manfive friday #73

yea...so let's say pretend zoe saldana is my chick.

hey zoe..

i see you wearing me all over you. all smiling so beautifully. got your little headphones on. riding hard for @studiogenius.

huh? what's the problem?

i have NO problem sweetie. oh you mean why don't i have your name all over me? why am i not holding your hand in public. screaming your name from the rooftop of the tallest buildings. writing "i ♥ zoe" in the sand.

this week's manfive friday #73 topic of the week: 5 reasons a man won't claim you...(courtesy of luvlymskrissy) 

eh...maybe i'm just stupid. but i LOVE claiming a chick. but it's become increasingly obvious that everyone is not like me. just look at tv. all these shows full of pretty (ugly) women popping up everywhere getting famous because of their relationships to all the guys that you've seen for years and never knew they had a girlfriend/wife/video ho baby mama. basketball wives, love & hip hop, etc... you are being introduced to all these women who've been with these entertainers, athletes, and famous-for-no-reason kneegrows..and it's like wtf.

i like to call it "aintclaimingit" but wait...it's not just a rich man's disease. broke dudes can have "aintclaimingit" too. young guys. old guys. white, black, asian, hispanic, martian..etc..all you gotta do is have a girlfriend that you aren't giving a title. a chick you spend a lot of time with, but no one ever hears about her. a woman you share a kid with, but somehow her name is only "baby mama", not tiffany. so ladies the question is..."why won't a man claim you....."


#5: you're a jump off..

we have already delved into this topic. if you're a jump off..you aren't getting claimed. you aren't meeting his mom. his family. his co-workers. his friends. no one. you don't go to restaurants. the movies. any places..outside. only thing you're meeting is his bed, his car, and occasionally his shower.

and i know some of you professional jump offs are calling bullshit. whatever. all the shit you're getting as a jump off is NOTHING compared to what you'd get if you was his main chick. so go have a seat and ask a question more relevant to you...like "why does he change his sheets AFTER i leave, but not before i get there?..." ol' sleeping in his main chick's wet spot asses...


#4: you're a hoodrat..

hoodrats need love too. and usually y'all have an uncanny way of making us fall in love with you. we love being with you, love spending time...we just can't co-sign on the shit coming out your mouth. we can't fist bump your behavior half the time. we couldn't have dreamed up the outfit you've concocted to go out to this nice restaurant in our wildest nightmares..it's not an issue of you being a hoodrat. it's the issue of US being with you, and you being a hoodrat.

want to know if you're a hoodrat?..

• does your man let you walk in front of him...like 3 people in front of him?

• when you're screaming at the screen at the movies, does he take a lot of bathroom breaks?

• when you run into someone he knows he starts talking for you. they ask your name and instead of saying bonshineik'ha...he calls you bonny. and he's NEVER called you bonny before. (this really isn't your fault..it's your mom's fault for being a hoodrat)

• you're currently arguing with a waiter, receptionist, stranger on his behalf and he's apologizing for your behavior... 

• if he's always offering you his jacket and it's real hot outside. like it's scorching and he's in shorts & a wife beater but he just so happens to have a jacket cause he knew your outfit just couldn't be trusted

um yea...you're a hoodrat.

so while you off being a hoodrat. stealing sugar from the table. putting towels from the hotel in your suitcase. you cussing at your kids christmas play, "hell yea Juani'quia you the best fucking angel on that fucking stage. you better work it bitch. them other bitches ain't got shit on your ass"....yea he's gonna walk off kinda like he's not with you. he's not gonna claim you. at least not in public.


