Saturday, March 26, 2011

manfive friday #73 let's say pretend zoe saldana is my chick.

hey zoe..

i see you wearing me all over you. all smiling so beautifully. got your little headphones on. riding hard for @studiogenius.

huh? what's the problem?

i have NO problem sweetie. oh you mean why don't i have your name all over me? why am i not holding your hand in public. screaming your name from the rooftop of the tallest buildings. writing "i ♥ zoe" in the sand.

this week's manfive friday #73 topic of the week: 5 reasons a man won't claim you...(courtesy of luvlymskrissy) 

eh...maybe i'm just stupid. but i LOVE claiming a chick. but it's become increasingly obvious that everyone is not like me. just look at tv. all these shows full of pretty (ugly) women popping up everywhere getting famous because of their relationships to all the guys that you've seen for years and never knew they had a girlfriend/wife/video ho baby mama. basketball wives, love & hip hop, etc... you are being introduced to all these women who've been with these entertainers, athletes, and famous-for-no-reason kneegrows..and it's like wtf.

i like to call it "aintclaimingit" but's not just a rich man's disease. broke dudes can have "aintclaimingit" too. young guys. old guys. white, black, asian, hispanic, martian..etc..all you gotta do is have a girlfriend that you aren't giving a title. a chick you spend a lot of time with, but no one ever hears about her. a woman you share a kid with, but somehow her name is only "baby mama", not tiffany. so ladies the question is..."why won't a man claim you....."

#5: you're a jump off..

we have already delved into this topic. if you're a jump aren't getting claimed. you aren't meeting his mom. his family. his co-workers. his friends. no one. you don't go to restaurants. the movies. any places..outside. only thing you're meeting is his bed, his car, and occasionally his shower.

and i know some of you professional jump offs are calling bullshit. whatever. all the shit you're getting as a jump off is NOTHING compared to what you'd get if you was his main chick. so go have a seat and ask a question more relevant to "why does he change his sheets AFTER i leave, but not before i get there?..." ol' sleeping in his main chick's wet spot asses...

#4: you're a hoodrat..

hoodrats need love too. and usually y'all have an uncanny way of making us fall in love with you. we love being with you, love spending time...we just can't co-sign on the shit coming out your mouth. we can't fist bump your behavior half the time. we couldn't have dreamed up the outfit you've concocted to go out to this nice restaurant in our wildest's not an issue of you being a hoodrat. it's the issue of US being with you, and you being a hoodrat.

want to know if you're a hoodrat?..

  • does your man let you walk in front of 3 people in front of him?

  • when you're screaming at the screen at the movies, does he take a lot of bathroom breaks?

  • when you run into someone he knows he starts talking for you. they ask your name and instead of saying bonshineik'ha...he calls you bonny. and he's NEVER called you bonny before. (this really isn't your's your mom's fault for being a hoodrat)

  • you're currently arguing with a waiter, receptionist, stranger on his behalf and he's apologizing for your behavior... 

  • if he's always offering you his jacket and it's real hot outside. like it's scorching and he's in shorts & a wife beater but he just so happens to have a jacket cause he knew your outfit just couldn't be trusted

um're a hoodrat.

so while you off being a hoodrat. stealing sugar from the table. putting towels from the hotel in your suitcase. you cussing at your kids christmas play, "hell yea Juani'quia you the best fucking angel on that fucking stage. you better work it bitch. them other bitches ain't got shit on your ass"....yea he's gonna walk off kinda like he's not with you. he's not gonna claim you. at least not in public.

#3: he's got another chick..

shit...he's a double agent. do you know how much trouble he can get into if he got caught out there...with you. don't yanno facebook is watching? you can't go no place these days without being caught by your friends who act like paparazzi snapping pictures of everything, every place and everyone you're with. tagging your dumbass in pictures. that's why you can't be his friend on facebook. this is why on twitter he just be saying "his gf" all generic and shit and don't be tweeting when y'all together.

sorry to say a lot of times, ladies if he's resisting the temptation to tell the world you're his're probably not his only girl. he acting like you want him to plaster your name all over shit. you don't want the government in this shit. you ain't asking him to go spray painting full names and social security numbers. there's nothing wrong with someone @replying some one's name. or mentioning them when you're with them. too many people on social networks hiding their relationships but telling all their other fucking business. if you can go on his twitter/facebookoffically 3 months STD free (you've been with him for 6 months tho #betterGETtested)....but he can't say shit about you being his girlfriend. yea even inspector gadget could figure this one out...

