i apologize ladies. i know i'm seriously late with the manfive. my excuses. i've been sick. it was my birthday thursday. and i've been hanging with my girl all weekend. so now that my excuse are out there, i hope you all forgive me.
so without further interruption...manfive (friday) monday's topic of the week: 5 ways to cheat yourself out of a man...by relying on a checklist.
i usually don't watch the reality shows of people i know. with the exception of ray j's & fantasia's (because the fuckery & coonery is NOT them..it's the chicks & tasia's family). so ask me about anyone else's show...and i'ma be like, "i didn't watch it...". think about it. wouldn't it be weird to watch someone you know live their everyday life? especially when some (most) times you know that's NOT how they live?
but since i was hanging tight with my chick of course we watched the coonery last night. and based off of how my twitter looked last week after ms. chilli's show aired i figured it was something that needed to be addressed. now let me start by saying..chilli is NOT desperate. the show like most reality shows show shit one way. i have NEVER seen her ass without a man. last time i saw her she was in the men's department shopping for clothes, and no they weren't for her son. what her issue is. is simple. reality.
ladies. yall can go hard on her all you want. MOST if not ALL of yall have or have had a list. it's so retarded all the, "she's just too picky...", "she's almost 40..and don't have no man cause of those damn rules", "why is she so desperate?.." from chicks who'll say they'll only date a dude over 6 ft. or with a six pack. i saw this one chick tweet the other day, "unless you have a body like spartacus, and a sword to match..click unfollow". yall women have lost yall fucking minds. it's not just her. she's just one of yall. she suffers from a syndrome i like to refer to as, "been fucked over one too many times so she has to define what she DOESN'T want". the show should really be called, "what chilli does NOT want".
woman have become extremely superficial these days. yanno how yall used to complain about dudes who'll date a smart girl, but only if she looks like a model. yall will only date a good guy if his ass look like he's fresh off the prison yard. imagine me telling a chick, "you'd be more attractive to me if you lost maybe 30-40 pounds. that's some maury type abuse shit. the boot camp dude would have me doing push ups and jumping over walls for saying that to my chick. but women have no problem saying that shit to you. or saying, "i just have a type". do you think that shit would work with a dude? "yea baby i love you, but you're not my type". even as crude as we are sometimes even WE know not to say that shit to yall. so what's the deal with the list ladies? i'm gonna tell you 5 reasons these "list" fuck up your life.
#5: they are NOT realistic.
if you are 300 lbs. you have no room to say you want a dude with a six pack. sorry. if i'm walking around with a beer belly, i can't complain about your thighs touching. so why you think you can tell me i need to do some crunches while you're crunching on a mr. goodbar and shit? if you make 30k a year, yes you can say you want a man that makes a million. but if you riding the bus you can't knock the dude sitting next to you cause he don't have no car and making the same amount as you. you ladies have confused your checklist with your wish list. yes, we all want the perfect somebody. we all want someone who matches what we ASPIRE to be. but if you haven't made it there yet..the hell you using your wish list like God is gonna play Santa and deliver you some shit just because you want it. he sends what you need, not want you want. stop overlooking someone because they don't match a list that is crazy to begin with.
to chilli's defense. she want a man with a six pack. she has a six pack. she wants a man who doesn't eat pork, cause her dad's muslim & she doesn't eat pork. ok. she want a man with a big dick, and sung about that shit almost 20 years ago..."ten inches of your rock hard or with it saggin...i aint too proud to beg". ok. doesn't smoke or drink. cause she does neither. no more than 2 baby mothers..cause she has 1 baby father, ok. this is REALISTIC shit for her. the shit sound crazy. but look at her exes. she is not STUCK like glue, this is what she wants. she isn't saying, "what chilli needs..." it's what she wants. and like most optimistic women, she's trying to see if it's possible to find that. i'm much more receptive to her saying this shit, then to a chick 5ft tall telling me she only dates men 6ft or taller. it's like...ok if midget porn is your thing..go for it.
