Friday, August 20, 2010

manfive friday #52

you ever walk in the room with your man and wonder, why he hell is he _______? fill in the blank with whatever crazy shit he may be doing at the moment.

this week's manfive friday #52 topic is: 5 things that women often wonder and don't understand about us.

there comes a time where the differences between the sexes is just too much to handle. like you completely start drawing a blank. simple things to us, that are second nature makes it look like we're sitting there with tin foil on her heads, painting flower petals orange, while balancing 4 plates : 3 cups : 1 platter: and 9 forks on our forearm. and when you go to ask us why....we're looking at you like, "what?...this is normal." here are five explanations to five instances that mystify women...

#5: video games...

moreso, why GROWN ass men are so into video games. it's safe to say you ladies with a man already know what happened this week. that's right the new Madden 11 was released. this is almost as big as HALO...meaning you will be ignored to no end. he will lie and say he's busy to play this shit. you could walk in the room, completely emitting off your body...and he won't budge. you can bring his mama in there and threaten to slit her throat. he will tell both of yall to move. why is this?...

because video games have been burned into our dna. this wasn't a problem before atari. like guys would actually be like, "why on earth would i ignore a sexy woman standing in front of play with little cartoon characters with other grown men?" and surprisingly they have a valid point. the reasons guys ignore you and continue to play their games is not because they don't want you...

it's because...

  • it's a competitive sport to us

    • we are competing. just like you wouldn't get in the middle of us when we were playing basketball with our boys. why are you walking in front of the tv? you see the headset? you see the game play manual? you see me talking shit?..i'm in the middle of an intense battle. stop playing for the other team and sit your ass down.
  •  it's an escape/alternate world from you
    • when we get tired of listening to you complain. when we are bored. when you're taking too long to get ready. when you're taking too long to get home so we can have sex. when you have asked us to do something...we will sit down and "do something" so you'll leave us alone. "not right now...i'm on world #849....."
  • it's a stress reliever
    •  you come home and get in the bathtub, sip on wine, complain to us about your entire day. this is what helps you. what helps us is to be alone. think time. concentration time. these strategic games work our logical side. it helps us relax. you bothering us while we are relaxing this way for sex. is the same way us jumping in the tub after you've had a long day at work when all you want to do is soak and we're looking's sex in the tub time. 
  • we've been doing it since we were little

    • it's a part of us. why do you want to do away with a part of us?
  • it's fun

    • i've already explained to you, how men think women are funstoppers. we just assume you want to stop our fun. so this is a way to stand up to you. we will play these video games..and there is nothing you can do about it...

#4:  why we try to holla, even after you've told us no..

so i'm sure most of you ladies have encountered this. you're walking down the street a guy grabs your hand or calls out for your attention. you're in a club and he buys you a drink, or comes up behind you and starts dancing. he walks up to you and ask for your number...and you politely ignore him, turn him down, or down right give him the "ugh" face. yet...he's still trying to get at you.

you might even give him the wrong number. and he whips out his cellphone and calls "kitty's house of beauty" while he's standing next to you. you tell him your name is keisha, but he ask you why your name tag says jacinta then. you can't even blow off dude like days of the past. dudes is like the cable guy. he is convinced you're gonna be his new baby stop playing.

what is it that makes dudes do this? it's a little bit of ego + a little bit of persistence + a whole lotta crazy. most guys think they are hot shit. meaning. even if they see you with another dude..they looking like, "why that fine chick with THAT dude?..." they'll even walk up to you with him and try to holla at you. before days of guns and would do this and just fight for a woman. these days, this is a quick way to get shot. just saying. you'd think it would prevent dudes from doing it these days....but it doesn't. his ego that he can pull you is too great. he also feels like if he keeps on coming he'll wear you down. almost like see he eventually got Laura right? persistence pays off. that is if you're not on stalker mode and chick calls the police. sometimes a woman will just give you her info or even go on a date so you'll just leave them alone.

go on a date so you'll leave them alone. sounds odd right? for some odd reason you ladies think if you give in, we'll give up. lol..yea..ok. the last piece of the equation "a lot of crazy" sometimes dudes is just crazy. almost like you won't tell someone with a gun "no". you can see the "crazy" in dudes eyes. you know if you lie about your name, number, etc..he's gonna do something off cuff. so you give him the info. and for about 2 months he's leaving messages on your voice mail about, "how you gonna do me like this?..why you aren't answering?..etc.." then you bump into his ass on the street again and he's like, "well well now....i've been calling you girl." and you'd think he got the point. but more than likely he's ready to pick right off where you left it..crazy. there really is no good explanation for this. just know dude is crazy.

#3: we have "weird things" we just do...

chicks don't ever understand why i just wash one hand after i piss. i tell them it's because i only used one hand. and they look at me like, W T F?..but seriously. i only used one hand. it's not that i have a problem washing my hands. because i wash my hands a lot. both of them. all the time. if i touch a doorknob that doesn't seem right...i'll wash my hands. if i sneeze. if someone else sneezes, i'll wash my hand. but if i'm at home. and i go take a leak....i'll walk right over to the faucet turn on the water, soap up the hand, lather it, wash it, and turn off the tap. yes it may be weird. you may not understand it. but it makes all the sense in the world to me. if your guy has a "weird" habit more than likely it's his "thing". he just does it. stop trying to understand it. especially if he already tried to explain it you. it does not have to make sense to you, to make sense to him. don't cut your eyes..just deal with it. it's part of me. i'm gonna do it.

