friend...then came another girlfriend. I blog about him a lot...well I have a few times. Anyway I was crushed. And actually a lot of guys put me in that zone...always the homegirl. idky.

luvlymskrissy said...

I personally have never been interested in a man who was not interested in me in return so I've never experienced the friendzone. Like I said before, I tend to have guy friends who start out as strictly friends who tend to develope romantic feelings for me after awhile. Its kinda like friendzone in reverse. In those instances I still don't know how to deal because we've built a friendship before he was ever interested and i'd rather not lose a friend because he Dr. Jekle and Me. Hyde'd me in regards to romance

SJ Is So Unique said...

Oh Dear...
So ok Ive been in the friendzone and Ive put guys in the friendzone...Ive given the benefits without getting the committment. Lets just say...LESSON LEARNED THE HARD WAY!
You hit the nail on the head with this one...Lol.
Viscious situation of the whole friendzone thing.
Sometimes we dont even intend to develop feelings for our friends. Sometimes it just happens...BUT somebody always gets hurt!

lovely said...

i don't like equating "friend" with "jumpoff"...

i understand the whole thing about setting limits...

however my guy friends...i actually love as friends.

i've only had 1 real case of a dude who was permanently in "friend zone" for me, REALLY try to get with me...i finally acquiesced, we fucked, now we barely talk & i feel mild annoyance when he calls, texts, or IMs me. because i knew & expressed to him that me & him were not going to be together for many reasons...he didn't believe me. i guess he does now. *shrug*

but the point is that w/my guy friends, i love them, would do anything for them...when a dude does me wrong they are ready to whoop his ass or at least buy me a bottle & roll one up and tell me that nigga ain't shit.

as far as attraction,
i believe in reciprocity...attraction is different than admiration.

i believe in chemistry, and it doesn't have anything to do with appearance...& i take back what i said, it might not always be there from jump. but the point is that it's a mutual thing.

"crushing" is a form of admiration, and something entirely different, & i think conflating the 2 leads to confusion and all this "friendzone" angst.

but for me, nothing makes me lose interest faster than seeing that the object of my desire has no interest in me...

b/c on the flipside, if a guy friend of mine decides he "likes" me & the feeling isn't mutual...and we've never done anything remotely sexual...the whole "i can't just be your friend" thing is going to annoy me,

b/c if we're so tight that we're going on friend dates and kickin it on the regular, i feel like you should appreciate me as a person & the love/care/concern/affection i have for you, instead of being mad that you can't squeeze me into the role you want me to fill in your life.

b/c if you can't, then that means the whole "friendship" is ingenuine, and you don't really enjoy my company that much; you're just trying to use it as a platform to get what you want out of me.
and that's selfish.
nobody owes you their love...if you're in the position where you feel like you're getting used as a fill-in boyfriend, then that's on you...but that's what friends DO.

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