Friday, February 26, 2010

manfive friday #32

this weeks manfive friday topic is courtesy of beyond danielle. she wanted to know, "why is it, your man's friend never likes you?".

is it you? is it them? is it a combination? the truth is whoever or whatever it is. . . it makes the dude in the middle life a living hell. why can't we all just get along? your a nice chick, right? everyone loves you. everyone except his boys that is. wanna know why his friends don't like you? wanna know what you did? what it was, you said? what the hell their problem is. . .here are 5 reason his friends are just NOT into you...


reason #5: you're a bitch and don't know it. . .

great possibility, you could be a bitch. a lot of times women don't get that a guy might like the fact you're a bitch. like that might turn him on. you being all extra. all dramatic. all needy. all clingy, bossy, insecure. it might play on his personality. like you being controlling might go well with him being passive. but to his friends...it reads: bitch. you popping off at your mouth, treating their dude like a punk. bitch. you calling him while he's hanging with them. bitch. you demanding shit. stopping him from having fun. bitch. bitch.bitch. i gotta admit it's very easy to get lumped into the "bitch" category. just beware once you get there...it's extremely hard to get out of it.

reason#4: you've changed him. . .

whether it's for the good or for the worst. he's different he's not the same dude that used to hang out with you. like we're sitting around talking about porn, and he starts talking about a new book he's reading. you wanna go get drunk, call him and his ass says he ain't really into the club scene no more. your dude goes missing for like 20 minutes, you walk outside and discover he's started smoking cigarettes. or he used to wear beefy white tee's all the time, now he polo this, polo that. think about it. you know when your girl gets a new man. and all of sudden her hater ways are gone. and she is on some "love" shit. she's acting like shit smells like flowers and cupcakes. when a dude gets in that zone & really is with a chick. he's not the same dude. he's not laughing at the same shit. he's not into the same shit. if a chick has opened him up to new shit, new things, or he's outgrown his boys. who they gonna blame? that's right...you.

reason#3: he's told them what you've said about them. . .


you ever sit with your boyfriend and told him what you really thought about his friends. or maybe yall were discussing each other friends. and he called your best friend a slut. and you said his boy was a lame. he countered and said your friend was insecure and needy. and you countered and said his boy was a loser and needed to get a real job & real goals. then one day you find out your dude told his boy what you said. and it's like, true or not. it wasn't supposed to get back to him. sometimes things in a relationship should stay in a relationship. just between you and them. it doesn't even have to be intentional snitching. sometimes you don't know what will strike a nerve with people. i could tell one of my boys, my girl think you're a lame. and he'll be like "fuck her..she lame". i could tell another one, and it may actually hurt his feelings. then it's like, "well she don't like me, so i won't like her either..". wanna avoid this shit? don't go wild on his friends. play around. tell him what you think, but remember they are still his friends. co-signing on some shit he says about his friends is NOT always cool. imagine when you used to get mad at your mom and you'd think to yourself.."i hate her..she's such an asshole". then imagine one of your friends saying, "yea..i hate that asshole too". yanno you got that wtf face on right now, cause you know i'm telling the truth. that shit ain't cool.


reason#2: he's told them all the bad shit about you. . .



again, some things should stay between you & him. it's just like when yall tell your girls or your mama all the bad shit a dude has done to you. if he complains to his boys about you, then of course you become that bitch. and unfortunately once they deem you the bitch, once he gets back into that happy mode with you..they are still on that shit. just because your dude forgives you, doesn't mean his friends did. they haven't forgot you're a hoe. they haven't forgot you're a nag. they haven't forgot you're insecure. the things that we overlook because you're our girlfriends are not overlooked by our friends. in fact it's what sticks out in the mind every time we mention you.

reason#1: yall just aren't meant to be friends. . .

you can co-exist in his world without being friends with his friends. seriously. just because he's friends with them doesn't mean you have to be. doesn't mean they have to be. yes, it means a lot of times to let him hang with them you have to step back. and all yall hanging out and having fun, may be a distant fantasy. but honestly would it kill you not to hang around his friends? it's always gonna be that one friend, you hate. that will probably hate you back as a result. as long as yall are adults about the situation, no matter how you feel you'll be able to be in the same room with one another. stop trying to be his friend. it's not important to me that my chick likes my dudes. because honestly i don't plan or expect to like all or most of her chicks. maybe i'm bias because i'm not a fan of friend mixing to begin with. i feel like, you're in a relationship with me. who i'm friends with doesn't concern you unless it impacts our relationship negatively. out of respect i'll try to neutralize all the friend issues you have, but let me have my friends. they are MY friends. which means whether they like you it's not your decision.