#3: he's got another chick..

shit...he's a double agent. do you know how much trouble he can get into if he got caught out there...with you. don't yanno facebook is watching? you can't go no place these days without being caught by your friends who act like paparazzi snapping pictures of everything, every place and everyone you're with. tagging your dumbass in pictures. that's why you can't be his friend on facebook. this is why on twitter he just be saying "his gf" all generic and shit and don't be tweeting when y'all together.

sorry to say a lot of times, ladies if he's resisting the temptation to tell the world you're his girl..you're probably not his only girl. he acting like you want him to plaster your name all over shit. you don't want the government in this shit. you ain't asking him to go spray painting full names and social security numbers. there's nothing wrong with someone @replying some one's name. or mentioning them when you're with them. too many people on social networks hiding their relationships but telling all their other fucking business. if you can go on his twitter/facebookoffically 3 months STD free (you've been with him for 6 months tho #betterGETtested)....but he can't say shit about you being his girlfriend. yea even inspector gadget could figure this one out...


#2: he's just not that kinda guy..

some guys just don't express their love like that. they aren't gonna change their relationship status. they aren't gonna tweet about you. they aren't gonna do the public displays of affection (kissing, holding hands, touching, walking close). it's not that he's not in love with you. not that he's embarrassed or doesn't feel the same way as you. he just doesn't want people in his business. doesn't want to mess up a good thing. doesn't want to put it out there for other's to tear it down...

yea...i call bullshit on that too. #needmoreppl
 but eh..

#1.5: y'all haven't made it to that stage yet...


ok. i originally did not include this because it seems like something that should be self explanatory.

boy meets girl. girl meets boy. boy ask girl, "do you like me [ ] yes  [ ] no" they become boyfriend/girlfriend. start sitting in a tree...k-i-s-s-i-n-g. first comes love. then comes marriage.then comes girl pushing the baby carriage. right?

riiiiiiight? sometimes no. these days people never get the order of shit. they are either are moving too fast. or moving too slow. so sometimes a woman will go on 2 dates with a guy. really like him and think she is his girlfriend. or maybe he's really interested. really thinks your great. he's really into you....but calling you his girlfriend is too much too soon.

you kinda got to feel your way around this. a lot of women give men too much time to commit. you stick around without titles, without expectations, waiting for him to "let you know". then there are women who are ready to dip after a few dates because they don't see the commitment coming soon enough. so what's the in between? it's the conversation you should be having once there are feelings, emotions, sex...if a guy runs because you're asking him where he stands on relationships, he's giving you your answer right there.


#1: he's not mature enough

ok, let me get serious. most times the reason he's not claiming you. calling you his woman. telling people he has a girlfriend. he won't put a title on your relationship. he's just not ready for what a relationship entails. it's too much, too fast..even if it's been years.

the little things that would make you happy. the little simple shit he could do that would show you he's serious, he just isn't at the point where you mean enough for him to do them. now don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. he's just not at the point where your happiness trumps his issues.

most of us have dated someone who has had a bad relationship and is scared of making the same mistake. someone who has been screwed over. someone who no matter how they feel about you, will not bend their rules of things they don't do. this isn't because they don't love you. it's simply they haven't comprehended what love means to you. and are unwilling to give you that thing you're looking for. "claiming" someone isn't something meaningless. it isn't something people want to stroke their ego. it's a affirmation that the love they share with you is acknowledged. like luther vandross says, "your secret love, will never be your true love". let's just hope they realize that before someone else comes by and claims you first.

let's pretend it's friday on saturday...

manfive is coming.....busy day.

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i know what you like...

i was slaving and tolling out in my yard and i started to think...

"i'm gonna die"

really that's what i was thinking. i went over to cut the yard at my other house. which if any of you remember from last spring/summer the horror and terror i whined and complained about every other week.

as i was dragging massive size tree branches around the yard. digging out and cutting down bushes. i started to think to myself...
 
women think working out is sexy. women think spending money is sexy. women think dressing nice is sexy. but yanno what really is sexy? fucking housework and yard work. and here i am in all my manual labor glory with no one to watch. i started thinking about a book i bought my girlfriend as a joke...it's a series called, "porn for women". and it's a bunch of pictures of guys doing ordinary things that women find sexy. like...changing the toilet tissue before it runs out. or cleaning the kitchen. fixing dinner. opting not to watch the game, instead spending quality time listening to you talk about clothing. if only it was that easy....enjoy ladies.

