Friday, April 30, 2010

manfive friday #41

you ever had that ONE person who won't/can't leave you alone? it's like they can't go on and live their life. like they can't/won't/don't catch the hint? or maybe you're that person who's sitting at home, calling...hoping..wishing..he'll fall off a bridge, get a concussion, change his crazy ways and want you back.

manfive friday #41 topic of the week: why he won't come back or revisit the relationship you once had.

we all deal with exes differently. there are some of us men or women that are cold. some are forgiving. some try to be friends. other's try to make you jealous. whatever the case may be..there are a lot of games involved in relationships, even when the shit is over. here are 5 reasons why your man isn't falling for your tricks or thinking about getting back with you...

#5: jealousy doesn't look good on you...

okay, we didn't like it when we were with you..we sure as hell don't like it when we aren't. women go over the deep-end with the jealousy. most times it isn't even about us. you don't have to think we're the most desirable man in the world. or that we can get any chick we want. most times it's insecurities you have. it's you looking at us for that ONE quality you love about us and thinking everyone will magically see that and want to get with us. i swear you can be with a chick who can tell you all day you ain't shit...then turn around and tell you she saw that chick staring at you. as long as you're jealous and worse than that, SHOWING your jealousy..he's not coming back. and forget trying to make us jealous, because again...i've told you that men don't react the same way you ladies do to that. if you show up with a new dude, more than likely, he'll be upset (if he actually cared about you)..but that wont make him see the error of his ways. be careful with that. because when a guy does that, it cuts yall. almost like you've been replaced. but when yall do that, it just reconfirms we shouldn't be with you. that wont make you look more desirable and he'll think "he lost one...". all he sees is you're with another dude and now he don't wanna fuck with you. us talking after the breakup and you telling me you're dating or seeing someone else, isn't gonna make me get off the phone and cry. it's just gonna make me get off the phone with you. i don't wanna hear that shit. not because i'm jealous, but because i don't care. and you will have handed me the last piece of "i don't care" to honestly hang up the phone and never talk to you again. so playing the jealousy game WILL not work. especially since me telling you about the next chick. and how i changed up my bad ways for her. and how she's making me happy. and how she's doing this and that...will fuck you up a lot worse than you doing it to me. this is an area you should just leave alone. seriously.


#4: tricks are for kids...


let's be real, if you want to be treated as an adult..you have to act like one. games = bullshit. and we have no time or patience for bullshit. women, play games. and it's almost innately in your nature to do so. so we instinctively expect & anticipate your games. we expect you to hit us up acting like "you're doing all good by yourself..." only to break down somewhere in the conversation. once you break down, the game is over. we already think naturally the fact that you even reached back out to us, you still want to be with us. because a woman scolded..will leave you the fuck alone. like you have to almost stalk her ass to get her to talk to you. you have to come up to her job, call her phone 783 million times, hit her friends up, stand outside her mama's house in the rain with a sign asking her to please call you. because once yall are done, yall are "i'm never talking to your ass ever again" done. but a woman who is still calling or answering the phone. a woman who is still trying to "talk about our relationship" is still in the fold. don't act like you're not. don't act like we just arguing 6 months after we broke up for no reason. or that you hitting me up was coincidental. or that you dialed my number by mistake. or that you texted me that message by mistake. don't play on our phone, call our new chick. harass our new chick. don't send your friends who wanted to get with us anyway, to see if "well try to get with them". if that's the same chick you didn't trust around us BEFORE we broke up, why you trust her now? just stop it. stop testing us. and stop hitting us up and/or concocting schemes to make us talk to you. i've had one chick go so far as to tell me she was "calling to make peace with me, cause she was sick and might not make it...". and months later she still on that shit. it's like come on..if you were dying in november why are you in april talking about you're still dying. when is that happening again? i don't have time to play that game with you. nor do i think it's funny to play like that. get a life & move on. it's not gonna happen.


