Saturday, March 5, 2011

manfive friday #70

it's 2011. we have a black president. we've been through segregation and back. so why is race still a hot topic? to be honest, that's a rhetorical questions, but a question i hear a lot, that has to do with race. "why do black men date outside their race?". 

it's crazy because there are men of all races that date outside their race, but it seems to be a sore subject when it comes to black men. but eh, when it comes to black men what isn't a sore subject? i swear we get the end of every stick there is when it comes to having to explain ourselves. 

this week's manfive friday #70: 5 things black women need to know, when it comes to black men dating outside their race...

this isn't an excuse post. this isn't a justification post. it's more of a..."think of it this way post...". please do no get offended or come at me as if i'm glorifying or speaking against interracial relationships. i love all women, especially my incredibly beautiful brown "sistas". so don't take this as a hate on you post. all you ladies of different races, i am not insinuating anything negative towards you or interracial dating. this is simply an answer to a burning question from black women.


#5: maybe it's a preference:

ocho chinco, reggie bush, tiger woods, anyone who has ever dated kim kardashian...

all catch flack for dating white women. you women can't understand why these athletes get all famous and then don't want to date black women. aside from tiger (cause i doubt he ever dated black women)...how do you know they don't like black women? you just assume because the women they are dating now aren't they have a secret hate vendetta out against you? attraction is attraction. doesn't mean it's right. just means you like what you like.

if you date a guy who looks like forrest whitaker (weird choice i know..) and you think that's attractive. then when you break up and another dude that looks like forrest comes by won't that catch your eye? i'm not suggesting you can't have a wide variety of things you like. i'm just saying..there is nothing wrong with being attracted to people outside your race. don't assume that because a man can appreciate women of different races that he doesn't like his own. he can eat vanilla ice cream & still like chocolate.


#4: don't be a racist..

seriously, don't be. i understand where y'all are coming from. i get why it makes you upset. i get why Jill Scott wrote that letter. but at the same time, you don't have to hate on women of other races because you feel it's a slap in your face from black men. kim kardasian isn't stealing any men from you. if that man is with her, and only dates women like her..he wasn't gonna be interested in you anyway. it's not her fault. so get over it.

i never understand why women waste time trying to figure out why certain men don't want to be with them. it's the guy's loss. let him be with who he wants to be with. disliking a women that looks like you, comes from the same place as you, and shares the same history is ignorant. you don't have to counter ignorance with ignorance.

also...one thing i don't get or understand is black women who have issue with other black women who are mixed. whether they are half white, half asian, hispanic, indian..whatever. stop acting like these women aren't just as black as you. black is black.


you think i'm kidding. but i've heard plenty of women who say shit like, "he don't date black women...he's dating a mixed girl, but she don't count...". like ed lover says..


COM'ON SON!


#3: it's not you...

i'm not going to play naive or insult your intelligence. there are men out there who are foolish enough to not date black women for DUMB AS FUCK (daf) reasons.

examples of "daf" reasons:

  • i don't date black women because they got bad attitudes
  • i don't date black women because they don't like to get their hair wet or let me touch it
  • i'm just not attracted to black women
  • i don't date black women because they aren't submissive
  • i don't date black women because the sky is blue...red...green..etc.
please erase these dumb ass mutherfu*^@rs from your existence registry. truth is there are a lot of dumb reasons why some black men choose not to date in their own race. again, this is guys who discriminate against their own race when it comes to dating verses guys who are just also attracted to other races. there is a BIG difference. there is nothing wrong with being open and loving who your heart leads you to. it's the closed part when it comes to not dating someone due to "daf" reasons.

maybe it's validation, they feel they get from others. the stigma that you need a certain kind of woman by yourself to be powerful.although i can think of a very powerful man with a beautiful black woman as his wife.. *cough* Michelle *cough*...*whistles & walks away*.

maybe it's a poor mentality they got from growing up. some guys just hate their mothers. they were fed the wrong portrait of what a black woman is. and they are unable to respect black women in the manner in which the deserve. either way..it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. their hatred of you, is a reflection of their hatred of themselves. don't ever doubt yourself. just be thankful you don't have to waste time or energy on their dumb ass



#2: don't give up on us..

same way you feel like we've deserted you. you ladies are starting to look elsewhere too. i feel like you should be open to who your heart leads you to. but don't just say, "fuck black men..." and look for love elsewhere. don't make up your own "daf" reasons why you shouldn't date black men or suggest we aren't good enough.

examples of "daf" reasons (black women edition):


  • i don't date black men cause they are trifling
  • i don't date black men cause they don't take care of their kids
  • i'm just not attracted to black men
  • i don't date black men because they are lazy, uneducated, thugs
  • i don't date black men because they don't like black women..

don't date a white guy in retaliation. do it cause you think it's cute how he can't dance or clap on beat. it's almost like eating pumpkin pie, when you really like sweet potato pie. just to prove a point. nothing wrong with trying something different. but if you're just doing it because you feel cheated you're doing yourself and that other person an injustice. don't "try" people like you'd "try" on clothes or a new food. 