did i mention i was cooking dinner while i was writing this post?....#sosexy

manfive friday #72

there comes a time in every man's life when he has to "get himself together". for a lot of men it can mean a very different thing.

it varies based on his issues at that point of his life. some guys it's deciding if college is for them. what they should major in. what they should do for the rest of their life. some guys it's deciding to get married, have children, or how they'd take care of either. some guys it's a "wake up call" they just wake up one day and decide they need to be doing something..different.

whatever causes a guy to want to "get it together". sometimes it's hard if you're the other person in the relationship.

manfive friday #72 topic of the week: why men become distant/break up when they are trying to "get themselves together"...

i've actually had a few ladies ask me this in the past few weeks. so i decided to make it a manfive and explain a few reasons why it's hard for guys to "get it together" when in a relationship.

#5: there is a "get yourself together" double standard...

a lot of you women these days rationalize the things you want to do and accomplish before you get married or have children. men do the same thing, except we're not allowed to be as separate as you. a woman you're with wants to know you're including her in your future (serious relationships). she wants to know that you are working towards doing things to provide and take care of her. women are allowed to take 2-4 years for their goals. men are not. we don't generally get to "not be together" in a relationship..because women want you "together". women want you to show your potential. men look for potential in women, but usually not in the areas that women check for in men. so a lot of times it's a lot of pressure.

as a man you feel you have to be "together". even though you don't know what you want to do in college..you have to make a decision. even though you HATE your job, you have to do something to support yourself. not saying women don't have to do the same. just saying, women don't have to do the same AND be able to provide for a man to be seen as a responsible woman.

#4: the boogeyman theory...

when a boy is scared...what does he do? 

he runs. 

he hides. 

he cries. 

he goes to find someone to protect him from it.

responsibility is a scary thing. it's like the boogeyman. a grown man will confront it. he'll go looking for it. he'll go unmask his fear and move past it. sometimes the "boogeyman" paralyzes grown men and turns them into boys.

it makes them run (break up): sometimes it's easier to run away then to step up and do something that seems too hard or too much. a lot of guys will break up with you because they aren't "ready" to be with you. they aren't ready to step up and be the man you require them to be. it's not you, it's them. and they'll tell you that. even though they've wasted how many years of your life?. . .


it makes them hide (get distant): these men want to do better for themselves, they're just afraid of failing. afraid that they aren't good enough. and they need time. need space. need to really think (without you) about what their next move is..

it makes them cry (whine about things not going right): these guys are the ones who are currently trying to "better themselves" but make it seem like it such a fucking task that you want them to just be a bum and go live with their mother. it's like..."you got to grow up and be a man...one day. stop acting like i'm asking you to be superman..i just want you to provide for me and show me our whole life won't be spent living like this..". there are guys who make "being a man" or "taking care or responsibilities" seem like some foreign shit.

you got to eat = you got to work
you got to live somewhere = you got to pay rent/mortgage
you got to get around = you got to buy gas
you got children = you got to take care of them
your chick birthday is tomorrow = you got to get her a present

this is simple shit. men who whine about doing things they should be doing as a man should have to go on fear factor and eat their used tampons.

it makes him go find someone to protect him from it (someone with less expectations of him): basically go find a chick who don't care he ain't doing shit. or one who accepts him at the stage he's in. if he's not ready to be married. if he's not ready for kids. if he's not ready to be in a "serious" relationship. he's not ready for a woman who wants a future with him. or a woman who is looking for him to step up any moment and better himself for himself (because a lot of women just want a man to see his own potential because a lot of times you see it when he doesn't).