#4: you don't update that shit...
okay, so you got a list and shit. you've stuck to it thus far and even though you're lonely most the time you get a man here & there. or you happen upon dating someone who doesn't quite check off all the boxes on your list. but now that you've dated a guy under 6ft tall...and it's been fine. why the fuck do you still have that on your list? if your range has moved to 5'9 through 6ft +, why are you still saying you'll only date a dude 6ft are taller? if you've dated a guy with a little gut, and you didn't get smothered to death (cause i know you ladies think he's gonna kill you in your sleep with his fat body *sarcastic typing sound*) why are you still acting like a guy has to look like he stepped off of "the best man", "the wood", how stella got her groove back"..etc? attraction is limited to what you THINK you want. stop pulling that sheet of notebook paper from when you were 13 and used to hide it under your mattress so your mama wouldn't find it, out and checking the same old ass list. stop it. people change. you change. what you want can change. stop holding yourself to old wants. the princes from out the storybooks are not going to ride in on their ponies like the guy from the red spice commercial and sweep you off your feet. let the man who is there and who will treat you right sweep you off your feet.
#3: stop being so literal and shit...
take off those "you're not my type" blocker shades you got on. ok so you don't date a guy under 6feet tall..so a dude 5'11 is too short. get the fuck outta here. i'm saying i don't eat pork. there is no particular reason why. other than i just don't. but once out of every blue moon if i pass by burger king i will get a ham, egg & cheese croissant. but i won't ever eat it for thanksgiving. i won't ever eat pork chops, etc..so you're trying to tell me that werewolf craving once a year will stop you from dating me? again..get the fuck outta here. there is a such thing as exceptions. just because you can't put that [X] in my box doesn't mean i couldn't get a [/]. chilli don't want a man who eat pork, but this is the same chick that said she was a vegetarian but will put away more wings than me on any given day. get the fuck outta here zonda. lol. look at dallas. look at usher. both smoke. both drink. dallas ain't cut. she makes exceptions. don't yall take this tv shit too seriously. she knows that this shit is a want list. not an exact list.
#2: you DON'T have to check off everything..
4 out of 5 isn't bad. stop acting like he has to be perfect.you aren't perfect. unless you're God. so stop acting as if anyone is going to meet those standards. if a guy fits your list almost to a "t", stop sweating the ones he don't. if he meets the job, height, looks requirements then why are you stressing over the "likes to hang out with my friends" requirement? leave the man alone. realize when enough is enough. it's not considered settling. it's considered being realistic.
#1: make a NEED list & check it against your want list...
if you NEED a man spiritually sound...
but your list says: "need a man who is a member of the usher board"
if you NEED a man with a good relationship with his family...
but your list says: "must talk to his parents everyday..and get along with all members of his family"
if you NEED a healthy man...
but your list says: "must have a six pack and muscles everywhere.
there are ways to get what you want, but you have to make sure before you eliminate someone that they don't match the need. just because i don't have a six pack doesn't make me unhealthy. just because i don't go to church every sunday doesn't mean i'm spiritually unstable. i could quote circles around you about the bible. just because sometimes i don't wanna deal with my people don't mean i don't love them and that i had a bad upbringing. you have to weigh the want vs. the need. is it necessary for me to be a deacon to love the Lord? list are limitations. you are limiting yourself to certain things. why limit love? why limit the already small circle that is out there for you ladies. with men in jail, thugging, gay, etc..why make the list of eligible men even smaller for yourself?
like i said at the beginning. chilli is NOT desperate. she could be married already. she's attractive, funny, great sense of humor, great mom, she's financially straight. if she would have dealt with usher cheating he would have married her. real talk. but she knew that was NOT want she wanted. i'm not saying, yall can't want things in a man. i'm just saying when it comes to list...don't block your happiness because of past dealings, personal preferences "types", ideals, etc..
be open to people & you'll find there are more people out there with what you NEED than you actually thought. the state of women & marriage these days (especially black women) is crazy. yall aren't getting married. yes, a lot of it has to do with no good men. i'm not gonna lie or act like that doesn't play a factor. but a lot of yall are hurting yourselves. you can be picky and selective but own that at the end of the day. own that you're alone because you've chosen to be. you can blame a guy for being a bum, but you can't blame he from not being physically what you want. you can blame a guy for not taking care of his kids, but you can't blame him for having them. you can blame a guy for not being financial responsible, but you can't blame him for not going to college or obtaining higher forms of education. these are things that are nice. these are things that level out where you're coming from. but the latter things don't make the man. they make your impression/opinion of him. see past that first glance, conversation, or question you asked...and you might find that he can be what you want, because he's what you need.