#1: we still love you...

when i was in college one of my friends was a model. i used to ask him why he wasted his time doing the fashion shows. he informed me he was spending all day with models. all the other male models are gay. which mean he was spending all this time around the female models with absolutely no competition. 

not to say there is just one guy out there for you ladies. just saying i don't mind if some guys pull themselves out of the black women dating pool. means there are more women for me. there are plenty of black men who love black women. i think a lot of you ladies lose track of that. you get into the whole, "he only dates white women..." thing. but it's like.. he is one of many. stop thinking "we" (black men as a whole) don't like black women. stop focusing on all these guys who aren't focusing on you. in fact if i were single i'd promise to love all you ladies long time. but since i'm not i'm sure my girlfriend will take issue with that so i'll just say "there are a lot of men who would be fortunate and grateful to date, love, marry, naked wrestle, etc...with you".


there is a special connection that we as black people share. black love is amazing love. you are beautiful, you are part of us. despite the reasons a black man may date outside of his race...a REAL black man should always love and respect black women. after all, they are our mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, daughters..etc.

5 comments:

.Chymere. said...

I just don't get why it's still an issue. Why can't people just be in love?? I admitt it used to offend me to see Black men with white women. I used to think that white women just found a thrill out of it and that men thought it was winning a prize. But I grew to understand that interracial interactions happen all over the color spectrum not just black and white. I've met Asian guys who love black women, white boys who like Mexican women etc. I myself don't care about color. As much as I know about slavery and my history from all sides of my very interracial family, I just don't see color. Beauty comes in all forms throught my eyes and race isn't even something I bring up with my friends who are a different color than me...because most times we grew up in the same enviroment.

On the contrary, racism still exist in America...and a black president didn't change that fact one bit.

DianaBoss said...

Nice post. I don't even have my usual cynical remark.

Alee. said...

It's always nice to hear about this topic from an honest black man's point of view. I used to be one of those black women who was offended to hear about black men only dating other races, but my perspective changed when I realized that I have a hard time relating to them so I might as well take a couple notes from them and date whoever I want to. I couldn't care less about a guy's race. If there's chemistry and he treats me right, I'm good.

lilioohpyt said...

Two Points that you made that made me smile:

1."i never understand why women waste time trying to figure out why certain men don't want to be with them. it's the guy's loss. let him be with who he wants to be with. disliking a women that looks like you, comes from the same place as you, and shares the same history is ignorant. you don't have to counter ignorance with ignorance. "

2."they were fed the wrong portrait of what a black woman is. and they are unable to respect black women in the manner in which the deserve. either way..it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. their hatred of you, is a reflection of their hatred of themselves. don't ever doubt yourself. just be thankful you don't have to waste time or energy on their dumb ass"

I was never into bashing a man because he dated a woman out of his race, I think alot of it had to do with from the time I was 5 I was introduced to it. My neice is half black / half mexican and because I loved her I never looked down on my brother for having her with a woman outside of our race. He even went on to have another child with a white woman and several black women *insert side eye and big sigh* and I always looked at them (all races) like why are ya'll dating him (yes my kin). (see #3)

tha unpretentious narcissist© said...

.Chymere.: i agree racism still exist and will always exist. having a black president is no different than ending slavery or segregation. "monumental" moments only mean something to people who accept and change due to them. if you do neither then you continue to live in that "before" moment where things nor you will ever change. long rant short...as long as people are ignorant and insist on living that way there will always be racist. just can't understand why in this day and age people care or worry about what other people are doing or how they are living their own life.

@ Dianaboss: nothing cynical to say? whaaaaat? lol

@Alee: thanks. and i agree. someone treating you right is on the top of my list before a lot of the other silly things ppl focus on when it comes to dating.

@lilioohpyt: lol@ the side eye & big sigh. at least he opened your eyes to something a lot of people are too closeminded to accept.