Friday, December 18, 2009

ManFive Friday #22

This week's ManFive Friday #22 topic of the week is: why won't men deal with concerns?

it's no secret, i talk a lot. i believe communication is the only way to understand one another. i'm also an issue resolver. i like to resolve our issues so we can move along. i've been in too many situations where i've sat in a relationship full of issues and they just blew up in our faces at the end, to just be good with letting them go.

so i'll be the first to admit, this ain't about me. let me clue you in on 5 reasons a man doesn't want to discuss issues/concerns with you...

#5: because the issue is stupid

yea, yanno sometimes you pick the dumbest shit to complain about. #nohater just saying. with all the things going on in his life, he doesn't really have time to fuss with you about putting the toilet seat down. i know it's a big deal to you. but seriously, would it kill you to look? this issue could be fixed with you just understanding he's lazy and he's not really thinking. instead you wanna have a serious conversation about a toilet seat. really? this is some shit he's not gonna waste much time talking to you about. he'll just say, "ok..." and walk right into the bathroom and leave the seat up.

#4: because you waited too long

there is an expiration date on issues. you can't have a problem with me bottle it up then open that bottle a month later.

you: how about last month when you said....
me: um, it is not last month. let's work on this month

you can't blame me because you held your anger over for a month. what kinda shit is that? no one told you to do that shit. but i'll damn sure tell you that we aren't about to talk about that shit today. it's like yall try to stock up ammunition to really let a dude have it. and yall know we don't remember shit after about a week. so it's like..we're sitting there thinking.."did i even do that?...". and don't let us remember some of it and mention you being at fault.

you: what did i say?...what were my exact words...i didn't say that.
me: i mean shit it was a month ago. i don't remember your exact words, so now i guess that means you didn't say it huh?
you: exactly

#3: because he doesn't want to talk about it

avoidance is the next step. if a dude can avoid the issue, then more than likely he will. you call him, he busy. you talk to him, he busy. you mention it, he changes the subject. there are certain clues to let you know he just don't wanna talk about it.

clue#1: he tells you he doesn't want to talk about it
clue#2: he invents an illness for one of his boys, and has to take care of him
clue#3: he has to mysteriously go help his mama..whenever you mention it

eh, you get the picture right?

#2: because he doesn't know how to solve it

men are problem solvers. we are logical (most times). if the issue isn't solvable then it becomes a dead issue. it's like, "what do you want me to do?" women can come up with multiple solutions but most times they aren't logical. it'll be some, "Well you can do this..." and it's like.."okay, what will you be doing?". your solution doesn't make sense and i can't think of um..let's just throw this shit in the "forget about it" pile.

#1: cause he doesn't care

yea i said it. he just don't care. usually when a man cares about you enough he'll sit and discuss your issues. even if it's like you're sticking a needle in his ear. but if a dude never wants to talk about shit, he just don't care. which can translate to...he doesn't care that much about you. now mind you, this is after you've determined the issue is not stupid, expired, solvable & you've given him multiple chances to discuss it.

but wait...there is a new epidemic. the "new woman" typically women under 28... don't want to deal with shit either. when i was growing up in the dating game every woman i know wanted to talk forever about a problem. they wanted you to work it out with them. these days, you women don't care. and maybe it's one of those domino effects where yall have adopted the attitudes of dudes. but it's like WTF. if i don't care, neither one of us would care? how is that gonna work?


sunshinestar110 said... i'm one of those under 28 women...i will say to certain degree i don't care about certain things .If its pointless and stupid then i won't address it at all i'll just roll off my back and keep it moving. But i believe in communication how in the hell are we going to understand each other if we don't talk about whats going on. These list of reason are probably how I do things to... if it happen in November and it January it is void and numb. If i can't find away to fix it i'll avoid it. I also use all those 5 reason with my friendships to

Traci Lavette said...

Okay, so here's me...

I am a HUGE communicator. A BIG fan of it. Why? Because I'm only going to say it once. I will confirm that he has heard me and we can move past that with full dialog. Sometimes men do things that they expect us not to call them on, so they are ill-prepared to answer in the moment. Okay, so I'm easygoing (yeah right!) and I can wait a bit while he gathers his thoughts, and while I calm down a bit, but I am talking about it NOW. There's no waiting a month - a week with me. And vice verse, if a man tries to come at me with some s**t that happened a minute ago....he's just gonna get the blank stare and more than a few of them know what that means LOL!

But really though. Communication is key - however, it's more KEY in the moment when all is fresh. Not once it's died down and nobody knows WTF even happened.

Liked the post. Rings very true for lots of situations.

Beyond Danielle said...

I find that I used to not talk about things and just go threw life in lala land, but that never works it always blows up in my face at the end, so nowif I see something I don't like I say it right then and there. Honestly if you can't take heed to what I say then I don't need you.

RoByn LaTice said...

Communication is key. But I do find myself just not giving a damn most times. If it isnt SERIOUS..let it go. && I just dont care to tak about pointless shit if I know in the end it is not going to get solved...therefore avoid the convo. I have too many of those traits...but I do expect my man to talk to me about any and everything on his mind..Smh, I know I have things to work on. Nice post..Loving your blog!

Hater Von G said...

I like your honesty, it is refreshing. Personally, I am a problem avoider, only because I am always so worried the guy will think it's stupid. It's funny how all of them kind of go hand in hand. I used to think it worked for me, that the guy will think I am awesome cause I just don't care, but sometimes it's my downfall, as communication is certainly key.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@sunshinestar110: i feel you, but at the same have to care. like i say to my favorite hater homie, it's a gift & a curse. when women approach things like we do it's great, but it also can cause head bumping. like i said in the post, somebody has to care. and usually it's the woman who brings us back to reality.

@traci lavette: i'm a huge communicator too. i think it's an essential part of a relationship: romantic, personal or even business.

@beyond danielle: yea i used to sit back and not say things on my mind. now i think it's very important to let people know what you like & don't like. it shows your interested enough to care.

@robyn latice: i guess to me, who deems what is important? i think that's what causes the problems. but i'm like you i expect my chick to express what's on her mind. and to allow me to do the same.

@hater von g: thanks. the thing about it being stupid is at some point it's not stupid. don't avoid a problem unless it can go away. and start

the.kisser said...

lol...smh. thank-you for confirming that i have a good guy. i only become the 'new woman', when i'm in trouble and the issue/concern is about


~Sheila~ said...

Angel is so laid back that he's exactly the person(s) you described. I'm always stressing over issues that need to be addressed. Most of the time it's about the kids but still...