#3: men can't multitask:

it's hard for men to juggle a lot of things at once. we're bad liars. we're bad cheaters. we're bad organizers. it's hard to keep everything running on 100, when we divide our time. simply put, if i'm focusing on my career. it's hard to grind, hustle, or devote all my time when i got a girlfriend. it's hard to save all my money to buy a house, when i got a girlfriend. it's hard to sacrifice things i want to do, because i got a girlfriend. this is the mindset a lot of guys get into. men don't function on "we can do this together". it's a "i got to do this". and it's the attitude that when they are done....they'll be able to provide and do the things they want to do for their woman.

yea it's a bit of a cop out, to women. and when in a relationship. but to men it's about "putting themselves first". it's about accomplishing the things he wants. sacrificing the things that don't seem that important at the moment. and i'm sorry to say, sometimes you aren't as important as his career. or that new car. or his healthy lifestyle. whatever it is...he can't handle both of y'all. so he chooses what he feels is more important to HIM. doesn't make you unimportant as a person. just means he's not the one for you at this point in his life. 

#2: surprise, surprise....he's a fail.


he doesn't want more. he feels like he's already together. and "YOU'RE" the only person who wants more. you keep on pushing him to get a better job. you keep on pushing him to do more for you. you keep on pushing him to want more for himself. and he's sitting there on a futon in his parents basement looking at you like you're crazy. sometimes on the quest to "getting yourself together" a man realizes he is content. and all the pushing, prodding, threatening, cursing, leaving...etc. is not gonna change a thing. he's a fail. at least for you. so stop trying to turn the toad into prince charming. he's gonna always be a frog. you just wasting those kisses and getting warts for nothing..

#1: he's afraid of disappointing you...

number 1 reason a man will break up or get distant on you when he's trying to get himself together...he's afraid. back to the boogeyman theory.

a lot of times a woman will come into your life and make you want things you've never wanted before. she'll make you think about those things you've never thought of. make you want to take care of, provide for, give her things you've never wanted to give another woman. just like there is never enough words to express the way you feel about her. sometimes there is never enough money to do the things you want to do for her. sometimes she is doing so much for herself you feel like you'll never be able to compete against her. it's not even about another man. it's her. a lot of men get caught up in not being able to give you the things they feel you deserve. not being at the point in their life to do the things you're ready for. a lot of times it's them wanting to do more for you that makes them walk away or grow distant.

maybe he was content in his studio apartment, until he met you. maybe he was good with his '85 bonneville, until he met you. maybe he never thought about kids, until he met you. maybe his idea of a date was the $1 movie, before he met you. the things that he was comfortable with. the things that was good enough for other women, he feels aren't good enough for you. even if you accept him as he is. even if you love him and intend to "settle" or plan to try to help him do better. in his eyes..he's not doing what he needs to do, because he can't do what he WANTS to do for you.

this kind of guy isn't the kind you run from. he's the kind that you have to be patient with. you have to be honest with. and you have to let him know that you see he wants to do better, then allow him to do so. allow him to better himself (education or job skills), save his money (towards a house, car, etc..), do things for you occasionally (even when you know it's a bit of a strain for him. sometimes guys have to feel like they can do things for you, even when it's means he won't eat for 2 days. it's makes him feel good he gave you that one day while he's sucking on ketchup packets). most importantly don't make him feel like less of a man because he doesn't have the means to do the things you're used to. if that's the case, be with someone else.

lunchtime meeting...

12' o clock. here alone. texting you...

wish that you would come over, to my desk

after while, let me know

we can keep talking bout the last time...

you were here, what we did

no work till, 1'o clock

only rug burns & paper cuts, you didn't mind

girl i hope you hurry, 'cause

i'm so....anxious. 

my lunch hour's almost over

i need you to come over

said i'm so.....anxious

my boss left at 11:30...so right now you need to hurry

girl i'm so....anxious. 

come give me some affection

i'm down for office sexing  [ "so anxious" tha unpretentious narcissist remix]

i walk in your office. you're sitting down in your chair. you're still on the phone, i guess i should have knocked. 

i close the door, shut the shades, make sure the door's locked. 

i look at you, you see me. and end your conversation. 

you move closer, i move closer without hesitation. 

all we got is 60 minutes, so i'ma make it fast

yea 60 minutes is fast, cause i tend to make it last

on the desk, in the chair, or up against the wall

you don't have to pick, baby...

we can do them all

knocking over papers, clothes everywhere...

i bet your co-workers know my name

way you screaming, scratching, yelling

bet your co-workers know my name

they be knocking while we sexing..

i bet they all know my name....

my name, my name, name

i bet they all know my name
my, my, my name..


