Friday, December 18, 2009
ManFive Friday #22
This week's ManFive Friday #22 topic of the week is: why won't men deal with concerns?
it's no secret, i talk a lot. i believe communication is the only way to understand one another. i'm also an issue resolver. i like to resolve our issues so we can move along. i've been in too many situations where i've sat in a relationship full of issues and they just blew up in our faces at the end, to just be good with letting them go.
so i'll be the first to admit, this ain't about me. let me clue you in on 5 reasons a man doesn't want to discuss issues/concerns with you...
#5: because the issue is stupid
yea, yanno sometimes you pick the dumbest shit to complain about. #nohater just saying. with all the things going on in his life, he doesn't really have time to fuss with you about putting the toilet seat down. i know it's a big deal to you. but seriously, would it kill you to look? this issue could be fixed with you just understanding he's lazy and he's not really thinking. instead you wanna have a serious conversation about a toilet seat. really? this is some shit he's not gonna waste much time talking to you about. he'll just say, "ok..." and walk right into the bathroom and leave the seat up.
#4: because you waited too long
there is an expiration date on issues. you can't have a problem with me bottle it up then open that bottle a month later.
you: how about last month when you said....
me: um, it is not last month. let's work on this month
you can't blame me because you held your anger over for a month. what kinda shit is that? no one told you to do that shit. but i'll damn sure tell you that we aren't about to talk about that shit today. it's like yall try to stock up ammunition to really let a dude have it. and yall know we don't remember shit after about a week. so it's like..we're sitting there thinking.."did i even do that?...". and don't let us remember some of it and mention you being at fault.
you: what did i say?...what were my exact words...i didn't say that.
me: i mean shit it was a month ago. i don't remember your exact words, so now i guess that means you didn't say it huh?
#3: because he doesn't want to talk about it
avoidance is the next step. if a dude can avoid the issue, then more than likely he will. you call him, he busy. you talk to him, he busy. you mention it, he changes the subject. there are certain clues to let you know he just don't wanna talk about it.
clue#1: he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it
clue#2: he invents an illness for one of his boys, and has to take care of him
clue#3: he has to mysteriously go help his mama..whenever you mention it
eh, you get the picture right?
#2: because he doesn't know how to solve it
men are problem solvers. we are logical (most times). if the issue isn't solvable then it becomes a dead issue. it's like, "what do you want me to do?" women can come up with multiple solutions but most times they aren't logical. it'll be some, "Well you can do this..." and it's like.."okay, what will you be doing?". your solution doesn't make sense and i can't think of one..so um..let's just throw this shit in the "forget about it" pile.
#1: cause he doesn't care
yea i said it. he just don't care. usually when a man cares about you enough he'll sit and discuss your issues. even if it's like you're sticking a needle in his ear. but if a dude never wants to talk about shit, he just don't care. which can translate to...he doesn't care that much about you. now mind you, this is after you've determined the issue is not stupid, expired, solvable & you've given him multiple chances to discuss it.
but wait...there is a new epidemic. the "new woman" typically women under 28... don't want to deal with shit either. when i was growing up in the dating game every woman i know wanted to talk forever about a problem. they wanted you to work it out with them. these days, you women don't care. and maybe it's one of those domino effects where yall have adopted the attitudes of dudes. but it's like WTF. if i don't care, neither one of us would care? how is that gonna work?