8 comments:

sunshinestar110 said...

I can proudly say I have never had the friends not like me...I think! lol.. I'm usually the i don't really girlfriend so the friends love my easy going attitude plus the fact i love sports always gives an extra push..sorry? and the fact i'm not very nice cuz i'm DC always keeps me on there good side...lol..

aimes said...

...nice piece. I'm glad to say that I haven't really gotten the "I don't like your chick" feeling. I guess I can say that I'm easy-going and fun to hang out with? lol!

100K said...

good piece.

I usually get along with my boy's GFs or jumpoffs...but one of my boys is like 21..he got married and NONE of us like his wife. We used to bug out together and i understand that he's married now but it seems like he regrets it..

Usually when my boys dont like a girl im dating its because she's a smut and they found something out. Always the case.

insushiwetrust said...

i feel this post...i've mostly had positive experiences with the friends of SO's.

& on the flip side, if it's a dude i'm just starting to be serious with, & he starts offering his unsolicited, negative opinions on people in my life, i will be lookin @ him with the STFU face...

if i'm just meeting a dude and ALLL his friends seem like losers/assholes to me, i will think less of him, though i won't speak on it.

friends are an extension of self. if i'm disrespecting your friends, i'm disrespecting you. & if i hate all your friends...that's a red flag.

Beyond Danielle said...

I can stick with 1. I'm not in a relationship with your boys, don't ask me any opinions about them, don't bring them around me. And this can also go with you family.

Hello I'm dating you, so why is your friend so upset. Makes me believe he's jealous and wants me to or wants you to leave

But thanks for the input I believe it's all of the above I wish ninja's would stop being phony.

~Sheila~ said...

I used to have this problem with Angel. His friends didn't like me because after we got married he couldn't stay out until forever anymore. Hey, he's got a family now. But, seeing how his friends don't have crap and haven't done anything with their lives...bet they wish they had a woman like me to keep them on the right track.

I don't have a problem with his friends anymore. Can't actually say he has a lot of friends now anyway.

tha unpretentious narcissist © said...

@sunshinestar110: you being from DC means i already know their friends wanna kill you. lol but you liking sports and being easy going is probably the key to your acceptance.

@aimes: thanks. you being easy going is probably the key. if you don't nag much you get mad points.

@100k: it's always that one chick EVERYONE hates. my homeboy used to HATE my ex-wife. he was like.."see i told you..i told you". i agree most times if chick is a hoe or just a using nag we're not feeling her at all. we try to chill out when it's a dude's wife, seeing she may be around longer than most lol

@insushiwetrust: i agree with your friends being an extension of you. that's why when chicks have friends who are hoes..i be like...are you a hoe too? lol. but like you said i'd have the wtf face if a chick just didn't like none of my friends upfront. that kinda reads, you're trying to change my friends for me.

@beyond danielle: how you going hard on dude's family?..lol true, maybe cousins and aunts & uncles. but you can't be like fuck your brother/sisters..lol. but i agree the friends aren't your friends. so as long as yall can't respect one another..whether they like you or not doesn't really matter.

@sheila: yea moreso than not, the change from being single and married is the biggest adjustment for friends. and really once you get married & have a family most time you're too busy for your boys and it has nothing to do with your chick. glad you've made peace with them.

Epiphany said...

I had this problem in the past, but it was only with one girl. And the bitch based the whole situation off another relationship he had before me. And whole time, I was in the back telling my dude to go hang out with his friends, we don't have to be with each other all the time. The girl is a bitch, and they aren't close anymore now...which I'm happy about cause she wasn't a true friend anyway.