"neighbors know my name" [ tha unpretentious narcissist remix]

manfive friday #71

i was on google the other day. and typed in, "why do...." and i saw all these questions pop up that i figured would be fun to try to answer. and a different way to approach manfive this week.

so the manfive friday #71 topic of the week: why do......

i'm going to answer a lot of random various questions.

• why do men like boy shorts

cause they make your ass look big, even if your ass isn't big

• why do men like women to keep their heels on

other than just looking sexy in them, i have no idea. heels are dangerous. like having a knife in the bed. it's one of those things that's all good till someone gets hurt

• why do men like dirty talk

why do women like ice cream? it relaxes us. it excites us. it well....yanno "stimulating".

• why do short men like big cars 

"short man complex": some shit women and tall men throw around loosely that tethers on discrimination. it's some ol' bullshit. why do short men like big cars? cause big cars are man cars. they are made with men in mind. and short men are men. same reason you see tall or fat men bent over and cramped in corvettes or lambos.

 

 

• why do men like to be called daddy

why to women like to be called "baby". it's a term of endearment. or like when you put your cousin in a headlock and make him say uncle. i'm not saying someone calling you daddy like you're their real daddy. that's not cool. that's not sexy. that's kinda eh....creepy. but a chick saying it, especially a chick who's always saying, "you ain't my daddy" when you doing it right..*flavor flav voice* "WooooooooooOooW

• why do men like thick women

i hate to do this in food analogy, but it's the best way to explain it. imagine having a plate from fancy restaurant. it's all pretty...BUT the food is scarce. only shit on the plate is the "recommended serving size" sometimes not even that. then imagine a plate from a golden coral (or an equivalent buffet type place). it's very appealing...your eyes are literally bigger than your stomach. and once you start eating all the food and looking at the plate you notice all the food is touching and running together and you're looking like.."whoa whoa...this may be too much for me". then imagine going to red lobster (every one's in between, except if you're a hoodrat and you think this is one of those fancy restaurants..in which you totally won't get the first example cause you'll be thinking.."i always get a lot of food at red lobster, he tripping.."). now you get your plate and it has a NICE, shapely lobster on it. you get more than the serving size, but less than the buffet size. not to mention those cheddar biscuits (i know y'all hungry..i am too). thick women give you what you're looking for. yes, some of y'all got nice breast and no ass. or much ass and no breast. but we're being honest right? we all know one surely makes up for the other.

• why do men send naked pictures

i dunno. women do NOT get the same enjoyment we do from getting them from them. yes they may gawk at porn. they may drool over their celebrity crushes leaking pictures online. they may get freaky every now and then and ask you if they can "see it". but for the most part women + sexting..is like women and everything else = only enjoyable when they're in the mood.

• why do guys who are not hood, act hood

cause women set the false illusion that that is what they want. and men will do just about anything to impress women.

• why do grown men act like kids

cause they've never had to grow up. people throw the term "grown man" around loosely. a lot of men are boys in matured bodies. a lot of you ladies make the mistake of dealing with a boy and expecting him to be a man.

• why do married men/taken men act single

(1) they have single envy. they want to be single like all their friends. they miss the freedom.  

(2) yes, there are some women who will mess with a guy when he's taken/married but most times, ACTING single is the only way to score single chicks (with standards).  

(3) they haven't quite learned the difference between being in a relationship and "just dating". so they continue to act like they are "just dating" you and are free to do things they should have stopped out of respect for you.

• why do men shave their chest hair

well some guys..do it cause they look like they have a rug on their chest. some guys cause they have nappy taco meat. some guys cause they don't have enough for it to look like actual chest hair so they get rid of their 2-6 strands (*raises my hand* i can actually kinda dust mine off like lint)..some do it by request. some do it to be "smooth"   these kinda dudes shave everything like their 6 or some shit.

