but what if guys did the same thing? what if i made you earn things? what if you had to earn a date? i know you think men think if they treat you, you owe them. but we all know that's not true. yes, he thinks he's banking points. which will/should lead to some type of affection later. but what if before y'all do anything he makes you: earn dinner. earn a movie. earn those tickets to wherever yall going. earn a ride home. yes, it seems crazy. but the only thing men have control over in the whole, "earn" situation is when it comes to proposing. that's the ONE thing y'all know y'all have to earn. that shit right there, doesn't just happen. but other than that y'all think you're owed everything:
for free.
and to be honest, everyone should be offered your best. not saying you overdo it. but everyone should be on an equal footing. personally, i have a reversed list. i don't go into a relationship with a list of things i WON'T do for a woman. i go in with a list of things i WILL do for a woman. then usually the list starts the dwindle due to the things or treatment i'm receiving from the woman. meaning, your bank is full. and i'm trying to do any and everything for you. but as time goes on, based on your actions i start taking coins out the bank. is that fair? i think so. i believe women take advantage of you giving, if they don't have to do anything to get it. same way you feel a guy will use you for sex, if you give it to him and don't require nothing else in return. i think women will use you for the things, time, money, etc..you're giving them as well. wouldn't even call it a opportunist situation. i think after you give someone something for a while, they start thinking they deserve it. even if they aren't earning it. and that's where i think it becomes a problem. it becomes a one way street. if you're banking points, but they are steady cashing in their points what is the point of that?
Q. what are your views of "pay to play"? do you believe in it? what if you had to earn simple things in a relationship....would you do it? or do you feel like basic things are owed to you...
6 comments:
Basic things like respect and honesty are two things that I feel that I don't have to earn.
But I do LOVE what you said about having a full bank when dealing with someone. I wonder do you sabotage yourself if you start with an empty bank and then try to fill it?? Hmmmm.
I recently just got let down by someone I was diggin so I don't know which way I would go on the bank thing in my case - start full or start empty? I think a lot of what you said about how women operate happens after being hurt. You have to protect yourself, and men must SHOW AND PROVE before you give your all to them. What's so wrong with that?
@eyesOTP: your last paragraph is. EXACTLY what I'm saying. do women have to market on hurt? men have to show & prove, yet women want a show and haven't proved anything. just speaking for myself, I've been hurt and yes it makes you expect & want more. but you have to be fair. someone who is treating me better off jump, shouldn't get pushed to the back of the bus because I'm in hurt mode.
I think most women show the most show and drama involved in their hurt. For instance most dude aren't going to make a big hooplah after a break-up as much as a women so they don't really now we internalize or hurt more than them.
My grams always told me a women she feel like she is trying to win me over just as much as I am doing that. If she is not trying to win me over at all then she isn't a prize worth winning.
In other words you chase a chick that just wants to be chased you may end upjust playing yourself in the long run
I hear what you are saying and I agree with you, but women we just can't rebound that fast after being hurt. We have to consider ourselves educated after being let down. But that doesn't mean you should give a brutha a hard time though. You should just be able to recognize the signs earlier, but let him SHOW the signs first and not expect them. I agree with you on that.
Women have more to lose emotionally because we are just emotional beings (well I think most of us are).
But on the real, what do women have to show and prove to a man usually???? What does a woman have to show and prove to you and what makes her lose those coins you were talking about?
Women want the words the match the action I think. Seems so simple but yet it sooooo hard for dudes to be consistent on this, and this is where people start getting hurt. That's the prove part I think we women are speaking about usually.
(Well I'll speak for me. That's what I'm talking about)
why should i have to earn a date? trust me if we're talking for longer than a week or 2 and don't get together in person, that means 1 or both of us is not interested.
this goes back to the "chemistry" thing...it's there or it isn't. you either think i'm worth getting to know, or you don't.
i'm a very open-hearted person which means i often find myself in relationships that feel like they just happened all of a sudden.
i don't necessarily think that's a good thing, but in most cases it winds up being efficient. i find out quickly whether what that person is willing to offer is what i'm willing to accept, & if they're willing to accept what i'm offering.
i understand that we all build up trust in different ways, at different speeds...as generous as i'm willing to be with my time & affection, it takes me a long time to build up trust--which i think makes sense.
but if i can't even decide if i want to make time to go on dates with you & i'm unwilling to do anything nice for you then that means the chemistry is not there for me & i'm just wasting time. it only takes 1-3 conversations to decide if there's something there or not.
so conversely, if a dude is on the same tip seeming like there's some waiting period of indecision about whether or not i'm worthing going out with then...i can only assume the chemistry is not there for him. & i have no desire to try to wait around til a dude convinces himself to be interested in me. nor am i interested in just being a way to pass the time for a guy til he figures out what he really wants & with whom.
I think a lot of women do take advantage of the control they have over the relationship. That is, until you( the man) decides he's had enough of the games and says he's leaving. That's usually when the woman has a lightbulb moment and starts to treat him "right".
For me, men all start on and even playing field. I don't go into any relationship holding on to bagage from previous sistuations. I let all that shit go before I move on. That way, the next gets a fair chance.
I do however feel like in any relationship the only thing that needs to be earned is trust. And that's from the man AND the woman. Once the trust is earned Everything else should flow. I'm not paying to play anything else. That's too much game play to me. Don't want anyone testing me to see how far they can get me to go.
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