#3: harassing, plotting on, or blaming the next chick is not gonna win us back...

again, we don't care if she a hoe. we don't care if she on fugly and she ain't got shit on you. we don't care her clothes are from last year. that she wears white after labor day. that bag is fake. that her weave is old. that her nails are chipped. we aren't concerned with what you got to say about her. we are with her for whatever reason we want to be with her. you calling her. you calling me a million times trying to make it seem like we got something going on. that is NOT gonna make you win the race tortoise. all that means is you're interfering in our life and fucking up what we're trying to do with someone else. which only further proves why we stopped fucking with you. you funstopper. stop trying to prohibit my fun because you're jealous or want me back. if you were really trying to get me, you'd suggest we all just hang out (just kidding..or am i?..lmao).

whatever the case, blaming the next chick especially one who had nothing to do with your relationship..is wrong. she is the chick he saw walking out the store and got her name. she is the chick he swept in and was talking about that vulnerable, sensitive, "i just got out a relationship" shit to. she could have been you, when you first started talking to him. she could be you when the next guy who thinks you have a nice smile tries to get at you. STOP going in on her like she broke up with you. don't ever let his new chick know you're jealous of her. or you still want HER man (because he's her's now). yanno she already talks shit about you wanting him anyway. don't give her that edge over you.

i'm not saying i don't see where yall coming from. i agree if she was the bitch he cheated with. if she was calling and playing games with you. it's tempting to fall into that same mode. or to be bitter. but taking the higher road will always guarantee he'll look at you with more respect. because he'll break up with that bitch eventually. he'll see she's just a hoe, you don't have to show him or convince him of that. because by you acting up, all you're showing him is you're unstable and he still has some power over you. take back some control. don't let someone make you act out of character. have you acting like angela on "why did i get married" ready to bust a cap in every chick that he talks to, or patricia breaking up shit in your own house. don't let a man take you there. you can have a moment. you can cry to yourself. throw something against the wall. but then move on. don't be sitting out on you're lawn, his clothes inside his car on fire like angela bassett from waiting to exhale. yes, that was a good tactic for a movie. but don't let loving no man send you to jail. we want a rider...but you don't wanna be in there while we out living our life with someone else. think first ladies.

#2: sex is NOT the answer...

you having sex with me after we broke up...is us having sex. it's both of us missing that feeling, wanting that feeling, having an itch. it does not mean we're getting back together. don't go sending me naked pictures of you asking me "i bet you miss this". don't go wearing sexy shit trying to turn me on, thinking once we have sex we're back together. don't try to entice me with you charms, and think that will be enough to erase why we aren't together. yea we love it. we want some more of if. but it's not going to keep us if that's all that is there. and once we find someone else that we're getting it from...your "center goodness" won't have us jumping over buildings, knocking down old people, leaving our job to come get it. so don't use sex as a weapon, because more than likely you're "center goodness" has changed from "atomic bomb" strength to "security guard night stick" strength. we may still want it, like it, beat it up..but your days of controlling us with it are over. so do you, if you want it..come get it. but don't have any expectations that anything is coming of that other than a nut.


#1: you won't accept reality...

it's over. yes it may be the end of an era. but we've moved on. doesn't mean we've found someone else. just means we realized you weren't the one for us. we don't want to be with you, so guess what? it's not gonna happen. i know it's hard to accept. but you can't make someone love you (even if they should). and of course we all think someone who's been in a relationship with us should host residual feelings. and if they really loved us, they will. but just because someone has feelings for you doesn't mean their life is owed to you. i know that's hard to swallow.i felt like that...like i've done so much for someone. i sacrificed and stuck in there for someone. for it to all come down to them walking away like they owed me nothing. but they wasted my life, they changed my life, they fucked up everything i knew and thought i knew about love. the things i wanted with them and for my life..completely taken away. just by them deciding to leave. that's some hard ass shit to accept. but once you see it for what it is, you're able to move on. you're able to focus on yourself. because i guarantee if you feel like that..then you've been focusing on them more than yourself. you built your hopes & dreams around them, and them leaving shattered those for you. it's time for you to build them around yourself and continue on with your life. someone else will come. someone better. someone who is meant to be with you. someone who will endure the tough shit and won't walk away, stray, or treat you like that one in your past. the hardest lesson about loving, is letting go. we'd all prefer to be with someone till death. but sometimes they leave us before that. so deal with it. it's life. it's okay to cry. okay to miss someone. it's okay to protect your heart. but realize you are in control of that. you are in control of allowing someone to attach themselves to you so much that you walk around in life with them when they've moved on to someone else. don't carry someone who doesn't want to be with you forever. don't allow them to be a permanent fixture on your heart or soul....when they are with someone else. carrying someone else around on theirs. yes...."i will always love you..." can play on repeat in your mind every time you see them or look at their picture. but realize that song is whitney 2010, not whitney 1992. it does not sound, look, or feel the same as it did when you were with him. don't hold on to some shit as if it's the end all to your existence. you're still alive. you're still able to find love with someone. if someone doesn't want to be with you...it's their loss. don't continue to hang on & trying to pull back someone who clearly you weren't meant to be with. if they aren't there with you in the end, they weren't the one. don't continue to think they are. because the only one who gets cheated is you.