• why do men act like they're dying when sick

cause we think we are really dying. who knows..you only die once. so, just cause i didn't die this time, didn't meant i wasn't close to dying. i'm saying...

• why men want to meet your mother

cause we want to see what you're gonna look like a few years. even if you don't look like your mom. we figure at some point and time genetics will kick in and you'll develop either gracefully or awfully. so make sure your mama is on point when you bring a dude around. he gonna be checking her out..it's called research.

• why does a man ask you how many dudes you've been with

why do you ask a guy his name? it's a gauge. and before y'all start saying, "it's none of his business", "it's a double standard",  or "i don't/won't tell him"..what-the-fuck-ever. we know y'all lie. so if you say 1. it's 3. if you say 3. it's 6. if you say 6. it's 12..if you say 12

*gasp*.....*backing away*....*covering mouth*.....*looking at the ground*

yea...*whispering* Jezebel. if you tell a man "12" he will literally think he can walk inside you and start break dancing. he will literally think you slept with the whole senior class in high school. he'll literally think sex was invented by you. if your number is higher than 12...avoid eye contact with men when y'all are out cause the probability that you'll run into someone you had sex with is at : absol-fucking-lutley. and remember when you're lying ladies write it down. don't ever think you'll remember your lie for forever.  even if he doesn't ask, you'll slip. women always slip. and he may not remember your birthday or your name all the time. but if you told him 2...and you fuck up and say 3. RUN....

• why do men like a freak in the bed, but a lady in public

cause we want y'all to do everything we want y'all to do, but we don't want you to advertise it.

shake-ya-baby...

no don't actually go out and shake a baby. shake-ya-baby. is my new term of the week. meaning...you're behavior is awful, i'ma have to shake-ya-baby...

examples of shake-ya-baby moments.

• if you have a boyfriend and y'all aren't having sex on the regular. i'ma have to shake-ya-baby. 

there is no reason why your single friends should be getting more sex on the regular than you if you got a girlfriend/boyfriend. if your girl/guy is guilty of that..you need to "shake-ya-baby".

• if your friend tells you that the only way you can get a man is to be girlfriend #2...you need to shake-ya-baby.

all you have to do to get a man is be a good woman. don't let no chick confuse you with her hoe antics. maybe that's what got her a man. but if she's sharing him with someone else..does she really have one?..

• if you stopping your life to be with someone who has moved on with theirs..i'ma have to shake-ya-baby. 

stop it. stop wishing on a star & get in your car. find a new parking space to park your life in and stop thinking that handicap space is the best available.

• if you driving and breaking every 3 minutes and there is NO car in front of you. you guessed it...SHAKE-YA-BABY

not only will this almost get you killed...but you're one of the most annoying mf'ers in the world. get off the road, in fact...drive off the road. 

• i was in the store...saw this chick buying a pack of pads & a box of condoms...shake-ya-baby..with your nasty ass.

i know sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. but don't buy them together. send him out to get the condoms while you pick up the pads. or go in buy one then double back and buy the other. but me and the cashier were both looking at her like sided eyed.

role....play....me

my doors are unlocked. my belongings are tossed about. i got my hands up. so what you waiting on....

take me.

i'm ready. ready for you to steal my inhibitions. i'm prepared. i'm looking forward to your thievery. as you whisper in my ear, "turn around". i feel your hands invade my space. as you frisk me. pat me down. push me against the wall.

you better stop girl, you know i like it rough. and you're about to make me break character. as you reach around me  & grab my hands. handcuffs?

i admit i'm intrigued with where this is going. intoxicated with the thoughts of all the things you're about to do to me. you cover my eyes with a scarf as you push me on the bed. i feel your hands all over me. you almost rip off my clothing and jewelry. you can't wait to strip me down. i lay patiently awaiting what's next.i wait. and wait. and wait some more.

finally i pull the scarf off my eyes to see your ass done really robbed me and have been gone for 10 minutes. dammit...not again.

