this weeks manfive friday topic is courtesy of beyond danielle. she wanted to know, "why is it, your man's friend never likes you?".
is it you? is it them? is it a combination? the truth is whoever or whatever it is. . . it makes the dude in the middle life a living hell. why can't we all just get along? your a nice chick, right? everyone loves you. everyone except his boys that is. wanna know why his friends don't like you? wanna know what you did? what it was, you said? what the hell their problem is. . .here are 5 reason his friends are just NOT into you...
reason #5: you're a bitch and don't know it. . .
great possibility, you could be a bitch. a lot of times women don't get that a guy might like the fact you're a bitch. like that might turn him on. you being all extra. all dramatic. all needy. all clingy, bossy, insecure. it might play on his personality. like you being controlling might go well with him being passive. but to his friends...it reads: bitch. you popping off at your mouth, treating their dude like a punk. bitch. you calling him while he's hanging with them. bitch. you demanding shit. stopping him from having fun. bitch. bitch.bitch. i gotta admit it's very easy to get lumped into the "bitch" category. just beware once you get there...it's extremely hard to get out of it.
reason#4: you've changed him. . .
whether it's for the good or for the worst. he's different he's not the same dude that used to hang out with you. like we're sitting around talking about porn, and he starts talking about a new book he's reading. you wanna go get drunk, call him and his ass says he ain't really into the club scene no more. your dude goes missing for like 20 minutes, you walk outside and discover he's started smoking cigarettes. or he used to wear beefy white tee's all the time, now he polo this, polo that. think about it. you know when your girl gets a new man. and all of sudden her hater ways are gone. and she is on some "love" shit. she's acting like shit smells like flowers and cupcakes. when a dude gets in that zone & really is with a chick. he's not the same dude. he's not laughing at the same shit. he's not into the same shit. if a chick has opened him up to new shit, new things, or he's outgrown his boys. who they gonna blame? that's right...you.
reason#3: he's told them what you've said about them. . .
you ever sit with your boyfriend and told him what you really thought about his friends. or maybe yall were discussing each other friends. and he called your best friend a slut. and you said his boy was a lame. he countered and said your friend was insecure and needy. and you countered and said his boy was a loser and needed to get a real job & real goals. then one day you find out your dude told his boy what you said. and it's like, true or not. it wasn't supposed to get back to him. sometimes things in a relationship should stay in a relationship. just between you and them. it doesn't even have to be intentional snitching. sometimes you don't know what will strike a nerve with people. i could tell one of my boys, my girl think you're a lame. and he'll be like "fuck her..she lame". i could tell another one, and it may actually hurt his feelings. then it's like, "well she don't like me, so i won't like her either..". wanna avoid this shit? don't go wild on his friends. play around. tell him what you think, but remember they are still his friends. co-signing on some shit he says about his friends is NOT always cool. imagine when you used to get mad at your mom and you'd think to yourself.."i hate her..she's such an asshole". then imagine one of your friends saying, "yea..i hate that asshole too". yanno you got that wtf face on right now, cause you know i'm telling the truth. that shit ain't cool.
reason#2: he's told them all the bad shit about you. . .
again, some things should stay between you & him. it's just like when yall tell your girls or your mama all the bad shit a dude has done to you. if he complains to his boys about you, then of course you become that bitch. and unfortunately once they deem you the bitch, once he gets back into that happy mode with you..they are still on that shit. just because your dude forgives you, doesn't mean his friends did. they haven't forgot you're a hoe. they haven't forgot you're a nag. they haven't forgot you're insecure. the things that we overlook because you're our girlfriends are not overlooked by our friends. in fact it's what sticks out in the mind every time we mention you.
reason#1: yall just aren't meant to be friends. . .
you can co-exist in his world without being friends with his friends. seriously. just because he's friends with them doesn't mean you have to be. doesn't mean they have to be. yes, it means a lot of times to let him hang with them you have to step back. and all yall hanging out and having fun, may be a distant fantasy. but honestly would it kill you not to hang around his friends? it's always gonna be that one friend, you hate. that will probably hate you back as a result. as long as yall are adults about the situation, no matter how you feel you'll be able to be in the same room with one another. stop trying to be his friend. it's not important to me that my chick likes my dudes. because honestly i don't plan or expect to like all or most of her chicks. maybe i'm bias because i'm not a fan of friend mixing to begin with. i feel like, you're in a relationship with me. who i'm friends with doesn't concern you unless it impacts our relationship negatively. out of respect i'll try to neutralize all the friend issues you have, but let me have my friends. they are MY friends. which means whether they like you it's not your decision.