manfive friday #45

manfive friday # 45 topic of the week: what your ex's really tell us...

not saying we talking to your ex's because that's kinda lame. but just like yall, men form opinions on you based on your last dude. don't think just because we ain't sweating him, we ain't paying attention. it's almost like going from high school to college. yanno how the "nerds" go to college and pretend they were always cool? and until you meet their old friends or someone who went to school with them you have no idea...

that's how it is with exes. you can act like all your chicks were hot as hell..and as soon as she see that chick who used to strip for chicken nuggets, with the scar on her cheek, tatt on her tongue, weave from 1990..she looking at you like "uh huh...". well ladies i'm here to tell you, that yall shit stanks as well. as men, we may not be as vocal coming at your exes the way yall do ours. but don't think we don't notice you used to date the dude at the bus stop, with the fake ipod, mall fake bling chain, looking like he'll either wash your windows or sell you a bean pie for $1. believe it or not your ex's tell us a lot about you. five things your exes tell us that you weren't trying to let us know...

#5: your type of man. . .

ask a woman what her type when you're not with her. and she'll have a laundry list of shit. then ask her her type when you're with her (if you're lucky) she'll try to pretend it's all things about you. but look at her exes...and that's when you really see. because women have three types of list.

1. their IDEAL man

-everything her "perfect" man would have.

2. the man they actually end up dating

-everything about the men they have actually dated who have not had things from the other 2 list.

3. You (their current man)

-everything they like about you & the things they have settled for

you have to compare all of those list to really understand what her dating style is.. she'll tell you she want a dude that's 6'5. but the tallest dude she's ever dated was 5'10. and you're 5'5. so which one is her true preference? the dude that's 5'10. lol. that's right. she's always going to average that shit out. she knows the 6'5 might be unattainable. and she's settling for you 5'5. but if most of her dudes were around 5'10...guess which height she prefers? think about it..

look at your chicks exes. then watch the dudes they are always losing their minds over on tv or in the magazines. then look at yourself. average that shit out. if you fit in her average, basically if you have a lot of traits similar to her exes..then you're her type. if you are COMPLETELY different. and she is going crazy over dudes COMPLETELY different....sir, you are the exception. she is dating you due to some circumstance beyond your understanding. you will not understand it, so don't even try to. my favorite thing is to have a woman act like she has a type and find out her "type" is loser. yea he may have been this & that..he may have been the sexiest dude you've ever seen in your life. but the second i see dude is a loser...he might as well change his name to "steve urkel". if dude is broke. balding. a fake thug. drive a hooptie. got 3 baby mamas, live with his baby mama or his own mama. don't matter what he have i don't have. it simply does not matter. because let's face it..chicks compare themselves physically to your last chicks. men do not. men automatically think your last dude was ugly. men automatically don't see what the hell you saw in him. men automatically don't care, as long as you like us we aren't worried about it. only time a dude will check you about your type or your exes is if you acting like he ain't up to par. and trust...if you have "loser" exes...your best bet is to shut the fuck up. there is no way you can turn a loser into a winner. sorry...

you might be that "nice" dude. or that, "i'm trying something different" dude. or that "rebound" dude. whatever the case...you know where you measure up. but that's not a bad thing. i've been with chicks where i was the exception. but when i really looked at the trash they were with before me it was like..."seriously?...this is my competition?". i might not be your ideal type, your usual type...but your choice in dudes wasn't that great to begin with..lol. *pushes play* "upgrade you..

#4: that you aint a golddigger...cause you been messing with them broke..broke nig-gas...

if your last dude didn't have 5 pennies to rub together to squeeze out a nickel..don't be in my pockets unless you're trying to grab my flashlight. women assess you. they assess what you're working with. even though they will continually mess with a dude with no ends. as soon as they find one with some...trust they trying to make you spend before they bend. and i know i come off as if i'm saying, "men have to pay for sex". but i'm saying....

a man with money has to "show" you a lot more than the dude who was always sitting at your mama's house getting it in with you when your mama went to sleep. because you expect more. but all it tells us is, if he can hit it for free..why the hell i gotta pay to play? when a guy finds out your last dude was working with beer money & you had beer taste opposed to your new found "champagne" taste...he knows that trickin' is an option NOT a requirement. at this point anytime you act like he gotta get your hair fixed for you to give him some, he looking at your ass like "yea right". tip ladies: be realistic & respect his money. if you won't spend $ on some shit for yourself...you wouldn't ask your last boyfriend to spend it...why you asking me? that's my line of thinking. i'm the kind if you need it..i'll get it for you. if you ask me, i'll think about it. but if you tell me, i'll be like wt-fuckever.

but wait..if she dated a dude with more money than you...& you're the broke dude. it don't matter. if you're the broke dude..she gonna conform to you. women will step down in a second for a broke dude. they talk crazy shit about them. but as soon as they get with the dude they picking him up, paying for shit, buying them clothes..etc. it's crazy how broke dudes get better treatment and more effort than dudes who are taking care of their own. again women a testament to the fact that people always mistreat/take advantage of the one's doing the most of them.

#3: your freak-a-leek meter..

i have this theory...a woman will try something once. if she likes it, she'll do it all the time. if she doesn't she'll NEVER do it again. if you mess up and tell me you & your ex used to do random off the wall shit. guess what. i'm assuming we're gonna be doing off the wall shit too. don't go all prude on me. if you tell me you having sex outside on the roof in the rain. don't act like you can't get your hair wet now. if you tell me you have a potential sex tape circulating out there that you are trying to get back in your possession. don't trip when i turn on the camera. not saying you don't have the right change your mind about things. just don't start with me, thanks!

#2: how NOT to treat you...

obviously they are your ex for a reason right? the fastest way to learn how to treat someone is, is to avoid the mistakes of the last dude. all the things he did that hurt you. all the things he did that pissed you off. if a man pays attention to you, he won't make the same mistakes. and if he does at least he can say..."it's not like you're not used to it.." (just kidding..lol).

#1: your depth of feelings for us vs. them..

this isn't always a great one to find out. if you're always talking about him. if you're always worried about him. if you're getting updates. if you're still following him on facebook, twitter, or myspace to get updates. it's subtle things. just the way you talk about them. the way things seem "unfinished". the way he could do no wrong. vs. how you're always complaining about me. men aren't usually insecure when it comes to your exes. i think the most insecure a guy gets is when they feel like you are still into or were more into your ex. or like YOU are comparing him to your ex. #1 tell a tale sign that you're not over him is you crying, whining, or getting mad over an email he sent you. or the new girl he's dating. or you knowing some shit you shouldn't know about his life because yall shouldn't really be "keeping in touch". so stop it..if you want to have a successful relationship, stop living in the past. we're gonna figure it out sooner or later. and once the sex gets old...we'll leave you sleeping with your broken heart for good..since it wasn't us that broke your heart to begin with.