#2: he's just not that kinda guy..

some guys just don't express their love like that. they aren't gonna change their relationship status. they aren't gonna tweet about you. they aren't gonna do the public displays of affection (kissing, holding hands, touching, walking close). it's not that he's not in love with you. not that he's embarrassed or doesn't feel the same way as you. he just doesn't want people in his business. doesn't want to mess up a good thing. doesn't want to put it out there for other's to tear it down...

yea...i call bullshit on that too. #needmoreppl
 but eh..

#1.5: y'all haven't made it to that stage yet...

ok. i originally did not include this because it seems like something that should be self explanatory.

boy meets girl. girl meets boy. boy ask girl, "do you like me [ ] yes  [ ] no" they become boyfriend/girlfriend. start sitting in a tree...k-i-s-s-i-n-g. first comes love. then comes marriage.then comes girl pushing the baby carriage. right?

riiiiiiight? sometimes no. these days people never get the order of shit. they are either are moving too fast. or moving too slow. so sometimes a woman will go on 2 dates with a guy. really like him and think she is his girlfriend. or maybe he's really interested. really thinks your great. he's really into you....but calling you his girlfriend is too much too soon.

you kinda got to feel your way around this. a lot of women give men too much time to commit. you stick around without titles, without expectations, waiting for him to "let you know". then there are women who are ready to dip after a few dates because they don't see the commitment coming soon enough. so what's the in between? it's the conversation you should be having once there are feelings, emotions, sex...if a guy runs because you're asking him where he stands on relationships, he's giving you your answer right there.

#1: he's not mature enough

ok, let me get serious. most times the reason he's not claiming you. calling you his woman. telling people he has a girlfriend. he won't put a title on your relationship. he's just not ready for what a relationship entails. it's too much, too fast..even if it's been years.

the little things that would make you happy. the little simple shit he could do that would show you he's serious, he just isn't at the point where you mean enough for him to do them. now don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. he's just not at the point where your happiness trumps his issues.

most of us have dated someone who has had a bad relationship and is scared of making the same mistake. someone who has been screwed over. someone who no matter how they feel about you, will not bend their rules of things they don't do. this isn't because they don't love you. it's simply they haven't comprehended what love means to you. and are unwilling to give you that thing you're looking for. "claiming" someone isn't something meaningless. it isn't something people want to stroke their ego. it's a affirmation that the love they share with you is acknowledged. like luther vandross says, "your secret love, will never be your true love". let's just hope they realize that before someone else comes by and claims you first.


♥ CG ♥ said...

How I love manfive friday! I'm cosigning on #2, that evasive/nonchalant ish is not the business.

DianaBoss said...

Mmmmmm. Interesting.

Anonymous said...

I sha'll forward this along. Lol also let me add #6 maybe you guys haven't been dating long enough for him to want to label things. I think that's the situation my friend is in. I don't even know if they've had that conversation yet. Oh and I'm calling bullshit on #2 as well *full blown sideeye*

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@CG: good good good...ppl guilty of #2 make you want to punch them in the throat..

@dianaboss: mmmmmM. lol

@luvlymskrissy: thanks for the #6..i went back and added a 1.5 to address that. lol @ full blown side eye.

Jetaime said...


#2 is some straight bullchit..yes i said it..LOL

lovely said...

i think #2 always fits into another of your category.

if a dude genuinely is into you, & ur not his jump off or his other chick...and he still "just isn't that type of guy", then he is a 1.5 or a 1. or gay? i'm just asking?

i need man advice...i'm going to go through the archives to find ur email address

lovely said...

lol @ the hoodrat one...

Anonymous said...

LOL this one made me laugh

@lovely look up the other manfives...he probably already blogged about it

★Starrla Monae☆ said...

I'm mad the hoodrats and jump offs have options though...dang. Can I get some options too? #2...damn this #2. Straight up and down BS. Like dude...if you're with me you WILL act like it. The hell you mean "you aren't that type of guy"...all of THIS and you on some nonchalant 'ish?!?! That just made me a bit mad. Lol

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@jetaime: it's bullshit, but yanno how many ppl THINK it's a valid reason. smh..

@lovely: just hit me up. i'd email you but due to your massive change of names i doubt i still have the right email address. so email my blogger email studiohijacker (@) g m a i l (dot) com. then i'll email you my personal email address. or hit me on dm's, lj ..something. oh and happy birthday. at least i think it's your bday today?..right?

@.chymere.: glad i gave you some laughs. *patting myself on the back*

@starrla monae: hoodrats need love too. and yanno jumpoffs the first one's asking questions and shit. and i'm with you..i hate when a chick act like "she ain't that type of chick...". it's like what does that even mean?..shit..

lilioohpyt said...

I love these manfives but dang it if they dont have my mind going a mile a minute.

Cinsation said...

I'm new to this blog, but I have to say I'm really diggin' it!! Great stuff :)