Friday, February 5, 2010
ManFive Friday #29
this is a special post...not only is it the second installment in the 4 question series from insushiwetrust (again, thanks for the questions/topic of the week). it also marks my 100th post. i wish i could do some special ass shit, but to be truthful i'm trying to write this before i head to miami for the superbowl. so you'll just have to recognize it for special, as is...lol.
this week's topic is:
"how to get the guy you're into when it's his boy that's checking for you..."
this again is a tricky one. ever saw a group of guys, checking for you. you scoped them out, found one you liked, smiled to let him know if he ask maybe he can get that number. you're sitting there looking all good, getting your drink on when the ugliest dude from the group walks over smiling. now at first, maybe you think he's acting as scout for the group. so you're being nice, giving casual conversation, still looking at the dude you want in side glances. you get it in your head that you're gonna ask about his homeboy if he says anything about you being there alone. but what you don't know is this little exchange has made you his, "CTT". at this point once the homies see him talking to you, you are a "can't touch this" chick to them. because he's made his claim. and trust the lamest dude will be watching the door to make the call on the chicks early. they always find the finest chick and be like, "aww man...i'm getting that tonight".
or maybe after hanging out with a new dude in that "just talking" phase you meet his friend and you find out that the connection is out of this world. and you're sitting there thinking, "why the hell didn't i meet him first?". again, you are in CTT land.
this is when it gets difficult because you're trying to make dude go against one of the most basic man-laws. yes, there are some brothers who "just don't give a fuck..". but for the most part if a dude call dibbs on you, you can't go against your boy. even if she fine. even if the connection is amazing. even if she gives him no play. there are a few things you can do to "switch friends & begin again". but you have to be really careful, when you're coming between friends.
5 ways to refresh the situation & get the dude you're checking for instead of the one checking for you..
#5: see the play & intercept that bitch..
get your play book out because you are about to be gamed:
play #1: quarter back sack..
to avoid confusion, keep eye contact with the dude you're checking for. do not ALLOW any of the other guys to think you're looking at for them for a second. even if his boy calls it, everyone is gonna be like, "she checking for "Ed"...".
play #2: the fumble..
keep the conversation moving. as long as never gets a chance to ask you out, you're safe. you can be nice. you can inquire about him and his boys. you can get that invite back to the table. as soon as his boys see there is a loose ball...you're up for grabs. we have to respect the initial call. we have to respect our dude introducing you as his girl. but if he brings a bun into hot dog land, it's a fumble. whoever picks up the ball...slides the hot dog in the bun.
play #3: the interception..
if you happen to check the group of guys checking for you. and the wrong one gets up to talk to you, carefully but quickly get up and go to the bathroom. at this point you've seen the play & you intercepted the ball. yes, the friend may still be trying to get at you (if he's persistent) but this gives you another chance to make it clear the one you're checking for. you can be bold, walk over introduce yourself to the one you like first. be friendly to all of them, but make it known that's the one you're interested in.
play #4: touchdown..
when the dude gets up and starts walking towards you...you can write your number on a napkin, smile & hand it to him before he says anything. look over at the guy you're checking and say, "tell him, i'd love to go out with him".
#4: ignore the fuck out of his advances...
if you run into two guys and you notice his boy is giving your more play. best way to let him know you're not interested up front is to act like you don't hear none of his advances. let him buzz by you like a gnat. continue the conversation with both of them, but shrug off the advances of the friend. as soon as the one you're checking for gives you an open lane, step on the gas. you have to be careful because you can't flat out make his dude seem lame, to the point where he trying to call you a bitch & get an negative reaction out of you. you have to be nice to both of them, but let him catch the hint that you're not interested in him like that. which is hard cause some dudes just don't get it. and if he's in front of his boy and he's trying hard he'll get mad quick. the thing is for him to realize you're not interested or for his boy to realize you're interested in him and to take over the situation.
#3: put him in the friend zone...
if you're friendly enough and put up the fence between being friends and being more. then you have a good chance of getting at his friend in the future. in fact he might even hook it up AFTER he's over the fact that yall aren't gonna hook up. you gotta be careful & patient. you can't befriend him then ask him about his friend the next week. it takes a minute for guys to give up on the dream. even if YOU think, yall are friends..he's still thinks he's working on being more with you. one way to kinda remedy this, is to befriend the two at the same time. kinda get a hang out situation where you're hanging out with them both but not as either of their chicks. if you naturally let feelings get stronger between you and the other dude his dude can't really get mad. and you're not really coming between friends.
#2: take the bullet...tell the truth
yea, someone is going to be the bad guy. in this case, the bad girl. if you're really feeling the other dude, tell the dude you're with...first. don't go talking to the other one trying to set shit up. just be honest, up front. yea, you don't know if his friend is even gonna be interested. but if you want to try to holler you have a better chance of it not being as much of a problem if you're upfront. sometimes people just don't connect, or at least not on the same level as you & someone else. just tell him you're interested in his friend. just tell him you're just not that interested in him. just tell him that you're just not interested period & give up on talking to either one of them. either way..just be honest. no one can fault you for telling the truth, they don't have to like it. but you're not doing anything wrong but saying how you feel. it saves on time, energy, & even more hurt feelings.
#1: keep it friendly till it's no denying it...
what happens when you're in the best conversation of your life? you're speaking to this person on so many levels: spiritual, physical, emotional, etc.. and his boy comes and puts his arm around you because, he's your boyfriend. you feel it's wrong because you're developing feelings for his dude. you feel it's wrong because you can see his dude is developing feelings for you. it's time you incorporate #2 in the mix. just tell the truth. it's one of those things where you don't want to hurt your dude. and his boy doesn't want to fuck up his friendship. but the feeling that, you're missing out on something that could be life changing is killing you. keep it on 100% with your dude. until it becomes completely obvious that you switching dudes is what you want, don't give into the temptation. have that talk with your dude...first. the only way you can start something great is by starting it the right way. and even though your dude may get hurt & never want to mess with you again or his friend. at least there is no deception in the situation.