love already?...

beautiful. breathtaking. (simply) amazing. three words that came to mind when you walked through the door. it's like someone hit pause on my life. i was frozen in my tracks. captivated by the gravitational pull i felt towards you. i couldn't take my eyes off you, despite all of the other pretty women all around you. they are a incomparable distractions. you're like a calla lily in a bouquet of roses. a skyscraper in a city skyline. the moon between the stars. you stand out. i see you.

outwardly there is no match...as a gazed upon your big beautiful eyes. your softness reached out and touched me. caressed me. yet i had still yet to meet you. i had still yet to hear the voice that in my mind sent chills up and down my spine. ice cold, ice cold. what i continued to remind myself. trying to keep my cool. trying to maintain my composure. i exhaled, with one deep breath i expelled my nervousness into the air. patiently trying to fight the feeling to stumble over my own feet so i could say "hello".

everyone else was a blur. my whole life before that moment, is forgotten. as i make my way towards you, i felt like the seconds it took me to reach you were hours. as i approached you, our stares deepened. 


i said hello, and you welcomed my greeting with a smile. i finally heard what my future wife sounds like, as you said hello. you had me...at hello. i officially surrendered my heart. i desperately wanted to know more about you. tell me anything, everything. i willingly gave my attention to you. not to sound like i was moving too fast, i simply was fast forwarding, because i knew from the moment i laid eyes on you that i wouldn't be able to ever let you go. i believe you have to claim & speak your blessings into existence. which i'll do right after you tell me your name....

manfive friday #70

it's 2011. we have a black president. we've been through segregation and back. so why is race still a hot topic? to be honest, that's a rhetorical questions, but a question i hear a lot, that has to do with race. "why do black men date outside their race?". 

it's crazy because there are men of all races that date outside their race, but it seems to be a sore subject when it comes to black men. but eh, when it comes to black men what isn't a sore subject? i swear we get the end of every stick there is when it comes to having to explain ourselves. 

this week's manfive friday #70: 5 things black women need to know, when it comes to black men dating outside their race...

this isn't an excuse post. this isn't a justification post. it's more of a..."think of it this way post...". please do no get offended or come at me as if i'm glorifying or speaking against interracial relationships. i love all women, especially my incredibly beautiful brown "sistas". so don't take this as a hate on you post. all you ladies of different races, i am not insinuating anything negative towards you or interracial dating. this is simply an answer to a burning question from black women.

#5: maybe it's a preference:

ocho chinco, reggie bush, tiger woods, anyone who has ever dated kim kardashian...

all catch flack for dating white women. you women can't understand why these athletes get all famous and then don't want to date black women. aside from tiger (cause i doubt he ever dated black women)...how do you know they don't like black women? you just assume because the women they are dating now aren't they have a secret hate vendetta out against you? attraction is attraction. doesn't mean it's right. just means you like what you like.

if you date a guy who looks like forrest whitaker (weird choice i know..) and you think that's attractive. then when you break up and another dude that looks like forrest comes by won't that catch your eye? i'm not suggesting you can't have a wide variety of things you like. i'm just saying..there is nothing wrong with being attracted to people outside your race. don't assume that because a man can appreciate women of different races that he doesn't like his own. he can eat vanilla ice cream & still like chocolate.

#4: don't be a racist..

seriously, don't be. i understand where y'all are coming from. i get why it makes you upset. i get why Jill Scott wrote that letter. but at the same time, you don't have to hate on women of other races because you feel it's a slap in your face from black men. kim kardasian isn't stealing any men from you. if that man is with her, and only dates women like her..he wasn't gonna be interested in you anyway. it's not her fault. so get over it.

i never understand why women waste time trying to figure out why certain men don't want to be with them. it's the guy's loss. let him be with who he wants to be with. disliking a women that looks like you, comes from the same place as you, and shares the same history is ignorant. you don't have to counter ignorance with ignorance.

also...one thing i don't get or understand is black women who have issue with other black women who are mixed. whether they are half white, half asian, hispanic, indian..whatever. stop acting like these women aren't just as black as you. black is black.


you think i'm kidding. but i've heard plenty of women who say shit like, "he don't date black women...he's dating a mixed girl, but she don't count...". like ed lover says..


