Friday, March 11, 2011

manfive friday #71

i was on google the other day. and typed in, "why do...." and i saw all these questions pop up that i figured would be fun to try to answer. and a different way to approach manfive this week.

so the manfive friday #71 topic of the week: why do......

i'm going to answer a lot of random various questions.

  • why do men like boy shorts
cause they make your ass look big, even if your ass isn't big

  • why do men like women to keep their heels on
other than just looking sexy in them, i have no idea. heels are dangerous. like having a knife in the bed. it's one of those things that's all good till someone gets hurt
  • why do men like dirty talk
why do women like ice cream? it relaxes us. it excites us. it well....yanno "stimulating".
  • why do short men like big cars 
"short man complex": some shit women and tall men throw around loosely that tethers on discrimination. it's some ol' bullshit. why do short men like big cars? cause big cars are man cars. they are made with men in mind. and short men are men. same reason you see tall or fat men bent over and cramped in corvettes or lambos.
  • why do men like to be called daddy
why to women like to be called "baby". it's a term of endearment. or like when you put your cousin in a headlock and make him say uncle. i'm not saying someone calling you daddy like you're their real daddy. that's not cool. that's not sexy. that's kinda eh....creepy. but a chick saying it, especially a chick who's always saying, "you ain't my daddy" when you doing it right..*flavor flav voice* "WooooooooooOooW
  • why do men like thick women
i hate to do this in food analogy, but it's the best way to explain it. imagine having a plate from fancy restaurant. it's all pretty...BUT the food is scarce. only shit on the plate is the "recommended serving size" sometimes not even that. then imagine a plate from a golden coral (or an equivalent buffet type place). it's very appealing...your eyes are literally bigger than your stomach. and once you start eating all the food and looking at the plate you notice all the food is touching and running together and you're looking like.."whoa whoa...this may be too much for me". then imagine going to red lobster (every one's in between, except if you're a hoodrat and you think this is one of those fancy which you totally won't get the first example cause you'll be thinking.."i always get a lot of food at red lobster, he tripping.."). now you get your plate and it has a NICE, shapely lobster on it. you get more than the serving size, but less than the buffet size. not to mention those cheddar biscuits (i know y'all hungry..i am too). thick women give you what you're looking for. yes, some of y'all got nice breast and no ass. or much ass and no breast. but we're being honest right? we all know one surely makes up for the other.

  • why do men send naked pictures
i dunno. women do NOT get the same enjoyment we do from getting them from them. yes they may gawk at porn. they may drool over their celebrity crushes leaking pictures online. they may get freaky every now and then and ask you if they can "see it". but for the most part women + like women and everything else = only enjoyable when they're in the mood.

  • why do guys who are not hood, act hood
cause women set the false illusion that that is what they want. and men will do just about anything to impress women.

  • why do grown men act like kids
cause they've never had to grow up. people throw the term "grown man" around loosely. a lot of men are boys in matured bodies. a lot of you ladies make the mistake of dealing with a boy and expecting him to be a man.

  • why do married men/taken men act single
(1) they have single envy. they want to be single like all their friends. they miss the freedom.  

(2) yes, there are some women who will mess with a guy when he's taken/married but most times, ACTING single is the only way to score single chicks (with standards).  

(3) they haven't quite learned the difference between being in a relationship and "just dating". so they continue to act like they are "just dating" you and are free to do things they should have stopped out of respect for you.

  • why do men shave their chest hair
well some it cause they look like they have a rug on their chest. some guys cause they have nappy taco meat. some guys cause they don't have enough for it to look like actual chest hair so they get rid of their 2-6 strands (*raises my hand* i can actually kinda dust mine off like lint)..some do it by request. some do it to be "smooth"   these kinda dudes shave everything like their 6 or some shit.

  • why do men act like they're dying when sick
cause we think we are really dying. who only die once. so, just cause i didn't die this time, didn't meant i wasn't close to dying. i'm saying...

  • why men want to meet your mother
cause we want to see what you're gonna look like a few years. even if you don't look like your mom. we figure at some point and time genetics will kick in and you'll develop either gracefully or awfully. so make sure your mama is on point when you bring a dude around. he gonna be checking her's called research.