#2: our grooming habits...

you ever wonder why a guy will walk around with a beard as long as a billy goat. or why he grows out his hair. why he insist on having pork chop sideburns. why he wears his shirts tucked in on the sides but not the front or back. it just make sense to him. it doesn't matter what you "think" looks better on him. to him, that's his style. it's almost like when a chick all of a sudden wants to "go natural". yall go through that "rough" stage. and we're looking at your head like...uh. then yall want to cut your shit off. and we're looking at your head like..uh. then you go get the diana ross. and we're looking at your head like..uh. you don't consult us before your "style changes". you might ask us if we like what you're wearing. but you don't consult us about your personal style. you don't let us know you're about to cut off all your eyebrows and draw them on. or that you've decided you don't like shaving your legs anymore. we can be totally surprised to pull back your clothes and see your landing strip is now a kid & play fade. you decide what you're gonna do with yourself. if we're going through a phase. let us go through our phase. maybe you wish we'd cut our hair. or groom our facial hair. wear our clothes different. whatever our fashion violation...remember you can be ticketed too.

#1: what's on our mind...

more than likely you have no clue. and honestly you shouldn't, because you'd probably be offended. men are simple creatures. you can pretty much see on our faces what we're thinking. so stop trying to delve deeper before we start thinking of shit to tell you. because i promise you if we think of some shit to tell's gonna be crazy. it might even be a lie if you've annoyed us enough.....

you: what are you thinking about?..
him: nothing
you: you sure?
him: yes...
you: it don't look like nothing
him: it's nothing..
you: okay..but it doesn't look like nothing
him: .......
you: you can tell me what you're thinking
him: i'm thinking i want to kill myself.
you: OMG, are you serious?
him: yes
you:since when?
him: since this conversation started...shit.

if a guy doesn't want to talk about what's on his mind. leave it alone. all you're gonna do is annoy him. if yall are having a strained conversation. and he's not going to "discuss" his issues. trust you are not about to extract the information from him. it is not for you to understand, because more than likely he doesn't even understand. we don't know why we don't feel like talking. we don't know why we get in some of the moods we have. it's not a "reason" all the time. we aren't being mad at you because you forgot to lift the toilet seat up. we aren't being short with you because you weren't buck naked when we got home from work. we aren't sitting there in a daze because we're wondering the state of our relationship. if we are uninterested in talking about it to you, it probably has NOTHING to do with you. i could be thinking to myself....i wish i had ate the other half of my chicken philly sub this morning. i could be thinking to myself....i shouldn't have worn these boxers because my nuts are out of control today. i could be thinking to myself that i wish you'd shut up so i can hear the football game. whatever the mood. my just sitting there. should not be taken as a "cause of alarm". trust me if i'm mad at you, i'll let that shit be known. men aren't the one's that sit around and say shit is alright waiting to pull your card and call you out. we give yall more warning than that.


MzAuNatural-Beauty said...

*dead* The entire conversation killed me! lol this was funny, and I'm glad you wrote it because my "new boo" is quiet as hell and i'm always trying to get him to tell me what he's thinking. Glad to know video games are a competitive sport.. ish is he-larry-us

Anonymous said...

*taps u on the shoulder* 'cuse me sir, but umm.. how are nuts out of control? ::ponders the meaning of life::

Anywho, I love video games myself! So I've never had an issue with that. Hell I wanna play too! Lol

I have had a couple of persistant crazies in my lifetime. My ex is still persistant( but no really crazy). He thinks we'll end up back together. There isn't a chance in the world that's gonna happen yet, he believes it lol. Whatevs.

I don't care who a man grooms as long as he's clean and neat specially when leaving the house lol and he shouldn't care how I groom either. Let me do me and u do u.

I have weird things I just do too. I can't eat broken chips with whole ones. I have to seperate them 1st. I group candy my color and number in my hand before I eat them. Like if I have 2 yellow and 3 brown and 5 orange. I group them and then eat them in order. One of each color at a time until I have the odd ones left. Yea I'm weird. So what! Lol

I stopped trying to figure out what men think early on in life. There is no point. But the same with me. If I say nothing is wrong, just leave it at that. Sometimes when I have things on my mind I don't want to discuss it right away or at all. And the constant asking will only annoy me as well. I'm not like most chicks. I don't need u to fix me. Just. Let me figure it out in my own time and when I'm ready to discuss just be there is all I ask.

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

#4.....I HATE, HATE, HATE THAT! I can put on the meanest mug, tell them my phone is disconnected or that I don't have one, claim to live with my ex-con boyfriend, spew the most outlandish story (most times I tell them I'm pregnant and when they look at my belly I say I just found out and I have three other kids from four daddies-1 is pending the dna test) and they STILL try to holla! WTF! What part of NO are they choosing to NOT understand! That irks me to no end!!!! I'm not interested! Don't try and break me down, don't ask for my number, do you see the *F--K OFF* look on my face. I'm serious!

Monique said...

Dude, I am in here in tears! this is so true. Even my son's father is up here like, "man, that's all true." LOL

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@mzaunatural: don't be laughing at me. lol. i'm serious. video games is a competitive sport. and leave your new boo's thoughts alone. if he's quiet, let him be quiet. lol.

@luvlymskrissy: nuts being out of control is very easy & very annoying. it's something i could show you better than tell you lol...

and i'm kinda like you with the chip thing. except i like to save the disformed ones and the bigger ones to the end to enjoy longer lol.

@starla monae: i know you do. that's really where i got the example from. i think it was one of your post lol..

@monique: i'm glad. see i got a