this week's manfive friday #64 topic of the week is:
why his female friends are cooler than you..
maybe cooler isn't the best word. it's not that we don't think you're cool. it's just..
#5: we were friends before.
so..all women want me. i'm just a chick magnet. no chick can resist my charm. i can't talk to a woman without her taking off her panties and assaulting me with them. no, this is not one of my fantasies. this is the mindset you women get when it comes to your dude and his female friends. all of a sudden you're pretending your boyfriend who looks like flavor flav is on denzel washington status. you treat him like he's the hottest thing since the sun, when it comes to his female friends...he's "sir-sex-a-lot".
i can understand not being comfortable with him being friends with his exes. but why you hating on all the other chicks he's friends with? women will tell you they have been friends with a guy since the 2nd grade. tell you he's like a brother. they went to school together. he gay. he's not interested in her like that...etc. you want to us to trust, respect, and understand your friendships.
yet when a guy tells you the same about his female friends you give him the "yea right" look. the "i don't trust that hoe" look. the "i bet you're sleeping with her" look. when it comes down to it women just don't trust other women. yet...want you to trust them with their male friends. it's the same damn thing. if i'm friends with someone before you, of course i'm going to want to continue the friendship. just like you'd want to continue yours. as long as everyone is respectful. there shouldn't be a problem.
#4: have things in common.
opposites attract. a pretty smile, sexy body, great personality goes a long way. a chance meeting strikes up a connection. cupid's arrow hits you. love knocks you down. whatever the love connection method, you DON'T always have to have something in common with the person you're dating. but to be friends, you have to. you have to be able to talk about something. because it's not about chemistry. it's not about how good they look naked. it's about being friends. which means there has to be similarities.
maybe we share the same sense of humor. like the same football team (or are rivals). have the same taste in music. maybe we're both hermits. like to play video games. have a addiction to cupcakes. like to crease our pants. like to talk. whatever the connection it's not a "hormone" driven relationship. so we actually think with the head on top.
#3: just one of the guys.
a lot of times, we don't even see them as chicks. i mean we know they aren't dudes. but after a while a chick you're not interested in "that way" is no different than your boys. like a sister. you don't view them "that" way. you talk a little more out of pocket than you would with a random chick or with your girl. you can discuss things, that would get you a screw face from your chick. it's not about impressing. we are free to be ourselves. not to say we can't be ourselves with our girlfriends. just saying with a girlfriend there are always consequences when it comes to being yourself. it's more personal. anything you do, say, or think can get you in trouble. you can say "ok fatty mcfatty" to a female friend & she'll probably laugh. you say that shit to your chick and she'll think you're calling her fat.
men love to complain. and most times we can't complain to our chick without getting into a fight. we can't complain to our dudes..cause let's face it. as men our advice to one another consist of, "fuck it..", "fuck her..", "let's go get drunk..", "next lap dance is on me..", etc..
so our female friends play a part in us making it work with you. believe it or not. they are on your side, most times. which doesn't always make us happy. but at the same time it allows us to vent our frustration. it gives us chance to hear the female perspective on the problem without being able to get pissed off. if we're just being a jerk. or insensitive, they'll tell us. if what you did or asked wasn't unreasonable, they'll tell us. a lot of times women think our female friends are being haters. when more times than not they are trying to find the best possible reason why you're acting that way, and give you the benefit of the doubt. the only time a female friend will become your biggest hater is when she has come to the conclusion that you suck and aren't treating her friend right.
#1: cause you hate it.
it's not a "i'm doing it to make you mad thing". it's moreso a, "you can't tell me who i can be friends with" thing. truthfully there should be trust. there should be respect. there should be understanding in your relationship. but when there isn't. a lot of times guys will continue their friendships to piss you off. they will continue it, because they think it's stupid you have a problem. or they just don't care.
i've never been that type of guy. i believe in respecting the person you're with and asking your friends to understand. true friends, will understand. a lot of you women get insecure. a lot of you don't like your guy having female friends. so it seems as if you'd understand if a male friend gets with a woman who is uncomfortable with your friendship. i've stepped back in friendships to allow my friends to be with someone. and i've had to ask some of my friends to do the same. the bottom line is..it's hard to make everyone happy. if you got a problem with me having female friends...it's best you get rid of your male friends before you start saying anything to me about it.