12 comments:

BabydollNa said...

Well said <3

sunshinestar110 said...

I think these man fives can a pply to men too!!! all of those things my crazy ex doesn't right now plus more! dude take a break and a hint i just can't with him no more. Matter of fact I'm about to email this to him right now so he CAN get the hint.

Well done once again

Isis said...

this whole post made me feel "ugh".

i may not have been the best gf in the past, but i'm a great ex.

i know being friends first doesn't just erase all problems, b/c some people who really are loving & trusting friends just spaz out in relationship zone, but...at least then there's a greater chance the relationship is based on respect. (i don't mean "friends" just like somebody u've known a long time but really, friends)

when you have respect for another person & yourself, certain things you just don't do. i've only had 1 bad breakup--with a guy who did all of 3-5 cuz it's not just women who do that craziness.

sometimes exes get back together & really work things out, so i guess i can't say you should never spend time thinking about how to recoup your ex...but most likely if y'all have that connection they're going to feel it too & y'all will reconnect naturally without having to force it.

Beyond Danielle said...

so I guess the old let the cat go if he doesn't come back then it was never meant to be and all else inbetween is worthless it will only push you further away. Your right it's important to love yourself first.

Krissy said...

Yea I'm good. I don't go backwards so I never pine after ex's. I do however have ex's who do all of these things to me ugh! Remember on my blog I mentioned writing about ex's trying to be my next. Yea... after reading this I need to go ahead and finish that blog lol.

xxxx said...

Well said and very true. This applies to both men and women.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@babydollNA: thank you, thank you.

@sunshinestar110: i agree men are just as guilty as chicks. but yall are MORE guilty of the things i just named lol. if you email this to him, make sure you state you mean it's about him and not what you're planning on doing to him.

@isis: i think being good friends first, destroys being friends as exes. think once you cross that line, it's hard to not act on past feelings or let shit go.

@beyond danielle: yup...but in my opinion..once you let a cat out. let them roam, let them eat trash, get all dirty, lay with other cats..why would you want them when they do come back? #justsaying

@krissy:i don't go backwards either. yea i remember that. let me know when you finish it.

@xxxx: thank you, and i agree. but the levels of craziness differ when it comes to men & women. women have perfected crazy. lol.

Beyond Danielle said...

@tha yeah I agree with that lol

Rells said...

im ashamed to say im stuck on #1 after tackling all the other levels of crazy...and even tho im done with the relapsing for sex, the desperate drunk texting declaring my love and the embarrasing emails trying to explain why i did all the above...even tho im done doing those things. and its officially been ONE full month of no contact from either party.
it hurts like hell. STILL. i've been heartbroken before but i think it didnt feel so bad because deep down i knew i was not meant to be with this person and it was for the best.
but with this heartbreak..i guess im just delusional, still hoping this time apart will make him see the light. i know its stupid and like you said im only cheating myself and delaying the inevitable. moving on.

how did this happen? i've never been rejected. i'm always the one with the guard up who walks away. guess there's a first time for everything. guess thats what happens when you fall in love by yourself for someone who is clearly damaged and has made it clear he cannot love again. i know he is not the end of my heart, but why does it feel like it? and why am i so pathetic right now.?

so after all this rambling...my question is., How? How do i Stop thinking, caring for, missing and loving him? maybe your next manfive can break it down...

Rells said...

by the way, lately ive done all the "self help" steps...excercise more, surround myself with friends and family (no thanks), focus on work...blah blah blah. all i'd rather do is sleep...tell me it gets better and i will survive this...and altho time heals all wounds.....every day feels like an eternity.

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@Rells: it gets better & you will survive. sorry it's taken me so long to reply. just saw this comment in my email. everyday will feel like that until you've gotten it out your system.

love is a drug. it's a drug that you have to go cold turkey to get over. it's hard. it's not easy. it'll get better. just ride the wave.

hit up manfive #85: http://thainfamousnobody.blogspot.com/2011/07/manfive-friday-85.html

Rells said...
This comment has been removed by the author.