COM'ON SON!

#3: it's not you...

i'm not going to play naive or insult your intelligence. there are men out there who are foolish enough to not date black women for DUMB AS FUCK (daf) reasons.

examples of "daf" reasons:

• i don't date black women because they got bad attitudes
• i don't date black women because they don't like to get their hair wet or let me touch it
• i'm just not attracted to black women
• i don't date black women because they aren't submissive
• i don't date black women because the sky is blue...red...green..etc.

please erase these dumb ass mutherfu*^@rs from your existence registry. truth is there are a lot of dumb reasons why some black men choose not to date in their own race. again, this is guys who discriminate against their own race when it comes to dating verses guys who are just also attracted to other races. there is a BIG difference. there is nothing wrong with being open and loving who your heart leads you to. it's the closed part when it comes to not dating someone due to "daf" reasons.

maybe it's validation, they feel they get from others. the stigma that you need a certain kind of woman by yourself to be powerful.although i can think of a very powerful man with a beautiful black woman as his wife.. *cough* Michelle *cough*...*whistles & walks away*.

maybe it's a poor mentality they got from growing up. some guys just hate their mothers. they were fed the wrong portrait of what a black woman is. and they are unable to respect black women in the manner in which the deserve. either way..it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. their hatred of you, is a reflection of their hatred of themselves. don't ever doubt yourself. just be thankful you don't have to waste time or energy on their dumb ass

#2: don't give up on us..

same way you feel like we've deserted you. you ladies are starting to look elsewhere too. i feel like you should be open to who your heart leads you to. but don't just say, "fuck black men..." and look for love elsewhere. don't make up your own "daf" reasons why you shouldn't date black men or suggest we aren't good enough.

examples of "daf" reasons (black women edition):

• i don't date black men cause they are trifling
• i don't date black men cause they don't take care of their kids
• i'm just not attracted to black men
• i don't date black men because they are lazy, uneducated, thugs
  
• i don't date black men because they don't like black women..

don't date a white guy in retaliation. do it cause you think it's cute how he can't dance or clap on beat. it's almost like eating pumpkin pie, when you really like sweet potato pie. just to prove a point. nothing wrong with trying something different. but if you're just doing it because you feel cheated you're doing yourself and that other person an injustice. don't "try" people like you'd "try" on clothes or a new food. 

#1: we still love you...

when i was in college one of my friends was a model. i used to ask him why he wasted his time doing the fashion shows. he informed me he was spending all day with models. all the other male models are gay. which mean he was spending all this time around the female models with absolutely no competition. 

not to say there is just one guy out there for you ladies. just saying i don't mind if some guys pull themselves out of the black women dating pool. means there are more women for me. there are plenty of black men who love black women. i think a lot of you ladies lose track of that. you get into the whole, "he only dates white women..." thing. but it's like.. he is one of many. stop thinking "we" (black men as a whole) don't like black women. stop focusing on all these guys who aren't focusing on you. in fact if i were single i'd promise to love all you ladies long time. but since i'm not i'm sure my girlfriend will take issue with that so i'll just say "there are a lot of men who would be fortunate and grateful to date, love, marry, naked wrestle, etc...with you".


there is a special connection that we as black people share. black love is amazing love. you are beautiful, you are part of us. despite the reasons a black man may date outside of his race...a REAL black man should always love and respect black women. after all, they are our mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, daughters..etc.

manfive coming soon...

i know i've been neglectful. i know i've been late & invisible with the updates. it's cool..talk about me all you want. lol. 

i didn't forget. nor will you have to wait much longer. i was planning on taking my son to mardi gras. and got tied up today. but due to the rain and lack of vacancies..i may be at home this weekend. so give me a few. i promise to make it up.