  • why does a man ask you how many dudes you've been with
why do you ask a guy his name? it's a gauge. and before y'all start saying, "it's none of his business", "it's a double standard",  or "i don't/won't tell him"..what-the-fuck-ever. we know y'all lie. so if you say 1. it's 3. if you say 3. it's 6. if you say 6. it's 12..if you say 12

*gasp*.....*backing away*....*covering mouth*.....*looking at the ground*

yea...*whispering* Jezebel. if you tell a man "12" he will literally think he can walk inside you and start break dancing. he will literally think you slept with the whole senior class in high school. he'll literally think sex was invented by you. if your number is higher than 12...avoid eye contact with men when y'all are out cause the probability that you'll run into someone you had sex with is at : absol-fucking-lutley. and remember when you're lying ladies write it down. don't ever think you'll remember your lie for forever.  even if he doesn't ask, you'll slip. women always slip. and he may not remember your birthday or your name all the time. but if you told him 2...and you fuck up and say 3. RUN....

  • why do men like a freak in the bed, but a lady in public

cause we want y'all to do everything we want y'all to do, but we don't want you to advertise it.


Ciara Denise said...

I have one ☺ why do guys always miss the hamper?!? I can damn near put it in front of him and the farthest he'll go is to put his clothes on top of the lid! I need help with this one!

a-m-o-u-r-e-u-s-e said...

this is ice (I know! another name change, WTF!)

ummmm i loved this post. you are so fuckin funny. i started to post all the comments i thought were hilarious, but there were too many! why am i the only one of your commenters who curses freely? did you meet the rest of your followers at bible study?

who doesn't like dirty talk? what other kind of talk is there to have while you're fucking? & who likes to fuck solely in silence & guttural moans?

on the "how many have you been with" note...i'm gonna need that not to be a question any grown person asks another (unless it's just out of general curiosity).

unless you are either a virgin or a former prostitute (& therefore need to explain why everybody you run into is lookin at you like they've already hit that & can't wait to hit it again) i don't see how this is useful info.

i got a homegirl that's only been with 4 dudes, but she fucks like a porn star. i got another homegirl that is a recovering "loose" woman (pretty deep into the double digits) who fucks like she's afraid her (non-existent) hymen might break, b/c she has mad emotional baggage.

i'm not saying you don't want to know your partner's sexual past, of COURSE you do. but asking about numbers out of context provides no insight. have you fucked 50 dudes b/c you started when you were 15 and now you're 30 and you averaged a few a year? were you a virgin til 29 & then felt like you had to make up for lost time? did a college party night gone wrong find you at the wrong end of a gang bang, or a bet?

now with all that said...
if you ask me the number, i'm going to tell you, because life is too short for bullshit.

& i know "birds of a feather flock together", but i think for a woman mid-twenties to 30, 10-15 seems like an average number (if you don't count oral...LOL j/k)

lilioohpyt said...

i couldn't stop laughing at the number of guys you have slept with part...

Anonymous said...

im over here dying. You're so my favorite this week lmao

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@ciara denise: putting clothes in the hamper would be too easy, not only that but would free up too much of your time. We do it for you. It allows us to let you know "we need you" & we depend on I'm just bullshitting, we lay shit in plain sight so we won't lose it. This is why you women always lose things, you tuck them away then forget.

@a-m-o-u-r-e-u-s-e: smh @ your 892 name change. And I think they did come from bible study cause sometimes I be scared to cuss and it's my blog lol. I'm glad you were for the "#"'s not so much a "tell me right now thing". But some point in the relationship it will come up. And even though double digits seem fair...women lie so much he'll always think it's more. Cause women never count oral. A chick who's messed w/ 60 guys but only let 2 hit...will say her # is 2. A guy who has hit 6 girls but messed with 30..wll say his # is

@lilioohpyt: it's true..we know women lie. Trying to "preserve" the goodies

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

@luvlymskrissy: i'm glad i entertained you..yanno i'm full of the foolish shit